She yells back, “I’m willing to share. Come on in and let’s eat.”
Mac turns to look at me in apology. She takes the flowers from my hands, eyes soft and warm, while whispering, “I’m sorry. We can make up some plates and go eat in my bedroom if you want.”
Now, while the prospect of eating Chinese food naked on Mac’s bed appeals to me greatly, and it would be naked eating because we made a pact this weekend that if we had any food in the bed, we at least had to be naked, I simply cannot help but want to know more about this weird creature, Macy Carrington.
“No way. I want to get to know this roommate of yours a little bit better.”
Mac just rolls her eyes at me, but she giggles, so I know she understands what I’m saying. That I just find this outspoken, loose woman fascinating, especially since they are best friends and she’s like the polar opposite of Mac. Actually, in my pre-Mac days, Macy would have been a perfect match for me.
We walk into the kitchen, and Mac gets a vase to put the flowers in. I see Macy has already taken three plates out of the cupboard and set them on the kitchen table. We all sit down and start pulling food out of the boxes… sweet and sour pork, cold sesame noodles, and shrimp fried rice.
“So, Matt… you and Mac were so loud this weekend. I told Mac you two made me horny, just listening to you.”
I choke, and choke hard, on the fried rice I’m trying to swallow. I take a sip of water to wash it down, my eyes watering slightly.
“Shut up, Macy,” Mac says sternly, although her eyes are laughing at her roommate. “You can stop trying to shock him now.”
Macy just gives me a goofy grin and pushes some noodles in her mouth. “But seriously, isn’t this a little uncouth… banging your employee.”
“Macy!” Mac growls at her. “Enough.”
Macy laughs and punches Mac lightly on the arm. “Okay… I’m done.”
For a while, I forget that I’m sitting in my lover’s apartment, having a fantastically fun conversation with two witty and beautiful women, and I don’t think it’s crossed my mind once about all of the dark thoughts I had earlier. In fact, this seems to feel almost… natural, as evidenced by the way that my hand would stray over to Mac’s knee and just rub it softly because I happened to be thinking about her at that moment. She would smile at me, and I would return it… because that felt natural too.
Fuck, I need a do-over because I think otherwise, I’m pretty much doomed.
“So, Matt… where do you live?” Macy asks.
“I live over in Chelsea.”
“That’s closer to your office—how come you two just don’t go there after work? I mean, it’s not like you do anything but eat and screw like bunnies.”
True enough. That’s pretty much all we do, except we do talk and oh, we watch Family Guy sometimes too.
Mac turns to look at me with a smile and playfully punches me on the shoulder. “Yeah, how come you never take me to your place?”
I grin back at her, because we’re joking around… right? “Because I never invite the women I’m just fu—”
I stop suddenly, realizing that I really don’t think we are playing. I really don’t think what I was getting ready to say is going to be received as teasing by Mac. I look at her and my eyes apologize even if the words don’t immediately spill out of my lips.
The look on her face is brave, but I can tell she’s hurt. Even so, her tone of voice is teasing… jovial. “You mean—you don’t invite the women you’re just fucking over to your place.”
She’s hiding the fact that I just hurt her, and that makes me feel ten times worse because she should just be a woman and get offended. Slap me, dump Chinese food in my lap, and kick me in the nuts.
Even though I just spoke the truth, I didn’t have to say that. I could have lied, and Mac would never know that deep down inside… I’m still just a slime ball when it comes to women.
Macy cautiously rises from her chair. “I think I’m going to head to bed now and give you two a little space.”
Neither Mac nor I acknowledge her exit. I need to set this straight. I need to take away the hurt, but I also need to make sure she understands… what I said wasn’t done in a cruel vein.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her genuinely. “That was crude. But it’s the truth. I told you I don’t do relationships, Mac. I always—”
Mac holds her hand up, and I stop mid-sentence. “No, what you said was honest and you’re right… you’ve been very clear about things with me. If there’s one thing I appreciate about you, is that you always give me honesty.”
She gives me an understanding smile, and the message is clear. She appreciates my honesty more than she hates the hurt, and fuck… that right there makes me feel a million times worse.
“Do you want me to go?” I ask.
“No,” she says with confidence and keeps her smile in place. “Stay. Finish eating and let’s go shake the apartment’s foundation.”
“Okay,” I say carefully, allowing a small smile in return.
“So, I found an interesting article that could help us on the speeding issue in the Jackson case,” she says suddenly, and just like that, Mac is turning this awkward moment around, and giving us both something to talk about that is safe.
We spend the next twenty minutes discussing the law, and Mac seems to be okay. She’s her usual funny and sassy self, making me laugh periodically without even trying. I help her clean up the remains of our dinner, Macy never having reappeared, and then she leads me back to her bedroom by the hand.
And fuck if something just doesn’t feel wrong about this.
Is it me swimming in guilt because I hurt Mac? Is it me having a moral conflict because all I seem to do is share a meal with her and then take advantage of what she offers me sexually?
When she closes the door behind us, she turns in my arms and wraps her arms around my neck. Her voice sounds like a hot summer night when she says, “I’m thinking doggie style should be on the agenda tonight. I promise not to sing ‘Who let the dogs out?’.”
I’m still swimming in guilt, but I can’t help it… her words send a shot of lust to my dick, which immediately starts transforming into the hard beast that’s going to fuck her senseless… and apparently doggie style.
Sticking my nose in her neck, I inhale her scent. “You are so fucking sexy, Mac. What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?”
She doesn’t answer but reaches a hand down to cup my erection. She palms me gently, rubbing slightly on the outside edges of my dick. It’s sweetly erotic and makes me ache in my bones to have her.
Lifting my face from her neck, I look down at her and she’s watching me with sad eyes.
“I’m really sorry,” I tell her sincerely. It doesn’t change the truth of my words, because I was being truthful in what I said. I don’t take women that I’m fucking back to my place, and I’m so very sorry that it hurts Mac, but she really is nothing more than a woman I’m fucking. “I’m sorry if it hurt your feelings.”
Mac places her fingers over my lips and says, “Shh. You don’t have to apologize.”
“But I just want you to know that my intent wasn’t to—”
“Matt… I’m seriously okay. I’m a big girl, and I understand well what is going on between us. I don’t have any glamorous expectations that this is anything more than a fuck. You’ve been unbelievably clear about that with me and never once have you made me think otherwise.”
“Haven’t I?” I can’t help but ask, because Mac can’t have feelings for me based on the phenomenal sex we’ve been having.
Or can she?
She smiles at me, a little mischievously, and says, “Well… I’ll admit… the flowers you brought tonight threw me off a little.”
I knew those fucking flowers would haunt me. I knew they’d send the wrong message.
Except, I have no clue what message I was hoping they’d send. I just thought they were beautiful, and she deserved them. Nothing more. Doesn’t mea
n I want to get married or anything.
“Hey… where did you go just now?” Mac asks, taking her fingers and squeezing my jaw to get my attention.
“I just thought… I just thought the flowers were beautiful and that you deserved them.”
“I deserved them?” she asks, eyebrow cocked.
“Yeah… you know… for that amazing blow job you gave me this weekend,” I tell her with a devious smile.
She looks at me a moment and throws her head back, laughing at my audacity. She entrances me when she laughs, especially because she has the most gorgeous lips I’ve ever seen. So I just stare at her.
When she finally brings her eyes back to me, the humor is gone and desire is back in place. She squeezes my cock again with her hand. “Okay… let’s put all this silliness to rest. Up for some doggy style?”
Relieved that we don’t have to talk about this anymore, I flex into her hand, I say, “You know the answer to that already.”
Chapter 17
I take the long way to my office through the maze of cubicles and hallways. It’s no coincidence that the long way just happens to lead me past Mac’s office. Just thought I’d stick my head in, ogle her privately for a second or two, and say good morning. It’s not something I’ve ever done before, and I don’t know why I’m doing it now.
Maybe it has something to do with the uneasy feeling I woke with after last night with Mac. It’s still rubbing me a bit raw that I hurt her feelings. She let me off the hook easily, and I’m so grateful for that, but I don’t feel absolved.
As I turn the corner to the hallway that houses Mac’s office, I can see immediately she’s not in because the office is dark. I stroll right on by, not even taking a peek inside.
Odd that she’s not here. She usually always beats me into the office, and I know this because there’s usually an email from her on a case that’s waiting for me to read.
“What’s up, Matt?” Rob Gendhard says as he approaches me in the hall. He’s one of our litigation attorneys, been with me for almost eight years, and is a conceited jackass.
But he’s a hell of a lawyer.
“Not much,” I tell him affably as we come to a stop in the hall. “What do you have on the agenda today?”
“A Motion for Sanctions scheduled for this afternoon, but just catching up on stuff this morning. Heading down to Mac’s office right now.”
“Oh yeah?” I ask with vague curiosity. I didn’t realize he was having her help him with anything.
Rob leans in closer to me. “Yeah… think I’m going to ask her out. She looks like she’d be an amazing fuck, don’t you think?”
He laughs at his own crude statement and I have to curl my fingers into the palms of my hands, digging my nails in, so I don’t punch the motherfucker.
And since I can’t beat the shit out of him, I decide to use real power instead.
“Don’t even think about it,” I warn him. “You get me sued for a hostile work environment or some shit like that, I’ll have to fire your ass. You know there’s no fraternizing among superiors and subordinates, and you, Rob, are her superior.”
Rob’s eyebrows shoot high, and disappointment etches all over his face. “But she doesn’t work underneath me. How am I her superior?”
“You’re in litigation and one of the senior associates. She’s in litigation and is at the bottom of the rung. You’re her superior.”
Blinking at me for a few moments, he says quietly, “I didn’t think of it that way. Sorry. You’re right… that wouldn’t be good.”
I nod my head at him curtly, because I still want to kick his ass, and start to move past him. I don’t feel a shred of remorse for placing a standard on Rob that I myself am not willing to abide by. Truth be told, if Mac weren’t involved with me, there really wouldn’t be anything wrong with them having a relationship. But Mac is involved with me and there’s no way I’m sharing her.
“Hey, Matt?” Rob asks and I turn halfway to look at him, raising my chin in question. “You all right? You seem a little on edge.”
I try to relax my face, so he doesn’t see that I still want to pound him into the dirt. “I’m fine. Just a lot on my plate today.”
“All right. I’ll see you around.”
I don’t respond and walk away.
When I get to my office, I flop in my chair and boot up my laptop. My mind starts thinking about the work I need to do today, but then gets sidetracked by thinking about Mac. This is happening more and more lately, and it’s kind of a pain in the ass. One of the things that makes me so fucking great at what I do… why I’m a litigation god… is because I have tremendous focus and determination.
Not so much “post-Mac”.
When my computer fully boots, I note I have a meeting this afternoon with a doctor that’s going to testify in a nursing home abuse case for me. I quickly send an email to my paralegal and ask her to pull the medical records on that case so I can review them this morning.
I start going through my other email, nothing in the subject lines standing out as urgent. When I get to one from my HR director, Karen Anders, that simply says “Employee Emergency,” I almost bypass it because it’s not marked urgent and I’m sure it’s just informational. Karen has been with me from the day I opened the doors to this firm, is well equipped to handle 99.9% of the human resource matters, and usually just tells me what she did so I can put that away in my memory under the file entitled “Useless Knowledge”.
I almost hit the delete button without even reading it, but something makes me pause. Mac isn’t in yet… what if the emergency is about her?
My palms immediately get sweaty, and my heart starts madly tripping. I open the email, and my eyes immediately focus on the words McKayla Dawson.
My heart beat pulses so hard that it feels like it will jump out of my chest.
The message is simple.
Matt,
McKayla Dawson’s roommate called me a bit ago and advised me that Miss Dawson has a family emergency and had to leave for Nashville last night. Her roommate said she expects she’ll be out several days.
FYI, so you can make sure someone can cover her cases for her. I’ll update you if I find anything else out.
Karen
Bolting out of my chair, I walk—practically run—to Karen’s office. She’s thankfully alone when I barge through the door and looks up at me from her computer with a smile.
“Good morning,” she says cheerfully.
“What happened with Mac?”
Karen blinks at me, because yeah… the way I asked it was urgent and blunt, and it was rude I didn’t acknowledge her greeting.
“Um… I’m not sure. Her roommate just said it was a family emergency. I’m sorry… I didn’t think to ask other details. I just took her word that it truly was an emergency.”
Breathing out a huge sigh of frustration, I rake my hands through my hair and try to think of what to do.
“You don’t think this is made up so she could take time off?” Karen asks, her eyes now narrowed in suspicion.
My head snaps in her direction. “No way. Mac’s not like that.”
Karen’s jaw sort of drops because she heard it. Heard the tone of my voice. Heard that I know Mac on a bit of a deeper level than just a new employee.
“Give me her roommate’s number,” I demand, trying to keep my voice at a polite decibel but I think… ultimately… failing. Good thing Karen’s seen all of my moods, even the worst, so she doesn’t even bat an eye at that.
Typing a few keystrokes on her computer, she pulls something up on her screen. Her eyes search back and forth and when she finds what she wants, she writes it down on yellow sticky note for me.
“Thanks,” I manage to say as I take the paper and head out her door. Pulling my cell phone from my jacket pocket, I dial the number Karen just gave me and head back toward my office. As it rings, I pass a few people in the hall who make eye contact with me and then drop their gaze quickly. I know what my face is say
ing. It’s saying, I’m upset and if you know what’s good for you, don’t say a fucking word to me.
Macy answers on the second ring. “Hello.”
“What the hell is going on with Mac and why am I just hearing about it from my human resources director?” I demand.
Macy does something that stuns me. She starts crying.
Loud.
“Macy,” I try to get her attention as I make it back to my office. “You need to calm down and tell me what’s going on. You’re freaking me the fuck out.”
I can hear her take a deep breath in and let it out. “I’m sorry. I’m just so worried. Mac’s mom was in a bad car accident, and she tore out of here last night. She’s driving to Nashville, and I haven’t heard from her. I’ve been calling all night and this morning, and nothing. What if something happened to her?”
“Nothing happened to her,” I assure Macy quickly, and I say it with confidence because I have to believe that. “What happened to her mom?”
Macy starts crying again, but it’s soft and she manages to talk through it as I sit down at my desk. “I don’t know the details of what happened, but the doctor said she was brain dead. Was on life support.”
FUCK!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
My heart explodes in sadness for Mac, and I immediately worry about her. “Does she have any other family down there?”
“No. Her dad died a few years ago and the rest of them are out in California. Matt… I tried to go with her, but she told me no… said she didn’t need me. She sounded like a robot… like she was on auto pilot or something.”
Macy starts crying again, and it’s because she’s worried but also because her feelings are hurt that her best friend wouldn’t accept help and comfort when it was offered.
“What hospital is she at?”
“Vanderbilt University Medical Center.”
“Keep trying to call her. I’m going to try and catch a flight there. If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to get there not too much longer after her.”
“Okay,” Macy says in a small voice.
Confessions of a Litigation God: A Legal Affairs Full Length Erotic Novel Page 15
