by Casey Peeler
Chapter 21
Raegan
I drive slowly to the farm. Between my blurred vision and the nausea growing in my stomach, I’m terrified of what I’m going to face tomorrow. I know Grandaddy said it’s going to be okay, but I’m scared to death I’m going to lose the most important person in my life.
As I arrive back at the farm, I’m greeted by Hank lying on the porch. I smile, but come to think of it, he’s not been around the past couple of days. I swear, if he’s knocked up that mutt down the road, Grandaddy is gonna shoot him. I call for him as I make my way to the porch.
“Hank, please, tell me you’ve not been up to what I think,” I say to him. As he begins to wag his tail uncontrollably, I know I’m right. “He’s gonna kill ya, ya know?” He barks. I just love him. I take a few minutes to show him some loving before I go inside to get ready to call it a night. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, I’m a mess.
Walking inside the house, I try to push tomorrow away from my mind and go to bed, but I’m unable to shake my worry. Instead, I decide a little ride around the farm is exactly what I need. I leave Grandaddy a note and walk to the shed to crank up the four-wheeler and take a ride around the beautiful farm.
As the semi-cool breeze hits my face, the wind whips my hair. I push everything to the back of my mind. I focus on driving as fast as possible and cover every inch of the farm. Once I see the creek approaching, memories of my time with Emmett replace the hopeless feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I smile as happy tears stream down my face.
The sun is well beyond setting when I make my way back to the house, and I see that Grandaddy has returned. After I park the four-wheeler, I go inside and join him in the kitchen for a quick bite to eat.
“Looks like you had a good ride tonight?” he asks.
“Yeah, I did. I think I covered every inch out there.”
Trying not to put it off any longer, I ask the inevitable, “So, what time do we need to be there tomorrow?” I attempt to hide the fear in my voice.
“I’m supposed to be there at nine for a little more blood work, and my appointment is at ten. Now, Sunshine, you don’t have to go. I’m fine to go by myself.” He tries to insist.
“I know what you’re tryin’ to do. I know you can go by yourself, but I’m not lettin’ you,” I say forcefully.
“Easy, Sunshine. I know you well enough to know you’re not lettin’ this go. What are you missin’ tomorrow mornin’?” he asks.
“Just physics and English. I’m good, though,” I say.
“Well, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t missin’ anything too important.”
I drop my food onto my plate. “Are you serious right now?” He looks at me like I’ve completely lost it. “Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more important than you. Stop acting like this isn’t a big deal. It’s your life. It’s precious to me, and I’m gonna be there. I don’t care if it’s not a big deal when we walk out of there tomorrow, but if it is, you aren’t going to be there alone.”
He doesn’t say anything, but I see a glimmer of a tear form in his eyes. “Grandaddy, I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. How can you always be positive about everything?” I sincerely question.
“Sunshine, I want you to listen to me. I’ve lived a great life. I have you, and you keep my world spinning. No matter what happens tomorrow, we will keep on keepin’ on. God won’t give us more than we can bear, but if the doctor says he’s got this, then there’s no reason to get yourself worked up. You are the strongest girl I know, so quit worrying, and let’s see what tomorrow holds.” Just like that, Grandaddy shoots it straight, and I know he’s telling the truth.
After we finish eating, we enjoy the Atlanta Braves on TV before going to bed. “Gosh, we just need to turn ’em off. This is horrible!” he says, and I giggle.
“Now, you know you love them, even if they aren’t hittin’ much this year. We’ve gotta go to a game this summer. Whatcha think?” I say.
“I think that sounds like a plan, and if that pitcher starts throwing like a pansy, I’m gonna tell ’em.”
“Night, Grandaddy,” I say as I continue to giggle down the hall.
Once I’m inside my room, the silence allows doubt to seep back into my mind, and I listen to my favorite Miranda Lambert album on my iPod. As I place my earbuds into my ears, I turn up the volume and crawl into bed. Somewhere between “Me and Charlie Talking” and “Mama, I’m Alright,” I fall asleep.
Sometime within the night, I pull the earbuds from my ears and pull the covers snuggly up to my chin. When the alarm sounds before dawn, I groggily make my way out of the covers and place my feet onto the cool wooden floor. Today begins like any other day, but it’s different in the same. I make my rounds on the farm, but instead of rushing to school, I move as slow as a snail toward Cleveland Hematology and Oncology.
Emmett
When Raegan drives away, it is almost as if she is running from something. I try to brush it off, but I can’t. There’s something that takes over when you care about someone. It’s something that makes you want to move the biggest mountain to make everything better for that person.
As I begin to walk back inside, Mr. Lowery meets me in the driveway, yet again.
“We’ve gotta stop meetin’ this way,” he says with a smile, but the smile soon fades when he sees the worry in my eyes.
“Is she okay?” I question.
“She will be. Just know when she cares about someone, she doesn’t let them go, no matter what it might look like.” He doesn’t say anything else, but that leaves the wheels spinning in my head. I’m not sure exactly what he’s talking about, but I’m going to find out. I’m certain that Cole knows exactly what’s going on. I make my way up to his room, but when I hear the shower running, I know I’m going to have to wait to see what is going on with Raegan.
Chapter 22
Raegan
“Sunshine, you barely ate,” Grandaddy says.
“I’m not really hungry,” I respond as I move the eggs around my plate. He leaves it at that. As he glances down at his watch, I know time is ticking like a damn bomb about to explode.
“I guess we better get going,” he says. We walk to his truck, and I climb in the passenger seat. The ride to the doctor’s office isn’t that far, but when we pull into the parking lot, and I see the words written on the side, my insides begin to quiver. “Sunshine, it’s gonna be fine. We’ll be outta here in no time.” I smile, and we exit the truck.
The front doors slide open as we near the entrance, and the smell of sterilization takes over my nose. Yuck! Why do all doctors’ offices have to smell like a crazy kinda clean? I walk with Grandaddy to the receptionist, and she points him toward the lab.
“Sunshine, I’ll be right back. Just wait out here,” he says, and I nod as I take a seat and watch The View on TV. At least it takes my mind off where I am at the moment. Whoopi Goldberg is freakin’ hilarious! After they finish, Grandaddy comes out to join me.
His arm is covered with a piece of nursing tape and a cotton ball. “It didn’t hurt. No worries,” he assures me as he glances up at the TV. “Gosh darnit! We missed Kelly this mornin’. You know, that show was so much better with Regis.” My Grandaddy is always honest.
After about fifteen minutes, the nurse calls him back. I look at him, waiting for the okay to follow. He reaches out his hand, and I stand as we walk back to the exam room. The nurse checks his vital signs and tells him Dr. Charles will be in shortly. While we wait, we don’t say much, and I can’t quit messing with my nails.
When a light knock taps on the door, I stop fidgeting and put on a brave face. Dr. Charles is a middle-aged, slightly overweight man with a thick Southern drawl.
“Mr. Lowery,” he states as he shakes his hand, and then he turns to me as Grandaddy introduces me. “Nice to meet you, Raegan,” he says before taking a seat on the little round mobile stool.
He looks at the chart in his hands for a minute before he places it onto the small desk
. The look on his face is hard to read, and the wait is killing me. I just want to scream for him to tell us already.
“Mr. Lowery.” He stops speaking because Grandaddy asks him to call him Dover. “Dover, when we met last week, we discussed your options. When people reach a certain age, their white blood cell count can change drastically without any reason. It’s extremely common.”
“Yes, you said basically a pill would fix it.”
“Correct.” He pauses. “Dover, your blood work this morning shows something different.” Different? Different as in good or bad? “Your white blood cell count isn’t like the previous type of leukemia we were discussing. Instead, it is Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Dover, I hate to have to tell you this, but it’s an aggressive type of cancer.”
My world completely stops as I look at my grandaddy’s face. A look of worry and anger engulf him. He tries to remain calm, but there’s no use.
“Doc, I thought you said a pill would fix this? I don’t have time for this,” he says with aggravation in his tone.
“Dover, I understand, but you have one major factor going for you.” Grandaddy looks at him and waits. “Other than your white blood cell count, you are healthy. You don’t have high blood pressure or cholesterol. You take a vitamin every day and nothing else. You are in excellent shape, and with that being said, I believe you will do well with a treatment program geared for younger adults.”
Grandaddy looks from me to the doctor. “Okay, tell me how this is going to work.” Dr. Charles explains the different treatment options to Grandaddy. I try to listen, but my world is spinning out of control.
“Raegan. Raegan,” Grandaddy says as my mind continues to race.
“Sorry, Grandaddy,” I say, completely oblivious to the conversation they had been engaged in after I realized chemotherapy was involved.
“Do you understand what I’m agreeing to?” he asks.
“Yes, you’re gonna take a very strong type of chemotherapy,” I tell him, and both he and Dr. Charles’ expression changes.
“No, Raegan, I’m not going to take any treatment.” Right then anger flares within my soul. I stand and walk out of the exam room and straight toward the truck. To say I’m mad is an understatement. How can he do this to me? How can he leave me when I’m already alone? He can’t give up. I need him. I open the truck door, climb inside, slam the door, and scream to the top of my lungs. Not that it helps take away the pain, but at least I feel better. I replace my screams with uncontrollable sobs, and I don’t even realize we are on our way back home.
As we pull up to the house, I push away the tears. I’m furious with my grandaddy, but I know deep down he has a reason for everything. When he puts the truck into park, he turns to look at me.
“Sunshine, I know you don’t understand, but I did what I thought was right. You are almost an adult, and I’ve lived a good life, but after you walked out of that room, I realized I needed to try for you. So, I’m going to try. I’m gonna try for you, Sunshine.” Instantly, my fear is replaced by hope. I grab Grandaddy and hug him, never wanting to let him go.
Emmett
I pull my phone from my pocket, again. Not a word from Raegan. I hope everything is okay. From not hearing anything from her last night, and her not being at school, I think I’m going to go crazy.
When I make my way to the table for lunch, I scan the cafeteria to see if she is with Jordyn. I realize quickly she’s not when I see Jordyn walk inside alone and take a seat beside Ridge.
“Have you heard from Raegan this mornin’?” I ask.
“Just earlier to say she was gonna be late. I’m sure it’s nothin’,” she implies.
As I take out my phone and begin to text her, I see her making her way toward our table. She sees me and smiles. I stand to meet her as she approaches.
“I was startin’ to wonder ’bout you,” I say.
“Nothin’ to worry ’bout. You know, I’ve never understood why doctors want us to be on time, but yet they aren’t,” she says, and that is the truth. “So, what’s been goin’ on this mornin’?”
“Nothin’ much, except I’ve missed you like crazy,” I say as I pull her in for a hug, and if I didn’t know any better, she is holding on to me like her life depends on it, and then she tells me she missed me more. I could listen to her sweet words from now until forever, and it wouldn’t ever get old.
After lunch, I walk her to class. I observe how she always speaks to everyone that looks her way, no matter if they are popular or not. She is never too busy for anyone, and when I have to leave her in the doorway of her next class, I stare as she takes her seat. When she catches me, I grin and turn to head to class.
Chapter 23
Raegan
When Emmett tells me he missed me like crazy, I feel like the biggest liar around. I can’t believe I made it to school, let alone not look like complete crap, and here he is telling me he missed me. What kind of person keeps a secret like this? But, it’s what Grandaddy wants, and that’s what he will get. I always keep my promises, and this one might eat me alive.
On the way to third block, it seems as if everyone is looking my way. I always speak to everyone, but today, it’s about to drain the life out of me. I’d have loved to have stayed home and spent time with Grandaddy, but he insisted I go on to school. After he told me he was going to at least try one type of treatment, I knew I could face today, and I’m glad to know the only face I wanted to see was waiting for me to arrive.
When the bell rings for the end of the day, I hurry to practice, but not before calling the house to see if Grandaddy is okay. He is out of breath, but it is from trying to grab the phone in time before it quit ringing. He seems to be his normal self, but deep down, I can’t help but wonder if he is as scared as me.
After practice, I head home, and our night is uneventful except for one conversation. Grandaddy and I talk in depth about what his plan of action will be, and when it will start. He has chosen to take a form of oral chemotherapy, instead of the IV type, for now. He wants to see if it will help lower his white blood cell count, and Dr. Charles feels this is a good way to start. He begins taking the pills tomorrow, and I can’t help but wish that Cole were back working on the farm so he could keep a check on him. Cole. I think I’ll call him later.
Once the dishes are done, I get ready for another day of school. When I’m ready to call it a night, I call Cole. He answers on the first ring.
“Hello?” he answers, and I now realize I should have called him earlier.
“Hey, Cole, you’re not asleep, are you?” I ask, suddenly regretting calling him since he’s not recuperated yet.
“Nah, I’m starting to feel more like myself, but Dad and Emma are insisting I take it easy. I meant to call you earlier, but didn’t know if Emmett was with you or anything.”
“I haven’t seen him since school. Has Grandaddy called you yet?” I ask.
“Actually, he came by after you went to school. I should have called you earlier, but I know you like your time to sort out things,” he says. “Are you okay, Rae? I mean, really okay?” There is tenderness in his voice.
I try to force back the tears, but they stream down my face as I speak as honestly as possible. “Cole, he wasn’t even gonna try to get better. How could he do that to me? I’d be lost without him, and that’s exactly what would’ve happened if he didn’t try.”
“Rae, I think he didn’t know what to do, but I know he was tore up when he got here. I’ve never seen him like that. You are his world, and when you walked out of that room, he knew he had to fight it for you.”
“I just don’t want to lose him. Cole, if he gets sick, and I’m not home, what am I gonna do? He doesn’t want us to tell.”
Cole doesn’t say anything for a moment. When he finally speaks, he asks, “When does he start taking the medicine?”
“Tomorrow.”
“I’ll see if Dad will let me visit tomorrow. I promise not to lift a finger, but at least someone will be there. Plus, I�
�m dying to get out of this house.” Dying. Not exactly the word I wanted to hear.
“Thanks, Cole, you’re the best,” I say as we hang up.
Emmett
As I walk to my room from getting a shower, I hear Cole talking on the phone. It’s obvious he’s talking to Raegan. I’m glad they are close, but the tone in his voice is filled with concern. I don’t really know where Raegan went today, but I’m positive Cole has an idea.
After I know he is off the phone, I wait a few minutes before I pay him a visit. It’s time to get some answers.
“What’s up, Emmett?” he asks.
“Well, that’s what I was hoping you could tell me.” His face looks like I’ve caught him red-handed.
“Whatcha mean?” he tries to say without a falter in his voice, but I can still hear it.
I take a seat in the desk chair in the corner. “What’s going on with Raegan? Whatever it is, I can handle it, but I know she lied to me today. I just know she did, and I know she’s talked to you.”
Cole looks like a deer caught in the headlights. He tries to shake off the topic, but I’m not letting this go. If she needs me, I’m going to be there.
“Look, Emmett. This isn’t my story to tell.
Rage consumes me. I stand and begin pacing the floor. I know Cole is a man of his word, and he’s not going to tell me. So, if he’s not, I’m going to find out somehow.
“Cole, please, tell me she’s okay. I know if you made a promise, you’re not gonna tell me, but at least give me that much.”
“She is fine,” he says with added emphasis on the word ‘she’. Wonder what that means? Then, it hits me. Mr. Lowery.
The look on my face must confirm to Cole that I understand. He gives me a head nod. “I’m gonna talk my dad into letting me visit the farm tomorrow while she’s at school. Someone needs to be there with him.”
