by Rachel Bach
“So what happens to me now?” I asked. “Am I going to prison or what?”
“Honestly, I have no idea,” Caldswell confessed. “We haven’t actually drawn up a list of all the laws you broke during your time on the lam or your escape from and subsequent near destruction of one of the most expensive military installations in the Republic, but when we do, it’ll be as long as my arm. That said, you also saved us from the phantoms, ended the abusive daughter system, and gave us a shield against a lelgis retaliation.”
I frowned. “Shield?”
“I don’t actually understand that part myself,” Caldswell said. “But it seems they don’t like the door you opened up, and if I understood Dr. Starchild’s rather oblique report correctly, they have fled to the farthest reaches of the universe to avoid it.”
Served them right, I thought bitterly. The lelgis were cowards; of course they’d run. I just hoped they stayed away.
“Needless to say,” Caldswell went on, “these mitigating factors confuse the issue of your future. Technically, since you were signed over to the Eyes, I get to decide, at least until they appoint someone to replace Martin, but I’ve excused myself on the grounds of personal bias and referred your case up the chain of command.”
I shot him a level glare. “Bias for or against?”
Caldswell just smiled. “A little of both. But since no one expected you to come back so soon, or at all, we don’t have a decision for you yet. I’ll get on the horn about that, but in the meantime, why don’t you get some rest and let Hyrek look at your leg? Because you look like hell.”
He had a lot of nerve saying as much to me considering most of that hell was his fault, but I didn’t disagree. “I’ll see him in here,” I said. “And if you try to move me, I’ll just come right back, so you might as well agree.”
“I was planning to,” Caldswell said, standing up. He turned to leave, then paused, running his hands through his hair. “I’m really glad you’re back, Morris,” he said at last, turning back to look at me. “And I’m really glad you didn’t let me stop you.”
“Me too,” I said, smiling at him through the glowing haze of the little drifting phantoms. “Me too.”
CHAPTER 14
As usual, Hyrek had me patched up and good to go in less than thirty minutes. The lecture part of the treatment took substantially longer, but seeing as how it had been Mabel who put the shard in my leg, I didn’t see how he had any cause to gripe. Unfortunately, since I refused to leave Rupert’s room, I couldn’t exactly get away, but putting up with Hyrek’s typing was a small price to pay for not having to leave the place where Rupert was.
I spent the next two days filling out forms and watching Rupert sleep. I was a little nervous about that last one given his symbiont’s dislike of me, but once Hyrek showed me the titanium restraints under his medical gown, I was able to relax and enjoy a life where my lover wasn’t dead and I wasn’t constantly getting shot at or chased by monsters.
My only true sadness was the loss of my suit. The emperor phantoms had ended up ripping the dock to pieces after we jumped, so even though the majority of the station had been salvaged, my armor and weapons were lost to the void of space. I held a funeral for my Lady and my guns the night Caldswell broke the news, and I’m not ashamed to say I cried again. It was only fitting. She’d been the first suit I’d bought for myself, earned in blood and tested by fire. She was my most cherished possession, more like a friend than an object, and even if I got a new Verdemont suit every year for the rest of my life, I knew none of them would ever hold a candle to my beautiful, beloved Lady Gray.
The combination of the loss of my equipment, the lack of concrete information about my future, and the fact that I was stuck on a Terran battleship with nothing to do should have been enough to sink me into a real depression. The only reason it didn’t was that Rupert was improving enormously, his body healing so fast that I had to wonder what the hell he’d looked like in the six days before I’d gotten back. He still hadn’t woken up, but Hyrek seemed pleased by his progress, and since Hyrek was hard to please, I took that as a very good sign.
I’d made a sort of nest in the chair by his bed, leaving it only when the guards or Hyrek made me. I was sitting there procrastinating filling out yet another incident report when the door guard informed me I had visitors. That struck me as odd since this was Rupert’s room, not mine, but it all made sense when Nova burst through the door, swallowing me in a hug before I could even say hello.
“Oh, Deviana,” she gasped, squeezing me so tight I could barely breathe. “I’m so so so happy we’re able to share space again!”
“Me too,” I choked out, hugging her back. “Guess you didn’t need that jailbreak after all, huh?”
Nova shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. “Captain Caldswell and Mabel came to rescue us after the hull breach sealed. The captain broke open my door himself.” She smiled at me. “I knew he’d never allow harm to befall us, though I did think you’d beat him to it.”
I bit my lip guiltily. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about Nova or Basil during our frantic escape, and even though I knew there were mitigating circumstances, that didn’t stop me from feeling like the worst friend ever. Thankfully, Nova didn’t seem mad I hadn’t come back, not that I could actually imagine Nova angry. “I’m really happy you’re okay,” I said, hugging her hard. “Basil, too,” I added belatedly. “Where is the birdie?”
“On vacation,” Nova said. “He says he’ll retire if Caldswell doesn’t get another ship. He’ll only fly for the captain.”
“Because Caldswell’s the only one who’ll put up with him,” I grumbled, glancing over her shoulder at the other person, who was still hovering in the hall. “Who’s your friend?”
Nova’s face lit up. “This is Marielle,” she said, reaching back to pull the girl in. “She says she already knows you.”
I’d never met anyone named Marielle, but as soon as she came through the door, I understood. The girl holding Nova’s hand looked just like Maat. Her hair was shorter and stylishly cut and she wore the same loud colors as Nova did, but clearly this was, or had been, a daughter. But the little, shy smile she gave me had never crossed one of Maat’s brainwashed faces. I took her hand gingerly when she held it out, bracing for something—a pull, a touch, her voice in my mind—but all I got was another shy smile as she dropped my hand and moved a little closer to Nova.
“Marielle is coming to help Father at the Church,” Nova told me, her pale eyes sparkling. “Can you imagine what their meditations will be like?”
“Awesome, I’m sure,” I agreed, and I was actually pretty certain they would be. “Do you want to see Rupert? He’s doing a lot better.”
Of course Nova did, and while she took my seat at Rupert’s bedside, I walked to the corner of the room where Marielle was waiting, looking at me expectantly.
“Hello, Deviana,” she said.
I nodded in return, lowering my voice to a whisper. “Are you really Marielle? Like, can you actually remember who you were before?”
The girl shrugged. “We were all mixed in Maat’s mind. None of us is really sure who is who, so we divided the pasts up between ourselves. I liked Marielle’s, so I became her. Sometimes, though, I switch with the others.”
I couldn’t stop my horrified look. “You mean, switch minds?”
“Bodies really,” she said, nodding like it was nothing. “They’re all the same, and we still share most of our minds anyway, so it’s not a big thing to switch consciousnesses.”
That sounded absolutely awful to me. I felt like I should say something, apologize, even though her situation wasn’t my fault. But Marielle didn’t look angry. She looked nervous, actually, looking down at her hands as she fiddled with her fingers. “The others wanted me to thank you,” she said. “We, um, have all your memories.”
I blinked. “My memories?”
Marielle nodded. “Up to the moment you took Maat into hyperspace. Maat searched your m
ind constantly, trying to determine if you were lying to her, but you weren’t.” She looked up at me, her dark eyes clear and free of Maat’s madness, making her look like a totally different person in truth. “We know how hard you fought for us, and we are very grateful,” she said earnestly. “Even Maat didn’t care what happened to us, but you did, and we will never forget that.”
Now it was my turn to look down at my hands. For being such a glory hog, I was surprisingly bad at knowing what to do when people thanked me. Cheering crowds I could handle no problem. Sincere personal gratitude? Clammed right up.
“You’re welcome,” I said at last. “I’m, um, sorry it took so long.”
“There’s another thing as well.”
I glanced up in alarm. “What other thing?”
Marielle smiled and reached out, brushing a phantom off my shoulder. I’d gotten so used to the things crawling on me, I hadn’t even noticed it was there. But when she shooed it away, I understood. “You see them, too.”
“We all do,” she admitted. “Us and you, but no one else. We’re not sure why, but we wanted to tell you in case you ever needed help.”
“Thanks,” I said, unaccountably touched. “But it won’t matter after too long since they’re leaving.”
“They are,” Marielle agreed. “But you aren’t.” She gave me a secretive smile. “Just because there’s nothing to see doesn’t mean you’re blind, Deviana Morris. What happened changed you, made you like us. That makes you our sister as well as our savior, and we’ve agreed that we will always stand with you. Remember that the next time Brian tries to bully you. You are not alone.”
My eyes widened. That’s what she was getting at. The most powerful human plasmex users in the entire universe considered me family. I smothered a smug grin. That was going to be some fun leverage if I ever got to use it.
Nova came back at that point, and we talked for a few more minutes about her plans to go home and help her father do outreach. “Unless, of course, the captain needs me for his new ship,” she put in. “Then I would have to go back and work for him since he looked after us so well.”
“Of course,” I said, though I secretly hoped it would never happen. Nova was far too kind to waste on someone like Caldswell.
After giving me half a million ways to stay in touch, Nova and Marielle left. I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking up uses for my newfound power and listening to Rupert breathe. I realize that sounds as dull as watching grass grow, but after everything that had happened, a little dullness was fine with me. I was contemplating getting up to go find some food when Hyrek came in and casually turned my new boring world on its ear by announcing that he was about to wake Rupert up.
“So how long is this going to take again?” I asked, hovering over Rupert’s bed.
For the last time, I don’t know. Hyrek’s claws clicked testily across the screen of his com. All I’m doing is cutting off the drug that’s been keeping him unconscious and leaving him to wake up on his own time.
“Okay,” I said, settling back in my chair. “I’ll wait.”
Hyrek’s snout twitched as he removed the last of the gauze from Rupert’s face, followed by the oxygen mask. You do realize this is not guaranteed? He could wake up in five minutes or five days or not at all.
“He’ll wake up,” I said firmly. “And I’ll be here. And if you try to kick me out, I will kick your ass.”
Hyrek snapped his teeth at me, but he didn’t try to make me go. No one did. Caldswell must have given an order, because the petty officers who usually hounded me to do stupid things like sleep or eat or fill out forms vanished altogether, leaving me alone with Rupert and my growing worry.
The first night was hell. I didn’t sleep a wink, and I had a newfound appreciation for all the times Rupert had waited at my bedside. The next day was better, but by late afternoon the quiet and exhaustion were taking their toll, and I started drifting off. I caught myself several times, but eventually I slept, my head resting on the mattress right next to Rupert’s arm. I couldn’t have been out for more than an hour when I felt something move beside me.
I shot up, wide awake in an instant. The lights were dimmed for the battleship’s night cycle, but it was still bright enough for me to make out Rupert’s sluggish movements under the sheets. I moved away quickly, giving him plenty of room just in case he wasn’t really himself yet. But when his eyes opened, they weren’t the dilated, crazed eyes of his symbiont. They were hazy and charmingly dazed as he looked around the darkened room in confusion.
I probably should have said something then, but I couldn’t make a sound. Relief and happiness and a thousand other emotions I wasn’t used to dealing with had stopped my throat tight. So I just sat there and waited until, at last, his eyes fell on me.
He stopped cold, his breath catching like he’d seen a ghost. I gave him a weak smile in return, the best I could manage without breaking down again like a ninny. “Hi,” I whispered. And then, because I’d already lost the chance to tell him once and wasn’t about to risk it again, I said, “I love you.”
The words fell so easily from my mouth I was ashamed all over again that I hadn’t said them earlier. From the expression on Rupert’s face, though, you would have thought I’d just announced my intention to slit his throat. He stared at me in horror, his eyes going so wide I could see the whites all the way around. And then, in a tiny, gravelly, beautifully accented voice, he whispered, “Am I dead?”
I should have told him calmly that he was not. I should have explained things to him like a sensible person, because he’d just woken up from a nine-day coma and was clearly confused. I should have done any number of things, but what I did was throw myself into his bed and kiss him like I’d been dying to since I’d first realized he was alive.
Rupert must have caught on that he wasn’t dead pretty quick, because after a few seconds he was kissing me back just as hard, his arms wrapped around my waist as far as the restraints would allow. When we finally came up for air, he still looked confused, though much, much happier.
“Where are we? What happened?”
“On a Republic battleship,” I told him, reaching down to unlock his restraints. “And you got shot in the head, though not by me this time. Caldswell did it, but he missed and you ended up in a coma. You just woke up.”
As I released the last hook holding him to the table, Rupert reached up to rub his temple. “The last thing I remember is getting you to the bomber. Did we fail?”
“Nope,” I replied, grinning wide. “Other than you getting hurt and both of us possibly going to jail forever, we succeeded spectacularly. Maat’s dead, the lelgis turned tail and ran, the phantoms are going home to greener pastures, and the daughters are saved. More importantly,” I added, sitting down on the edge of the bed, “you’re alive.”
I reached out to run my hand down his cheek, but I never made it, because Rupert grabbed me first. He sat up in a rush, crushing me against him as he buried his face in my neck. He didn’t say anything, didn’t make a sound, but his shoulders were shaking. I hugged him back, squeezing until my arms ached, and though I didn’t cry this time, it was a very near thing.
“I’m so happy you’re alive,” he whispered at last. “You have no idea.”
“I think I do,” I said, kissing his shoulder before pulling back to look him in the eyes. “Because if you ever scare me like that again, I will kill you myself.”
Rupert stared at me for a long second, and then he folded me back against his chest, pulling me up on the bed until I was sitting in his lap. “I’ll never leave you again,” he solemnly. “I swear it.”
I leaned into him, perfectly happy, because I knew he meant it. Whatever happened from here out, however screwed we were, we were together. Right now, that felt like the most important thing in the universe, and if thinking so made me a sentimental weakling, I’d just have to learn to deal with it.
We didn’t break apart again until Hyrek came in thirty minutes later. After t
hat, I was ordered back to my chair while Rupert was put through the expected battery of tests. He bore the poking and prodding with far more grace than I would have in his situation, but then, it probably helped that he was completely healthy. I asked jokingly if symbionts could regenerate lost limbs as well as brains, which earned me a lengthy lecture on symbiont physiology from our resident lizard.
“You know, a simple yes would have sufficed,” I grumbled.
Ah, Hyrek typed. But then you wouldn’t have learned anything.
Two hours after he entered, Hyrek grudgingly pronounced Rupert cured. I think I was happier about that than Rupert was. I was so damn sick of this room and I wanted nothing more than to take Rupert back to the surprisingly nice cabin Caldswell had assigned me and fall asleep next to him for a week. Unfortunately, Caldswell picked that moment to come in.
He wasn’t alone, either. Mabel was there, along with an older man I’d never seen before, who was wearing a very important-looking Terran Starfleet uniform. Admiral was my guess, maybe higher. He also had a daughter with him who wasn’t Marielle. This girl’s hair was cut very short, and she looked every bit as cold and deadly as Maat at her worst.
I felt Rupert tense on the bed beside me as they entered, but his face was perfectly calm when I looked over. I moved a bit closer anyway, glaring at Caldswell to do something about it. Which meant, of course, that he did.
“Out, Morris,” he ordered.
I was opening my mouth to tell him exactly where and how hard he could shove his orders when Rupert squeezed my hand. “It’s all right, Devi,” he said quietly. “I’ll find you later. Go rest.”
I gave him a skeptical look, but as scary serious as this group looked, there was a daughter here. Between her and Rupert, that gave me two voices I trusted to be on my side. Besides, I reasoned, if they were going to lock Rupert up, they would have done it while he was unconscious, and they definitely wouldn’t have let me stay with him given my record for successful escapes.
