by Ali Berman
“And that she’s into you too. Angela told me.”
“Right.”
“But you guys aren’t supposed to see each other,” he says.
“Right.”
“Look, I personally don’t care that you’re an atheist. But Angela has it out for you. She’s asked me a few times if you guys have been talking in here.”
“We haven’t.”
“I know you haven’t. You do stare at each other whenever you don’t think people are looking.”
“Have you told Angela?”
“No. And I’m not going to.”
“Does that mean you might be willing to help us?” I ask.
“Help?”
“That first day, you left Tess and me in here alone and closed the door behind you. That was really cool.”
“Look, I don’t know you. I know Tess and she’s a really nice girl. Her sister is kind of a monster but Tess is great. If she wants to be with you that’s her business. I’m not looking to get in the way.”
“But you won’t help either.”
“What kind of help?”
“I don’t know. Just assigning us to work together.”
“Kid, no offense, I’ve got bigger things to worry about than you and your girlfriend. I won’t get in your way but I can’t be your ticket to see each other.”
“Okay. Thanks anyway.”
I pick up my stuff and head toward the door.
“Hang on,” he says.
“Yeah?”
“The backstage space in the auditorium is completely empty when it’s not being used for rehearsals. No one ever goes back there.”
I smile and nod at him. “Thanks, man.”
“Just be cool to her, okay?”
“Definitely.”
He grabs his bag and turns to leave then stops, looks back and says, “I’m looking forward to seeing your act. You sound like you know what you’re doing.”
Trent walks out the door. Instead of heading home, I go straight to the auditorium. Better to explore it when no one is around than risk getting caught tomorrow. If Tess and I really can use the space to see each other, we’ll get to have a semi-normal relationship. Even if meeting on school grounds is risky.
The auditorium is empty. I jump up on the stage and look out at all the seats. This is going to be where I perform my first magic show. Freaking awesome.
I open my bag and take out my cards. It’s a good idea to carry a deck around with you. People love impromptu magic shows. Or they did at my old school. Some kid would ask me to do a trick in the hall and then I would riff off into another trick. I’d keep it going until I had ten kids around me, and the bell would ring.
The thing about magic is that it’s fifty percent skill and fifty percent personality. You have to smile, entertain, and make the audience feel like magic could possibly be real.
Not here though. No one but James and Tess wants to see me do anything. Well, the suckers will have to pay attention to me during the show. Moms and Dads and kids from the school may not like me, but they’re going to like the show. I just need to make sure that I’m perfect.
I head backstage. Trent was right. It’s huge back here. There is a dressing area, a massive closet full of costumes, a make-up table, the green room, and two huge bathrooms. Well, the guys’ bathroom is pretty standard. The girls’ bathroom has a bunch of couches and chairs.
I know. I probably shouldn’t be in the girls’ bathroom.
The best place for Tess and me to hang out would probably be the costume room. There are tons of racks of clothes to hide behind just in case someone came in.A part of me wants to tell Tess. The other part wants to stay in the auditorium and go through my magic show in my mind. Get a feel for the stage. So I do. Even without my fanning powder, I go through the show, try and move around like a rock star would on stage, and mentally prepare to perform in front of hundreds of people who really don’t like me very much.
I try a few times but I keep blowing the illusions on the harder moves. So I do the only thing I can do. I call Margaret. She’ll be able to help me. If she answers the phone. I call her home phone instead of her cell so she doesn’t know it’s me.
“Hello?”
“Hey Margaret.”
There is silence.
“Margaret?”
“Hey, Ben. How are you?”
“That’s what you have to say? It’s been a month and a half!”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“What happened?”
“Seth and I are together now.”
“Okay. That’s great for you guys.”
“He’s jealous.”
“Of what?”
“We kissed, remember? He was right there.”
“It was a dare. It was part of a game.”
“Yeah, but . . .”
“But?”
“Then I gave you my McBride DVDs.”
“That was awesome of you.”
“Seth didn’t think it was awesome.”
“Why?”
“He knew that I liked you.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that.”
“I know you didn’t. But Seth did. And once you left he asked me out and we’ve been together.”
“He doesn’t want you talking to me even though we’ve been friends since sixth grade?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s a load of bull.”
“Ben, you can’t—”
“You guys just dropped off the face of the earth! I moved away, my life turned to crap, and you guys won’t talk to me because Seth is jealous? Friendship should matter more than that kind of stuff.”
“I’m sorry.”
I take a few breaths and calm down.
“I’m really happy for the two of you,” I say.
“Thanks.”
“Think Seth would feel better if he knew I had a girlfriend?”
“You do?”
“Sorry. Was that insensitive?”
“No, you jerk. Thanks for the consideration. I’m totally over you.”
“Um, who’s insensitive?”
“What’s her name?”
“Tess.”
“And how is the new school?”
“Pretty much every student besides for two ignores or messes with me. Tess’s parents won’t allow her to date an atheist so we’re keeping our relationship secret and can’t really see each other even though she lives across the street. The good news is, I met another atheist and he’s allowed to hang out with me, mostly because his mom is too drunk to know that her son has left the house.”
“That’s quite a new life you lead. Since when do you call yourself an atheist?”
“Since I realized that not believing in god makes me one and that religious people, well a lot of them, don’t like me for it. But that’s not why I’m calling. I’m doing a magic act for a fundraiser talent show and I can’t get some of the card manipulations right. I need your help.”
“You know that talking to you right now is going to make Seth jealous.”
“Seriously, are you going to let a guy tell you who you can talk to? Especially one who is being a total ass.”
“Don’t call Seth an ass. He’s insecure. You know that. And he’s your friend.”
“He’s not my friend if he won’t even talk to me. He’s being a tool and you know it.”
“Okay, I’ll help.”
“What are you doing over Thanksgiving?”
“Eating.”
“Can you teach them to me then? I’ll be back home and we can practice in person.”
“Only if you can fix things with Seth before then,” she says.
“Deal. Then maybe you guys can be my friends again. As long as you’ve gotten over thinking about h
ow sexy I am.”
“Shut up.”
“I’ll try.”
“Talk soon,” she says.
I hang up and start putting stuff back in my bag, but I see something that doesn’t belong to me. It’s James’s science textbook. That means that he has mine.
Damn. I guess I’m not going home right away.
After I finish packing up my stuff, I walk over to James’s house. I’ve never actually been here. My mom and I dropped him off late one night but you couldn’t really see the place. All the lights were off.
It’s not exactly the nicest looking house I’ve ever seen. The paint is chipped and there are a bunch of overgrown weeds out front. I knock on the door and wait for a few minutes. No one answers. I knock again, a bit louder, and this time I hear something. There’s a loud crash and then the door opens.
A woman in a raggedy, partly see-through nightgown answers the door. She’s not wearing a bra and I kind of stumble back a step or two and do my best to look at her face.
“What do you want?” she says, looking at me through squinted eyes. Her breath reeks of alcohol.
“Oh, I’m uh, looking for James.”
“He’s not here.”
“Do you know when he’ll be back? I have his textbook.”
I hold it up and she looks at it closely, like I could be lying or something.
“Leave it on the step,” she says. “He’ll see it when he gets home.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m Ben,” I say, not really knowing what else to do.
She turns around and closes the door.
Damn. James said she drank. I had no idea it was going to look like that. I stand there for a few minutes, dumbfounded. That is, until I hear a voice say, “Dude? What are you doing here?”
I turn around and see James walking up.
“I have your book,” I say. “I think you have mine.”
He looks at me kind of suspiciously.
“Did you knock?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“Did she bother to get up for the door?”
“Yeah.”
He kind of shakes his head and sits down on the step.
“I didn’t know it was that bad,” I say.
“She’s not mean or anything.”
“That’s good,” I say, not really knowing what else to say.
“Was she dressed?” he asks.
“Partly.”
“Great.”
“You know you can always crash at my place if you want to. My parents like you, maybe more than they like me.”
“I don’t think she’d even remember to eat if I wasn’t around. The only things she does consistently are drink and go to church. Funny, right?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Can’t have everything. Before this year I didn’t even have any friends. So I figure stuff is getting better.”
He takes out something from his backpack and holds up a test marked 95.
“We’re getting out of here, right?”
“You know it.”
“You have any food in the house?” I ask.
“Cereal. Stuff like that.”
“Let’s walk down to the diner and get some dinner,” I say. “We can pick something up for your mom too.”
“Thanks man.”
“Anytime.”
Chapter 16
Costume Rooms and Weddings
The next day at school I wait for Tess in the costume room at lunch. She was so excited when I told her I had a place we could meet. James has to sit in the library by himself, but he’s got a lot of work to do. Plus, he knows how sucky it’s been for Tess and me. Not that he doesn’t have his own problems. Or that he doesn’t get all whiny about how Beth never even looks his way.
Just like yesterday after school it’s empty back here.
I hear the door open and I half hide until I see that it’s her. She looks nervous. Then she sees me and smiles the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
I don’t say a word. I just walk up to her and kiss her.
It’s so much better than hiding behind her house. We put some of the clothes on the floor so we can be more comfortable. I almost suggest we move to the girls’ bathroom to hang out on the couches, but I’m too afraid someone will need to use it. Here it’s like the jungle. We have cover. Even where we’re sitting is a hiding spot. For the next ten minutes all we do is kiss. It’s glorious.
Then she breaks away and gives me a sad smile.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Just family stuff. And friend stuff.”
“The sneaking around?”
“That’s part of it. Beth keeps asking me about you. She knows we hung out the first week of school and that I liked you, and now she thinks I’m acting weird.”
“She’s your best friend. Maybe she’d be cool with it.”
“She’s pretty into the church. I mean, I don’t know what she’d think of me dating an atheist.”
“James kind of likes her.”
“Really?!” Tess asks.
“Yeah. She’s not cool with atheists?”
“I don’t know. I mean, she’s not as hardcore as some other people. She’s very devoted to God.”
“Are you worried she won’t be okay with you being with me?”
“I just don’t want to lose a friend.”
“I think you should give her a chance.”
“There’s another thing. My brother. He told me something yesterday and I feel both really happy for him and really awful.”
“What did he say?”
“He’s getting married. I’m going to have a sister-in-law and I’ve never even met her. I mean, he hasn’t even seen Dan or Paul since they were toddlers.”
“Do your parents know?”
“No. They don’t talk. I know they aren’t going to let me go to the wedding.”
“When is it?”
“December.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? This is awesome news.”
“I didn’t want to tell you online last night and then you came over and kissed me. I missed it so much I didn’t want to stop you.”
I take her hand and kiss it. “You should go anyway,” I say.
“What do you mean?”
“You should go to your brother’s wedding. It’s his freaking wedding! You have to be there.”
“My parents will never let me.”
“Then don’t tell them.”
“You want me to lie to my parents and find some way to get to Denver on my own?”
“No, I want us to do it. If I’m invited that is.”
“Oh my gosh!” she squeals. “You’ll help me get there?”
“I will.”
“Then yes! Yes! I can’t believe I’m saying yes, but you’re right. It’s his wedding. What kind of sister would I be if I wasn’t there?”
“A terrible sister. And I’d be a terrible boyfriend if I didn’t get you there.”
“We’re going!”
“We’re going.”
Tess hugs me so tight I feel my back crack and then kisses me harder than ever before. Being a good guy has its perks.
Chapter 17
Friends Show Up
That night while I’m researching how the hell we’re going to get to Michael’s wedding on public transportation, I get a call from James.
“Hey, man. What’s up?” I say.
“I’m at the hospital.”
“What happened?”
“My mom passed out and stopped breathing.”
“Is she okay?”
“I don’t know.”
He sounds totally beat down. His voice is quiet and lifeless.
“What can I do?” I ask.
“Can I crash at
your place tonight?”
“Yeah sure. You know what? I’ll be there in twenty.”
I hang up the phone and yell downstairs like a maniac. “Mom, get the car keys!”
I have my shoes and coat on by the time I get downstairs. She looks at me like I’m on something.
“James’s mom is in the hospital. She’s an alcoholic and James said she passed out and stopped breathing.”
“Oh my god.”
“I told James I’d be at the hospital.”
She gets up and puts on her coat, grabs the keys, and we rush to the car.
We drive in silence. About halfway there I say, “I told him he could crash at our place tonight.”
“Of course. Whatever he needs.”
“Thanks Mom. I mean, thanks. Really. For not being like her.”
She keeps her eyes on the road but smiles a little sadly.
When we get to the hospital, the elevator takes too long, so I leave my mom waiting for it and run up the stairs, taking three or four steps at a time.
When I get to the top and open the door, I see James sitting in the waiting room by himself. He’s kicking his feet against the wall as he swings them back and forth.
“How is she?” I ask.
“She’ll be okay. The doctors want to check her liver and some other stuff. She’ll be here a few days.”
“My mom said it’s fine for you to stay with us.”
He nods and I sit next to him. I don’t know if I should put my hand on his shoulder or something comforting like that.
My mom comes out of the elevator, speed walks over to James, leans down and gives him a hug. She doesn’t let go. She just kneels down and holds him.
I hear James sniffle. He buries his head into her shoulder while she strokes his back. His shoulders are moving up and he’s crying. I put my hand on his back and we all just stay there like that until James has let it all out.
Chapter 18
A Temporary Brother
James sleeps in Pete’s room. I even tell him about the magazines under the mattress to cheer him up. Pete wouldn’t mind.
In the morning, Dad makes us a big breakfast. Pancakes with strawberries and real syrup from Vermont. James has only ever had the corn syrup crap before.
