“Yes.”
“So he spoke English. The ransom demand came through via your father’s email, but the address it came from was a fake account and it was pinged through so many satellites, we couldn’t pin down the one used to send it. In the video, though, the person spoke very broken English with a thick accent.”
“This guy he . . . he spoke really clean English. He was well-spoken. I think, maybe, he sounded British.”
“Did you see him?”
“No. My eyes were swollen shut, and I was in such pain I couldn’t even move. When they put me into position to take pictures, I could barely understand what was going on. After they took the photos, they dumped me back into that hut and secured the cuff on my ankle again. They pretty much ignored me after that. Just brought me food and emptied that horrible slop bucket. Sometimes I sang to myself. All I could remember were Christmas carols; it’s a wonder they didn’t shoot me just for that.”
“Don’t,” he said in a low voice.
She raised her eyebrows. “Too soon to joke?”
He was pretty sure that fifty years from now would still be too soon for him to joke about what happened to her.
“And you never heard them speak again?”
“No. At least not in English. I could hear them outside talking sometimes. That was actually a relief. I worried they’d just leave me there to die from dehydration.”
“Did they touch you?”
“Touch me?”
“Sexually. Did they rape you?”
She stiffened in his arms, but he wouldn’t let her climb off his lap. He knew he should. He should put distance between them, but after hearing everything he couldn’t let go of her. He needed her closer than ever.
“No, they didn’t touch me sexually,” she said in such a quiet voice he had to strain to hear her.
Thank God.
He grasped her chin, tilting her head up so he could look into her eyes. She tried to move her gaze away but he tightened his hold slightly. “Look at me.”
She sighed and met his gaze, her blue eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“You’re telling me the truth?” he asked in a firm voice.
“Yes.”
“Good. Because you always have to tell me the truth, understand? Even if it hurts. I won’t ever accept lies.”
He knew by the way her eyes widened he’d spoken too harshly.
“You should have taken someone with you to therapy today.”
She blinked slowly. “Like who?”
“Your mom or dad. You shouldn’t try to go through this alone.”
“And you think having one of my parents with me would make it better?” she asked in disbelief. “My mother would tell me she’d told me not to go to Sudan. Then she’d launch into a speech about how terrified she’d been, how horrible it had been for her wondering if I was dead or alive, imagining everything that could have happen to me. Then I’d end up apologizing to her for everything.”
He knew from the way she spoke this wasn’t just a guess. What the hell was her mother thinking? She should be trying to do everything she could to help her daughter through this.
“And your dad?”
“Well, let’s see, if I could get him away from work to even ask him to come with me all I’d achieve would be to make him feel even guiltier than he does now.”
“He’s avoiding you?”
“For some reason, he thinks it’s his fault I was hurt. I guess because they wanted money from him. No matter how much I try to tell him he isn’t to blame, it doesn’t seem to sink in.”
And once again she was taking care of everyone else around her.
“I hate feeling weak, Curt.”
He ran his hand over her hair. It reached past her shoulder blades now and was filled with strands of light blonde to dark brown. The scent of strawberries hit him, making him nearly groan with need.
“You’re not weak.”
“Yes, I am. I can’t sleep without having a light on. I wake up every night with my heart racing, feeling ill, and with no memory of what I was even dreaming about. Although maybe that won’t be a problem now. I know what my nightmares are now, don’t I? Do you think that will make it easier or harder? I have someone to drive me around. A chauffeur whose gaze never stops moving, who stares at everyone with suspicion and never lets his guard down. I’m living back home with my parents. Other than my therapy sessions I don’t go anywhere, I don’t see anyone. I’m scared. All. The. Time. Do you know what that feels like? Of course, you don’t. Because you’re you. If that village had been attacked when you were there, you’d probably have had those assholes disabled in under five minutes, have rescued everyone, and then just gone on with your day. All without breaking a sweat.”
“I think you overestimate my abilities,” he said dryly.
“I want to be more like you. Will you teach me how?”
She wanted to be an emotionally challenged asshole with no soul? At least that’s what his wife had called him. Right before she’d walked out the door and died in a car crash.
“You don’t want to be more like me.”
“You want to know the only time I feel safe anymore? When I’m with you.”
Jesus, she was killing him. This right here is why he shouldn’t have played with fire and brought her home with him.
“Jenna—”
“Will you teach me how to defend myself? How to make sure no one else ever hurts me again?”
Oh, fuck.
“Jenna, I can find you—”
“No, it has to be you, don’t you understand? I can’t let anyone else close to me. Do you think I could sit on just anyone’s lap? When everything came back to me today, when I felt physically ill with all the horror and fear, do you know what the one thought was that got me through? It was knowing that you’ll always come for me. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. It’s always been you, Curt. Always you.”
She leaned up and kissed him. And when he felt her lips against his, so gentle and unsure, he almost gave in to the urges riding him. It would have been so easy to roll her beneath him, to take from her. And take and take.
He slid his hand up her side until he encountered the underside of her breast.
“Curt, yes,” she murmured, and he froze.
This was Jenna. He didn’t do this with Jenna.
He pushed her back, his movement so hard and fast she almost fell from his lap. Fuck! This is why he stuck to subs at the club. Because they knew the score. That it was just about release. It was play. Nothing more. They knew to obey him without question. To give him their submission. There were rules they both had to follow and there were safe guards in place so that if anything went wrong, those subs were protected. From him.
Here, there was no one to watch over Jenna—just him, and he couldn’t trust himself with her. He couldn’t trust himself not to let the darkness inside him come out and hurt her.
He grabbed her before she fell and stood her up before stepping hastily away.
“Curt, what is it? Don’t you feel the same way about me?”
“No, I fucking don’t.” He laughed. It wasn’t a pleasant sound. He saw her wince, her face turning white. He had to do something to make her see that he wasn’t her fucking knight in shining armor. He wasn’t good. He wasn’t her savior. He couldn’t keep her safe.
“That was a mistake,” he told her.
She shook her head, and he stalked close to her, grabbing her shoulders. “You know nothing about me, Jenna. You look at me and you see the man that saved you. You see the boy you knew years ago. The boy you had a crush on.”
“You knew about that?”
“Of course, I knew. You followed me around with those puppy dog eyes for years.”
He saw those same eyes widen with pain and he hated himself for what he was doing. But he couldn’t let her go on thinking he was the good guy.
“You see me through those rose-colored glasses you said you’d lost. Well, you
’re still as naïve as ever if you think I’m right for you. If you think there will ever be any sort of relationship between us.”
“Let go of me. I get it. You don’t want me. I’m leaving.”
He let her go and stepped back, running his hand through his hair. “I don’t mean to hurt you.”
“Good job,” she said sarcastically.
“This is just an infatuation. It’s common with victims and the people who help them. But I don’t want you seeing me as your hero.”
“No worries there,” she said stiffly.
“You’ll start to feel safe again, give it time. Then you can find a man who’ll be good for you. But that guy won’t ever be me. Believe me, you couldn’t handle the needs I have. You are way too innocent and naïve to ever be someone I’d get involved with. The women I fuck know the score. And that’s all I do, fuck them. Nothing more. You’re the commitment type. You’re also completely vanilla. When I look at you I see my cousin. Not a fuck buddy.”
She snorted. “You know, all you had to say was no. I understand the word no. I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you for so long. I’ll leave now.” She turned towards the door, her shoulders stiff.
He felt like the absolute scum of the earth.
“Jenna.” What could he say? How could he make her understand?
She didn’t turn but she did pause.
“Keep Hans close, he’ll protect you. And if you ever need to talk—"
“Don’t come to you. I got it. Goodbye.”
As the door slammed, he grabbed the bottle of beer he’d been sipping from and threw it against the wall.
Well, that went fucking well. Shit.
Chapter Three
“Curt? Curt!”
Curt turned towards Hunter who frowned at him from the head of the table in the large meeting room at Black-Gray Investigations.
“Yeah?” he snarled.
Hunter’s gaze narrowed, and Curt knew he was pushing the other man’s patience. The thing was, he didn’t really give a fuck. He found it hard to care about anything right now. Five months had passed since he’d seen her. Five months since that night in his apartment when she’d kissed him—and he’d driven her away.
He’d done such a good job he hadn’t seen her since. For weeks afterwards he’d waited to bump into her in the corridor. He’d gone over how he would handle things. What he would say. He’d rehearsed every line in his head. Ways to smooth things over. How he’d make up for the harsh way he’d treated her. At the time, he’d thought it was for the best he didn’t see her. Now, five months later, he was still haunted by the wounded look on her face—hurt he’d caused.
“Are we interrupting your midmorning nap or something?” Hunter snapped. “Does someone want to go find Curt a blanket and a pillow? Maybe something to cuddle since I’m about to make him fucking cry.”
“Oh, yeah?”
Curt stood quickly, and his chair shot backwards on its wheels, slamming against the wall. Beside him, Cady jumped, and the anger in Hunter’s face grew.
“Cady, out of here. Now.”
Hunter’s voice had lowered in a rage that was impressive and rarely heard. Oh, he was filled with plenty of bluster, but most of it was all show. Not that he suffered fools. He only really showed his softer side when it came to his wife. But he was furious, and Curt knew it was his fault. His focus was shot to hell.
Curt placed his hand on Cady’s shoulder. “Sorry, honey. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t.” She scowled up at Hunter. “But I do wish the two of you wouldn’t yell in front of the baby. She’s going to come out thinking her daddy is always angry.”
“He won’t think any such thing,” but Hunter lowered his voice as he stared down at his wife and her impressive baby bump.
“The doctor said it’s a girl, Hunter. You’ve got to get used to that fact.”
“The doctor is wrong. They get things wrong all the time.”
“I don’t think they could miss something dangling between the baby’s legs.”
Curt knew Cady was trying to diffuse the heated situation with a familiar argument between her and Hunter. Hunter seemed to think denying that he was having a daughter would make it true. Curt knew a man running scared when he saw one. Bad enough to have a fragile, helpless child dependent on him for everything, but for it to be a girl added a whole other level of pressure. Pressure Curt had once welcomed, but had been taken from him in the space of minutes. He pushed that memory away.
“I think we should all just sit and take a breath for a moment, all right?” Gray said calmly. He looked at Curt then Hunter.
“I’ll grab your chair,” Cady offered.
“You’ll stay where you are,” Hunter barked. “Let him get his own damn chair.”
Curt winked at her, grabbed his chair, and sat with a sigh. Fuck, what was he doing with his life? Did he want to lose the only reason he had for getting up in the morning? The only thing that stopped him from drinking too much? Because all he had left was this job and the way he was going, soon he wouldn’t have that. Then what the hell would he have to live for?
“As Hunter was saying, Travis has asked for a meeting,” Gray said in a low, calm voice. “He’ll be here in ten minutes.”
“What’s it about?” Lacey asked with a frown. Travis was her cousin, but she seemed as clueless as the rest of them.
“I don’t know,” Gray said dryly. “He’s being mysterious, as usual.”
“Asshole,” Hunter muttered. It was common knowledge there was no love lost between the two of them although they seemed to be playing nice ever since Lacey got involved with Gray.
“He said he has some information about an old case we might be interested in,” Gray said. “I don’t know what he’s talking about, but it must be important for him to fly down here.”
“We haven’t worked on that many cases with Raptor,” Josh mused. “There was that one with Lacey and another one earlier this year and the one involving Jenna Jasons.”
Curt stiffened at the mention of Jenna’s name. No, Travis wasn’t coming here because of Jenna. That case was over. There was nothing left to talk about.
Unless Travis had a lead on who’d taken her.
“If it’s about Jenna’s case, I want in.”
“Oh, so you are still awake,” Hunter said sarcastically. “I was about to call a medic to check your pulse.”
Curt managed not to snap back. Barely. He knew Hunter was having a hard time with Cady getting closer to her due date. Plus, he was just an asshole. He did have a point about Curt not really having his head together, though. That had to change. They talked about a few of their other jobs, nothing Curt was that interested in.
When the door to the meeting room finally opened, and Ella ushered in Travis and Jace Andrews, Curt was on edge. Is this about Jenna’s case? But why would it be? As far as he knew that was closed. She was taken by extremists for money. End of story.
But that ache in his gut just wouldn’t go away. The one that said this wasn’t over.
Travis gave Ella, the new receptionist, a gentle smile. The girl blushed slightly. Curt had never seen her even smile. She was timid, jumped at shadows, and couldn’t look any of them in the eye. Sometimes he wondered what had possessed Gray to hire her. Gray collected strays, as Hunter liked to say. Thank God, because otherwise half of them probably wouldn’t be here. They all had their own personal shit. Gray had brought them together and made them a family of sorts. And he’d been failing his family. Too stuck in his own head to be much use to anyone.
Yeah, shit has to change.
“So, what’s this about, Andrews?” Hunter barked. “Better be good, we’ve all got other stuff to do.”
“What, you missing an appointment with your manicurist?” Travis asked.
Hunter growled.
“Oh, crap, and so it begins,” Cady muttered. Then she pushed her chair back and stood. “Hey, Travis, Jace. It’s good to see you again.” She sent a lo
ok at Hunter.
He glared at her. “I’m not going to launch myself at them. Sit back down; the doctor wants you to rest.”
Jace frowned. “Then what’s she doing here? Why isn’t she at home relaxing?”
“She is here because she wishes to be,” Cady told him firmly.
Curt barely bit back a grin. Cady might submit to Hunter when they were playing, but that didn’t mean she let him get away with ordering her around the rest of the time. Although he certainly tried. They’d butted heads many times about his tendency to be overly protective. However, on this, Curt agreed with Hunter. They all did. Cady should be at home. They all made a concerted effort to ensure she took it easy while she was here and didn’t stress, but he still thought she was better off at home with her feet up.
“She keeps threatening to take the bus if I don’t bring her with me.”
Travis raised her eyebrows. “And you let her get away with that?”
“Travis, Jace, welcome,” Gray said smoothly, walking over to shake their hands.
Lacey got up to greet her cousins, and they hugged her tightly. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“It was kind of last minute,” Travis said. “We only got the info this morning and then we jumped on the first flight.”
Had to be important then.
“Do you have to go back today?” Lacey asked.
“Nope,” Travis said as he pulled out a laptop and sat down, plugging it into the projector on the table as though he’d worked here for years instead of having just walked in the door. “We’re staying with you. Possibly for a couple of nights.”
Jace gave Gray a look as he tugged Lacey in against him. “So, make sure you keep your hands to yourself while we’re here. Last thing we need is to watch you mauling our cousin.”
“I’ll try to keep the mauling to a minimum,” Gray said dryly as Lacey rolled her eyes and returned to her seat.
There was a knock on the door, and then Ella walked in with coffee. She handed out cups then went around and filled them. Hunter stood and grabbed Cady’s cup before Ella could pour her any. He moved over to the small fridge in the room and returned with a bottle of water.
To Save Sir (Doms of Decadence Book 7) Page 6
