It’s the redhead from the reception desk. She’s having lunch with Spencer.
His body shifts as he attempts to turn and follow her gaze. He’s about to turn around and see me standing here. But she reaches out and puts her hand on his. She leans in and says something to him. She laughs. He does, too. She’s stolen his attention back.
“Miss?” the hostess says to me, irritation skirting her tone. “Are you meeting someone or are you dining alone today?”
I take two steps backwards. “Uh – I’m sorry – I’ve changed my mind.” I spin on my heel and rush out of the building.
Chapter 10
“It’s so good to have something with real milk in it,” Ruthie muses as she licks her pistachio-ice-cream-smeared fingers.
Nadia chuckles bringing the sole of her foot to the seat of the park bench as she runs her tongue around her ice cream cone. “Hailey’s still got you guys on that vegan kick of hers?”
I throw my head back and allow the sun to warm up my face. “She’s slowly ‘poisoning’ us with healthy food,” I say squinting my eyes before pulling my sunglasses into my face.
Ruthie chuckles nervously. “Yup – I actually feel guilty eating this ice cream.”
“Don’t worry – we’re about to go jog it off,” I justify as I tug at the hem of my spandex jogging shorts. I don’t bother to tell my friends that I desperately need the jog, not only because I’ve noticed some extra jiggle in my thighs but also to distract myself from the fact that, a few hours earlier, I saw the man I love with another woman.
Nadia and Ruthie laugh heartily. “I’m really glad I meet all of you this summer – and at work, no less,” Nadia says broodingly.
“I know, right?” Ruthie says.
“And now, I don’t work at Cartwright anymore…” I say with a heavy sigh before running my tongue along my bottom lip to scoop up any stray drops of ice cream.
“You actually got something better –“ I can already hear the resentment in Nadia’s voice. “You totally violated Cartwright’s ‘no sex with the clients’ policy, you quit in the middle of your internship and now, you have a position that actually pays better than ours does…you’re a lucky bitch, Amber.”
I snort. “Lucky? You saw me pay the price, Nadia. Don’t forget that. My heart is completely wrecked over Spencer right now. I pretty much cry myself to sleep every night. I’ve been homeless, jobless and scared shitless over the past few weeks. It’s been a rollercoaster ride.”
Ruthie pipes in, “We’re just glad that things are looking up for you, Amber.” She shoots Nadia a dirty look.
“Yes – I’m happy for you, Amber,” Nadia concedes as she leans towards me and nudges me in the arm with her elbow.
I smile over at them before tossing my head back and allowing the sun to wash over my face again.
Chapter 11
As much as I appreciate the fact that Mr. Moretti put in a good word for me at Cooper and Associates, I need to know why – why did he help me out after the mess I made of my internship at Cartwright?
I’ve called him a dozen times since I got the new job, but he won’t return my calls. I’ve begged Ms. Harvey to transfer my calls to his office, but she refuses for fear of being scolded by her boss.
So now, here I am, camped out outside of the front doors of his office building at 7:45 in the morning, eager to catch him on his way in. I hope I haven’t missed him. Only a few early birds have shuffled into the building in the ten minutes since I’ve been here waiting.
I walk feverishly towards Mr. Moretti as I see him step out of a cab and onto the stairs leading up to the building.
“Mr. Moretti,” I call out as I hurry towards him.
He glances over in my direction. “Ms. Roberts.” His expression is like stone and he just keeps on walking towards the front door.
“Mr. Moretti – If I could just have a moment of your time,” I plead.
He keeps walking. “I don’t believe that we have any business to discuss, Ms. Roberts.”
“We do, sir,” I say struggling to match his pace.
He breezes through the front door. “What is that, Ms. Roberts?”
“I wanted to thank you for putting in a good word for me at Cooper and Associates,” I offer.
“It was all the truth, Ms. Roberts. I only told the truth,” he says without flinching.
“Well, that’s not exactly true,” I say.
He stops so abruptly that I almost run smack dab into him. “Are you saying that I lied, Ms. Roberts? Why would I lie for you?”
“You didn’t tell them that I quit because I had an intimate relationship with a client in violation of firm policy,” I say.
“Why would I admit such a thing to an outsider? Why would I open up the firm to scandal and potential liability? I said that you are interested in working on cross-border transactions, Coopers’ specialty. That’s true, isn’t it? At least that’s what you said in your job application when you applied to Cartwright.”
“I guess I’m just trying to figure out why you didn’t throw me under the bus when you had the chance to.”
He sighs deeply, making me feel incredibly naïve. “This isn’t high school, Ms. Roberts. True professionals don’t hold grudges – we make business decisions. The policy prohibiting sexual contact between our employees and our clients was a business decision to protect the firm against potential liability for that type of situation. I don’t care if you have a crush on Spencer Harrison. I don’t care if you’re going steady or if you only made it to first base. All I care about is protecting my firm against the silly decisions that people make when they allow their hormones and emotions to take control away from their logic. I tried to work out an equitable solution with you but –“
“That indemnification agreement was bullshit, Mr. Moretti, and you know it.” My tone is much harsher than intended.
“No – allowing a summer associate to put my entire life’s work in jeopardy – that’s bullshit,” he retorts sharply. “You have lackluster grades and a stay in rehab on your record.” Did he just mention my stint in rehab? The secret I’d guarded anxiously from him since day one? He said it so non-chalantly, like it was no big deal. He’s known all along. He continues his controlled tirade against me. “Despite that, you’re brilliant. You’re an intelligent young woman. But your emotions keep you off kilter. The way you handled the Spencer Harrision situation is evidence of that. Great lawyers don’t run from a problem, Ms. Roberts – They face it head on.” He resumes his trek towards the elevator.
I call out to him. “Mr. Moretti, what’s going on between Matt and Spencer?”
He takes blunt, quick steps back towards me. “Ms. Roberts, it’s not my place to discuss that with you. And I advise you not to press Mr. Harrison on the subject, either. It’s in his legal interests that you let that subject go.” His tone is serious and insistent. “Now, if you’ll excuse me – I have an 8:00 a.m. conference call with our Tokyo office.” With that he turns on his heels.
I feel my heart soften as I think about Mr. Moretti – he’s stiff and distant and painfully formal, but he’s always been respectful of me and he’s given me a chance when he had no real reason to. “Thank you, Mr. Moretti,” I hear myself shout after him. “Thanks for all you’ve done for me.”
“Best of luck, Ms. Roberts.” He doesn’t turn back. He just keeps steady on his trek toward the elevator. The doors open. He steps on and out of sight.
Chapter 12
“Spencer was here,” Hailey announces from the kitchen as soon as I push open the front door to the apartment.
“Spencer was here?” I echo. Putting my purse down on the kitchen table. I’m just getting in from an NA meeting. I really needed one of those today.
“Yup, when I got home from work, his was sitting outside the apartment door. Waiting. I convinced him to leave but he made me promise to give this to you.” She looks up from her bowl of squash gazpacho to hand me another thick envelope. “He misses you,” she s
ays softly.
I laugh bitterly. “He doesn’t miss me. He’s already dating someone else.” There’s bile on my tongue as I recall seeing him at lunch with the redhead at the bistro yesterday.
Hailey spills a deep sigh. “You really need to talk to him, Amber. Grow up. After all these weeks, you haven’t even taken the time to get his side of the story. And you say you love him.”
“You don’t understand –“ I try to argue.
“No, you don’t understand,” Hailey says dropping her spoon into her bowl and pointing her index finger at me. “You don’t understand how lucky you are to find a man who loves you. Especially in a city like New York where men just use you up and toss you out like yesterday’s newspaper.”
“Hailey –“
“I don’t want to hear it, Amber. Not tonight. Not after I’ve been stood up – yet again – by the guy that I’ve convinced myself that I’m dating.” She pushes her chair away from the table and stomps down the hall to her room.
I drop down into her chair and tear the envelope open. I pull out a letter and a fistful of $100 bills. I unfold the letter.
Still missing you. Still thinking of you. Still waiting for you.
Spencer
I sigh as I count the money. $3000. I can’t accept this.
It’s time that I go pay Spencer Harrison a visit.
Chapter 13
My sandals click-clack loudly as I make long strides across the lobby. The security guard smiles broadly when he looks up and sees me. “Ms. Roberts!”
“Hi. How are you?” I ask offering him a small smile.
“Very well. Mr. Harrison isn’t home right now but he instructed me to let you in if you ever showed up,” the security guard announces as he rounds his desk and escorts me to the elevator.
My eyebrow shoots up in surprise. “He said that?”
The security guard only nods as we enter the lift and he inserts his key into the panel.
“I could come back some other time,” I say feeling awkward about hanging out alone in Spencer’s home when I haven’t seen or spoken to him in weeks.
“No – Mr. Harrison insisted that I let you in.”
We make small talk as the elevator climbs the 18-storeys up to Spencer’s penthouse. The security guard bids me goodbye as I step over the threshold into the vestibule of the apartment.
I am overcome with emotion as I flick on the lights and round the corner into the long hallway.
I’ve missed being here.
Memories of the moments that Spencer and I have shared in this place assault me with brut force.
Something’s different, though. At first, it’s hard to put my finger on exactly what it is. Then, I realize that the boxes are gone. The piles and piles of unopened boxes that lined the walls of the hallway the last time I was here – they’re gone. Instead, large abstract paintings beautify the once-bland gray walls.
I make my way into the living room. Tribal patterned throw pillows are arranged on the dark blue sectional sofa and even more abstract art has been mounted on the walls. A few coffee table books are laid out on the glass-top table in the middle of the room. A large burgundy-colored rug covers most of the concrete floor and warms up the energy of the room. The wall-to-wall bookcase is now bursting at the seams with classic literature. My gaze drifts to the mantle above the fireplace. I walk over to it and examine the dozen or so framed pictures.
Spencer with his mother, his sister, some friends and family. There’s a small picture of Chloe, smiling brightly. I pick it up to observe it. Her resemblance to me is striking. We share the same coal-black hair, dark eyes and full lips. The only major difference is that she has a scattering of freckles across her nose and I don’t. I set it back into its place and move on to the other photos.
Sitting front and center is that picture of me. At my graduation. Spencer and Stella lurking in the background. My mother must have left it at his office. I try to control my breathing and my erratic heart rate as I hold the picture in my hands.
Just then, I hear the elevator doors slide open then closed. I hear his footsteps hurrying down the hall. “Amber? Amber, are you here?”
Chapter 14
I step out into the hallway, the photo still gripped in my hand. “I’m here.” My voice is small.
He approaches me slowly. He seems to be holding his breath, as if he’s afraid that my presence is a dream and that if he exhales, I’ll disappear.
“I’m here,” I say again, reaching out to stroke his forearm and to assure us both that this moment is real.
He grabs hold of my fingers, his aquamarine eyes beaming into me. Making me weak. “I’ve missed you.” His voice is so tender.
I want to tell him that I’ve missed him, too. But, I’m determined to keep my composure, to stay levelheaded. “The money, Spencer – you have to stop sending me money.”
“I just want to make sure that you’re okay…”
“I’m not okay,” I confess.
“Tell me what you need.”
I look away, blinking back the tears. “I don’t need your money.”
He gently tilts my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes. “What do you need?”
Tears rush down my cheeks. “I thought I knew who you were, Spencer. And then I saw this –“ I hold up the picture in my hand, “And then I realized that I know nothing about you. All along, you’ve been hiding things from me. Lying about who you are.”
“Let me explain. I’ll explain it all.”
I nod and let my fingers slip out of his. I return to the living room and take a seat on the couch. I rest the picture frame down on the coffee table. Spencer sits close to me, resting his palm on my thigh.
“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t completely honest with you, Amber.” He stares earnestly into my eyes. I sit immobile waiting for him to continue. “I didn’t tell you the whole story – about rehab and my recovery.” He pauses, searching his mind for the right words. “You know that I had a pill addiction and that I went to rehab…but I didn’t tell you about the relapses…I struggled, Amber. I was hurting so bad. I couldn’t stop using because I didn’t know how to dull the pain. So, I went back to rehab a second time, then a third time. And that’s when I saw you. I heard you give that speech. I saw how strong you were. How beautiful you were. You were like an angel. You don’t know what you did for me that day. The strength you gave me. I couldn’t get you out of my head –“
I interrupt him. “Why didn’t you just talk to me? Why couldn’t you come up to me instead of lurking in the shadows for over a year? That’s straight-up creepy, Spencer.”
“I wanted to talk to you. I really did. But I was scared that you wouldn’t want me…I was a junkie…why would you want me? You were perfect – why would you want me?”
I sigh. “I was far from perfect, Spencer. I’m still struggling everyday to stay on the straight and narrow.”
“Your beauty and your strength were intimidating to me – but I had to have you. So, I did some things. Things that I’m not proud of.”
“Things like what?”
He hesitates. “In your speech, you mentioned that you were in law school and that you wanted to work at a big New York law firm and that as soon as you went home, you’d start sending out applications and that you wouldn’t stop applying until you got the job you wanted. Stella was working at Cartwright – on the hiring committee. I asked her to keep an eye out for your application. I was persistent, hounding her, always reminding her. And when she called that day to tell me that you had applied to Cartwright, it was like…I don’t know…it was like a whole new world of possibilities opened up. I told her to make sure that you got hired. The whole interview process was just a formality. The job was yours the moment your application landed on Stella’s desk. I just had to have you. I’m not trying to scare you, Amber…it’s just…I knew that I needed you.”
This is all so much to process. I feel like I’ll start hyperventilating. “I need some fresh air,” I mutte
r pushing my way towards the balcony door. The cool air from the Hudson River rushes to greet me.
“Is it too much, Amber? Please say you can forgive me. What do I have to do?” He’s pleading as he follows me out.
I lean against the rail, sobbing into my palms. This is the man I love. The only man I’ve ever loved. And I’m confronted by the fact that I can’t trust him. I want him so badly yet I feel so betrayed by him, almost afraid of him. Our entire relationship was built on lies and omissions and half-truths.
Amber Nights - The Esquire Girls Series - Amber's Story (Books 1, 2, 3 & 4) - Box Set Page 21
