To my credit, and because Mac was sitting right there, I didn’t let my gaze stray, even when she made a production of pulling her skirt down in an attempt to tempt me. That didn’t stop Mac though, from knocking over a glass of water right toward Kylie’s Ferragamo briefcase that was sitting on the table, causing her to jump up and hot foot a save on her two-thousand dollar piece of cowhide.
I wanted to laugh out loud over that move, but I couldn’t. One, I didn’t want Mac to know that I was aware of what was going on, and two, I didn’t want Kylie to know there was anything between Mac and me.
On top of that little display of two dogs fighting over a bone, Kylie decided to firmly assert her authority over Mac, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I hired Kylie to run with the Pearson appeal. I ordered Mac to assist her, because she would have been assisting me on it if I’d had the time to devote.
So when Kylie said, “McKayla, I’ll need you to make me one copy of the file and also scan a copy, so I can have the digital version as well,” I couldn’t do anything but nod at Mac that she was to do as asked when she shot a questioning glance at me. It was insulting to Mac… a task that should have been assigned to a secretary, but I need Mac to understand that Kylie will be in charge on this case for now.
And I’m probably going to pay for that tonight.
Sighing in resignation, I get up from my desk and pack up my briefcase. As I walk down to Mac’s office, I’m struck with a bone-crushing weariness of all the things that are fucked up in my life. Mac wanting and needing more from me, Marissa continually reinforcing my concrete walls, a shit pile of work to do tonight, a catty female attorney coming on to me, and a beautiful female attorney who is not liking said catty female attorney coming on to me.
Suddenly, I want nothing more than to go to my own home, drink a glass of scotch, and sit in the dark quiet.
When I reach Mac’s office, she greets me with a smile. “Hey. Any place special you want to go for dinner tonight?”
Setting my briefcase on the floor, I say apologetically, “Listen… I’m really tired and still have a lot of work to do. Mind if I take a rain check until tomorrow?”
Mac cocks her eyebrow at me and crosses her arms over her chest. “That will be the third straight night in a row you’ve asked for a rain check.”
I blink in surprise at her. Surely not.
But then I think about this week… since I was at her apartment Monday night and Marissa called to steal Gabe away from me this weekend. And she’s absolutely right… last three nights I’ve begged off spending time with her. I’ve used work as an excuse every night, which, in fairness, is a legitimate excuse. I have had work to do each night.
But even I know that excuse has a loophole.
Because it’s never stopped me before from spending part of the evening with Mac and then part of the evening getting some work done. Sometimes it was while I was lying in her bed after we had practically screwed each other to death, but I still got my work done and managed to spend time with her.
Suddenly, lust floods through me as I realize I haven’t fucked Mac in three freakin’ days. In avoiding intimacy with her, I’ve been depriving myself of that one connection that makes everything all right.
Sex.
Stepping up to her, I pull her into my arms and lean down to kiss her neck. “I’m sorry, baby,” I coo into her ear.
I move my lips to her mouth, kissing her softly and then murmuring, “I’ve been swamped with work. It’s just a rough time, and it happens sometimes. We’ll get through it.”
I kiss her again, deeper this time, and she melts into me. I’m not sure if she just bought the horseshit I was feeding her but she kisses me back, arms wrapping around my neck, her hips pressing against me. As always… when Mac is in my arms, or hell, even when she’s just standing near me, my dick starts pulsing with need.
“I’ve missed you this week,” I groan into her mouth as she grinds against my erection. That’s absolutely fucking true, because even as I’ve tried to avoid her, I’ve missed her like crazy.
“I’ve missed you too,” she says softly and, if I’m not mistaken… with a little bit of misery.
Reaching down, I pull her skirt up, sliding my hand around the back of her thigh and bringing it up between her legs from the backside. I brush my fingers over the thin material covering her pussy, groaning again because it’s damp. There’s no stopping my fingers when they tunnel into her panties and sink deep inside of her.
Mac bucks against me, moaning quietly because her office door is still wide open, and that’s something I need to correct before we get busted.
Picking Mac up, she wraps her legs around my waist, and I turn to her office door. “I need you so bad,” I whisper against her lips.
I use my foot to close her door and reach out to turn the lock, pressing her back against it and pinning her there with my hips. “Tell me you need me too,” I demand as I look in her eyes.
She brings a hand up to my cheek and caresses me softly. Her eyes are tender and it causes guilt to flush through me, but it does nothing to lessen my hard-on. “I do need you.”
That’s all I needed to hear. I reach down and undo my belt, button, and zipper. My cock is freed, and Mac reaches down to assist by doing nothing more than pulling her underwear to the side. We both look down, watching as I feed her my length, pushing into her slowly but surely. When I’m in to the hilt, my head falls to her shoulder, because I can’t stand the look of what I think may be love in her eyes. It actually hurts me to see it because I’m such an asshole that I don’t deserve it from Mac.
I fuck her up against the door for a few strokes, and realize that the door is rattling too hard. So I move a few paces to the left, and fuck her hard against the wall. We both come quietly but spectacularly, and not long after I pull out of her, I take the rain check I asked for and go home alone.
Chapter 31
I feel like I might be spiraling out of control with Mac. Every day that goes by, the space between us gets wider. My desire for her physically hasn’t diminished one iota. In fact, no matter how much I jack off every night thinking about her, I feel like my balls are perpetually tinged blue. Yet, it’s of my own making. I’ve repetitively come up with excuse after excuse to keep my distance from her, because I’m avoiding intimacy.
Not sexual intimacy… Mac intimacy.
Because every moment alone with her, whether we’re having sex, talking, or just staring at each other… it’s always intimate. Apparently, too intimate for me to handle. I know she has to be confused… maybe even hurting. And yet, I don’t give her any reassurances or change my behavior. She’s even stopped pushing to try to talk, and I have to wonder if maybe she’s starting to give up on this whole relationship idea too. While I have been proactively distancing myself because I’m too chicken shit to open myself all the way up, the thought of losing her cuts straight through my heart. My rationale is fucked up at best, psychotic at worst, and I don’t know how to fix this mess, so I keep running in place.
Getting up from my desk, I head down to Kylie’s office because I need to go over a few things with her. While I’m at it, I think I might need to put some boundaries in place with her as it relates to Mac. The more I thought about it, the more I really can’t let her treat Mac like anything less than a woman with a law degree. She certainly can’t treat her like a gopher.
I give two light raps on her door with my knuckles and open it, not even bothering for an invitation in. I’m the boss so no office is really closed to me if I want entrance. I’m surprised when I see Kylie and Mac sitting at her small, round conference table with the Pearson file spread out in front of them. I take just the briefest of moments to rake my gaze over Mac. She’s eschewing a power suit today in favor of a sleeveless, green linen dress and a pair of flat sandals with some type of sparkly, crystal-like shit on them. Even in my briefest of glances, I notice she changed the nail polish on her toes to a light pink since Monday night, and
I know this because I notice everything about Mac. It was a cherry red just a few days ago.
My once-over of Mac includes a brief, one-second stop at her eyes and while the expression on her face doesn’t change, her eyes definitely smile at me, causing my heart to pound and for a silly moment, the insane urge to hug her runs through me. I don’t return her look and turn to Kylie, who has now stood up from her desk and is urging me to come in.
“Matt,” she purrs. “What a lovely surprise.”
As if I’m here to pay her a social visit.
I walk up to the table to look down at the portion of the file that is in front of Mac. I stand very close to the chair she’s sitting in, acting like I’m interested in the Pearson case, when in fact, I just want to stand next to Mac and maybe get a whiff of her hair. I inhale deeply and almost sigh in pleasure over the fragrance of pears, citrus, and maybe some type of flower, but it’s distinctly Mac.
Kylie comes up to stand on the other side of me, very close, and I’m so overwhelmed with whatever powerful perfume that she’s bathed in that it causes my nose to burn. She bumps her hip lightly, but deliberately, against me as she bends over the table and pulls a document from a pile.
“Here’s the list of exhibits I think we’ll need for the record on appeal,” she says as she hands it to me. It’s definitely something I need to review, and I had come down to Kylie’s office with the intention of going over her progress so far, but seeing Mac in here has thrown me off my game a bit.
Suddenly, I can’t stand another minute of Kylie’s nearness or her perfume. I want to bury my nose in Mac’s hair and let it wash over me.
Taking the paper from Kylie, I tell her, “Thanks. I’ll review this and get back to you.”
Turning to Mac, I say, “Can I see you in my office? I have a few things to go over with you on the Jackson case.”
Her eyes shine bright with relief, and I’m not sure if she’s just seeking escape from Kylie or she just wants to be near me. “Sure thing. Want to meet up later, Kylie?”
Kylie gives Mac a tight smile, and I can see she’s not happy. Why, I’m not quite sure, but I need to make sure I take some time today to put some boundaries in place when it comes to how she manages Mac.
“Tomorrow morning again—eight AM sharp. You’re in charge of coffee next time. I like mine black,” Kylie says to Mac in a firm tone.
Kylie turns her back on Mac and sits back down at the table. I glance at Mac and she’s rolling her eyes at Kylie, which makes me want to laugh. It’s not funny… if Kylie is treating Mac like a servant versus a colleague, but Mac has ways of taking care of herself. I’ve seen that firsthand with how she handled Lorraine. Still, she’s not happy with Kylie and I do have the power to get her to ease off, so I definitely need to be having that private talk with Kylie sooner, rather than later.
Still, it will have to be later than now, because the longer I’m standing near Mac, the crazier I’m getting with the need to be alone with her.
Mac leaves Kylie’s office ahead of me and I follow her down to my office, watching the way her long hair bounces and swings back and forth as she walks, and of course, I check out her ass. It’s one of my favorite parts on Mac, and I have the sudden urge to sink my teeth in her flesh just to hear her scream and feel her squirm.
And, fuck… starting to get hard thinking about it.
I follow Mac right into my office and close the door behind me. Walking up to her, I step into the back of her body and wrap my arms around her waist. Putting my lips near her ear, I say, “I missed you last night.”
And I did. Hands down, it was hot as hell banging her against her office wall, but there was a time last night… when I was laying in my bed before going to sleep that I deeply missed not having Mac there. I brooded over that for a long time before I finally was able to drop off into slumber.
Mac’s body sinks back into mine. She gives a tiny moan as my lips graze her ear and she feels my erection pushing into her from behind. I had not intended to do anything sexual with her. I had really just wanted to kiss her, smell her hair, and listen to her talk for a few minutes. But when she moaned, raw need slammed into me and my hands went to the sides of her dress and started to pull the material up. Mac’s head fell back onto my shoulder and she held her breath to see how far I’d go.
But because this is Mac in my arms, and I can’t seem to stop where she’s concerned, she has to know that I’m going all the way.
When I get the bottom of her dress around her waist, I stick the tips of my fingers under the lace against her hipbone. Just as I’m getting ready to dive in, Mac jerks in my arms and steps away from me.
Pushing her dress back down, she turns on me and asks, “Wait… what are you doing?”
“Trying to get under your skirt,” I growl and advance on her, my hands reaching back out to move that offensive material out of my way. I’m thinking we’d both be well served if I can drop down to my knees in front of and get her off with my tongue first. It’s been far too long in my opinion.
But Mac apparently has other thoughts and holds her hands out, palms up. “Hold it, mister. We can’t just keep having sex in your law firm. We’re going to get caught.”
I give her my best, most devilish grin… one that I know is sexy and practically irresistible. My hand snakes out fast and grips the back of her head. “That makes it all the more exciting, don’t you think?”
I don’t wait for a response but bring my hand up and palm her breast through her dress, lightly squeezing and watching as Mac’s eyes dilate and she sucks in air through her teeth. Damn, she’s so fucking sexy and I definitely need to get my tongue between her legs like right now.
Just as I start to reach for her dress again, Mac gives a slight shake of her head and steps back away from me. She smiles at me, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Sorry, baby… no can do. You’ll just have to wait.”
No, no, no, no.
Mac simply doesn’t refuse me. It’s unheard of… an impossibility. Disappointment courses through me, and something dark starts to swirl in my stomach. She watches me with wary eyes, and I have to resist the urge to grab her and pull her to me.
And, fuck yeah, I’m mad. I’m fucking vibrating with need to be with Mac, and she’s shutting me down. She’s taking away that small measure of peace that comes when I’m able to get lost inside of her.
But I’ll never let her know she has that type of pull on me, because frankly… I don’t want her to have that type of pull on me. So I give her a smile and say with utter nonchalance, “No worries. I have a meeting I need to get ready for anyway.”
I turn away from Mac and head to my desk, intent on getting back to work.
“Are you mad at me because I said ‘no’?” she asks, her voice unsure… hesitant… fearful.
Turning back to her, I give her my most surprised look I can muster. “God, no. You can say no any time you want to me. I’m a little disappointed, but trust me… I’ll get over it and try again with you.”
Her eyes pin me for a moment, not fully accepting what I’m saying right away. We engage in a staring war, and I don’t let go. I’m not sure what it says about me that I’m able to hold a straight, poker face while blatantly lying to her… because yeah, I’m pissed I can’t have her.
Mac stares at me a moment more, and then gives me a delicate smile. “Okay, then. I’ll see you later tonight.” She walks out of my office without a backward glance.
That’s right… I told Mac last night, just after I fucked her against the wall of her office, that we’d do something together this evening. A mix of emotions wars within me, wanting desperately to be with her tonight, and yet feeling the need to continue putting distance between us. Especially since it’s crystal clear by that little exchange… Mac’s denial to me fucking hurt and then pissed me off. If she’s still making me feel those range of emotions, it means I’m probably still sucked in deep with her, and that makes me feel uncomfortable and out of control.
&
nbsp; Sitting down at my desk, I flip lazily through emails when one from Rob Gendhard catches my eye. It’s an invitation for a “boy’s night out” tonight. They often invite me out, and I rarely go, because hanging out in a bar and getting drunk isn’t usually my thing. Unless I’m pining over Mac, and in this instance, I’m definitely pining for simpler times with Mac.
Before I can talk myself out of it, before I can fully appreciate how much this is going to hurt Mac, I shoot off a quick response to him to count me in.
The rest of the afternoon, I try to concentrate on work, but I can’t. My stomach burns in shame over what I’m getting ready to do, and I’m dreading the look I’ll get from Mac when I do it.
Just before seven PM, I look up and Mac is standing in my office doorway, her briefcase satchel slung over her shoulder. She gives me a bright smile on her face that fucking causes my heart to contract uncomfortably.
“Hey you,” I say softly. “I was just getting ready to come down to your office, so it looks like you saved me a trip.”
I wasn’t really getting ready to go down to her office. I was procrastinating and avoiding, but she doesn’t need to know that.
Her voice is soft, husky, and her eyes warm. “So, what do you want to do tonight?”
My stomach cramps painfully and guilt is practically oozing out of my pores. “Um… actually, I was on my way down to your office to tell you that I’m going out with some of the guys to get some drinks.”
I try not to cringe when I see Mac’s face fall… her mouth turn downward… hurt fill her eyes. I almost blurt out that I was just kidding, just so I don’t have to see that pain.
But I don’t. I stick to my guns because my gut is telling me that this needs to be done. That for all of the insecurities I’ve been feeling this last week, for the raging need I still have for Mac, yet the inability to reciprocate what she desires, my gut is telling me… Make the break.
While I’m not quite ready to listen to my gut and make a clean break, I do need to break our current path and reset things.
Confessions of a Litigation God: A Legal Affairs Full Length Erotic Novel Page 28
