The choir finished the first verse and the sopranos and altos began singing “ooooo” in two-part harmony. Lurlene smiled at Lainie and raised both her hands and her eyebrows. Lainie opened her mouth and nothing came out. If asked, at that moment, she could not have given her name. Her mind was a complete blank. Lurlene didn’t bat an eye. She just led the sopranos and altos through a chorus of “ooooo’s” and circled round again to Lainie’s solo while mouthing the words “Truly he taught us.” Lurlene nodded at Lainie again, and Lainie opened her mouth again, and this time sounds came out. Lainie knew words were coming out, and perhaps Lurlene could even hear them, but Lainie was sure no one as far away as the first row even knew she was singing. Lurlene jerked her thumb upward to indicate more volume, but no volume was to be had. Lainie simply didn’t have enough breath left in her chest to push out her song.
Finally, with a sweeping gesture, Lurlene brought in the rest of the choir, and as the music swelled with “Christ is the Lord! O praise his name forever,” Lainie drew a full breath. She realized her hands were clutched together so tightly that her fingers ached, and her legs felt as likely to hold her up as the tinsel she could see shimmering on the Christmas tree to the left of the organ. After what seemed an eternity, Lurlene brought thumbs to fingertips to end the last note and lowered her hands to seat the choir.
Lainie sat facing the congregation and feeling the heat crawl from her collar and prickle her scalp. Tears tried to fight their way past her batting eyelashes. She raised her eyes from the hands twisting in her lap and caught Elizabeth’s encouraging smile. It didn’t help. In fact, she felt even worse. Elizabeth had been so proud and had practiced with her so long, and not even the most charitable listener could say she had done anything but make a mess of it.
When the service finally came to a close, Lainie filed out with the rest of the choir, slipped out of her robe, and headed for the door as fast as she could. The other choir members either smiled weakly at her or assured her she had done just fine. All Lainie wanted, though, was to get away. And she almost made it.
“Lainie!” Juanita’s sharp voice caught up with her as she reached the door.
With no way out, Lainie turned to face the guardian of the choir’s reputation and was enveloped in a hug. When Juanita pulled back she said, “Don’t you worry about this. You only have to sing your first solo once in your life, and it’s behind you. From now on it’s smooth sailing, and you have a lovely voice.”
Lainie just looked at her and blinked. “I’m not singing again. That was my first and my last solo. I stunk.”
“Well, I’ll be honest with you. It wasn’t the way we rehearsed. But everybody falls on their face one time or another. It’s the getting back up that counts. And you always struck me as that kind of girl. I have to say I’m surprised at your attitude.”
“Well, surprise!” Lainie tried to walk around her, but Juanita blocked her path.
“Now, Lainie, you listen to me. Does the term ‘get back on the horse’ mean anything to you?”
Lainie shifted her weight from one foot to the other and cocked her head, waiting for Juanita to get out of her way.
“Well, around here, everyone knows exactly what that means, because every one of us, at one time or another, has found ourselves eating dirt when we thought we were sitting on a horse. And those of us who thought we could get some sympathy by running to mama got ourselves turned right around and sent back outside to get back on that horse. Now, you’ve got to get right back up there and sing, or you’re going to let this thing grow way past its importance. And let me tell you, wasting your God-given talent is a sin, pure and simple.”
Lainie shook her head. “I was so lousy.”
Exasperation tinged Juanita’s voice. “Oh, for pity’s sake, Lainie. This is not about you, it’s about worship. And you are not the first person to flub her first solo, or even the one who flubbed it the worst. I sang my first solo when I was twelve years old, and I was so scared I stood up there and wet my pants in front of the whole church.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I am not kidding. I just stood there in a puddle staring at my mother in the second row and worrying that I was going to get in trouble for ruining my new lace-trimmed socks and my Easter shoes. Finally, someone took me by the hand and led me off the podium.”
“So did you get in trouble?”
“No. The socks washed clean, so did the shoes, and my mother and I came over one afternoon during the next week and did a little spot cleaning on the carpet. I begged her to let me go join the Methodist church in San Ramon, but of course she wouldn’t hear of it, and the next Sunday, I was up there again and sang my solo. And, I might add, I’ve been singing ever since.”
“And none of your friends gave you a hard time for wetting your pants?”
Juanita just looked at her. “Honey, we were twelve years old. What do you think?”
“Ouch. That must have been rough.”
Juanita waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, it was for a few days. But then someone ripped the seat of their britches on the playground or threw up in the lunch line, and we all had something new to talk about.”
They walked together into the sanctuary where Elizabeth still waited for Lainie. Juanita waved a greeting and continued down the aisle to the door. Elizabeth watched her go.
“What did Juanita have to say? She wasn’t giving you a hard time, was she?”
Lainie gave Elizabeth a one-armed hug as they walked down the church steps to the parking lot. “It’s okay, really.” She looked around. “Where’s Ray?”
Steven pushed away from the truck door he had been leaning against. “I didn’t see him, and I’ve been out here since church ended.”
Elizabeth looked confused. “Did he tell you he’d be here today?”
“He was here, sitting in the back. He slipped in just after the opening prayer.”
Steven climbed behind the wheel and started the engine. “Well, he must have slipped out again. There was no sign of him when I got out here.”
“You mean I had both my boys in church with me this morning and I didn’t know it? He should have come and sat with us. Steven, swing on by his trailer. Let’s take him home for Sunday dinner. I didn’t know he was staying in town or I would have called him myself.”
The parking lot of the High Lonesome was empty and the windows were dark. “Check around back. He may have parked out by his trailer. Lainie and I’ll wait for you here in the truck.”
Steven disappeared behind the building, emerging a few seconds later to climb back in the truck. “Everything’s locked up tight. I’d guess he went to his cabin after he closed up last night like he usually does on Saturday. Are you sure who you saw was Ray?”
“Yes, it was him.” Lainie, huddled in the middle between Steven and Elizabeth and batting back tears, stared straight ahead. Clearly Ray had been so embarrassed for her that he couldn’t even stay long enough to say hi.
Elizabeth chatted on, oblivious to Lainie’s hurt silence, but Steven caught her eye in the rearview mirror and winked.
18
Fayette was standing on a chair draping silver garland over the kitchen door when Lainie walked in the door the next morning.
“Oh, good. Hand me a couple pushpins, would you?” She adjusted the swag, fastened the garland, and climbed off her chair, dusting her hands. “I like to get these decorations up right after Thanksgiving so we can enjoy them as long as possible. Don’t you just love Christmas?”
Lainie bent to pick up an empty ornament box. “I don’t know. It’s all right. Just another excuse to party, I guess. Kind of like Cinco de Mayo with presents.”
Fayette stood with hands on her hips, surveying her work. “Oh, honey, is that all Christmas has been to you? You are in for such a treat. You don’t have the faintest idea of Christmas. Although all that music you’ve been working on should have given you a clue.”
Lainie added her ornament boxes to the stack on the counter.
“Could we not talk about Christmas music? It’s not my favorite subject right now.”
Fayette flapped a dismissive hand as the flash of headlights cut through the gray dawn outside and the morning’s first customer pulled into the parking space by the door. “Oh, for pity’s sake, so you were a little nervous. Who isn’t their first time up? You’ll be fine next time. Now take care of those folks for me while I run this stuff back to the storage room, would you?”
The morning passed, as Monday mornings always did, in a flurry of activity. Everyone who had been to church the previous day, maybe two thirds of the breakfasters, had a comment to make about Lainie’s first solo.
The front door opened as Lainie walked past, and Lurlene came in. She grabbed Lainie in a hug. “I’m not staying, but I just wanted to run by and tell you how proud I am of you. I had company coming for lunch yesterday, so I couldn’t stay till you were through talking to Juanita. She wasn’t giving you a hard time, was she?”
Lainie shook her head.
“Well, good. But I want you to sing again next Sunday. Just the third verse of ‘Silent Night,’ which we’re doing as the offertory. Think you can manage that?”
“No!” Lainie didn’t hesitate, but Lurlene didn’t seem to hear her.
“Good. I’ll count on you then.” She headed out the door, holding it open for Manny and Patsy Baca as they arrived with their family. “The best thing you can do is get right back on that horse.”
Manny, with a twin on each arm, smiled his thanks. Patsy followed, holding Manuelito’s carrier in both hands.
“Well, look who’s here.” Fayette stopped on her way to the kitchen to pat the chubby cheek of the little girl closest to her. “What are you all up to?”
“See Santa.” Faith still held the remnants of a candy cane in her sticky fist.
Grace, whose thick black lashes were still wet, puckered up. “Bad man.”
“No, honey. Santa isn’t a bad man. We like Santa.” Patsy sighed and looked up at Fayette as she set the carrier down on the seat of the largest booth and dug for a tissue to wipe Grace’s nose. “A creepy guy from California stopped by the station last week and scared her. She’s been leery of strange men since. Poor Santa didn’t know what hit him.”
“The guy had a lot of tattoos and some scars, but that doesn’t make him creepy.” Manny took the saltshaker away from Faith.
Patsy looked at him like he had sprouted antlers. “He touched our kids! He got right down in Lito’s face and pretended to box with him. And he picked Grace up and asked her to be his girlfriend. That’s beyond creepy in my book.”
Manny rolled his eyes. “He said he was sorry for scaring Grace. He felt really bad.”
“And I didn’t like all those questions either.” Patsy pulled out a baby wipe and scrubbed at Faith’s sticky fingers.
“What kind of questions?” Lainie tried to keep her voice from shaking as she put the menus on the table.
“Nothing much, just small talk.” Manny set the menu aside. “I’ll have the special.”
“He wanted to know how big Last Chance was, how long we’d lived here, if everyone was pretty much a native or if new people ever came to town. Why should he care?”
“He didn’t. He made friendly conversation while he filled his tank, and then he drove on out of town. Happens all the time. You’re just not usually there.”
“I still say he was creepy.” Patsy poured the milk Fayette brought into a sippy cup and handed it to Grace.
Grace held the cup in both hands and tipped her head back to drink it as Patsy pulled her onto her lap and cuddled her.
Lainie hoped no one noticed her hand trembling as she put the order on the rack. She walked through the kitchen and out the back door. The brisk air cooled her face as she sat on the top step. She took a deep breath. On the plus side, this happened last week and the creepy guy filled his tank and drove on out of town. He could be a thousand miles away by now. On the minus side, if the creepy guy was Nick, he had found her, even if he didn’t know it yet. Maybe she could stay through Christmas, but then she was going to have to leave.
Lainie had her coat on and was ready to head home for the day when Steven came in.
“Hey! Glad I caught you before you left. I was driving by and thought this was about the time you got off. Want a ride?”
“I’d love one. It’s been a long day. You’ve got perfect timing.”
She waved at Fayette, who was answering the phone, and was headed out the door that Steven was holding open for her when Fayette called her.
“It’s Ray.” She held out the phone.
Lainie hesitated before she went back inside and took the receiver. “Yes?”
“Good! You’re still there. Can you stop by? Maybe for another cup of my world-famous cocoa to warm you up for your walk home? I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after church yesterday.”
“I noticed.” Funny. Yesterday she had been so hurt thinking Ray didn’t care enough to stay. Now it just made it easier to leave. “But I need to get on home and Steven is here to drive me.”
A long pause followed. “Are you mad?”
“Mad? Should I be?” Lainie could see Fayette and Carlos pretending they weren’t listening. Steven had gone outside and was waiting in Elizabeth’s truck.
“I don’t know. You sure sound mad.”
Lainie closed her eyes and gripped the phone. Maybe this would be a way to end it now. “You sure were in a big hurry yesterday. You didn’t even stay long enough to tell me how bad I was. What? Couldn’t you face me?” Carlos slammed out the back door, came back in just long enough to grab his jacket, and slammed out again.
“What do you mean? You were great.”
“Really? Did you even stay long enough to hear me?”
“Of course I heard you, even though the mic wasn’t working all that well. You were really good.”
“Right. Bye.” Lainie hung up and stuck her head out the back door. Carlos was sitting on the back step hunched into his jacket. “All clear. You can come in now.”
Steven reached across the cab and swung the passenger door open when Lainie walked out of the Dip ’n’ Dine. He winced when she slammed the door but didn’t offer a comment. He cleared his throat a block or so from home and broke the icy silence.
“So, looks like my brother really must have messed up this time.”
Lainie didn’t say anything. Steven tried again.
“Look, I’m not trying to get in your business, but I know him pretty well, you know. Maybe I can help.”
Lainie took a deep breath or two. Thinking about leaving had never been this hard. She shook her head. “I doubt it.”
Elizabeth stuck her head out of the kitchen when the front door opened. “Good! I’m just about ready to put dinner on the table.”
The kitchen was warm and fragrant with baking cornbread. Steam fogged the window. Elizabeth seated herself and clasped hands with Steven and Lainie. After she finished praying, Lainie held Elizabeth’s hand for an extra moment. Elizabeth smiled at her and then looked closer.
“Lainie, honey, what’s the matter? Are you okay?”
Lainie swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat. “I’m fine. Just thinking how much I’ve loved being here with you.”
“Well, gracious, Lainie, I’ve loved having you here too.” She smiled and picked up a bowl of mashed potatoes to pass. “Did Rita ever get ahold of you, Steven?”
“What now?”
“Well, you know she’s been planning this parade since she heard you were coming home. And then when you came home on Thanksgiving, that just threw her into a tizzy, because the Christmas parade is a week from Saturday.”
“Yeah, we talked about that when we met for breakfast.”
“Well, she’s got it all worked out now. She wants you to be the grand marshal of the Christmas parade. And between you and me, I think that’s a perfect solution. You’ll be riding in Manny Baca’s convertible with the homecoming queen.”
“Ever ride in a parade?” Steven grinned at Lainie. “Want to sit with me? We can tell Rita we don’t need the homecoming queen.”
“I think you’d better go with the program, Steven. Rita’s been working on this for months, and anyway, I have no intention of riding in any parade. You’re on your own in this one.”
Steven shrugged. “Suit yourself, but riding in a parade with a genuine hero could raise your social standing around here.”
Elizabeth’s frown deepened. “Steven, I’m not sure I like this attitude of yours. Nobody has to lift one finger to welcome you home, you know. Everything that’s being done is being done because people were worried about you and are thankful you made it home safely.”
“Oh, come on, Gran, you know I was just kidding. It just seems like an awful lot of fuss, that’s all. But I’ll go through with it if it means that much to everybody. Homecoming queen and everything.”
If his grandmother even noticed Steven’s knock-your-socks-off smile, she gave no indication of it. “I just wish you could show a little gratitude, that’s all.”
Steven stopped talking altogether after that, and Elizabeth said very little. Lainie was relieved when the meal was finally over and Elizabeth left the kitchen for the living room and her television shows.
Lainie picked up an armload of dishes and carried them to the counter. Steven was already tossing dishes into the sink. “Whoa. Those things break, you know.”
Steven didn’t look up. “I know. But she really”—he glanced toward the living room and lowered his voice before continuing—“ticks me off sometimes. You’d think I was, like, twelve and needed to be reminded to mind my manners. I didn’t ask for this parade. And if I was asked, I would have said ‘no thanks.’ I mean, who needs it? Who even needs this two-bit town, anyway?”
“Well, since you’ve got a business to run here, I’d say you do. And from a purely practical point of view, at least pretending this means something could build up a lot of goodwill.”
Welcome to Last Chance Page 15
