He stood up and followed her across the chamber. “The conversion will change your entire life.”
She stepped into the heat of the pool. The water felt hot on her icy skin. Even her insides felt ice cold. She hoped the heat of the springs would stop her shivering. “My entire life has already changed.” She held out her hand to him. “For the better.” A faint smile rose up unexpectedly. “I’ve decided you’re trainable.”
His eyebrow shot up as he stepped into the pool beside her. “Trainable?”
She nodded. “You can’t possibly think you’re going to get away with bossing me, right? So once you’re past the fact that I’m always right, we’ll get along just fine.”
He shook his head. “You are impossibly optimistic for your chances.” He pulled her down into the water with him so that she was tucked in close beneath his shoulder.
“Chances of what?” Her head felt too heavy and she leaned it against his chest.
“Of being right. I am one of those obnoxious people who know everything. You think I am bossy, but in fact, I am merely directing you when you start to go off track.”
“And you expect me to thank you, I suppose, for your brilliant direction.”
“I have many ways in mind for you to show your appreciation.”
“I’ll just bet you do.” She rubbed her ankle beneath the water. “This is never going to come off, is it? It’s part of my skin now.”
“I do not know. I am not really a healer, although I can perform basic healing skills. When Gregori returns we can have him take a look at it. If he cannot remove the mark, we can seek out Francesca. She is in Paris and is said to be amazing.”
“Is it possible the conversion would remove it?”
His hand slipped beneath the water to circle her ankle. “I wish I knew. I doubt it, Natalya. You are very different from any other I have known. I do not know what the conversion would do to you. I do not believe it will take away your skills as a mage. Rhiannon possessed more talent than most wizards. You must have received that from her as well as from the mage blood to make you so powerful. It is no wonder Xavier wanted your blood.”
Natalya’s eyes met his. “Razvan wouldn’t allow it.”
Vikirnoff’s strong fingers moved over her ankle in a soothing massage.
Natalya began to relax again, the hard knot in her stomach easing. When had Vikirnoff become someone she could feel peace with? She slid her hand over his belly, without sexual intent, but needing to feel his body beneath her fingertips. “Do you think I could have held out against Xavier? If I had been the one to visit him instead of Razvan? If Xavier took my blood?” She would not call him grandfather. “Do you think Razvan could have been saved?”
“There is no way of knowing.”
She looked so distraught, so different from her confident, sassy self that his heart shifted with pain. Vikirnoff touched her mind to read her, needing to know how to help her. Natalya possessed a will of iron. Her brother was her twin. They thought alike. They protected one another. They had lived through harrowing times even as young teens and found a way to survive without adult guidance.
Vikirnoff looked into her heart and found her shaken all the way to her soul.
Razvan had honorably chosen to give his blood to Xavier. He had successfully deceived his grandfather into believing he was the one with the superior skills in magick, when it was really Natalya. They had carried out an elaborate deception and Razvan was often punished when Natalya couldn’t complete experiments and pass the information on fast enough to her brother. She had hidden in safety while her brother had taken all the risks and now, after all of his sacrifices, she couldn’t bear to think she hadn’t been there to save him as he had saved her. She hadn’t been there for him and he’d turned to evil. Her guilt was soul-consuming, a terrible burden he felt penetrating his own soul.
She looked up, her gaze locking with his. “Is there a way to get him back? Can we undo the damage done to him?”
“Natalya . . .” There was a warning note in his voice. “He has Carpathian blood running in his veins. There is every possibility that he is now part vampire. I never thought vampires would ever join forces, but they have. And your brother is in league with them. Maxim and his brothers are arrogant and believe they should be ruling the world. I think that both Xavier and Razvan feel they should be the rulers and they have united with the vampires in the hopes of gaining control of everything. The vampires are using your experiment to recognize one another, those participating in this conspiracy. I found the parasites first in my brother’s lifemate’s blood. She had been taken as a child and converted by a vampire. She was able to defeat him, but her blood called to the others. That’s how they identify the members of the conspiracy, those with the parasites in their blood. It has to be that.” He gentled his tone. “You know Razvan is lost to you.”
“How do I know? The healers do incredible things. Maybe he could be saved. He isn’t wholly Carpathian. So if he did turn, he isn’t wholly vampire.” She wiped her hand over her face as if that could erase the knowledge of the extent of her twin’s betrayal. “He was a good man. For centuries, he was honorable and he suffered so much.”
Vikirnoff sighed with regret. “You wanted to know why he wanted children. I have seen that question in your mind many times.”
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and refused to meet his gaze, shaking her head slightly.
“He is looking for blood just as Xavier wanted the blood of his children to sustain his life. That is how he remained alive all these years. Not all children will carry what he needs, so he wanted several from different mothers.” And Razvan now wanted Natalya’s blood just as Xavier sought it all those years ago. Razvan would not take her from Vikirnoff. He could not be allowed to destroy the fragile threads that bound their hearts even as their souls were welded so tightly together.
“You don’t know that.” But it made sense. It was exactly what Xavier had done. She had witnessed it when she’d grasped the handle of the ceremonial knife.
“No, I do not. And I do not know if there is any hope for him. What I do know is there are vampires conspiring to kill the prince and kidnap you. They are hunting for a book your father gave his life to protect. He was so desperate to protect that book he put a compulsion on you to find it should someone start nosing around the cave.”
“Someone went into the ice cave before us and that triggered the compulsion.” She’d already figured that out for herself.
“If your father was willing to give his life to keep that book from Xavier, I am willing to bet we do not want it in his hands.”
“I still think there’s a chance.”
“Natalya, I cannot tell you how many friends—even family I have had to hunt and kill. When we face a loved one who has become a vampire, even hunters hesitate. And when facing a hunter as skilled as your brother, hesitation is a death sentence. You cannot afford pity. You cannot afford to think he can be saved. He cannot.”
“How do you know, though? Have any of you ever tried to heal a vampire? Has it ever once been tried?” She knew it was desperation, but she couldn’t help pushing it. There had to be a way to save her brother. If his sacrifice for her had led to his downfall then she bore the responsibility. He had been there for her when she needed him so desperately; she had to find a way to be there for him.
Vampires were completely evil. She had seen their depravity, their joy in the killing of others. She couldn’t bear that Razvan had chosen such a thing. That he had deliberately embraced everything they had fought against all of their lives. Vikirnoff could see her struggle to fight off the weight of guilt and fear and even repugnance. She didn’t want to fear her brother. She didn’t want to loathe and despise him. She didn’t want to feel revulsion for what he had become.
Reluctantly, Virkirnoff released Natalya when she pushed away from him. His heart ached as he watched her swim restlessly back and forth across the small pool. He couldn’t lie or soften the
truth. He respected her too much for that. When they hunted for the book, they would be pursued. And they had to hunt for the book. He knew it, and somewhere, deep inside, so did Natalya. The book would surface sooner or later, maybe even in another century when memories had dulled. It was far too dangerous to leave to chance.
Vikirnoff rubbed his hand over his face, his stomach lurching at the idea of what was to come. Natalya was an exceptional woman, but one he had never expected, one he’d thought he would never want. Yet why had he envisioned a docile, amenable woman as his lifemate? Natalya was a woman to walk beside him. He could not imagine his life without the sharp edge of her tongue, or her peculiar sense of humor.
His brows drew together as he watched her swim back and forth. The beads of moisture on her face were not from the spring water and that was painful. Does that television set in your room at the inn actually work? He used their more intimate path of communication deliberately, wanting her to feel him inside of her.
She halted abruptly, throwing back her hair so that water went in every direction. Blinking rapidly to clear her vision, she nodded. “Why?”
“Half of what you say makes no sense to me. If we are to communicate adequately, I have to watch your late night movies.”
She sent up a spout of water straight at his face. “Don’t sound like you’re going to a funeral. Late night movies are fun. Fun. Do you even understand the concept of having fun?”
There it was again. That heartbreaking note of desperation, of strain, in her voice. She was gamely smiling at him, but her eyes were dark with sorrow. Vikirnoff waded over to her, his gaze locked with hers. All the teasing in the world wouldn’t fix it. All the love in the world wouldn’t take it away. All he could do was pull her into the shelter of his body, as close to his heart as possible. And tell her the real truth. She would see him for what he was. It was a risk he hesitated to take. Their relationship was so very fragile and he always seemed to make the wrong decision.
He was aware of his blood moving through his body, carrying his shame. “I do not know that Razvan willingly chose to embrace evil, Natalya.”
“I don’t understand what you mean. He has to be vampire. Or at least in league with the vampires. How could that not be choosing to embrace evil?”
He heard his heart thundering in his ears, trying to drown out the sound of his voice confessing. Voicing aloud what he didn’t want known. What he didn’t admit to himself. He rubbed his face against hers, his fingers tangling in her wet hair.
Natalya held her breath, sensing how vulnerable Vikirnoff was at that moment, sensing the cost to his pride. “Tell me.”
“Before I met you. Long before I met you, I hunted the vampire everywhere I went. I was good at it, Natalya, because life no longer mattered to me. Not my life and not that of any other. I realized I was becoming the very thing I hunted so I sought my brother, hoping his close proximity would alleviate the growing darkness.”
Natalya pressed closer, circling his neck with her arms, wanting to give him strength as he’d done for her. “Go on, Vikirnoff.” She felt his reluctance and knew he was giving her something of himself, something that cost him dearly.
Vikirnoff drew in a tortured breath. “It helped for a few years and then the emptiness was a weight pressing heavier than ever. I backed off making the kills, allowing Nicolae to destroy the vampires after we found them. I even spent most of my time in another form.”
“All good things to keep yourself going.” She caught glimpses of a stark, bleak existence in his mind, but it was nearly impossible to understand without merging with him and he was holding himself away from her.
Vikirnoff closed his eyes. “You are not understanding what I am saying to you, Natalya. I am an ancient Carpathian. I am well-schooled in what happens to our males should they continue to live and hunt and destroy. There is a point of no return. A place in one’s mind where a choice must be made.”
Natalya frowned and pulled back to look at the lines etched into his face. “What choice?”
“Every moment of our existence, we are acutely aware of the gathering darkness. We know if we do not find our lifemate there is a time we must make a decision to protect our people and the populations of the world. Once that time is upon us, we cannot allow it to pass us by. If we do not choose to meet the dawn with honor, then we endanger our souls by becoming vampire.”
Natalya reached up to frame his face. “But who can ever make such a choice?”
“It is our legacy, Natalya. We are given the ritual binding words to preserve our species, our lives. It is our only true safeguard. Without the light to our darkness we succumb inevitably to evil if we do not seek the dawn.” His gaze shifted from her face, jumped back to meet her green eyes. “I was far, far past the point of no return. I knew the exact day of my choosing. I remember it vividly, but I did not do what was necessary to ensure the survival of the rest of my race. I chose life. I clung to life when I should have chosen the dawn.”
She shook her head, her fingers stroking the strong bones of his face. “That’s not true. You said we are lifemates. Doesn’t that mean you were meant to survive?”
He shook his head. “I was too close. You sensed it in the forest long before you ever saw me. You could not tell if I was hunter or vampire. I could not tell either.” He refused to flinch away from the raw truth. “I do not know if a second moment of choice ever comes after that first. I cannot tell you if Razvan even knew there was a time of choice. It had been so long since I had actually experienced emotions, experienced anything, my mind began to wander into places I know it should not have gone, but I was unable to stop it.”
Natalya took a deep breath, her fingers tangling in his hair. There were so many emotions in him, running deep, carving out deep wounds of humiliation. It cost him his pride as a Carpathian hunter, as a male of his species to tell her his darkest secret, to admit the shame of his choice knowing what would inevitably happen, and the worse shame of not being able to stop himself moving inexorably toward ultimate evil.
“Razvan did not have my training. He did not have the knowledge of what could happen drilled into him for centuries. Does this make him weak? Is it a betrayal of all we love, or is the choice taken from us, lost in the haze created in our minds when everything runs together and there are no longer clear lines of definition, just awful, meaningless existence?”
She felt dazed, humbled even, looking into his dark eyes. There was pain there, the pain of centuries of emptiness. There was fear that she would reject him.
“How could you think that I could reject you? Why would I? Not for baring your soul and confessing to me because you wanted me to know Razvan didn’t deliberately betray me.” She pressed kisses along his jaw, trailed several to the corner of his mouth. Her tongue flicked enticingly along the seam of his lips.
“Razvan might not have meant to betray you, it may have just happened. But, Natalya, mine was a true betrayal. As your lifemate, I should have put your protection above all else and I should have chosen the dawn when that moment came to make my choice.”
She kissed his mouth, soft pressing kisses over and over until he opened his mouth to her. She drowned in his taste. In his stark honesty. In the sacrifice of his pride for her. She wanted to cry for both of them. “There was no betrayal, Vikirnoff,” she said softly, “only life. Just life. And it can be hard and cruel and terrifying. But it can also be exhilarating and beautiful and filled with passion for all things if you want it. We want it. Both of us. We are not willing to let it pass by. I would have clung to life as you did. As Razvan did. I don’t know if he can be saved or not, but at least I feel as if he didn’t choose to betray me. Thank you for that.”
Vikirnoff crushed her to him, his breath exploding out of his lungs in relief. He pushed the tawny hair from her eyes, framed her face so he could drink her in, devour her. Heady relief mixed with sharp joy. Natalya’s beauty ran far more than skin deep. He kissed her, a slow sizzling kiss of happiness that he
r heart was so open to him.
She melted into him, one leg sliding around his thigh so she pressed closer, rubbing her wet, slick body against his in invitation.
Vikirnoff lifted her easily, urging her to wrap both legs around his waist, leaving her open to him, allowing him to position her over the head of his erection. The welcoming folds of her channel were hot velvet and exquisitely tight, holding him like a fist as he buried his body deep into hers. It was a miracle to him, the way her body accepted his, stroked and gripped and milked his. Her skin was hot and soft and rubbed against his with every movement.
Her face was beautiful in the shadows from the flickering candlelight, which played over her soft curves. She leaned back, her hands clasped around his neck and began a long, slow ride of ecstasy, the pleasure on her face heightening her beauty. He let her take the lead, bringing him to the point of climax several times only to stop and tease his pulse with her tongue and teeth. Waiting. Building. He felt the powerful orgasm gathering and gathering, a force that finally took control from both of them. It rushed over him, over her, taking them with it as it thundered through their bodies and souls.
He heard his own hoarse shout, her soft cry, felt the convulsion of her strong muscles surrounding him and the blood-red tears on his face.
16
Natalya sank back onto her heels as she knelt staring at the jewel-embedded ceremonial knife. It lay on a small piece of cloth between them. The blade was slightly curved and the handle ornate. Instead of looking deadly, the knife seemed an object of priceless art.
“The knife looks so harmless, doesn’t it?” Natalya asked. “And yet looks can be deceptive. It’s been used countless times to murder.” Her hand hovered over the blade and trembled. Natalya pulled back.
Christine Feehan 5 CARPATHIAN NOVELS Page 106
