Silence fell then, for there was nothing more to say. By mutual consent they chatted about other things for a while, then Kathryn excused herself to go upstairs to shower and change—and pack for the journey home. She looked in on Joel on the way, but he was still sleeping soundly, and she hadn’t the heart to wake him, though she was sorely tempted to. Waking in his arms and making slow passionate love together would have been something to take away with her, but his need for sleep was greater, so she carefully closed the door again and continued on her way.
As she showered she did her best to remain positive, but she had no idea where they went from here. Last night had been magical, but how could it be repeated when they lived at opposite ends of the country? How could they continue an affair at a distance? She didn’t believe it could be done, and steeled herself to the possibility that last night would quite likely be all there would ever be.
Painful fingers tightened around her heart. It was not enough. It was nowhere near enough. Yet, in all honesty, even a lifetime would fall short. Only an eternity would do, and that was out of the question because of an unknown woman who had all but destroyed him. But for her they might have had a future. She could only imagine how Joel must have felt, and she despised the woman for what she had done to him. Yet it was no use crying over spilt milk, for she could not change the past. All she could do was put on a brave face. If this was the end, then she would bear it somehow.
She was dressed once more and in the process of packing when a sound at the door caused her to straighten and turn. Joel stood in the doorway, the throw draped about him like a toga. With his hair in disarray and a night’s growth of beard on his chin, he looked like an ancient Roman version of the morning after the night before. She couldn’t help but smile at him, and her heart turned over at the rather endearing effect of his bare feet poking out of the bottom fringe. Her first instinct was to fling herself into his arms and stay there for ever. She resisted it—just—and made do with storing the memory of him in her heart.
‘What are you doing?’ he wanted to know as he sauntered casually into the room, a mild frown on his forehead.
‘Baking a cake,’ she riposted, as it must be obvious from the case and pile of clothes on the bed just what she was doing. Picking up a jumper, she folded it neatly and placed it in the case.
‘Going somewhere?’ he asked next, as she continued to pack.
Though it was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, she made herself respond lightly. Coming on heavy was absolutely the wrong thing to do. ‘I have a train to catch, remember. Agnes says the roads are clear, so I’m going home as planned.’
‘Agnes is back?’ That clearly surprised him. Obviously he hadn’t run into her yet. Kathryn felt sure the woman would have something pointed to say to him when he did.
Her lips twitched. ‘Um-hm. You were unconscious at the time. She walked in on us. I just had time to cover us with your toga there. Which, by the way, is very fetching. Anyway, it could have been very embarrassing.’ It had been embarrassing enough as it was. She picked up another jumper and was about to fold it when Joel caught her wrist, forcing her attention.
‘Why didn’t you wake me?’ he asked a tad testily, and her brows rose.
‘Because you needed the sleep. Although I have to admit it hasn’t left you in a sweet mood,’ she added, looking pointedly at where he held her.
‘That’s because I expected to find you beside me when I woke up,’ he complained, and her shrug hid the fact that she had wanted to wake with him, too. It just hadn’t been meant to be.
‘As you can see, I had things to do,’ she said matter-of-factly, making him frown even harder.
‘Are you always this cool after you’ve spent the night with a man?’ he demanded somewhat frostily himself, and she laughed softly, though it was the last thing she felt like doing. Howling better fitted the bill.
‘I’m just being sensible. Besides, I thought you weren’t enamoured of the clinging type. I’m sorry if I hurt you by leaving you downstairs, but I thought I was playing by the rules,’ she replied dryly, and in a flash he had dropped her arm and stepped back, hitching up the toga, which showed a tendency to slip floorward.
‘I wasn’t hurt,’ Joel denied curtly, and Kathryn shot him an old-fashioned look.
‘It sure sounds as if you were,’ she said, unable to resist taunting him, since he was behaving unreasonably so far as she could see.
‘I was disappointed, not hurt. I wanted to make love to you again,’ he corrected, his voice dropping an octave seductively, and she felt heat rise in her cheeks at the memory of what they had shared.
‘I would have liked that, too,’ she admitted huskily.
At her answer, heat dispelled the frost in his eyes, and he closed the gap between them, taking her by the shoulders. ‘Then stay,’ he urged huskily. ‘Stay one more day and we can spend it in bed together. Last night was incredible, wasn’t it?’
She drew in a shaky breath. ‘Yes, it was,’ she agreed honestly. ‘You were right, your lovemaking is even more incredible than your arrogance.’ She reminded him of what he had said to her mere days ago, and he smiled a crookedly attractive smile.
‘If you want the truth, it surpassed even what I expected, and I want to feel that way again. Stay, Kathryn. Please.’
Lord, how she wanted to, but it wasn’t possible, and she shook her head, her throat tight with emotion. ‘I can’t. I told you that. I have commitments.’
‘To hell with your commitments!’ Joel barked, then, lowering his head swiftly, he pressed a hard kiss on her lips that sent her blood racing through her veins. It was over far too soon and she was left staring up at him.
‘If you do that again, you’ll probably change my mind, but please don’t. My work is important to me, as are my customers. I have to go home,’ she argued unevenly, and looking down, he gave a resigned sigh.
‘Damn, but you’re a stubborn woman. You’re going to make me wait, and I hate waiting.’
Her heart kicked, for she knew the wait would be longer than he thought. ‘Does that mean you want to see me again?’ she somehow managed to ask teasingly, whilst inside her stomach tied itself into a nervous knot.
‘After last night, how could you think otherwise? This is not the end, Kathryn, but the beginning.’
‘Maybe, but I don’t know when I can get back here again,’ she felt honour bound to point out, and his laugh came as quite a surprise.
‘It’s flattering to know you want to come to me, but it won’t be necessary. I’m cutting my visit short. There are one or two things I have to do, but I’ll be back in town at the end of the week. Have dinner with me Friday night.’
Her shock had to be written across her face. ‘But…I thought you lived here?’
Joel shook his head. ‘No such luck. I spend as much time as I can here, but my work keeps me in London most of the time,’ he explained, and she realised that if she had been thinking clearly she would have worked that out for herself. Drew was based in London, so his boss must be, too.
‘I see,’ she groaned, feeling a fool.
‘So, are you going to give me an answer any time soon, or do I have to wait in suspense?’ Joel teased with a soft laugh, and when she blinked at him he gave her a tiny shake. ‘Dinner. Friday night. Is it a date?’
About to give the swift yes her heart demanded, she bit it back in favour of a more flirtatious response. She couldn’t let him see how relieved she was. ‘I think Friday is free. I’ll have to check my calendar.’
Joel’s eyes glittered. ‘It had better be. In fact, you can keep all your evenings free from now on. I’m not sharing you with anyone,’ he declared, sending a thrill of excitement along her nervous system. They were the very words she wanted to hear.
Though she was more pleased by his reaction than she could ever admit, she knew she had to keep some measure of sanity, and she shook her head. ‘I’m afraid you’re just going to have to share me. I have dinner with my parents at least once a we
ek.’
‘That I will allow,’ he conceded graciously, and she laughed and pushed herself away from him with a tiny thump on his chest.
‘Generous of you. Now, go away and let me finish packing. My train leaves in a couple of hours and I daren’t miss it.’ She shooed him off, returning to her case and picking up another item with trembling fingers.
‘You’ll get there on time. I’ll take you myself,’ he promised, and she glanced at him over her shoulder.
‘You don’t have to do that,’ she protested, though inside her nerves were fluttering like mad.
‘Oh, but I do,’ Joel insisted as he headed for the door. ‘If I have to let you out of my sight for a week, I’m going to make damn sure you have something to remember me by.’
Kathryn stared after his departing back, wishing she could tell him that she would remember him always. It gladdened her heart to know that he didn’t want this to be over between them too soon, but oh, how she wished that it didn’t have to be over at all. But it was no use crying for the moon. She had to be grateful for what he could give her, and store the memories away so that they could warm her on those long empty nights that surely lay ahead.
CHAPTER SEVEN
A WEEK could seem endless when you were waiting for the weekend to arrive, but it was even longer when you were in love. An hour had never taken so long to pass, nor a day such an eternity. By the time Friday finally came round, Kathryn was a mass of fluttering nerves. Though it had only been a few days since she had seen Joel, and he had called her on the telephone every evening, she had missed him terribly. Eight o’clock seemed so far away. She didn’t know how she was going to get through the day.
As is turned out, she had more distractions than she’d anticipated. Firstly somebody called with a problem that couldn’t be handled over the phone, and she had to travel to deal with it. That took all morning, but she was home again in time for a late lunch of coffee and a slice of frozen pizza. Not exactly appetising, but Kathryn wasn’t really hungry, and was only eating because she knew she’d better put something in her empty stomach.
She was just sitting down at the pine table set in the bay window which made up the dining area of her kitchen, overlooking her tiny garden when the doorbell rang. Answering its summons, she found Drew on her doorstep, a large florist’s box in his hands, which he offered to her as he stepped inside.
‘Why are you bringing me flowers?’ she asked curiously, closing the door and following him back into the kitchen.
‘I’m not. I met the delivery boy on the doorstep and offered to give them to you. Who is sending you flowers? Or do I need to ask?’ he drawled, with a look that spoke volumes.
A faint pink wash stained her cheeks revealingly. ‘I have been known to receive flowers before,’ Kathryn countered, setting the box on the table and removing the lid.
‘Not from that location, you haven’t,’ Drew asserted dryly, having noted the address of the high-class florist.
Kathryn wasn’t listening to him; she was busy folding back the layers of tissue paper and revealing the exquisite blooms of a dozen long-stemmed red roses. The card lying on them simply said ‘Joel’, in a strong flourish, and her heart turned over in her chest. Her hand trembled as she picked up one bloom and inhaled the deliciously creamy scent. Her mind was buzzing crazily. Red roses. All the world and his wife knew what they were meant to mean, but she hastily told herself not to read too much into it. Yet they were red roses, and that had to mean he cared for her a little, didn’t it?
‘They are from Joel, I take it?’ Drew sought confirmation, watching her cross the room and reach down from a cupboard a crystal vase which she proceeded to fill with water.
‘Yes,’ she answered simply, setting the vase on the table and looking at him steadily, daring him to stand in judgement.
Drew grimaced. ‘Well, that explains why you’ve been avoiding me,’ he declared with a sigh, and she frowned at him.
‘I haven’t been avoiding you,’ she denied automatically although in retrospect that was precisely what she had been doing. With her emotions in a state of upheaval right now, the last thing she needed was to listen to Drew’s well-meaning dissertation on why getting involved with Joel was not a good thing.
Drew looked at her askance. ‘Leaving your answering machine on all the time smacks of avoidance to me. You haven’t returned one of my calls, and that just isn’t like you, Kathy.’
She started arranging the roses in the vase, and paused with a sigh. It wasn’t like her, that was true. ‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised, and her cousin came across and slipped an arm around her shoulder, giving her a quick hug.
‘Don’t worry about it. I guess I don’t need to ask how long this has been going on. Since I introduced you,’ he said, with a nod to the flowers. ‘How serious is it?’
‘That kind of depends on your perspective, doesn’t it?’
‘I’ve got a pretty good idea what Joel’s is, Kathy. Yours, I’m not so sure about.’
Kathryn toyed with a bloom, tracing the silky texture of the petals with her thumb. ‘My perspective is very simple. I’m in love with him.’
Drew swore under his breath. ‘Damn, I guessed as much. I could kill him!’ he added angrily, and Kathryn laid a soothing hand on his arm.
‘Joel had nothing to do with it. Not in the way you mean. He believes that, having told me not to fall for him, I won’t. Right now, he thinks I feel the same way he does—that this is nothing more than another affair from which we’ll both walk away unscathed at the end.’
‘Only you won’t,’ Drew pointed out succinctly, and she didn’t argue with him because she couldn’t.
‘Listen, Drew. I went into this with my eyes open, and I have no intention of calling foul because my feelings will be hurt. I’m prepared for that.’
Drew pulled her close and sighed heavily. ‘Kathy, I love you dearly, but you’re a fool. Nobody is ever prepared for that kind of pain. Unfortunately, you’re going to find that out the hard way. Just remember I’ll be here for you whenever you need me.’
She rested her head on his shoulder. ‘Don’t tell the family. I don’t want them to find out and start asking awkward questions.’
‘OK, but they’ll find out eventually. Joel is news wherever he goes, and if you’re with him, you will be too,’ he warned.
‘I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it,’ she declared, easing herself away from him. ‘Well, now that you’re here, do you want some lunch? I’m having pizza,’ she offered with a twinkle in her eye, for she knew how he loved it.
‘Pepperoni?’ he asked hopefully, and when she nodded he pulled out a chair and sat down. ‘You’ve twisted my arm. Make mine a large slice,’ he commanded, and Kathryn was laughing again as she headed for the freezer.
Though it had brightened her day, Kathryn had pushed Drew’s visit to the back of her mind by the time eight o’clock came around that evening. The only man she could think of was Joel, and his imminent arrival. She had spent ages agonising over what to wear, nothing had seemed quite right for such a momentous occasion, but in the end she’d plumped for a simple emerald two-piece, consisting of a skirt and matching top with shoestring straps made out of some silky material.
Of course, then all she had to do was wait, and those minutes until the doorbell rang seemed to stretch out interminably. When it did ring, her pulse leapt into a gallop, and she had to tell herself quite sternly to play it cool. So it was an outwardly calm Kathryn who opened the door to him, whilst on the inside she was a jumbled mass of nerves. The deep sense of joy it gave her just to see him there twisted her heart, and told her, had there been any doubt, that her feelings hadn’t changed.
Joel looked magnificent in a black dinner suit and white silk shirt. With his hands casually tucked into his trouser pockets, he appeared suave and relaxed, not to mention extremely handsome, and the words of greeting she had planned to say were completely forgotten. All she could do was grip the door like grim death as
her knees went weak, and say, ‘Hello,’ in a gruff little voice.
‘Hello, yourself,’ he returned, with one of those lazy smiles that turned her heart over. She smiled back, drinking him in, and lost track of the passage of time until he quirked an eyebrow at her and said, ‘Much as I admire your front step, I’d much rather be inside with you.’
A comment which had her stepping aside to allow him in as a soft flush invaded her cheeks. Idiot, she berated herself silently. She had to pull herself together or her secret would be out of the bag in a flash. ‘Oh! Of course. Come in,’ she invited, and he did so with a soft laugh.
‘I’m flattered you were lost for words. I don’t imagine that happens often,’ he teased, and she took her cue from that and hastened to recover lost ground.
‘Actually, I was trying to decide whether you look more sexy in that suit or the fetching number you wore the other day,’ she returned with a touch of irony, referring to the throw he had draped around himself. Closing the door, she sealed them into her compact hallway, which instantly shrank to half its size, heightening the atmosphere considerably.
‘And your decision was?’ he prompted.
Kathryn leant back against the door, folded her arms and tipped her head to one side consideringly. ‘It was close. I’d hate to have to live on the difference,’ she said wryly. ‘You’re looking extremely handsome tonight. Is that for something special?’
His teeth gleamed as he grinned at her manoeuvre. ‘Fishing for compliments, sweetheart?’
She pouted prettily. ‘You could at least have said I was special.’
Banked fires glowed in the depths of his eyes. ‘Oh, you are that, Kathryn, darling. You are most certainly that. But, since you mention it, and now I come to look at you, you’re looking pretty delectable yourself. That colour makes your hair gleam like burnished gold. It takes my breath away.’
‘Good,’ she declared with unabashed satisfaction, allowing her eyes to rove over him at their leisure in the low lighting. ‘It’s only fair. You’ve been doing that to me since I met you!’
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