Then it was my turn to know him, to touch the places I'd imagined and never had permission to enjoy. He was as hard as he looked—everywhere. I traced the lines of his muscles in his shoulders, fanning over their sides, down his biceps—the curve, the strength, the power that was him. I touched his nipples too, doubting, but wondering all the same if it made him feel the same way it did me–and then lower, to explore the mystery that stood between us.
“Not yet; wait.”
“You said we didn't have to wait anymore.”
“You have to wait a little longer or the night's going to be all about me. You touch me and I'll come undone.”
“Really?” I questioned and reached for him playfully. I didn't think I would mind the night being all about him. He grabbed my hand and pulled it away firmly.
“Wait, Haylee.”
It was also a command I was not allowed to disobey.
We rinsed the suds away and turned the water off. Our kisses deepened in our desperation, but a man who waited that long for the woman he wanted didn't give into passion until the precise moment he waited for. He wasn't finished with me. He toweled me dry, then lifted me and carried me to our bed in his arms like I weighed nothing more than a feather. He kissed me and laid me down on something more like a cloud than a bed and climbed up to nestle beside me, holding me so close to him we could have been one and not two bodies lying together. He growled low. I remembered that sound all too well, but this time there was no stopping him.
“Oh, you were worth it,” he said. His lips were on mine, then moved away to my neck, my breasts, cupping them and teasing them taut. I had never felt anything like it before in my life.
“You know why I waited, don't you?”
“Because you love me?”
“Because we were meant to be us. Forever, Haylee. This is it.”
He was on top of me, then trying to come into me. And then, just like that, he made us one. I pushed up to meet him, hoping it wouldn't hurt.
“It'll happen; don't rush it.” He whispered the words softly into my ear as I relaxed and he eased inside. We were one.
In all my life I had never experienced anything as beautiful and glorious as that night. Every first with Justin was the best. He was worth waiting for, and I guess I was too. When he was finished, his groan was so loud I covered his mouth.
“Shhhh! People will hear!” I laughed at him, letting the waves of pleasure ripple away from me.
“I don't care. I just got what I've always wanted.”
We lay together, naked, connected, and at ease. I realized it was the first day in a lifetime that I hadn't wanted a drink, hadn't even thought about one until that moment. I didn't want one then either. I wanted him to be my drink and forever to be mine.
The honeymoon was over the next day. Justin's leave was only a week. He had told them it was a family emergency. He didn't know how he would explain coming back with a wife, but it was a risk he was willing to take.
I moved in with him, and his place became ours. We made the former bachelor pad our home. He let me decorate with “foofy-girlie” things, as he called them, and only protested a little—it would have been wrong if he hadn't complained at all.
I didn't think I could love him any more than I already did, but I fell in love all over again when I saw the picture of me on his dresser the first time I saw his place. It was old and ratty by then; he must have carried it in his wallet for years because it was of me from my sophomore year of high school, just after I moved with Aunt Aerin. I was walking through a low spot in the river when the picture was taken. I looked happy, but I couldn't remember the day—the only thing I remembered were the almost-too-short, frayed cut-offs. Aunt Aerin had probably given it to him. But that wasn't what did it: it was the folded paper under the picture, even more worn and tattered because of its age. I unfolded it while cleaning one afternoon, and it caught me by surprise. It was dated February 11, 1994, and read:
I promise to love Haylee Howell for the rest of my life, so help me God.
It was the night of the party, the night he saved me all those years before, the night I had fallen in love with him. He was the man every woman wanted to call hers. And he was mine.
EPILOGUE
I'D LIKE TO tell you that we lived happily ever after and this was just the beginning of our wonderful life together. I'd like to tell you that just like Cinderella and Prince Charming, our troubles were behind us, but that would be a fairy tale, and I didn't start the story with “Once Upon a Time,” did I?
The truth is Cinderella and Prince Charming probably didn't live happily ever after either. I imagine like Justin and me, they had disagreements. Like us, they probably fell in and out of love a million times over stupid things like bills and babies, the reality that sneaks in and sucks the dreamy part of the story away. But also like us, they always came back to their commitment and promise. We promised forever to each other, and as God as my witness, we will forever be together.
I still battle the raging alcoholic within me, pushing it back with strength from a higher power I know as Jesus Christ—and with the reminders of that morning in the alley and all the nights of misery with my mom and Clayton.
We both still have nightmares that wake us up in the middle of the night and scars from our youth that will never be erased. Justin had so much guilt about the breaking and entering we did that when I got to the step where I was to make amends, he made his own amends. He tried to find everyone on the block but couldn't reach them all.
“What's past is past; it's all forgiven,” Gramma Diaz had said when we knocked on the door of the much older, much more wrinkled version of the grandmotherly cookie lady she once had been. She shuffled to the door and opened it to us like we never grew up.
She was happy to hear we were OK and she admitted she always worried over us but didn't know what to do—and that the Mister had caught on to our break-ins, which is why the cookies appeared in the mudroom. I pretended to need to use the bathroom only so I could see the picture wall once more. It was smaller than I remembered—only eight or ten feet, hardly the mile long hall of my childhood—but still they smiled. Now I knew why: there was happiness to be found in the world. There was healing. There was good.
It’s my job, and Justin's, and yours to rage against the darkness, to fight against the monsters of our past and to become who we are meant to be.
I was meant to be Justin's, and to feed my own neighborhood children cookies on Wednesdays, and to become an interior designer who brings color and structure and style into the lives of my clients.
I was meant to be a mom—a good mom who dances with her children, Zach and Vasi, sober, and meets their bus at the top of the road every afternoon and gives them a kiss and hug every night before bed.
Justin was meant for a greatness I cannot even express. He was made to love someone as unlovable as I had been and never give up on those he believes in. He was made to fight for those who are weak and teach punk kids how to play the guitar. And he was made to fly—only instead of teleporter machines or fighter jets, he’s been flying Med-evac helicopters since getting out of the Air Force. He’s spending his life saving lives every day, just like he saved mine so long ago.
We survive, accepting what we cannot change. We are courageous to make our life and the lives of our children better than ours was.
Nope, not a fairy tale, not a happily-ever-after, just one day at a time. Easy does it.
THE END
The JAG and CASA organizations mentioned in Waiting on Justin are actual organizations actively working to keep high-risk youth safe. Please use the information listed below to learn more about their organizations and contribute in the way that is easiest for you. And if you suspect child abuse make a call: 1-800-4-A-CHILD. You can remain anonymous and the state will investigate if the allegations warrant it. And remember: Tough kids usually have tough lives; let them talk. And when they do, listen. You can change their lives.
Jobs for Americ
a’s Graduates (JAG):
JAG is a state-based national non-profit organization dedicated to preventing dropouts among young people who are most at-risk. In more than three decades of operation, JAG has delivered consistent, compelling results – helping nearly three-quarters of a million young people stay in school through graduation, pursue postsecondary education and secure quality entry-level jobs leading to career advancement opportunities.
http://www.jag.org
Chelan-Douglas CASA organization:
Imagine the experience of children who are removed from their homes because the people responsible for protecting them have not. These children find themselves in a world filled with social workers, lawyers, judges and courtrooms where life-altering decisions are made on their behalf. A CASA volunteer is a court appointed, trained and committed adult who ensures that each child’s individual needs remain a priority in an over-burdened child welfare system. They get to know the child while also gathering information from the child’s family, teachers, doctors, care-givers and anyone else involved in the child’s life in order to make independent and informed recommendations to help the judge decide what’s best for the child. CASA volunteers come from every walk of life and share a commitment to improving children’s lives, a willingness to learn, and an open mind towards life experiences different from their own. For children who have been abused or neglected, CASA means having a home instead of feeling lost, of being a priority instead of feeling invisible. For volunteers, CASA is a life-changing experience that makes our community a better place. If you are looking for a meaningful and enriching volunteer opportunity in the Chelan-Douglas area and want to do something about child abuse, CASA is right for you. Our case load is up year over year, and we have an increasing need for CASA volunteers. Our vision is to provide a trained volunteer advocate, a safe home and a promising future for every child who needs us. In 2013 we had 193 children taken from their homes requiring assistance. We hope you decide to join our community of volunteers and help ensure that every child has an adult they can rely on. To learn more about your commitment.
http://cdcasa.org
SONGS THAT INSPIRED WAITING ON JUSTIN
I LOVE MUSIC and frequently listen to playlists to suit the mood of the story I’m telling. This book was partially inspired by the words and melodies of the sound track of songs listed below. I believe Waiting on Justin will be best read in their company as well. If you feel so inspired, make up your own playlist and listen along while you read. I hope the story speaks to your heart the way these songs speak to mine.
La la la –Naughty Boy feat. Sam Smith
Opening scene, if there is such a scene for a book, and during all the times the kids ran to their forts or rooms to hide from their parents parties.
Pride and Joy – Stevie Ray Vaughn
I mean no disrespect to the master of rockin’ rhythm and blues, he just happened to be in my ears when I was first writing the part where Brad took Haylee down the hall and the song got stuck in that scene.
More than Words – Extreme
Of course during Justin and Haylee’s long awaited first kiss … and first time.
No Rain – Blind Melon
No particular reason on this one, just like it and it gives a little flavor to the melancholy tone of the story.
If This Was a Movie – Taylor Swift
When Haylee is taken into foster care and is alone, waiting on Justin.
Let Her Go – Passenger
I was a little obsessed with Mike Rosenberg during the first and second drafts of the book so he managed to double inspire me. This is for when Justin, back against the wall, pushes Haylee to turn herself in.
Sad but True – Metallica
In moments, unwritten, when Haylee would look in the mirror and see her mom looking back at her and in the times she did share when she knew she was becoming the woman she didn’t want to be.
It’s Your Love – Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
Jordan’s song, don't worry he gets his happily ever after in Finding Danielle.
Demons – Imagine Dragons
When Jordan gets close and Haylee pushes him away.
Everything – Lifehouse
For all the times Haylee was mad at Justin or tried to replace him with anything or anyone.
Patient Love – Passenger
For all the times, in my upcoming release Catching Tatum, where Justin Parker patiently waited for Haylee.
Fix You - Coldplay
When Justin comes for Haylee after all the time she’s pushed him away. When they rush to the church to get married and during the shower scene! I listened to it over and over again during the last chapter of the book.
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Songs from the Phenomenal Nothing by Steven Luna (Coming of Age) Everything changes for seventeen year-old guitar prodigy Tyler Mills when he finds his mother’s journal following her death and discovers a long-held family secret that could alter his life forever.
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