She flashed back to the day her sisters were pinning a wedding gown on her and Jack had come into the store. That dress had looked so beautiful—
No! Beth shoved those ridiculous thoughts aside.
“Wow,” was all Jack said for a long while. “This is a nightmare.”
A nightmare? She spun away from the window. “How dare you say that about her? I’m sorry this is such a huge ‘inconvenience’ for you. I know you don’t have time for this.” Her sarcastic tone was laced with every ounce of anger in her body. This was her baby, her precious daughter, they were talking about. She’d never thrown anyone out of her house before, but now might be the perfect time.
She balled her hands into tight fists and stepped toward him.
“Beth,” he said in a low voice, standing up and holding his hands palms out toward her. “I meant, it’s a nightmare because of how it went down, because of what it means for her. Not for me. This isn’t about me.”
She stared at the floor between them. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. Her breathing was high and shallow in her chest. Finally, she looked him in the eye, and she saw his sincerity.
Heart still racing, she dropped into the rocking chair and rocked a frantic pace until her temper cooled. When she felt she could talk with a somewhat calm voice, she said, “Okay. Just give me a moment.” She rocked some more. “We need to figure this out, because Lindsey’s going to be so confused.” Her voice caught. Dammit. “I know you don’t want to be her father. You don’t have time for—”
He sat at the end of the couch closest to the rocking chair. “Beth.” He reached over and rested a hand on her knee.
God. She really didn’t need him touching her right now. She was already close to losing it.
“I adore Lindsey. It’s not that I don’t want to be her dad, it’s just that I don’t think—” His voice caught this time. He jumped up and paced to the window, then to the fireplace, arms crossed, feet askance. She wondered if he was even seeing all the photos of Lindsey or if his mind was a complete blur just like hers was right now. Then, so quietly, that she could barely make out his words, “I just don’t want to fuck it up like my dad did.”
And she realized right then it had never been about his lack of desire to be a father. Jack McCauley was afraid to be Lindsey’s dad—he was afraid he’d mess it up, just as his own father had.
***
The next morning, Jack was still in bed as he stared at his phone where it vibrated on the night table. Beth had just texted him and asked if Lindsey could call him.
Lindsey. His daughter.
Jack waited for the waves of panic to hit him. They never did. He’d stayed late at Beth’s, just talking about Lindsey and how they’d move forward with this. Then he’d been up half the night thinking about their daughter. His daughter. And trying to get used to the idea of actually being someone’s daddy. He could no longer just be Jack-Mack who showed up at Lindsey’s games periodically or took her out to pizza.
With a deep breath of courage, he swiped the phone on. “Hello?” Damn. He was as nervous to talk to her as he’d been the first time he’d asked a girl out on a date.
“Hello? Is this Jack-Mack? This is Lindsey Faye Darrow.”
He grinned at the usual introduction. “Hey short stuff.” His voice was hoarse. Just be casual. Be normal. “Whatcha doing?”
“Mommy says you’re going to be my new daddy. I’m so lucky. I have one daddy in Heaven watching over me and one daddy down here to play with.”
So that’s how Beth had handled it. She was such a good mom. He knew Lindsey didn’t fully comprehend what the new situation was. Hell, he didn’t fully comprehend it. But there was no turning back now. Now it was real. The thought only made him a little uneasy.
He scooted up against the headboard as Lindsey told him about school, and her baseball team, and some silly stories about Jack the cat. “Can you come over and play with me after school today?” she asked on the end of a really long run-on sentence. How she could talk that much without taking a breath, Jack had no idea.
“I wish I could, but I have a game. I have an early game Saturday. I thought we could go to the zoo afterward.” Because that’s what dads do with their kids, right? He heard the nervousness in his voice. Ridiculous. He was talking to a six-year-old.
A six-year-old who just happened to be his daughter.
“Yay! Okay! But I want Kitty Benjamin to come with us because she’s my best friend and she loves the zoo and her mom took us to Dairy Queen once.”
Jack’s head spun at the rapid-fire conversation. “Uh… if it’s alright with your mom.” Actually, that would be good to have another kid around. There would be less pressure for him to be the perfect dad if one of Lindsey’s friends was around to distract her and take the spotlight off of him.
“Yay! Okay! I gotta go to school now. I hope you play good in your game. Bye, Jack-Mack.” She giggled. “I mean, Daddy.”
Daddy. Jack swallowed hard as he hung up.
Hell had officially frozen over.
Chapter Twelve
“Lindsey, I thought you loved the zoo,” Beth said, hands on her hips. She looked sexy as hell in her simple outfit of hoody and snug jeans. But, as Jack had thought many times before, she’d look gorgeous in a burlap sack. Or nothing at all.
Lindsey stood off on her own, her arms crossed over her chest, a frown marring her usually happy features. Her best friend Kitty seemed more interested in the tigers in the exhibit than Lindsey’s tantrum.
“I don’t care about stupid lions and tigers.” Lindsey harrumphed under her breath.
She’d been pouting and unfriendly since Jack had picked them up at Beth’s after his game. He was disappointed in her reaction to seeing him for the first time since learning he was her father. It’s not like he’d expected huge fanfare or anything, but a hug and a bit of excitement would have been nice. But she’d hardly spoken a word to him.
“Lindsey. Don’t be rude,” Beth said, stepping in front of her. She crossed her arms over her chest, mimicking the little girl’s stance. “If you don’t care about the animals at the zoo, I guess we’ll just go home. But that’s not very fair to Kitty, who really wanted to spend the afternoon at the zoo. And you can take money out of your piggy bank to pay Jack back for the tickets.”
“I’m mad at Jack-Mack!”
Jack’s hands jerked in his pockets and he met Beth’s eyes. She looked just as surprised as he felt. His gut lurched uncomfortably. God. He’d been her dad for less than a week and somehow he’d already messed up.
Man up, McCauley. He squatted in front of her. “Why are you mad at me, short stuff?” She turned her face away and wouldn’t look at him. He wracked his brain for something he might have done to make her mad.
“Because you said Gramma Ren couldn’t come to the zoo with us.” She stuck her bottom lip out even further, and it quivered a bit as she glared at him, then stared over his shoulder.
He looked up at Beth, whose lips pressed into a tight line. Her face and neck flushed red. He turned back to Lindsey, resting his hands on her shoulders. “Lindsey, I never said she couldn’t come. In fact, I didn’t even know she wanted to come.” Spending the afternoon with Renata, who’d hated him before she found out who he was, would be comparable to walking naked through a swarm of angry bees. Not a pleasant experience. He’d hoped his first outing with Lindsey as her dad would be enjoyable.
Well, that was turning out to be a bust.
Lindsey shook her head so hard, the ends of her braids slapped her in the face. “I invited Gramma to come and she said you didn’t want her to.”
Jack’s breathing shallowed and his skin felt tight. Why the hell would Renata say such a thing? Her only reason could be to turn Lindsey against him. He could understand her being upset about the news of who he was, but…
Beth squatted beside him and rested her hand on his thigh, as if she knew how angry he was. His breath hitched. He met her eyes, then looke
d at her hand. Just a few more inches north and it would be right by his crotch. And all of a sudden his anger was replaced by something else.
Shit. What the hell was wrong with him? He was trying to get used to the idea of being a dad. The last thing he needed was to get romantically involved with Beth. The last thing Beth needed right now was to get romantically involved with him.
He sucked in a loud breath.
“I’m sorry,” Beth murmured, squeezing his thigh.
Lindsey huffed away, stomping her feet as she stepped in front of the tiger exhibit. Jack could see her stubborn, grumpy face in the reflection.
He rose and pulled Beth up with him.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into Renata lately,” she whispered, cocking her head toward his. “She’s worried that you and I are, um—” she moved her mouth by his ear, her warm breath tickled his hair, “—dating. And that upsets her.”
Jack turned his face, and suddenly they were just inches apart. He dropped his gaze to her mouth. “I guess I don’t blame her for that. You were married to her son.”
She stepped back, putting more space between them. “She’s probably worried about what this means for her relationship between her and Lindsey.”
“It doesn’t mean anything. She’s Lindsey’s grandma. Always will be.”
Beth shrugged one shoulder. “Still. Put yourself in her shoes. All of a sudden Lindsey has a new man in her life. And probably a whole new family, including a grandmother—your mom. Maybe she feels like she’s been replaced. Have you, um, told your parents, by the way?”
God. This had to be hard on Beth, too. She was used to being Lindsey’s sole parent, her sole provider and caretaker. She and Renata were used to being Lindsey’s only family. Now, all of a sudden, Jack was in the picture, along with the rest of his family. “I told my mom last night.”
“And?” Beth chewed her lower lip.
He wanted to chew her lower lip. Chill, McCauley. He cleared his throat. “And… she’s ecstatic to finally have a grandchild. She wanted to catch the first flight to Seattle this morning.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry. I held her off. Told her you guys need to get used to the idea of me being in her life before getting bombarded by any more McCauleys.”
She grinned, looking relieved. “And she was okay with that?”
“Yeah. For now. But I know she’s chomping at the bit to come out for a visit.”
“And your dad? What did he say?”
Jack’s jaw clenched, remembering the verbal lashing he’d gotten from his father last night. “He… wasn’t happy.”
Beth’s shoulders drooped. “He’s mad because I didn’t tell you about her.” She wrapped her arms around herself and glanced over at Lindsey and Kitty who watched the tigers. The big animals were sleeping in the sun and ignoring their visitors. “I guess I can’t blame him for that.”
Jack blinked. “No. He’s upset because—” He couldn’t tell her what Ed McCauley really said, that Lindsey would be a distraction, that Jack needed to do what he needed to do to take care of the situation, and that he could deal with “this mess” when the season was over, and for God’s sake, don’t get involved with that woman again. “He, um, just doesn’t want me to lose my focus.”
Beth didn’t say anything. He couldn’t tell if she was upset, or mad, or what was going through that beautiful head of hers.
“Jack-Mack, how come you don’t like Gramma?”
Suddenly, Lindsey was right in front of him. He’d been so focused on his conversation with Beth, he hadn’t noticed she’d moved away from the tiger enclosure. Damn. He sucked as a dad. Couldn’t even keep track of his daughter.
He bent to Lindsey’s level. “Short stuff, I don’t really even know your grandma. I’ve only met her a couple of times. But if I’d known she wanted to come, then of course I would have loved that.”
“You are such a liar,” Beth muttered out of the side of her mouth, nudging his hip with hers. He was glad to see her teasing side return.
“But Gramma said—”
“Honey, you probably misunderstood,” Beth told her, brushing her fingers down the side of Lindsey’s face.
Jack clapped his hands. “I’ve got an idea. Let’s go back and get her right now.” Beth shot him a horrified look and dug her short fingernails into his biceps. Lindsey bounced up and down in her shoes. He held up a finger. “But by the time we get back here, it’ll be dark and all the animals will have gone to bed. So… here’s a better idea. Maybe your grandma could come with us next time we go to the zoo.” If he was lucky, Renata would be too busy to go.
Lindsey perked up and uncrossed her arms. “You promise?”
God help him, but yes, he did. “I promise.”
Lindsey launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck. He picked her up, giving her a giant bear hug. He kissed the top of her head, then set her back down.
Beth stared at him, a strange expression on her face.
“What?” he asked, as Lindsey and Kitty raced ahead to the next exhibit.
“You’re good with her.”
The compliment made him feel good. He shrugged. “She makes it easy.”
“Not all the time. She was kinda bratty just now.”
“She’s a kid. Aren’t they all bratty now and then?”
“Just wait ‘til she’s a teenager.”
Jack gave an overdramatic shudder and Beth punched him in the arm. “I’ll talk to Renata when we get back,” she said.
“She has every right to be upset about me and Lindsey.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know if she’s more upset about you being in Lindsey’s life, or mine.”
“Because she thinks we’re dating.”
Beth shook her head and laughed. “Because she thinks we’re ‘cavorting’.” She made finger quotes before shoving her hands in her jeans pockets as they followed the girls down the path toward the African Savanna.
Several sexy and explicit images came to mind. “‘Cavorting’? She actually used that word?”
Beth nodded and giggled again. It sounded more nervous than amused. Hmm. Because she was thinking of cavorting with him? He couldn’t help grinning.
“That’s an interesting thought,” he said.
“What is?”
“Cavorting with you.” They’d come so close the other day, before Renata had shown up on Beth’s porch.
A cute blush swept up her neck and onto her face, and she blinked her eyes a few times. “I, uh, I—” She motioned to the gravel path ahead of them, toward the girls who were holding hands and skipping. “We need to keep up.”
They traipsed down paths lined with ferns and overhanging tree branches and other greenery. As they passed the giraffes, a squirrel raced across their path. Another followed close behind.
“I bet that’s a boy squirrel chasing a girl squirrel,” Lindsey said.
Kitty nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, and the boy squirrel wants to kiss her, but she doesn’t want him to so she’s running away.” Both girls erupted into giggles, as if that was the funniest thing they’d ever heard.
Jack and Beth laughed, too. He leaned in to her. “Speaking of kissing…” He heard the slight hitch in her breath, saw the flush spread onto her cheeks. “If I tried to kiss you, would you run away like the squirrels?” He kept his voice soft so the girls wouldn’t hear.
“If you tried to kiss me right here? In front of the girls? Yeah. I’d run away. Why are you flirting with me?”
“You didn’t seem to mind the other day. In my car.”
Her blush deepened. “Yeah, well everything is different now.”
They approached the hippo exhibit. Lindsey and Kitty ran to the railing partition and oohed and ahhed over the huge animals swimming through the man-made pond. Jack and Beth hung back.
“Actually, things aren’t different at all between you and me,” he said quietly. He shouldn’t be thinking about kissing and cavorting with Beth, when their lives had been upended like t
hey had, but he couldn’t help it. “I can’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened between us if Renata hadn’t put the kibosh on what we’d been doing.”
“Yeah, well, she did.” Beth stepped away from his side to join the girls.
He chuckled at her stubbornness, enjoying the view of her backside in those slightly snug jeans, then joined the group. She was clearly the smart one in this relationship, the one thinking without her mind in the gutter.
“Jack-Mack, can you pick me up so I can see better? I’m not as tall as Kitty Benjamin.” Everyone was a first and last name to her. He noticed she hadn’t called him “Dad” or “Daddy” but that was okay. They both needed to get used to the idea, he supposed.
Jack met Beth’s amused gaze, then scooped Lindsey into his arms. “How’s that, short stuff?”
“Much better,” she said, kissing his cheek. The sweet, innocent gesture melted him from the inside out. He was falling in love with this child. Hell, if he was being honest with himself, he’d fallen in love with her from the moment he’d first laid eyes on her at Beth’s house that day before pizza. How many moments would they have had like this if he and Beth hadn’t parted ways seven years ago? Right now, this felt an awful lot like family, and surprisingly, the thought didn’t freak him out.
“I wanna see the monkeys,” Lindsey said, before he got a chance to look too closely at what he was feeling right now. Which was probably a good thing.
The monkey exhibit was on the other side of the zoo, which took them a while to reach. Beth’s hand brushed his on accident as they walked. He was tempted to hold it. But then holding her hand would lead to him wanting to hold something more, then he’d be thinking about getting her naked, then… Hell. He was always thinking of getting her naked.
Get a grip, McCauley.
He changed his focus to Lindsey. She was in hysterics as she watched the antics of the various monkeys in the exhibit. Her delight was contagious, and pretty soon he and Beth were laughing too. It felt natural to put his arm around Beth and he was glad when she didn’t pull away.
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