by Jessie Keane
‘No,’ said Lily, ‘I didn’t. Stupid, uh? I thought it was going to be just me and him. No fireworks, no big deal, just him and me and the girls—a team. How barmy was that?’
‘I think he really loved you,’ said Nick.
Lily gave him a sceptical look. ‘He really loved me, but he had to screw a whole collection of tarts?’
Their starters came. Smoked salmon for Nick; grilled halloumi cheese for Lily. She suddenly felt as though eating would choke her.
Lily picked up her fork, looked at the food, then up at Nick and said: ‘You know how I felt when I realized he was boffing Adrienne? Do you remember Princess Diana, getting out of that carriage and floating up the steps of St Paul’s in that fabulous Emmanuel dress? Well, you don’t know or care about dresses, but I do, and I just remember her emerging from that carriage like a chrysalis turning into a butterfly, all the creases coming out of the silk, her veil lifting in the breeze. I couldn’t get over how stunning she was, how happy, how she thought she was marrying a one-woman man and everything was going to be fine. And then of course she realized she hadn’t married that at all. That’s how I felt. That the life I had with Leo – and okay, it was never hearts and flowers, never the big romance, but that was okay – was all a lie from start to finish. That it happened to some other woman, some other poor, dumb, gormless bitch who had all these ridiculous happy-ever-after dreams in her stupid head.’ She threw her fork down with a clatter. ‘He made a fool out of me. Everyone laughing behind my back. Poor old Lily, she don’t know her arse from a hole in the ground.’
Nick leaned forward, eyeing her intently. ‘Nevertheless,’ he said flatly, ‘Leo loved you. Prized you beyond all those others. Some men…look, some men just can’t hack monogamy. Leo was one of them. Oh, he wanted the little woman at home, the comforts, the kids…but he wanted more, too.’
Just boys letting off steam. That was what Reba Stuart had said. Now Nick was telling her the same thing. Only she wasn’t buying it.
‘I can’t believe you’re sticking up for the bastard,’ she snapped, pushing her plate away. ‘Not when he shafted your own wife.’
There was bleak humour in Nick’s eyes now. ‘Do you know how long I knew Leo King?’
Lily nodded. ‘You met in primary school.’ Leo had told her that, many times.
‘That’s right. We did. We were friends ever since then. Whereas Julia…oh, I knew her for about two years. I met her properly at your wedding to Leo, in eighty-seven, actually, although I’d seen her around before that. And yes, she was stunning. But, sadly, she knew it. I was soon disillusioned with her. And when she started playing away, well, that was it.’
They had both been cheated on. Nick had been cheated on by both his friend and his wife. That was hard to take, surely? But Nick hadn’t been fitted up – she had.
‘I can’t eat this,’ said Lily, feeling sick inside because it was all such a mess. She had never truly loved Leo, and now she was thinking that he must have sensed that, and taken comfort in the arms of – possibly dangerous – strangers. And if that was the case, then Leo’s death really was down to her; she hadn’t shot him, but her lack of real warmth for him had maybe put him in harm’s way.
‘Yes you can,’ said Nick, starting in on the smoked salmon. ‘Leo’s dead, but we’re alive. And that’s bloody good food going to waste there, by the way.’
Lily managed a slight smile. Then she thought of Saz waiting at home, Saz who was so mad at her, and how she had been tipped off by that reptile Si. Her smile died.
‘What now?’ asked Nick, buttering brown bread.
‘Saz came back early. Si told her Oli was letting me stay.’
‘Jesus God.’ Nick sat back. ‘Well, even more reason to keep your strength up. To face the battles ahead.’
‘Oh thanks,’ said Lily sourly, ‘for nothing.’
‘What about Oli? Is she really onside now?’
He was eating again, as if neither of them had a care in the world. Lily wished that was true. So much.
‘I think so. Although it’s tearing her in half to have to take sides with me against Saz. She hates it. Oli was always going to be the easy one,’ said Lily with a sigh, drinking more of the wine.
‘And Saz was always a little madam,’ he said. ‘Like Leo in that. Always has to be centre-stage. Just like him.’
‘She detests me,’ said Lily quietly.
Nick put down his knife and fork. ‘She does. For now. That’s what I mean about the battles, girl. You’ve got a fight on your hands, and you don’t start a fight from a position of weakness. So eat up.’
‘Oh Jesus, what is it with men and their sodding stomachs?’ groaned Lily, but she pulled the plate back towards her and, slowly, she began to eat.
They were leaving the restaurant when it happened. Anticipating a liquid lunch, Lily had caught a cab there, and Nick had a minder with a Bentley. They were just beside the car when another car screeched through the car park at speed, and there were noises; it was several seconds before Lily realized that someone was firing a gun. Everyone scattered. The heavy pushed Nick, Nick grabbed Lily, and they all ended up in a tangle of arms and legs on the tarmac as the car sped away and was gone.
It happened so quickly and was finished so fast that Lily wondered if it had really happened at all.
The minder was back on his feet, staring after the car. Lily was flat on her back on the tarmac, and Nick was on top of her.
‘You all right?’ he said against her mouth.
Lily looked up at him in a daze. His first instinct had been to protect her, covering her body with his own. Yet, she reflected again, if he thought, if he truly believed she’d killed Leo, he should hate her guts.
‘I’m fine. You can let me up now,’ she suggested shakily.
‘Yeah.’ Nick gave her one last searching look, then took his weight off her and got back to his feet, pulling her up after him.
‘Fucking hell,’ he said as he saw what had happened to his car.
The heavy was looking at the Bentley too. All down one side, it was pockmarked with holes. Lily sagged against the car bonnet and wondered if she was going to pass out.
Drive-by shooting.
You read about these things happening. You just never thought in a million years that they were going to happen to you.
‘You sure you’re okay?’ Nick was asking her, still holding her, rubbing his hands slowly, soothingly over her upper arms.
She nodded dumbly.
‘Sure?’ He was very close, gazing at her with intense concern.
Suddenly, Lily felt choked up. The last person to show her such consideration had been Jack, but that had been so different; an offer of friendship and support, nothing more. This was something else. As Nick held her close she felt a shudder of molten desire rip right through her, as fierce as a spring tide. She sagged against him, allowed herself the luxury of being held and reassured, enfolded in his strength. It was not what she was used to. It was…wonderful.
‘Did you catch the plate?’ he was asking the heavy.
‘Yeah, but it won’t be no use,’ said the man-mountain glumly, still eyeing up the damage to the car. ‘Thing’ll be false, and the car was an old shit-heap, you know what that’s for.’
Nick knew. ‘Didn’t see who…?’
The heavy shook his head.
‘No. Me neither,’ said Nick grimly. ‘Call up the boys, get another motor here and get the car towed soonest. Come on, Lily,’ he said to her, very gently. ‘Let’s move away.’
‘Were they after you?’ she asked him unsteadily, her mouth dry and her voice cracked with the tangled aftermath of fear and arousal.
Nick stared at her for a beat. ‘Probably,’ he said.
Liar, she thought.
40
Jase drove the car out into the wilds of Kent, found a long, deserted lane beside a field of vivid yellow rape. He parked beneath a stand of oaks and sat there in the driving seat for a moment, looking at his gloved hands shaking on the
wheel. He felt sick.
Jesus, he’d really fucked that up.
He’d followed her when she went out in the cab. Saw her going into the restaurant and thought, okay, time to spare, and he needed to go and have a crap; he was nervous, hyped up. This wasn’t his usual type of job. Also, he needed to take his pills. So he had buggered off for an hour or so, then stationed himself in the car near the restaurant’s entrance, and watched and waited. Got the window inched down just enough. Got the gun ready. The instant he saw Lily King’s bright blonde hair and distinctive long-legged walk, he gunned the engine, shot forward and peppered the area where she was standing with a good number of shots. Shit, one of them should have taken her out at least, but she hadn’t been hit and he knew it. He’d looked in the rear-view mirror and seen them all getting back to their feet. She wasn’t hit. She was fine. And so – thank God – was the geezer with her.
Yeah, she fucking well would be, thought Jase. Bitch had the luck of the devil.
His head drooped forward until it was resting on the wheel. He could hear the hard, nauseating thudding of his heart as he lay there, shaking, sick to his stomach. He pictured the scene all over again. Lily with a man, and that man had a minder, and the car was big, black and expensive, probably a Beamer or maybe even a Bentley, and he had shot past, zoomed past after he’d fired the shots that should have taken out Lily King, but not before he had time to see, to realize, who that man was.
Nick O’Rourke.
He’d fucking near done a hit on Nick O’Rourke.
And that was something you never, ever did. Not if you were fond of going on breathing.
‘Shit!’ he groaned, pounding the steering wheel with his fists.
He took a breath, tried to calm himself down a bit.
It was okay. It would all be okay. Because Freddy had fixed him up with the car, two-tone, rust and dirt. It was a clapped-out old Nova, fast but near fatal collapse, and the plates were fake. And…they couldn’t have seen him. He’d gone by there flat out. They couldn’t have seen him, no way.
He gulped down more breaths and the furious thumping of his heart seemed to steady a bit.
Yeah, it would be fine. Only…no. It was far from fine, because Freddy had wanted Lily offed and Jase had failed to do that. Jase had so needed to do that, because then Freddy would have put a good word in with Si. Freddy would have said that he was a sound worker, a good bloke. Then maybe Si would have taken him back on the firm, given him his door back, and maybe then he’d soften about this Oli business too, and then all Jase’s dreams – no, his plans – would come true.
But he had fucked up.
Now, there would be no recommendation from Freddy. Now there would be a right royal kicking instead – if he was lucky. And God help him if Nick O’Rourke ever found out that Jase had nearly topped him. Then it would be curtains for sure.
It was all going wrong. Everything was going wrong.
He could hear somewhere, away in the distance, a tractor moving.
‘Oh fuck…’ he said on a shuddering breath, and stuffed the gun into his coat pocket, threw open the door, went stumbling round on the mud-spattered road to the boot. He opened it, got the can of paraffin out, unscrewed the cap, and went back to the driver’s seat and doused the whole thing in the stuff. The chemical stench of it hit his nostrils and he gagged. Spattered a load of the stuff across the passenger seat, and in the back too. Shook it out until the can was empty. Then he stepped well back, rummaged around for his ciggy lighter, flicked it. Flame danced in his hand.
He threw the lighter into the car. A warm whumph of air hit him as the paraffin ignited. He stepped back further, stumbled, nearly went into the ditch. The tractor’s engine sounded louder, closer. He started back off down the road. Didn’t want the carrot-crunchers spotting him. It was a long walk back to the nearest town, but he was going to have to do it.
He was fifty yards away when the petrol tank blew.
Jesus!
The noise of it was shattering. He stopped, turned, looked back at the blazing remnants of the car. Well, that was one job he hadn’t arsed up. He’d destroyed the evidence. The Bill would never get DNA or any forensics shit out of that.
He turned and walked on. Felt tired. His chest hurt. He wondered if maybe he ought to ease off the steroids a bit. Maybe he would, when he’d straightened out the mess he was in. Got everything back on track again, running like it should. He knew he could do it.
He walked on.
41
Now how did this happen? wondered Lily. She was in Nick’s house, in Nick’s bed. How?
But she knew. The shooting and Nick’s tender consideration after it had shaken her. She knew she could just as easily have been dead right now. Not lying in Nick’s big, cosy bed with him but on a slab in a morgue. In her weakened state, she had come back to Nick’s with him, accepted a brandy, and then a kiss…and then, well, the rest was history.
Of course she knew how it had happened. She’d been vulnerable. Also, she’d always, always been massively attracted to Nick. She couldn’t believe it had never happened before, really.
She lay there in the middle of the day, wrapped up in his arms, and knew there’d been another factor too: twelve long years in prison; long dry years when she had struggled to damp down any urges she might have. She didn’t want to take the lesbian route, although a lot of girls inside did. She kept herself to herself, exercised hard, kept her head down. Did her time.
‘You’re quiet,’ said Nick sleepily, dropping a lazy kiss onto her brow.
‘Blonde joke,’ said Lily.
‘Oh God.’
‘What do you call an intelligent blonde?’
‘A golden Labrador.’
Lily sat up, feigning outrage. ‘You’ve just ruined my punch line.’
‘Don’t do that,’ he said, half smiling.
‘Don’t do what?’
‘Tell jokes against yourself. You’re not a dumb blonde. But I know what it is. It’s a defence. You always were a shy girl. Always fending off admiration with a joke or two.’
Lily flopped back down. Yeah, he was probably right. She ran a hand over his chest, over the dark curling hair there. He was so gorgeous. Better looking than Leo, he always had been. But Leo could charm the birds out of the trees, could fill a room with his loudness. And she had been shy in those days, repelling attention, Nick was right about that.
Now she looked at Nick and wished he’d tried harder. Competed for her instead of stepping back, growing cold towards her, when Leo started to take an interest. If he had fought for her…then, oh how different her life could have been. Couldn’t it?
Or would it have been the same with minor variations? Nick was no saint. Would he have cheated on her, played up to the boys, just like Leo did, once she was safely knocked up and tucked away in the marital home?
She sighed.
‘And what was that for?’ asked Nick, rolling over.
‘You’re crushing my left tit,’ complained Lily.
‘No I’m not. There you are, you see? Humour as a defence.’
‘You’re so bloody clever.’
‘And you’re so bloody lovely,’ said Nick, and kissed her hard enough to take all thoughts of the next joke clean out of her head.
‘Nick…’ she whispered against his mouth.
‘Hush,’ said Nick, and kissed her again, and made love to her all over again, and it was wonderful, so much better than it had ever been with Leo; Leo had been all wham-bang-thank-you-ma’am, but Nick took his time, made her shudder and cry with the intensity of her orgasm.
Oh God, all those years, she thought with deep wrenching sadness. All those wasted bloody years.
Again they lay quiet, sated, twined together.
Finally Lily drew breath and opened her mouth to speak.
‘Not another blonde joke, please,’ said Nick, eyes closed, lips forming a smile.
‘Do you think Julia would speak to me?’ she asked.
Nick turn
ed his head, opened his eyes and stared at her. ‘Don’t know. I haven’t seen Julia in years. And I don’t know that it’s a good idea you seeing her, either.’
Lily stared into his dark, dark eyes.
‘Those bullets weren’t meant for you, were they?’ she asked.
He lay back, shrugged. ‘I’ve got a few enemies.’
‘Seems I have too.’
‘I don’t like you doing all this.’
‘All what?’
‘Seeing people. I know you’ve been seeing people, Lily.’
‘People?’
‘Like a private detective. Like Reba Stuart. And Adrienne Thomson…’
‘And Alice Blunt?’
He opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘Yeah, her too.
You’re looking for answers to something, and maybe somebody out there doesn’t like it.’
Of course he knew what she’d been doing. Nick had always been the gleaner of intelligence. If you wanted to know anything, you asked Nick. He kept his ear to the ground. Had a network of people beavering away. He wanted to know everyone’s secrets – but he kept his own close to his chest.
‘Look,’ said Lily, propping herself up on one arm and staring down at his face. ‘I’ve already got an address for her. And yes, the private detective – that’s Jack Rackland by the way, but then I bet you already know that – he’s found it for me. But I thought I’d talk to you first.’
He shrugged. ‘It’s nothing to me whether or not you talk to Julia. But I don’t want you placing yourself in a dangerous situation. Pursuing some sort of stupid vendetta that’s going to land you in trouble.’
‘Hey, it’s not up to you to be my nursemaid,’ pointed out Lily.
‘Well, pardon me for giving a shit.’
‘I have to talk to Julia.’
Now he sat up, looking truly exasperated. ‘Look. I’d rather you didn’t,’ he said.
‘Oh. Why?’
‘Haven’t I just told you why? You’re going to wind up in a heap of trouble, and what for? Lily – you’re out. You’re free. Why not just let it go now? Why not just appreciate it?’
