by Brenda Novak
“I’ll think about it,” she said instead, then mentally kicked herself. She was never going to overcome her passivity. She’d probably be the first person to fail a class that gave no grades.
“Ralph could borrow the neighbor’s truck, so we wouldn’t have any trouble moving your things,” Millie said, struggling to lift the breakfast tray from across her lap.
Delaney put down her dusting cloth and went to help. “I’ll get that,” she said, setting it on the nightstand. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like another cup of coffee?”
“No. Ralph says drinking so much coffee will kill me. But arthritis won’t let me do much of anything else these days. I’m just sitting here getting fat.”
Uncle Ralph was at the barbershop, probably drinking his own share of coffee while he complained about the rising price of gasoline to the same friends he’d met there every Sunday for the past thirty years. Dundee was nothing if not comfortable with routine.
“Uncle Ralph likes the way you look, and so do I,” Delaney said, straightening the covers on Aunt Millie’s bed.
Aunt Millie raised a gnarled hand to pat her arm. “You’re a good girl, Laney. I’ve always been so proud of you. I knew the moment I saw you when you were just six years old that you were nothing like your mother. And you’ve never disappointed me.”
Delaney felt the bonds of obligation grow a little tighter, tying her hands, trapping her in the mold Millie had created for her. And fear overwhelmed her as the memories she’d been trying so hard to suppress for the past twenty-four hours quickly surfaced—Conner standing at his hotel room door wearing only his jeans…Conner smiling above her…Conner’s lips, his hands, his body…
She closed her eyes, feeling as though she might pass out. What if she was pregnant? What if she had to tell Aunt Millie and Uncle Ralph that their perfect little girl wasn’t so perfect after all?
“It’s getting kind of late,” she said awkwardly, her face growing hot. “If I don’t head home, there’ll be people breaking down my door for pies. You think you’ll be okay here until Uncle Ralph gets back?”
“Of course.” Aunt Millie waved her away. “I’ve got my cross-stitch. And the books you brought me.”
Delaney moved the stack of romances she’d checked out of the library closer to the bed so Aunt Millie could reach them, then did the same with the remote control to the television. “You want me to raise the blind a little higher?” she asked, hearing the reedy thinness of her voice and hoping Aunt Millie wouldn’t notice it. “It’s overcast right now, but the weather report said we’re supposed to get some sun later this afternoon.”
“That would be nice, dear.”
Delaney raised the blind, put away the dust cloth, gathered the coupons Aunt Millie had clipped for the weekly grocery shopping—which Delaney did every Monday before work—and reclaimed the breakfast tray. “There’s an apple pie in the fridge for your dessert,” she said, dropping a quick kiss on Aunt Millie’s lined cheek.
Then she ducked her head and hurried out of the room, eager to escape that loving smile and those adoring eyes, afraid that Aunt Millie would see what a fraud she really was. Afraid that if Aunt Millie looked too hard, she’d realize Delaney was her mother’s daughter, after all.
CHAPTER FIVE
THE MEMORIES OF THOSE FEW YEARS when Conner had lived at the Running Y were far more vivid than he’d ever dreamed they would be. After all, he’d been only six when his grandmother died and the whole household had moved to California, and the twenty-five intervening years had changed him into another person entirely. The hopeful little boy who’d ridden behind his grandfather to rescue a stranded calf, whose job it was to feed the chickens and gather the eggs, was long gone. Yet something as simple as the crackling fire beneath the large stone mantel in the living room, the lingering scent of pine and smoke or a glimpse of the snow-covered mountains crouched protectively on either side of the house flooded him with images and snatches of conversation he thought he’d completely forgotten.
“Why do you get up so early, Grandpa?” he’d once asked, entering the very room in which he sat now, his grandfather’s study, to find Clive hard at work, even though the sky beyond the windows was still black and dawn seemed hours away.
“Because I have a lot to do, son,” his grandfather had replied, glancing up from the papers on the desk.
“No one else gets up so early.”
“You do,” he’d responded with a wink. “And that’s why we Armstrongs are going to stay one step ahead of our competition. You’re my future, Con.”
You’re my future. Such hope, such confidence. At the time, Conner had swelled with pride to think the same blood flowed through his veins. But that was before he’d found out he wasn’t really an Armstrong at all, before his uncles had made it abundantly clear that he was nothing but a bastard, a ward, a parasite.
Other memories threatened, but Conner forced them from his mind and returned his attention to the ranch’s account books, which lay open before him. As he’d feared, the financial picture wasn’t good. His grandfather had bought the place over fifty years ago, when ranching was still profitable. It had given the old man his start, and he’d built an empire from there. But for the past five years, the cost of feed and hands had climbed steadily while the price of beef had fallen. Unless something significant happened, the ranch wasn’t going to make it, and even a frat boy who’d spent most of his time at college trying not to learn could see that.
The end was coming, Conner thought. There wasn’t a thing he could do to change the inevitable. Why was he even sitting here, going through the books, racking his brain for solutions?
Clive would tolerate the losses for only another year or so before he sold out. And Conner knew he was in much the same situation. Like the ranch, he’d started out full of promise but had eventually fallen into decline. He’d barely graduated from high school, had dropped out of college just as he was about to receive his diploma, and had spent more time traveling and playing than working. He’d drunk, gambled and squandered money. He’d spent his time driving fast cars and associating with even faster women. And his grandfather had finally drawn a line in the sand.
Tough love. What a concept. His grandfather loved the ranch more than he loved Conner.
Staring out the window, which looked over acres of pasture, Conner stopped fighting the past and let the memory of his last meeting with Clive play in his mind. His grandfather had summoned him to the office at the winery, where Conner’s uncles already waited. Forty-three-year-old Dwight had offered him a seat, as though he were some sort of stranger. Thirty-eight-year-old Jonathan had smiled, obviously relishing a moment he’d anticipated. And the balding, thirty-five-year-old Stephen had come right out and told Conner that his wild days were over. If he didn’t settle down and start contributing to the family, he’d be cut off from the Armstrongs forever.
Conner would have expected nothing less from his uncles. But his grandfather…What had happened in that meeting had twisted something inside him that Conner had thought long dead. Clive had sat behind his expansive desk, fingers steepled beneath his chin, watching and listening to everything that occurred. He’d nodded when Stephen announced that they were sending Conner to the Running Y, adding nothing until Conner stood to leave. Then he’d said only this—that he was sending Conner back to Dundee where he belonged.
Which was absolutely laughable because Conner didn’t belong anywhere.
The telephone rang. Conner hesitated, expecting Dottie, the widow his grandfather paid to cook for the cowboys and manage the house to answer it, but she didn’t seem to be available.
He picked up at the same time as the answering machine came on. “You’ve reached the Running Y. We’re either out with the animals or running an errand in town—”
When Conner spoke, the machine automatically shut off. “Hello?”
“Conner? Is that you?”
His mother. She was as excited about his return to Dundee as her
younger brothers were, but for entirely different reasons. An eternal optimist, she saw it as a great opportunity for him.
“Yeah, I made it,” he said. “How are things at home?”
“The same. I’m more worried about things at the ranch. Is the situation as dire as we thought?”
“It’s not good.”
“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”
Her cliché, as much as the unfailingly cheerful note in which it was spoken, confirmed what Conner had suspected for years—his mother was delusional. Make lemonade? “This was a setup,” he said, feeling his irritation rise. “There’s no way for me to win. You realize that, don’t you?”
“I don’t think Dad would set you up,” she argued.
Of course he would. His grandfather was finally getting rid of him. Conner had known it would happen someday. But he wasn’t going to argue with his mother, who was singularly devoted to the old guy. “Then he let Stephen, Jonathan and Dwight do it. Either way, the result is the same.”
“The result is what you make it.”
“Mom, you don’t know anything about the beef market or ranching or—”
“I know your grandfather started with a lot less than what you have going for you now,” she interrupted, and Conner dropped his head in his hands to massage his temple. Why had he answered the phone?
“I don’t want to hear about the time Grandpa was too poor to buy a pair of shoes to wear to school, or the time he nearly froze his feet off trying to reach cattle that would’ve starved without the feed he carried,” he said. “I’ve talked to Roy. He obviously knows how to manage a herd, so there’s nothing I can improve on there. Rhonda, the accountant who works here three days a week, knows what she’s doing, too. I’ve got the books in front of me now. Grandfather’s money has been tracked to the penny, and receipts account for every expense. Coyotes are picking off a few steers, but our losses are in line with those suffered by other ranchers in the area. So I can’t increase profits by improving the general running of the ranch.”
“Then, think of something else.”
“You want me to end the drought that’s plagued the area for three years? Or why don’t I figure out what to do about the competition from other countries that’s driving down American beef prices?”
“I don’t like the tone of your voice. You’re being negative.”
“I’m being honest!”
“If you didn’t think you had a real chance of succeeding, then why did you go?” she asked impatiently.
It was a good question. Conner had asked himself the same thing a million times. He’d almost rebelled that day in the winery. Without the Armstrongs he’d simply be the son of a no-good auto mechanic who was spending his life in jail. He would have nothing to live up to, nothing to prove, nothing left to fear….
But there was his mother to consider. She’d given birth to Conner and kept him, despite the circumstances of his conception. And she’d loved him. That was the crux of the matter, wasn’t it? He couldn’t turn his back on her.
“I came to spite your brothers,” he lied.
“Then, spite them,” she said. “Make the ranch a miraculous success.”
Conner stifled a groan. Hadn’t she heard what he’d just told her? There wasn’t any way to save the ranch. “You’re not listening,” he said.
“I am listening. I’ve just heard enough. Quit looking for reasons to fail and decide to succeed.”
She made it sound so easy….
“Dad wants to speak to you,” she said. “Hang on.”
“Wait,” Conner said. “I have to go. Tell him I’ll call him later.” But she’d already set the phone down, presumably to get her father, and Conner forced himself to hold, even though he wasn’t sure what he and his grandfather would say. They hadn’t parted on the best of terms. They’d barely nodded at each other when Conner boarded the plane in San Francisco.
A voice came over the line, but it wasn’t his grandfather’s. It was his uncle Stephen. “Well, what do you know. My nomadic nephew’s actually up on a Sunday and it’s only, what, just past noon?”
Conner felt the muscles in his jaw tighten but fought the building tide of anger. When Conner was a child, Stephen and the others had constantly riled him until he used his fists or broke down in tears. As he grew older, he refused to give them the pleasure of knowing when anything they said or did bothered him.
“Did you need something specific, Stephen?” he asked, trying to sound as indifferent as possible.
“Dad was wondering if you got in okay. He was probably afraid you’d taken a detour to Vegas or something.”
“No plans for Vegas yet.”
“Give it a few days. I’m sure your stint in Dundee won’t last long.”
It had already lasted a day and a half longer than Conner wanted it to.
“So how are things there?” Stephen asked.
His uncle had phoned to hear that the situation was hopeless, of course, that Conner was defeated before he’d begun. And even though that was precisely the truth, as he’d just explained to his mother, Conner would be damned if he’d admit it now. “Great,” he said. “Never better.”
“If they were that good, the ranch would be turning a profit.”
“It’ll be turning a profit soon enough.”
His uncle’s surprised silence was well worth the lie.
“Yeah, well, we’ll see,” his uncle finally replied. “The last thirty years speak for them—”
“Did you have something important to say?” Conner said, cutting him off.
Stephen chuckled. “Not really. I’m just following directions. I know that’s a novel concept for you, but the rest of us have always had to toe the line. Only little Con gets away with murder.”
It was Conner’s turn to laugh. “That’s too juvenile, even for you, Stephen. When are you going to forget about me and live your own life?”
“I am living my own life. As far as I’m concerned, you don’t even exist. At least, you won’t in a few months, when you give up on the ranch and go on another party cruise or whatever.”
“I guess I could spend more of my time brown-nosing, like you.”
“Is that what you call doing my duty as my father’s son?”
“You wouldn’t know your duty if it bit you on the ass,” Conner said. “You’re too ready to line your own pockets, too eager to pick Grandfather’s bones once he’s gone. It’s pathetic, really, that you’re such a grasping bastard. No wonder I took myself out of the picture.”
“You were never in the picture, Con, because you’re the real bastard. My family’s tolerated you all these years, for Vivian’s sake, but do you think anyone’s been happy about having a rape baby in the house? Everyone told her to put you up for adoption, and she should’ve listened.”
She should have listened. Conner had always believed that. Then he wouldn’t have to face, daily, what had happened the night he was conceived, or know that he would never truly be part of the family in which he’d been raised.
Regardless, he was growing tired of his uncles’ reminders. “Feeling a little cocky now that I’m two states away, Stephen?”
“I’ve never been afraid of you,” his uncle countered, but Conner knew his words weren’t entirely true. Stephen and his brothers had plagued him his whole life with subtle barbs that kept Conner constantly aware of his status, but in recent years, they were generally careful not to go too far. At well over six feet, Conner had several inches on Stephen and Dwight, and almost half a foot on Jonathan, and though they all outweighed him—Jonathan by at least fifty pounds—they were soft.
“We’ll have a talk about this again sometime when we’re all together,” Conner promised.
“I think we should do that.”
“I’m available any time you’re ready, Uncle.”
Conner was expecting a sharp comeback, but the tone of Stephen’s voice suddenly changed.
“Sure, I understand, Con,” he said. “
I’m glad you’re there safe and sound, and that you’re willing to give the old ranch a try. You know how much it means to Dad.”
Confusion left Conner tongue-tied for a moment, but then he heard Clive’s voice in the background and understood. His grandfather had entered the room, and Stephen had snapped into character, pretending to be the long-suffering, if not loving, uncle.
“You’re such a greedy asshole,” he said, sickened by the blatant playacting. God, this was what he’d rebelled against, wasn’t it? This was why he’d forged his own path. Wild as his past had been, it had kept him, for the most part, far from the back-stabbing that went on among Clive’s immediate family. His mother was still in the fray to protect his interests, she said, but Conner didn’t care about his grandfather’s money. The posturing and conniving of his uncles turned his stomach.
“I think just as much of you. You know that, Con,” Stephen said, unmistakably smug at the double entendre. “And it’s never going to change, is it? Now, here’s Dad. He wants to talk to you.”
Conner closed his eyes as he waited, bracing for what might come. He doubted his grandfather would say much. Clive had always been rather aloof and preoccupied, too busy to be bothered with family. But for some reason, maybe because Conner had worshipped him so much as a child, even the slightest criticism from him hurt far worse than anything Dwight or the others had to say.
“Con?”
Taking a deep breath, Conner flattened his hand and placed it on the desk in front of him. He stared at the ring his mother had given him just before he left. She’d said it was special to her, but she hadn’t said why—only that she was giving it to him for luck, as a symbol of her love and support.
Some people were gluttons for punishment, weren’t they?
“Con? You still there?” his grandfather demanded.
“Yeah, I’m here,” Conner replied.
“How does the ranch look?”
“Good.” For a moment, Conner was tempted to admit that in some ways it felt great to be back. There was something of home here, something he’d never identified with California. But the days when they used to speak so freely to each other were history.
