by K Alexander
"So it was just that Eric liked him, huh?"
"Well," Crispin scratched her cheek with one hand to hide the slight grin which was apparently not ready to go anywhere, "it would almost certainly be fair to say that he really really… really… liked him. Really."
Shaking her head Helena lifted her shoulders. "Yeah, but I still don't understand."
Knitting her fingers together Crispin beamed at her over the small fire. "You have been in that tower for a very long time."
A pleasant breeze, a warm balmy day, Toby sauntering lazily through the sparse trees behind his favourite princess.
"Crispin?"
A knight extracting a small stick from her ear guiltily. "Yes, Helena?"
"I wonder why the Sirens' singing didn't enchant me as it did you?"
"Well," an awkward clearing of throat, "didn't …"
"I know they told Eric that they couldn't captivate him because he was tone deaf. I'm just pondering what the reason would have been for me. Seeing as I am not. Tone deaf, that is."
A substantial silence as the knight weighs up the many, many, ways to make a mess of the situation.
"Crispin?"
"Uh. Yes?"
"Are you listening to me?"
"Um. No. No. Look, I'm poking a stick into my ear!"
"Crispin! Stop doing that! I am trying to have a conversation with you! Can you behave as if you are a civilised being for once?"
"Sorry."
"Now what were we talking about?"
The knight considers her options, and then tries in a tentative tone. "Embroidery?"
"Oh." The blonde frowns. "I could have sworn… Nevertheless. So which type of design is your favourite, Crispin? I prefer birds and nature scenes."
A pleasant breeze, a balmy day, a long-suffering sigh.
Another temperate day, another agreeable breeze, birds singing cheerfully in the few branches overhead as Toby ambled languidly after his favourite knight, who was for once not in the saddle. Having taken off the heavy armour and the plates that covered her shins, she was taking great joy in the slight gust that tugged at her white shirt. On Toby's back Helena was industriously braiding his mane, causing a black ear to flick every now and then.
"Crispin?"
The knight glanced over her shoulder, smirking at a placid Toby. "Yes, Helena?"
Her hands pausing for a moment, the blonde princess leaned to the side a little to catch Crispin's eye. "What's Thespyism?"
"Thes…" the dark woman frowned before comprehension set in. "Thisbyism?" Helena nodded. "You see, Thisby the Almost Martyr was born in the same village as I was, a few years earlier. His kin were sheep dealers, as most there were, and so the young Thisby spent his formative years up in the hills surrounding the village, tending to the family sheep. It was a lonely existence for a young boy. One day he was chasing a wayward sheep on a cliff when both his and the beast's feet slipped. He ended up hanging onto a branch for dear life, and the poor sheep fell head first into a vine extending from the cliff face and ended up hanging from a bush upside down."
Helena chuckled merrily, a cheerful sound that Crispin found vastly pleasant. "Surely you're making this up, Crispin!"
"Would I?" Turning around to look at the princess Crispin walked backwards with a melodramatically serious stare and placed her hand over her heart. "Me? Never!" Smiling at the light hilarity this produced she turned around and continued. "It's true. The sheep - Edmund, I think he was called - was hanging upside down from a vine with his minder alongside him in the direst of situations. Oh, by the by, I did make up the bit about his name."
Helena snorted. "I knew that. Edmund is no name for a sheep." Toby nickered in agreement.
"In any case, it was then that the dangling Thisby had a vision."
"Ooh." The princess shifted a little forward in the saddle. "Now it is getting interesting."
"It will when you stop interrupting." Waiting for the rude noise behind her to subside Crispin continued once again. "Thisby must have been about twelve years old at that time, by all accounts. What he saw in the sheep's fleece, or at least said that he did, was a revelation calling him to martyrdom. Of course his family attempted to keep him in the family business for a length of time, but after six years they had to bow to his greater determination. The only problem was that all martyrs had standpoints that conflicted with those of the ruling parties, but Thisby was an extremely likeable fellow with very sensible morals, as sheepherders often are. He started off by proclaiming love and compassion to all, and though it was a lovely point of view he was shattered when people in the surrounding areas took to his proclamations with nary a thought for his vision. In retaliation he took to praising the virtue of materialism, but it came at a time when the trading price of sheep suddenly elevated beyond expectation, and so Thisby once again became the unwilling prophet of a new trend. This happened to him with mind-numbing regularity, and I think old Thisby lost his mind a little somewhere in the middle, because in desperation he started to advocate strange trends like naming yourself for fruit, and wearing your pants on your head."
Helena burst into laughter. "Oh, you must be making this up!"
"Definitely not." Shaking her head solemnly Crispin threw up her hands in mock exasperation. "If you want to you can ask his main - or only - prophet, Pear. But I have to warn you, he will be bare-bottomed."
The princess let loose another peal of laughter. "And so what happened to Thisby?"
"Well, he burned his name into a wooden placard and carries it with him. When people ask whether it's his name he says no. It's a small measure of rebellion but unfortunately for him he's so nice that his opinions will never be received with the reaction that he wants. At least in this way he is his own personal martyr."
"That is rather sad." Helena wiped off a tear, though one of mirth rather than grief. "And how did you and Eric pretend to convert to Thisbyism?"
The knight smirked. "I spent an entire day with my pants on my head. It was … draughty."
The image that brought to Helena's mind was too much, and with a hiccup she started to laugh again. Smiling, Crispin looped a hand into Toby's bridle and led him off the road. They were not too far from a small grove covered in sweet-smelling flowers. To one side a narrow waterfall dropped into a small clear pond. Taking a careful look around Crispin stepped up to the left stirrup and grinned up at Helena. "Let's stop here and swim. It's beautiful!"
With a furtive glance around her the blonde raised her eyebrows. "What if someone comes upon us here?"
"Nobody will."
"But if somebody does?"
"Then I'll cut them up with my sword and bury the bits all over the forest."
"Grim. I like it." The princess lifted her leg over the horse's neck, demurely taking care not to flash anything unbecoming, and slid down into Crispin's arms. Catching her solidly around the waist the knight set her down carefully before she began to unsaddle Toby.
"You might as well have a good time too, eh, boy?"
While Crispin stacked the saddlebags neatly against the thick trunk of a nearby tree, Helena ducked behind a shrub and undressed, hanging her dress over the shrub before she peered around the foliage. The knight had her back turned to the blonde, and with a slight giggle to herself Helena tore down to the pond and splashed into it. Turning around in amused surprise the knight grinned. "How's the water?"
"It's cold! Come on in!" The princess drifted on her back for a moment before she turned around and swam towards the waterfall with an unexpectedly strong stroke. "Are you coming?"
"Don't be so impatient!" Crispin slipped out of her clothing and patted Toby on the butt before she ran into the water, gritting her teeth at the sting. "It's freezing!"
Turning on her back again Helena wiped her hair away from her face and studied the dark knight with a smirk. "That's what I told you."
"No, you said it was cold. There is a difference."
"You knights are so lily-livered. Really." With a lazy strok
e Helena approached the waterfall and broke through it, disappearing from view. Struck with abrupt alarm at the awareness that, when out of sight, the princess was much more dangerous than most short attractive blonde women, Crispin powered herself through the water and past the waterfall. Beyond it, nestled neatly under an extruding rock face, lay a little cove with a semi-circular ledge just below shoulder height. Helena had her arms propped and folded on it, her face resting on her forearms as she sneaked a sly peek at the approaching knight. "Waterfall not too cold for you?"
Snorting, Crispin splashed her with water before she swam around to where she was at a right angle to the blonde, and draped her arms over the ledge. Closing her eyes for a moment she thanked whomever was responsible (she did not think it was Bibelot, patron saint of knights, considering her recent luck) for the peace and quiet. When she opened her eyes Helena was studying her inquisitively, only her large green eyes visible over her arms. The droplets on her long light lashes made for a charming picture.
"What?"
"What are you thinking? You seemed so peaceful for a moment there."
"Well," Crispin smoothed her hair away from her face before she mirrored Helena's pose, "I am peaceful for a moment here. Considering that I have no rash on my stomach, that I have skin covering my entire body, that there is nobody around who knows your version of events… Yeah, I'm a happy knight." Her crinkling eyes took any sting that there might have been out of the words. Helena's eyes crinkled too.
"You must have been very bored without me."
"Safe, solid, calm, peaceable … but maybe just a li-ttle bored." Smiling at Helena's obvious surprise Crispin shrugged. "Hey, I know when it's the ugly truth."
"Well, good for you." The princess beamed. "At least I've improved your perception of reality." Grinning a little at the raised eyebrow she blinked innocently.
They were quiet for a while, the undisturbed and beautiful surroundings lulling them into a state of tranquility. Crispin had closed her eyes and was just drifting off on a good daydream when the blonde's voice disturbed her.
"Crispin?"
"Yes?"
"What will you do when you've taken me back?"
The knight thought about it for a time. "I don't know, Helena." Lifting her shoulders in a lazy shrug she tilted her head. "I've been thinking about travelling - not just roving around the countryside searching for quests, but actual exploration of the world. Maybe I'll get on a boat and see those wild places where they eat you if they don't like you. And I'll come back and tell you all about it if they don't have me for lunch."
"If it depends on your likeability then I'd rather say goodbye right now." Very pleased with herself Helena presented the spluttering knight with a smirk.
Leaning back Crispin stretched out her long arms and rolled her shoulders. "You can be very thankful that I'm resting, princess."
"Otherwise?"
"Don't make me threaten you."
"There's nothing you can threaten me with. So there."
One dark eyebrow arched wickedly. "Helena, I could get out of the water and sit on this rock between us completely naked." Patting the rock she sniggered - and almost swallowed a bucket of water - when she saw Helena's face redden swiftly. The princess coughed a little before she cleared her throat.
"Maybe there is that one thing."
"Yeah. Maybe."
Closing her eyes again Crispin listened to the clear sound of the waterfall behind them. Helena took the silence to regroup the part of her brain that had suddenly shut down and moved to Penginbrook. Using the knight's shut eyes to her advantage she studied the sleek black head, the long black eyelashes that lay on the bronzed cheeks, and the broad shoulders that just protruded from the water.
I'm going to miss her. She made my world exciting.
In part to dislodge the unwelcome thought she glanced around. "Why is it so quiet? By all rights I should be in some odd sort of trouble by now."
Crispin's eyes shot open and her head lifted rapidly. "Oh no…" She looked around wildly. "You just had to tempt fate, didn't you?"
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
AND SUDDENLY… ABSOLUTELY nothing happened. Poison ivy did not suddenly sprout up around their feet and pull them under, no famished Gryphons appeared between the trees with a skewer and a salt cellar, and the sky did not burst open to reveal pointy-hatted zaftige Valkyries singing something fashionable whilst brandishing their pretty swords brutally. In fact, a little bird began to sing quite happily, but, realising his intrusion upon the happening of nothingness, stopped with a gargled croak (or an eagle got him, but the writer prefers the more profound first option).
Witnessing the absolute lack of commotion around them Crispin raised an eyebrow at Helena. "Have you lost your touch?"
"It's not as if trouble follows me everywhere," Helena replied archly, before she continued in a solemn tone, "occasionally it does let me go to the privy alone."
Bursting into laughter Crispin dipped into the water and wet her hair before she came up, eyes sparkling. "Why, congratulations. Someone's perception of reality has improved!"
Pouting playfully the princess pushed herself away from the rock. "That is it. I have endured enough abuse. Prepare to defend yourself."
Swimming through the waterfall with her short strong strokes Crispin turned around and was surprised to find the princess right behind her. Shrieking like a banshee the blonde hurled herself at the dark woman and managed to get two hands on her shoulders, pushing her into the water. Though the knight was taller and stronger she realised from Helena's movement that the princess was extremely proficient in the water. For a while they brawled playfully, splashing water around and each tugging at the other's legs. The game came to a sudden stop when Helena's hand brushed lightly over Crispin's breast. With a startlingly red face (the knight was sure she could hear the water sizzle around it) the princess swam away hurriedly. Waiting until her movement slowed Crispin drifted lazily in the water.
"Helena?"
"Yes." It was the tone of a morosely embarrassed child. Laughing to herself - but taking definite care to keep it to herself so as not to embarrass the other woman - the knight cleared her throat.
"See it as collecting on debt."
That confused the blonde so much that she actually turned around, her brow furrowed. "What?"
Crispin kicked around in a languid circle, her eyes on the blue sky above her. "Once upon a time, long long ago…" mentally she kicked herself for the silly introduction - who ever said that? "I told you that you were welcome to examine me, in moderation, of course, in exchange for co-operation."
"But I haven't been very co-operative."
"Well, that's very reasonable of you to admit, and I must confess that you're quite right. But you have, on very rare occasions, actually paid attention (and I use the term very loosely) to my opinion. Which was nice."
"Like when?" Helena actually folded her arms.
"Like when you… hold on, I'm thinking… like when you … it'll come to me… like when you accepted that Eric went back to the Sirens."
"I haven't accepted that. When he comes to visit me he'll get a castigation of note."
"Oh." The knight bit her lip. "I guess I'll have to warn him then. Well, there's the time when… this shouldn't be so hard… Oh wait!" Triumphantly she righted herself in the water and pointed an imperious finger. "When you drank too much ale and I told you to drink water. And - eventually - you did."
Crinkling her nose the blonde thought about it. "I don't remember that."
"Just because you don't remember doesn't make it not happen." Folding her arms Crispin beamed. "A HA!"
"It's not much."
"The 'examination' wasn't much either. You need some practice."
Helena gave this some thought as well. "Fine. As long as we never mention it again."
"Your Highness." The knight arched a sardonic eyebrow.
For a time they drifted around on their backs, the clouds above them changing slugg
ishly in the clear blue sky. After a while Crispin got out of the water and slipped back into her clothes, turning her back gallantly when Helena snuck furtively into the bushes (and quite literally into them, by the sound of the cursing) to dry herself. They sat side by side on a patch of soft green grass, Crispin with her knees pulled up and her arms wrapped around them, and Helena flat on her stomach with her hands propping up her head. Studying Crispin from the corner of her eyes the blonde frowned.
"Crispin? Do you have any siblings?"
"No." The knight shook her dark head. "Which is a good thing, because if I had a brother he might have been named Fiona."
Snorting back a giggle Helena looked at Crispin. "Are you actually saying that Crispin's a boy's name?"
"Nothing of the sort." The knight looked duly indignant. "All I'm expressing is doubt in my parents' judgement."
"Tell me about them."
"There is nothing much to tell, Helena." Pulling out a blade of grass Crispin chewed it thoughtfully. "My mother is a milliner, which is what she wanted me to become."
"A milliner." Helena turned the idea around and then discarded it as ridiculous. "Never."
"Well," the knight twisted the grass blade between her teeth, "I am still in the family business, in a way. I make hats from furry creatures almost every day."
The blonde nodded gravely. "She must be proud."
"My father is. I alarm his friends and that makes him very cheerful. He hasn't got any hobbies." Spitting out the blade Crispin picked another one. "What about you, princess? Any co-princesses or princes?"
"No." Rolling over Helena stuck her hands under her head and studied the clouds. "I was their big hope."
"What for?"
"To marry well, of course. There is no other great duty for royalty. Women, that is."
"Hhm." Shooting a glance at the princess Crispin raised an eyebrow. "And for you it will be … ?"
"Sir Gunther Totherington." The scornfully regal pitch left the knight in no doubt as to Helena's opinion of Sir Gunther. "Or, if he is already engaged, to his cousin Piggle Hortentortle."
