by Rachel Bach
As she spoke, an image of a woman appeared in my head. She was strapped upright to some kind of padded wall, tied with so many restraints she almost looked mummified. But worst of all was her head. Her entire skull was enclosed in a thick metal helmet. There were no eye holes, no ventilation breaks, nowhere at all that light could creep through.
That was it, just an image, a flash, but it was enough to drive a spike of claustrophobic, horrified dread deep into my guts. That was Maat, my brain whispered. That was what was in store for me.
I began to shake uncontrollably. The only reason I didn’t break down was because I couldn’t. I had to avoid that future at any cost, which meant I had to act fast. So I sucked in a breath and got myself together, looking Maat square in the eyes. “What do I do?”
Maat will help you, she said eagerly. I can get you away from here, but you must promise to find Maat and free her in return.
I’d already opened my mouth to say yes, but I stopped just before the word came out. Terrified or not, that was a high price. I didn’t even know where Maat, the real, physical Maat, was, but it was sure to be one of the most secret and high-security facilities in the universe. How could I possibly get into a place like that and set her free when I would be on the run myself?
Like she could read my thoughts—and for all I knew she could—Maat grabbed my face between her hands and yanked me forward. It has to be you, she snarled. Promise!
“Okay okay, I promise,” I said, wrenching my head out of her grasp. “Help me escape and I promise I’ll do everything I can to set you free.”
It was a rash thing to swear, but I was past desperate. I could hear people walking around on the Fool’s upper deck above my head. For all I knew, Caldswell’s retrieval team was already here. I didn’t even know if this crazy girl really could help me escape, but if she was going to do something, it had to be now.
But the moment I’d told her I’d help, Maat’s urgency seemed to drain out of her. The intensity in her eyes had faded to something distant, almost like she was dreaming while awake, and I felt a stab of fear, followed by a burst of anger. I’d already lost everything once today. If this crazy lady had gotten my hopes up just to space out on me when it mattered, I was going to explode.
“Maat!” I hissed, eyes flicking between her and Caldswell’s door. I could see him moving inside. We were running out of time. “Maat!”
She blinked at her name, and her eyes drifted back down to me. I gave her my most encouraging smile and lifted my bound hands, but she just tilted her head, her lips pressing together into a severe line. She will betray you, she muttered, staring through me rather than at me. But it matters not. She cannot help being what she is. It’s already done, isn’t it? I can wait a little longer. And when she succumbs at last, Maat will be free.
“I won’t betray you,” I said, leaning forward so fast I sent the phantoms hovering around Maat skittering to the other side of the room. “I swear it by the Sainted King. On my honor as a Paradoxian, I’ll do everything in my power to set you free, but if you don’t get me out of here soon, it’s gonna be a moot point.”
My voice sounded so desperate I was almost embarrassed, but Maat didn’t seem to notice. She just looked over at the phantoms I’d sent running, head lolling on her shoulders. Free, free, free, her voice sang in my mind. If the rabbit wants to be free, it must run. She looked at me again like something had just occurred to her. Are you the rabbit, Deviana Morris?
“Sure,” I said, eying Caldswell’s cracked door. I was leaning over to try for a better look when Maat grabbed my jaw and wrenched my head back to her.
“Then run!” she screamed.
The command was still ringing in my ears when the shuttered window beside me exploded.
CHAPTER 7
The blast threw me off the couch.
I hit the floor hard, ears ringing and eyes blinded from the bright light that was now flooding the room. The explosion had blown the captain’s window clean off, landing shutters and all. Outside, the sunlight was white and harsh, but the air that blew into my face was cool and woodsy smelling. I blinked hard a few times, letting my eyes adjust until I could make out a line of shadows moving at the edge of the sunlight. Trees.
Something brushed against my wrists, and I heard the steel manacles pop open. The weight on my legs was already gone, the plasma melted into a puddle at my feet, leaving me free. Across the room, I could see Caldswell crawling out from under his blown-out door. Time to go.
I shot to my feet, pushing off the wreckage of the couch as I bolted out the newly made hole in the Fool’s side into a rocky clearing. Overhead, sunlight beat down from the yellow star riding high in the powder-blue sky, while in front of me wooded mountains stretched out in all directions like a leafy green sea. I was sure they stretched out behind me as well, but I was only looking one way, directly ahead toward the line of trees I’d spotted earlier.
I ran as hard as I could, bare feet pounding against the sun-warmed stone. Rashid would be on the roof already. Once he recovered from the surprise of the blast, the shot would come from behind, in my back. Getting to the tree cover was my only hope.
“Morris!”
Caldswell’s bellow was so furious I stumbled. I caught myself at once and kept running, legs pumping faster than ever. I didn’t dare look back, but I didn’t have to. I could hear the captain chasing me, his boots slamming against the stone at double my pace. He was right behind me now, so close I could feel the wind as his hand grabbed for my shoulder and missed. And then, just when I knew he was about to try again, Maat’s voice whispered in my head.
Duck.
I obeyed before I could think. The second my head was down, a shot cracked through the air.
I grabbed my chest instinctively, but the explosion of pain never came. Instead, I heard a crash behind me. Still running forward, I risked a look back.
I almost wished I hadn’t. Caldswell was lying facedown on the stone. His jacket and chest were splattered with blood from a gaping bullet wound just above his heart. Even so, he was struggling to get up, his face furious as he screamed my name.
He deserved that and more, Maat said, her hatred ringing through my mind. I told you Maat had allies.
As though to prove her right, another shot rang out. The bullet pegged Caldswell in the leg, and I held my breath, waiting for him to go down again. But he didn’t. The stubborn bastard was still after me. Seeing him trying to move with those horrible wounds was so insane, I actually stopped to stare. As soon as my feet stopped moving, a sharp pain spiked through my head.
No stopping, rabbit, Maat chided. Your burrow’s in the woods.
The words brought an image with them this time. A wooded hollow beneath a steep stone ridge hidden by a fallen log.
Run rabbit run, Maat whispered. I’ll see you soon, yes?
I didn’t bother with an answer. I was already running again, charging across the last of the open ground and into the woods. The shade hit me like a slap in the face. The sunlight in the clearing had been cool, but it was almost cold here in the tree shadow. The scattered leaves and moss were soft under my bare feet, though, and I was able to run silently down the slope from the high ridge where the Fool had landed. I’d just reached the bottom when I spotted the sheltered place Maat had shown me.
I dove for the cover as soon as I saw it, rolling under the fallen log to lie still, ears straining, but I heard nothing but the wind in the trees. Heart pounding, I turned around to see why Maat had sent me here, praying to the king it wasn’t something crazy, like an actual rabbit den. But all my fears vanished when my eyes landed on a familiar silver box with the Verdemont crest hidden at the base of the rotting tree.
I’m not ashamed to admit the sight of my armor almost made me cry. The only reason I didn’t was because I didn’t have time. I was already throwing my armor on.
I didn’t beat my nineteen-second record, but it was close. My guns were here too, both neatly packed into their cases like I
’d put them up myself, and I said a prayer of thanks for whatever miracle had brought this about. I’d already locked Mia on my back and was just sliding Sasha into her holster when I caught a flash of movement in the woods behind me.
I spun, gun ready, but it did no good. The thing hit me before I could fire, slamming me into the soft ground. I weigh almost four hundred pounds in my armor, but the man threw me down like I was nothing. His arms were impossibly strong as he pinned me to the ground, and I looked up in fury to see Rupert on top of me.
By this point, my gun was already wedged into his ribs to shoot him off me, but as I dug the barrel in, my finger hesitated. Rupert was staring down at me, and his cold mask was gone like it had never been. Instead, his face was a haggard mix of anger, fear, guilt, and love. So much love it made me pause, and in that moment, Rupert flicked up my visor and kissed me.
It should have been awkward to kiss through the opening of my helmet, but Rupert kissed me with such desperate passion he made it work. He was still on top of me, his body pinning down my suit with impossible strength, his shoulders hunched as his hands gripped my shoulders, caging me in. It was a familiar position, and it sent a memory rushing up so fast I couldn’t do anything but let it come.
It was another odd one. A strange, unfitting memory like the one I’d had before. This time, though, I’d guessed why. The memory felt weird because it wasn’t mine. It was Rupert’s. I knew this because there was simply no other way I could have a memory of seeing myself naked and asleep on his chest.
In the memory, I was looking down at myself lying on top of him with the sheets bunched up over our hips. I was facedown with one arm thrown across his chest like I was afraid he’d run away. My cheek was pressed flat over his heart, but my sleeping face was tilted up toward his, and my lips were curved in a smile so beautiful I could actually feel the ache of it in my bones.
If circumstances had been different, I would have burst out laughing. I have never looked that good in my life, and there was certainly no way I looked that good passed out with my sweaty hair clinging to my back. But I wasn’t seeing the truth, only Rupert’s perspective of it, and in his eyes, I was beautiful. The most beautiful, beloved, wondrous thing he had ever seen.
The memory vanished as fast as it had come, leaving me reeling. For a second, I couldn’t imagine how this could be, but then I remembered the feel of Rupert’s hand in my mind putting the memories Ren had dumped into my head back in order. He must have left some of himself behind in the process, because there was no question the image I’d seen was Rupert’s memory of our time together.
I could still feel his love for me like a hook in my stomach, and I knew here, at last, was the truth. This was no crush or infatuation. Rupert loved me with the same intensity he did everything else, loved me so much that the echo stayed with me even after the memory had sunk back into my unconscious, and now that I’d felt it, the red of my rage was all I could see.
Rupert was a symbiont, stronger than my suit. Anthony’s letter had warned me they were stronger than any armor, even the King-class suits, but raw strength wasn’t everything. Unlike a symbiont, the Lady Gray’s power could shift, and that was exactly what I did. Rupert was still on top of me, his lips on mine like a plea, but I didn’t even do him the courtesy of breaking the kiss before I swung all of my suit’s power to her legs and kicked him as hard as I could.
The blow sent him flying through the felled tree that had hidden my armor. I rolled to my feet the second I was free, coming up with Sasha trained on Rupert’s head as he crashed through the rotten wood. He landed in a crouch, but his blue eyes weren’t even looking at my gun. They were focused on my face, and the sad look in them made me want to scream.
“Devi…”
“Shut up!” I shouted. “Don’t say a word.”
He closed his mouth and started forward, but I shot the moss at his feet. He froze, looking at the little crater Sasha’s bullet had made, and he then sighed. “Devi,” he said sadly. “Stop this. I don’t want to hurt you.”
I went stiff. I’m no stranger to rage, I could even admit that I had a bit of an anger problem, but sometimes things got out of hand. Sometimes, my rage burned so hot that it went full circle, leaving me cold. I’d only hit the cold rage a few times in my life, but every time it happened, I did something I came to regret. I didn’t see how there was anything I could regret now, though, so I didn’t bother fighting the cold fury as I lowered my gun.
“You loved me.”
I didn’t realize how awful my voice sounded until Rupert winced. “I still love—”
“You reordered my memories,” I snarled. “Made me sick whenever I looked at you. You rewrote my life!”
“To save you,” Rupert snapped, his hands closing into fists.
“To save me,” I repeated, my voice so cold I was surprised the words didn’t come out with little puffs of frost. “Until you shot me in the head.”
If I’d had any lingering doubts that what I’d seen in the bunker hadn’t been a dream, the look on Rupert’s face would have done them in. He didn’t argue, didn’t deny it. He just stopped, his pale skin going even paler. “What?”
I formed my free hand into a gun and tapped my finger against my forehead through my still-open visor. “Pow,” I said. “Good job. Welcome back to the fold, Eye Charkov.”
As long as I live, I will never forget the look Rupert gave me then. If I hadn’t been trapped in the cold anger, it would have made me cry. I didn’t even know there was an expression for abject guilt and horror until it was staring me in the face. “How do you know about that?” he whispered.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “It happened. But for the record, I would never grovel like that.”
Rupert closed his eyes and dropped his head. When he spoke again, his words were calm, soft, and so sad I almost lost the cold rage. “I would apologize,” he whispered. “But I know there’s no excuse. I did something in that place that cannot be forgiven, and I regret it more than anything I’ve ever done.”
“And yet you keep doing it!” I shouted. Cold rage or not, I was so mad I was shaking, and I stepped forward so hard my boot sank three inches into the leaf litter. “You stand there saying you love me, that you did all this crap to save me, but you gave me to Caldswell to hand over to the Eyes! And now you’re going to do it again! You’re here to grab me for Caldswell so he can shove me in a lab for the rest of my life!”
“I have no choice!” Rupert shouted. He was breathing heavy too, his icy calm shattering before my eyes. “You know what I am, what we do. You know what’s at stake. If it were up to me, I’d never have given you a reason to run in the first place, but it’s not. It doesn’t matter how much I love you, I’m an Eye, just like Caldswell. I have a duty I cannot betray. You saw the wreckage of that planet, you saw what the phantoms do.”
“And what would you have done against that?”
“Nothing,” Rupert admitted. “We could not have saved Unity, but we have saved thousands of other planets, Devi. Every day, all of the known universe, the Republic, the Sevalis, even Paradox is in danger. It’s only because of our work that planets aren’t lost all the time.”
“Save it,” I sneered. “Caldswell already fed me the hero bullshit.”
Rupert’s lips pulled back in a snarl. “It’s not bullshit,” he growled. “We can’t even count the lives we’ve saved.”
“How about the lives you’ve ruined?” I countered.
“It’s not like that,” Rupert said, his voice furious and frustrated. “We don’t know what’s going on with you, but something is wrong. We have to run tests to be sure, and the only place to do that is back at headquarters. This isn’t a death sentence, Devi!”
“You of all people should know by now that my life isn’t what I value most,” I snapped. “I go with you, and everything I’ve ever fought for, risked my life for, is gone. They’re going to lock me up until I’m crazy as Maat, aren’t they?”
He shot me
a confused look. “How do you know about—”
“Aren’t they?” I shouted.
Rupert sighed. “I don’t know what plans are being made for your testing,” he hedged. “But it is likely you will never leave the Eyes’ custody again.”
“Right,” I said. “But you’re still not going to let me go, are you?”
Rupert’s eyes went cold and hard as blue ice. “No.”
“Well,” I whispered, reaching up to flip my visor back into place. “I guess that’s that.”
Rupert looked away with a word that sounded like a curse. “I tried, Devi,” he said bitterly. “If there was any other way, I’d find it, but there isn’t. It doesn’t matter how much I love you, no single life can outweigh the greater good of the Eyes’ mission. But you have to know I tried to save you. I tried everything I knew.”
His words were pleading, but I was already stepping back, kicking my suit into battle mode as I planted my feet. “Save it,” I said, giving Elsie the command to start heating up. “I must have been some kind of idiot, Charkov, because for a while there, I loved you, too. That’s why I’m going to give you a chance to change before we do this.”
My voice was crisp and cold, and it must have scared Rupert. He put his hands up, his voice going gentle, like he was trying to talk down an enraged animal. “It doesn’t have to be this way.”
I shrugged. “You want to put me in a lab, I disagree. Sounds like we’re at an impasse.”
“I’m not your enemy, Devi,” Rupert said, staring me down. “I never was and I never will be.”
That claim almost made me laugh, because now that I had my memories back, I knew that Rupert had always been my worst enemy. From the very beginning he’d gotten under my skin. Even when I knew he’d lied to me, I’d still trusted him, loved him. I knew he loved me even without seeing his memory, but it didn’t matter. When the line had been drawn, Rupert had made his choice, and it wasn’t me. If that didn’t make us enemies, I didn’t know what did.
