by Rachel Bach
That realization came as a shock, though it really shouldn’t have. Love was what had made his betrayal in the woods hurt so bad, and why I hadn’t been able to finish the job even in the cold rage. The more I thought about it, the more I suspected I’d already forgiven him, which was even greater proof of how soft love had made me than my inability to shoot him now. But no amount of softness or forgiveness changed the truth of our situation, or the fact that I could never trust Rupert again.
That said, though, I wasn’t cruel enough to leave him hanging. Especially not when he looked so damn miserable about it.
“Apology accepted,” I said, flipping his disrupter and offering him the grip.
That was clearly not the answer Rupert had been expecting. “But,” he said, “I shot you.”
“I shot you first,” I reminded him, setting his pistol on the bench since he clearly wasn’t going to take it. “Actually, if we’re keeping score, I’m way ahead. I’ve got a head shot, a gut wound, and a near beheading on you. Oh, and I chopped off your claws. And I was planning on drowning you in that lake. You’re only at one head shot, and that wasn’t even real.”
Rupert stared at me in shock for another few seconds, and then he shook his head. “Only you could make this into a competition.”
His exasperation almost made me smile. I liked that I was the only one who could baffle and frustrate him like this. Nice as it was, though, I squashed the warm feeling ruthlessly. Never trusting Rupert again was just common sense, but refusing to let myself like him was a matter of self-preservation.
I’d never been in love before Rupert, but the little taste I’d gotten had been even worse than I’d imagined. The man turned me into an emotional idiot, taking fool risks like that letter to Anthony, or the time I’d nearly gotten myself killed shooting that symbiont off him when he’d been busy fighting Brenton. Back when I’d only had my own life to worry about, the gamble had seemed worth it. Now, though, there was simply too much at stake.
It was funny, but I hadn’t actually realized how committed I was to my new course until Rupert had offered me an out. Now, though, I understood. Defeat didn’t change anything. My king might have given me away, but that didn’t absolve me of my oaths to Maat or Rashid, or to myself. I would never be a Devastator or a Royal Knight, but so long as the virus lurked under my skin, I still had a duty. I still had my honor, and if I wanted to keep it, it didn’t matter if Rupert was telling the truth or not, I couldn’t let him make me foolish or weak ever again.
I took a deep breath and looked at Rupert, holding his eyes as I pulled my hand firmly out of his. “I appreciate what you tried to do for me,” I said, folding my arms over my chest. “But I’m done running. You’re supposed to take me back to Caldswell now, right?”
Rupert lowered his empty hands with a sigh. “Yes, but—”
“Take me there.”
Rupert paled, and I braced for an argument. In the end, though, he didn’t say a word, and that made me deeply suspicious.
“Aren’t you going to try to talk me out of it?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “Or is this what you really wanted all along?”
He actually had the gall to smile at me. “All I want is for you to trust me again. I don’t get that by saying something is your choice only to bicker when you don’t decide the way I like. Though, if you’re asking, I’m just happy you didn’t shoot me.”
I opened my mouth to say I’d never let him off so easy, but that was a bit too much like flirting for the new distance I was determined to maintain, so I said nothing. But though I was giving him a cold shoulder to rival Io5’s blizzards, Rupert’s little smile didn’t fade as he rose from his knees and walked to the cockpit.
“Caldswell’s docked just a bit north of here,” he said as he started the ship. “He didn’t want to risk alerting Brenton’s people by bringing the Fool to a major starport. It’s not far, though. Once I get us up, we’ll be there in five minutes.”
That was much less time than I’d expected, but maybe the crunched schedule was a blessing. From the moment I’d decided not to run, a plan had been forming in my mind, one of those dangerous, crazy gambits that I’d talk myself out of if I strewed on it too long. I couldn’t afford to chicken out now, though, so I stopped thinking about what was coming and focused on my armor.
The temporary case they’d given me at the embassy wasn’t a patch on my real one. That was a state-of-the-art armor-care system; this was a metal box with some foam in it. Still, it had held my suit well enough, and even with the pieces jumbled, I was able to get everything together again in short order.
Thanks to the refactoring job, my armor was cleaner than it had been in weeks. It was also fully charged and repaired, and putting it back on made me feel better than I had in a long time. I locked my reloaded guns in next, checking Sasha especially carefully to make sure she’d be ready the moment I touched her. When I was satisfied, I locked my anti-armor pistol into her holster and joined Rupert in the cockpit.
“I always forget how fast you can do that,” he said, glancing at my armor as I dropped into the navigator’s chair.
I shrugged off the implied compliment. “Years of practice.”
Rupert nodded and returned his gaze to the skyline. “You have a plan.”
It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t answer. Not telling Rupert was actually a large part of my plan. I needed him to be as surprised as Caldswell if I was going to have a prayer. I was about to change the subject when I spotted our destination.
The dock Caldswell had chosen for our rendezvous was a commuter starport in a large, affluent suburb of Montblanc’s capital. It was a pretty small operation, though considering the dirt lots and grassy fields the Fool usually landed on, I supposed an actual tarmac was a step up. There was only one elevated dock, so I had no problem picking out the Fool’s boxy shape. As we got closer, I spotted Caldswell standing at the platform’s edge, watching our approach like he meant to glare us out of the sky. I was glaring back when I felt something land on my arm.
I looked down just in time to see Rupert’s hand slide over mine. “Remember,” he said softly, “I’m on your side now. Whether you believe it or not, nothing changes that.”
I didn’t trust him enough to believe, but I’d already squeezed his hand back before I’d realized what I was doing. A smile flashed over his face at the pressure, and then it was gone as he removed his hand from mine for the final descent.
Just like Brenton’s, Rupert’s ship landed softly as a butterfly. Caldswell was already jogging toward us across the landing zone before Rupert cut the thrusters, so I hopped up as well, positioning myself at the exit just in time to savor the sight of the captain’s shock when the door slid up to reveal me in full armor, standing ready to greet him.
To his credit, Caldswell recovered in seconds. “Decided to be civil, Morris?”
“Decided not to run, Caldswell,” I replied.
My lack of proper address earned me a sharp look. I met it with one of my own. He wasn’t my captain anymore; like hell was I calling him sir.
When it was clear I wasn’t going to bend, Caldswell switched to Rupert. “I’ve lined things up with the gate already. We’re jumping as soon as we get in range of the scanners. Lock up here and join us when you’re done. I’ll take the merc.”
“Actually,” I said, “I’ve got something I’d like to talk to you about first.”
Caldswell shot me a dirty look. “So talk on the way,” he said. “You’ve wasted enough of our time already.”
“No,” I said, pulling Sasha out of her holster. “We’re talking now.”
And then I pressed my gun to my head.
Rupert and Caldswell both went still. I could see panic on Rupert’s face through my rear cam and fury on Caldswell’s through my main, but I didn’t move a muscle. Fear is an animal game, and so I stayed perfectly still, giving both men time to process exactly what was at stake.
“This gun is pointed at the last surviving s
train of Stoneclaw’s phantom killing plasmex virus,” I said, tapping Sasha’s barrel lightly against the side of my visor. “All the safeties on my suit are turned off. If you try anything, my anti-armor rounds will rip through my helmet, killing me instantly. So, now that you know I’m serious, I’d like to discuss my terms.”
“Devi!” Rupert’s hiss was a mix of anger and fear, but Caldswell put up his hand, cutting him off.
“What did you have in mind?”
I hadn’t actually had time to think about how best to put this, but if there was one thing Caldswell and I shared, it was an appreciation for saying things straight, so that was what I did.
“I don’t like you,” I said. “I don’t like how you use Maat, and I don’t like how you treat the daughters. I don’t like how you operate in general, paying for the safety of everyone with the suffering of a few. And you can save the ‘it was the only way’ excuse,” I added when Caldswell opened his mouth. “I’ve heard it. I understand why you do what you do, I just don’t agree.”
Caldswell’s face went red, but just when I thought he was about to explode, he took a long breath. “Fine, Morris,” he said, leaning on the ship’s door. “What would you like?”
I smiled. Straight to the chase, that was Caldswell. “Here’s my deal,” I said. “I’ll come along today without a fight. I’ll let your people poke and prod and do whatever it is they have to do to get the virus working like it should, but in return, I want you to free the daughters and Maat.”
“You know we can’t do that,” Caldswell said. “Be reasonable, Morris. We don’t know if Stoneclaw’s virus will ever be stable enough to use safely. We can’t free the only weapons we have on the slim hope of maybe getting a new one.”
“Can’t or won’t?” I said, arching an eyebrow. “I’m not asking you to free everyone right now. I’m just saying that when you know the virus works, you let them go.”
Caldswell blew out a long breath. “You do realize I’m not actually in charge of the Eyes, right?”
“Brenton said you were second in command.”
Caldswell’s eyes narrowed at Brenton’s name, but he didn’t deny it. All he said was, “Second’s a long way from first.”
I shrugged. “So? You’re a stubborn bastard. Are you saying you couldn’t make it happen?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Caldswell replied. “Even if the phantoms all vanished tomorrow, the daughters couldn’t go free. Can you imagine what would happen if someone took one to the press? We get funding from every major government. If people found out their taxes were going to this, it won’t matter how many phantoms we’ve saved them from. There’d be a lynch mob.”
Now it was my turn to get mad. “How is that the daughters’ fault?” I cried. “They’re the victims here, not you or your politicians. So you can save the excuses, unless you don’t really care about finding a new solution?” And to make sure my point was perfectly clear, I started squeezing my finger on the trigger.
“Stop,” Caldswell said, putting up his hands. I stopped, but I didn’t ease my finger back, and Caldswell shoved his hands up to tug them through his graying hair.
“You can demand all you want,” he said. “I can’t do miracles. I don’t know what Brenton told you, but the girls who go to Maat don’t come back. Even if we returned them to their parents, there’s nothing left of the girls they used to be.”
“Then how did Ren remember her father?” I demanded. “There’s something there, and you know it. All I want is for you to help me get it back.”
Caldswell gave me a murderous look, but I just smirked at him. “You can cut the party-line crap,” I said. “You play heartless, but I’ve got you, Brian Caldswell. I’ve been part of your crew, remember? Basil nearly took my face off when I spoke ill of you, and that kind of loyalty doesn’t come for free. You should have killed me five times over, but you didn’t. I don’t think you like killing anyone. Brenton told me once that you stock your ship with useful pawns you can spend on power, but he was the one who threw people away. You, on the other hand, bend over backward to keep them.”
“And you are making a lot of assumptions,” Caldswell snapped. “Don’t get your hopes up, Morris. Just because I didn’t kill you doesn’t make me a nice man. I’ve been a loyal Eye for longer than you’ve been alive, and I’ve shot a lot more girls than Charkov back there.”
I shook my head. “I never said you were nice. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve said you’re an overbearing bastard of a captain. But you’re also a fair one who was honest with me when it would have been a lot easier not to be. I think you’re actually more excited than anyone at the idea of finally finding a real solution to this phantom business. After all, you were the one who was ready to send me to the lab on the slight off chance I could be useful, and you were the one who bounded up to the ship like an overeager dog just now.”
Caldswell glared at me a second more, and then he dropped his head with a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a curse.
“You certainly do come in guns blazing,” he muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “Fine, Morris, you want the truth? I hate this bullshit more than Brenton does. But unlike John, I’m a realist. Yes, the system is awful, but it’s what we have. For seventy years, that’s been the cold, hard truth. But now here you come with your golden ticket, and even though I know it’s stupid to get my hopes up, I want to believe you’re our miracle so bad it hurts.”
He stepped closer, eyes on the gun that was still pressed against my helmet. “You want promises?” he said. “You got ’em. Come with us without trouble, and I’ll swear whatever oath you want that the moment your virus proves viable, I’ll do everything in my power to free the daughters to your satisfaction. I’ll break them out myself if need be. Just please, for pity’s sake, stop pointing that cannon at my last hope, would you?”
I didn’t move Sasha an inch. “And Maat,” I said. “I made her a promise. She goes free as well.”
Something went dark behind Caldswell’s eyes. “No,” he said softly. “Everyone else can go, but not her.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Maat too.”
“We can’t,” Caldswell said. “She’s mad, and she hates us.”
“Maybe if you didn’t treat her so badly, she wouldn’t hate you so much.”
Caldswell didn’t budge. “If we let her go free, there’s no telling how much damage she could do getting her revenge.”
“She doesn’t want revenge!” Actually, I wasn’t sure about that, but I was reasonably certain that given a choice between freedom and payback, Maat would take the out. “Look, I know she’s crazy. I’ve talked to her, it’s kind of hard to miss, but she’s not beyond reason. She just wants the pain to stop.”
“She wants to kill us all,” Caldswell snapped. “You know more about phantoms than most Eyes do by this point, Morris, but you still don’t understand just how deep this rabbit hole goes. Even if Maat was sane, we couldn’t let her go. I can’t say more than that without forcing Charkov back there to shoot me, so you’ll have to trust me when I tell you that our current problems are nothing compared to what could happen if Maat was allowed to have her way. And don’t bother wasting time on more threats. I’d let you blow your brains out and lose the virus forever before I’d even lie about promising to set Maat free.”
If I’d thought that was a bluff, I would have tried to call him on it, but Caldswell wasn’t nearly as good at faking as Rupert, and I could see plainly that he was deadly serious. Unfortunately, his determination left me in a predicament. This wasn’t just a question of right and wrong; I owed Maat for getting me out, and I paid my debts. But I’d played almost all my cards now, and Caldswell clearly wasn’t going to be swayed. If I kept pushing, I could end up with nothing, so as much as I hated to do it, I decided it was time to cut my losses.
“The daughters go free,” I said. “They get rehabilitated, go back to their families, and no more will ever be made. I also want amnesty for t
he Eyes if they want to leave, no more lifelong servitude.”
I kept my eyes on Caldswell as I said this, but I was watching Rupert through my rear cam. He was too good to let any emotion show on his face, but I saw his breath hitch, and I had to suppress my smile. I wasn’t doing this because I liked him, of course. This was just payment for all he’d risked to give me a choice earlier. Now he had an out, too, which made us even. Besides, so long as I was pointing a gun at my head to help others, I might as well grab as many concessions as I could.
“Daughters and Eyes,” Caldswell said with a sharp nod. “Anything else?”
“Yes,” I said. “I want to avoid destroying all the phantoms if possible.”
Caldswell’s stern expression collapsed into confusion. “What?”
“They’re not monsters,” I said firmly. “They don’t mean to hurt us, they just blunder into planets because it’s their nature.”
“So you’re going to give us the virus that kills phantoms on the condition we don’t kill phantoms?” Caldswell said, putting his fists on his hips. “Are you out of your damn mind?”
“I understand you’ll have to kill some of them,” I said. “I’m just saying we shouldn’t slaughter their entire species. When a wolf comes into your field and kills your sheep, you shoot it. You don’t go out and massacre all wolves.” Caldswell was still giving me the stink eye, but the poor trapped phantom’s plaintive whimpers kept echoing in my head, and I wasn’t going to budge. “I don’t know what phantoms are,” I admitted. “But they’re not evil, and they don’t deserve to die just for sharing the same space we do.”
“A Paradoxian environmentalist,” Caldswell muttered, rolling his eyes. “Now I’ve seen everything. Fine, I’ll try to make sure whatever weapon we get out of you only kills bad phantoms. Good enough?”
