by Claire Adams
"Is he sure? That doesn’t sound right. You are as healthy as a horse. Go ahead and call your doctor now and see about an appointment. You cannot put that off. If your blood counts are off, then it usually means there is something wrong, internally, like something isn't working properly. It could be an organ or it could be anything."
I trusted Kate's observation as she was studying to be a pediatric nurse. I obediently picked up the phone and called my regular doctor, Dr. Hickman. I explained my situation with the nurse and was able to get an appointment for the following day. "That's good! I don't want to wait several days wondering what's wrong with me. I am sorry guys, raining on your parade like that. Let's talk about this wedding. I will have plenty of time to worry about that," I waved at my phone, "later."
For the rest of the afternoon we talked about Kate's wedding. One moment she wanted a simple wedding and the next, she wanted something more elaborate. Like this whole event, I was not sure that Kate knew what she really wanted. However, I was a good friend and I was going to play along until she changed her mind. I mentally noted that Riley didn't perk up or contribute, but this might be sooner than he expected. Why on earth would my friend decide to marry this guy? I was certain that it wasn't his idea at all but completely hers. He looked just as happy as he could be doing nothing, which is what he did most of the time from all accounts. I thought maybe Kate might have a case of minor celebrity-itis. Riley Patterson was a crooner and a popular one at that, at least in our area. I supposed that would be exciting to a thrill seeker like Kate.
I guess love was blind — it definitely made you stupid. I knew that from experience and it looked like Kate was going to get her own experience very soon. I wanted the best for her but I did not even know what that meant for me much less for her. Who was I to criticize her relationship? At least she had one! I was playing games with my cosmetic surgeon who I was extremely attracted to but for some reason, did not trust. Whatever it was something wasn't right. In the back of my mind, I toyed with the idea of canceling our date. My brain was screaming stop before you get hurt. My body said something entirely different. I hoped they got it together before I let myself get hurt.
Chapter Twelve
Bullet
I felt bad about lying to Lilly but in a weird way, I felt like it was the right thing to do. The girl was absolutely perfect but like so many women, when she looked in the mirror, she saw imperfection rather than a beautiful woman. The emphasis our culture put on big breasts was beyond extraordinary. For many women it was a good option but just not for Lilly. I knew ethically giving false information about her blood work was wrong on so many levels. Luckily for me, only I had seen the results. Until she goes to her doctor — dumb ass! Okay, I didn't say my plan was perfect but the longer I could stall her on the surgery the more likely it was that she would change her mind. That is what I told myself anyway.
I took a swig from my whiskey glass. I enjoyed a little afternoon delight earlier with a friendly neighbor. We rarely saw one another anymore but occasionally, when her pilot husband was gone, she would send me a text and invited me over for a drink. Of course, I am not stupid- I always made her come here. No way am I having a husband walk in on me while I defile his wife. I laughed a little — and defiled her, I did. Patricia and I were the same age but she had two kids and looked a few years older than me. I don’t judge her. Having children aged women whether they wanted to believe that or not. She had dazzling red hair, one of those almost burgundy red hair shades. I was happy to discover a few years ago that she was a natural-born redhead.
Patricia liked to screw but there was not much variety in her desires. She did not have the wild, playful streak that Lilly had — at least the drunken Lilly had. Damn! Why couldn't I get this chick off my mind? It’s not as if I hadn’t been blown before. I poured another drink and stared at the fire roaring in my fireplace. I guess my brother was right; I was getting too old for this. I had an idea. I picked up the phone and looked at the clock — it was still somewhat early. I dialed Lilly's number, anxious to hear her voice. I liked talking to her — hell, I liked being with her even when we didn't say much. Sad, considering I'd only seen her a handful of times. It rang once, twice, on the third ring she picked up
"Hey, did I catch you at a bad time?" I took another swig of my drink
"No, I was thinking of calling it an early night. What are you up to?" She sounded tired but she did not object to my phone call, which I took as a good sign.
"The usual, making the world a more beautiful place." That sounded harsher than I meant. "What did you accomplish today? How was practice? Did you have a session today?" Damn...I was genuinely interested in what she was doing. That's weird.
"Actually, today was kind of a loss. I spent half the day at the doctor's office and the other half running around town with Kate. She has decided to get married." I struggled with which topic to tackle first, Kate's marriage or the doctor appointment. Being the selfish prick I am, I knew which one I would go for first.
"Really? What did your doctor say?" I sat on the edge of the couch feeling like a dick.
"He ran a bunch of tests but he says he won't know anything for a day or two. He says the initial reads look okay but I told him about your blood work results and he was curious. He will probably call your office tomorrow and ask for a copy of those. I gave his nurse your information." Damn! Hadn't thought of that. You are truly a moron, Bullet!
I wondered what to do next. Should I tell her the truth? I hated her to worry but I had a good reason for stalling her surgery. I could tell she was into me, especially now, and the feeling was mutual. Some part of my brain told me to come clean. I wasn’t sure if it was the whiskey or some tiny bit of conscience I had left somewhere. I decided to wait it out.
"I'm sure, like you said, this is nothing. However, it sure as hell feels like something. I hate uncertainty and the not knowing drives me crazy. If you only knew my past, you would understand. I know that is not your problem — it's only my mental gremlins." She paused, I guessed waiting for me to say something. The only thing I could think of was, "It is going to be okay." I guessed that was the right thing because she picked up the narrative.
"Kate says that low or high blood counts are an indicator that something more problematic maybe is occurring. Is she right? Are you telling me the truth? Should I really be worried?" Okay Bullet, you SOB. You are making this girl's life miserable. Tell her the truth; she is going to figure it out anyway, you might as well be honest. I put my glass on the coffee table and ran my hand through my hair. Man, this is hard!
"Lilly, I have something to tell you." I wanted to continue — to spill my guts but the words got stuck.
After a moment's silence she said, "Well, don't keep me hanging. I don’t know how much more good news I can handle." She ended her comment with the dry laugh.
"I have said this before, but I have to say it again. I am not lying when I tell you that I think you are perfect. I know that I use that word frequently because that is my job really — a pursuit of physical perfection. Sometimes, women — and a few men need a little something to help them conquer life but I do not get that vibe from you. I know that you perceive some flaws in your body or with your body but to be honest with you, I can't heartily recommend that you have the surgery..."
"Bullet, I know you don't understand my motives but I..." I had to interrupt her or I would never get this out.
"Lilly, please let me finish. I have to tell you this. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen women change after their surgery. They come in feeling insecure, hoping for the best and when the bruises are gone and the improvements are made, they change. I did not want this to happen to you. I liked you just like you were. I don't know how else — I didn't know how else to persuade you to change your mind about this surgery so I made it up." I felt a weight lift off my chest. Lilly got quiet on the other end. I didn't hear her breathe or make a sound.
In a whisper she said, "What are you sayi
ng? You lied to me? You want to decide what is best for me? You don't have that right — you are a doctor for God's sake." Her voice shook with anger, and I knew this was not going well. I should have kept my mouth shut and let the chips fall where they may.
Might as well come clean now. "I'm saying that I made a mistake. There was nothing wrong with your blood work — nothing wrong at all. I was stalling for time, hoping that you would change your mind. I thought that we could talk about this tomorrow at lunch. I am sorry. Please believe me when I tell you that I thought I was helping you." I poured another drink. I would probably need a few more before the night was over.
"I don't even know what to say to you. This isn't very ethical behavior for a board-certified surgeon is it? Why would you think that you could determine what I do with my own body and why would you lead me to believe I was sick, possibly dangerously ill? What am I going to say to my doctor? I trusted you Bullet but you blew that out of the water pretty damn quick." I deserved every bit of criticism she gave me.
"You are completely and justifiably pissed off at me. I get that. I wanted you know the truth. I realize that I let this go too far, that I let things get out of hand. I'm sorry Lilly." Another moment of silence arrived. I expected her to scream at me, to yell at me but nothing. "Are you still there?"
"Goodbye, Bullet," she said in a calm but steady voice.
"Wait! Lilly please talk to me. Have lunch with me tomorrow, I know we can talk this out."
"I don't think that is such a good idea. I have trust issues and you did not help to heal them. I was attracted to you but now I know the man I was attracted to was just a fantasy. That is all I can say."
"Before you hang up, promise me that you will think about it. I will be there tomorrow at twelve at Cathedral Square. If you can make it, please come." She didn’t answer me, she just hung up. In the end I was glad I came clean but I knew that it would probably cost me whatever I had with her- at the very least it might cost me my license. I guess my future is now in her hands and I had put it there. Crap! After a few more drinks, I crawled into bed and dreamt about spending the night with a dozen Lilly's. It was a nice dream and better than the reality I had created.
By the time I made it to the office, I checked my voicemail box twice and called my assistant. Why was I stressing over this girl? The morning flew by as I spent my time with my patients. At a quarter till noon I drove to Cathedral Square. I claimed my usual spot at a small table on the patio. By noon, I suspected that Lilly was not going to appear. I decided not to think about how that made me feel.
Instead, I turned my attention to a cute blonde who sat just a few tables over. From the side she looked a little like Lilly with her golden curls and chiseled profile. The blonde and her girlfriend tossed a few tentative smiles my way and I returned their smiles with a charming nod. If Miss Brightwood chose not to appear, it might be a good idea to have a backup.
The server walked past me again, I began to feel a little self-conscious about waiting on a "friend" who might not show up. On this pass, I accepted a menu and ordered a turkey club. It was past noon so I ordered a rum and coke too. Screw it. I had surgeries tomorrow but I could handle it. I looked at my watch again and slid my sunglasses over my eyes. It was an overcast day but I wanted to wait for Lilly without being too obvious.
I wondered if she would come. I thought about how I lied to her and how I might make it up. Was I willing to pursue or should I just let it go? I took a swig of my drink and ordered another one. I was delightfully surprised to discover that the nearby table sent me a drink over. That was an unexpected change. I assessed them again. Not so much like Lilly now. She had lips that were too full and a nose that had an unusual bump in the center. Probably broken as a child. Her friend was a little prettier. A petite brunette with delicate features. I loved the cleft in her chin. That was so hard to mimic. It took skill but I could do it.
I looked at my watch again. Lilly had a few more minutes then I might decide to change tables.
Perfection #2 comes out January 2nd—Follow the amazing story of Bullet and Lilly
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Once complete the Perfection series will consist of 4 books in total.
This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places and incidents are products of the writer's imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2014 Claire Adams
