by K. I. Lynn
“Okay, enough.” Andrew took the glass out of my shaking hand. “I think it’s time to get your drunken ass home.”
I let out a whimpering sigh. “I drove.”
“You definitely aren’t driving. I can take you,” Andrew said.
Nathan’s fingers dug into my thigh, and I could swear I heard him growl. “I can take her home.”
Everyone at the table turned to stare at him, myself included.
I couldn’t hold back the laughter that escaped. “Oh, Caroline, I forgot to tell you.” I placed my hand near my mouth to block people from hearing as I whispered across to her. “The asshole lives in my building!”
“You know I can hear you, right, drunkie?” Nathan quirked his brow at me, while his fingers caressed my thigh. It was a dangerous thing to do in the company we were keeping, but I loved it.
I turned to him, contemplating what to say in response. He was distracting me again, not that it was a hard thing for him to do. “Do I look like I care?”
“Don’t hold back on me now, Palmer, let it out.”
Fine, he wanted to play, my drunk ass would play. “I was going to go into great detail of where to stick it, but thought it might be a little too rough for our party here.”
Ian laughed. “Oooh, Lila’s getting surly.”
“Surly wench, that’s my name,” I agreed.
Nathan smirked at me. “I’m going to call you that from now on.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Bite me, Thorne.”
“You are so fucking asking for it,” he whispered in my ear, his hand sliding up under my skirt.
“Alrighty!” I jumped, startling everyone at the table. “I need…home. Who’s taking me?”
Andrew turned to me. “I can, babe.”
There went Nathan, glaring at him again. “I live in the same building. Why waste the gas when we’re going to the same place?”
And pissing contest round two, commence!
I had to try to pull their attention away from each other. “Asshole has a good point.”
“Would you stop calling me that?” Nathan’s face turned red and a vein pulsed at his temple. His jaw flexed as he exhaled in a rush.
“Nope. You threatened to call me ‘surly wench’ at work; if that’s the case, I have every right to call you ‘asshole.’”
“Are you sure you’re okay to go home with him?” Andrew asked; his eyes locked on mine.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” The tone of Nathan’s voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“I just thought you’d want to stick around and pick up someone for dessert,” Andrew answered with a smile on his face. It was becoming obvious they didn’t care much for one another.
Nathan sneered at Andrew. “No thanks, I’m full.”
“And on that note,” Caroline piped in.
“On that note, I’m calling it a night and taking ‘drunkie’ here with me.” Nathan scooted out of the booth so I could get out.
“Well, it’s been fun all!” I added. “Drew…good to see you.”
I had turned to leave when Andrew’s arms wrapped around me. “You call me if you need anything, okay? I’ll always be here for you, you know that, right?”
“I know, Drew.” I placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. “See you.”
Nathan led me through the club, his hand wrapped around my wrist as we worked our way to the entrance. It was a silent walk to his car as most of my concentration and energy was focused on walking straight. He held open the door to the car like a gentleman, and I slid in.
The tension was thick in the car, and I didn’t have to look at him to know he was riled up. I just hoped he didn’t explode before we made it home.
CHAPTER 8
We pulled up to our building, and I stumbled out of the car. My body lit up at his closeness, then I felt his hands on me, hoisting me up in the air and over his shoulder.
“Nathan, put me down, damn it. I can walk,” I whined as he moved us into the building.
I pounded on his back with my fists as he greeted the night guard, but my attention was diverted by the fine ass in front of me. I could not, and did not want to contain the urge to grab it, so I did. He yelped in surprise as he stepped onto the elevator. I smacked it and his grip on me tightened.
I could feel the growl in his chest, there was no doubt about it. Wetness began to pool from the sound and the anticipation of what he might do to me this time.
We arrived at the fourteenth floor, and he stepped out, walking a few steps; the keys rattled as he unlocked the door. As soon as we entered his condo, Nathan dropped me down onto my feet and had me pinned against the wall with his body, his lips hard on mine. It was a punishing kiss. I didn’t know what for, but he was angry about something.
He released my lips. “Who is he, this Andrew?”
I blinked at him. Was he jealous? I wanted him to be jealous; it would mean I amounted to something to him.
“Andrew is my ex-boyfriend.” I was still confused as I answered. His eyes were hard, his muscles tight. “Nathan?”
His lips crashed to mine again before moving away. The sound of splintering drywall filled the room as my eyes opened to find where he had gone.
Nathan’s fist was imbedded in the wall.
“Nathan!” I ran to help him pull his hand out. That was when I got a look at the entry wall. Seven. I counted seven other holes in the drywall. “Why?”
I gazed at him, the inexplicable man in front of me. He confused me so much I never knew which way was up.
“You. You do this to me. Every time… You make me so angry,” he admitted.
I might have been scared if it hadn’t been for the burning in his eyes and his fingertips, caressing my cheek. “I slept with my dress shirt on the other night because it smelled like you, and that pisses me off! I’m mad at myself and pissed at you for wrapping me around your little fucking finger.”
“But I didn’t…”
“I know!” he yelled, his anger seeping from him. “And that ticks me off more. I hate that you turn me on. I hate the way I need you all the fucking time. I don’t want that. I can’t want that. I can’t want you…but I do, so fucking much I do.”
“I want you, too.”
Pain flitted across his face. “I hated every male that even looked at you tonight and wanted to hurt the one that dared touch you. I wanted to scream out mine to keep them all at bay. But I can’t; I can’t claim you like that. I will consume you.”
“Why me?” The question snuck past my lips before I could stop it. My strength gave out, and I sunk to the floor.
“What did you say?” He seemed to be in complete disbelief as he stared down at me.
“I’m nothing. Drew leaving me proved them right. I’m nothing special. Plain, boring, pitiful, ugly Lila. Worthless.”
“You shut that shit up right now!” He took a few calming breaths before sitting down on the floor in front of me. “You are beautiful, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, fun as hell to tease, and so fucking sexy I have trouble keeping my hands off you. You make it so hard to stay away… I want you so much. I’ve tried so hard, but you keep fucking drawing me in.”
“Then why? Why can’t we…”
“Because I can’t. I can’t love you. I can’t allow myself to pursue you, Lila. A beautiful woman like you shouldn’t waste your time on me.”
“But, you said I wasn’t ‘that pretty’.”
He jumped to his feet startling me. “Shit. I was being a sarcastic asshole and was going to tell you I was joking, but you fucking threw me with your response. I’m used to women arguing against me, but you agreed. That shit is fucked up.” He paced in front of me, his brow twisted, fingers tugging at his hair in agitation.
I stared at him in disbelief. Boy, drunk me was envisioning quite a different Nathan. He couldn’t have admitted all of that. I was delusional. I had to be. Right?
I picked myself up off the floor. “Don’t you want to know what
I think?”
“No, it doesn’t matter.”
“It doesn’t matter that I want you?”
His jaw tightened, and his eyes squeezed shut. “Please don’t.”
I looked up at him, my head tilting, trying to find the words for the idea rattling in my head. It wasn’t much, but it would be something. I was pathetic enough to settle for something.
“We can’t…be?”
“Be? Be, how?”
“Like we have been?”
He pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes. “You don’t really want that with me.”
“What if I do?”
“Drop it, Lila.” His tone was harsh and silenced me. I had gotten more out of him tonight than I ever expected to.
“Well, goodnight then.” I turned toward the door. His hand caught my wrist and spun me around.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”
“Home.” I wasn’t home, I was at his place, and I just wanted to get out of it.
“Oh, no. I’m not letting you out of my sight, drunkie.” He pulled me away from the door, making sure I couldn’t leave. My eyes roamed around while we moved through his condo and I was astonished. It looked nothing like what I thought it would. I expected lavish furniture and decorations due to the price tag on his place, but there was little of either. The walls were bare, and the furniture was sparse.
We entered the bedroom and he sat me on the bed before kneeling in front of me and proceeding to take off my boots.
My fingers brushed through his hair. “So silky,” I murmured.
He leaned into my touch for a brief moment, then swiftly moved out of my reach. He grabbed my waist and lifted me to where I was bending over his shoulder. His fingers found the zipper to my skirt and slid it off me, tossing it somewhere on the floor of the dark room.
“You do know I’m not so drunk that I can’t walk or undress myself, right?”
“Shut up and get in the bed, Delilah,” he commanded.
Was it wrong that I loved when he directed me like that?
I obliged and snuggled under the covers. They smelled of him, and I found a new happy place, wrapped around the musky and spicy scent that was Nathan. I was sure my therapist would like that. He never felt my happy place was happy enough.
I woke a few hours later wrapped up in Nathan’s arms. It was warm and inviting and I wanted it. I wanted him. Could I do it? Could I show him it was okay to love? Maybe it was best to go with the flow. Maybe we could both heal. What would Dr. Morgenson say? Shit, I needed to see him again; it’d been too long, several months.
I turned my head to look at him, taking in how peaceful his face was when he was asleep. I sighed as I moved to sit up; I needed to go home. It was too intoxicating being so close to him. I was drowning in Nathan.
“No,” he mumbled. “Stay.”
His arms pulled me back into his body, lips kissing my shoulder, nipping the skin beneath as his fingers flexed around my waist. His tongue slid out, tasting my skin, his hand moving down my stomach and teasing the skin at the top of my panties. He slid beneath the fabric and two of his fingers found my opening, pushing deep inside.
I cried out at the intrusion, one I’d been aching for. “Fuck!”
His hips rocked against my ass, his hard length pressing into me. “Mmm, your pussy gets so fucking wet for me. Do you get this wet for other cocks, or just mine? Hmm?”
My body arched under his assault. His other hand moved to pinch my nipples. I couldn’t stop the rocking of my hips, pushing farther down on his hand. I needed him deeper. “Nate… mmm, only you.”
“Good girl,” he said. “Or should I say naughty? Only naughty girls get this fucking soaked. Listen to you moaning like a whore. You love my fingers buried inside you, don’t you? Not as much as you love my cock filling you to the hilt though.” His whispers were gruff and needy.
“Fuck no. You...oh God…filling me with your…fuck...” I moaned, barely able to keep myself from screaming incoherent sounds at his onslaught of my pussy. “Cock! Please!”
His body left mine, his hand turning me onto my back as he slipped between my thighs. His clothed cock nestled against my wet center, while his lips found mine for a searing kiss.
“This what you want? Right here?” He accentuated his words with a thrust of his hips, hitting my clit just right, making me scream out.
“Yes, yes, please.” I really was a slut for him, but only for him. He pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it on the floor, my bra following.
He leaned down and took my nipple into his mouth, his teeth scraping across my skin, fingers digging into my hips before hooking into my panties and pulling them down my legs. I pulled his shirt up and over his head while he pushed his pants down, freeing his straining cock. I licked my lips, wanting to taste, but was pushed back down on my back.
I could feel him at my opening a split second before he slid in, cursing as his forehead rested on mine.
“So fucking tight…every time. Why do you have to be so goddamn fucking tight?”
He rocked his hips until he was all the way in, and I felt full, whole. His arms wrapped around me, pulling our bodies flush as his hips began to move. There was a tenderness replacing the usual frenzy, a shift from what was and entering the possibility of what could be.
His hands, which were usually rough, were sensual, his need focused. His kisses were still hard, just calmer. It was like he was trying to burn himself into me with each slow, steady touch. I was caged in his arms. He was keeping me as close as possible; his head in the crook of my neck. His hips were slower, driving his cock into me in long strokes.
“Baby, you feel so fucking good,” he whispered into my ear. “So sexy, so fucking irresistible. Don’t want to fight it anymore. Beautiful Lila. You make me crazy.”
It was a slow burn, my body humming with each thrust in and whimpering with each stroke out, our bodies rocking together. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. The fire consumed me, my body and my heart opening up to him.
“You like that, don’t you? Oh, shit…you…you like my cock thrusting into you, don’t you?” he asked, wanting an answer. “That’s how dirty of a slut you are. Tell me—you like my cock always pumping into you?”
“No.”
“No?” he questioned, his voice losing the confident edge it held. He sounded unsure, his hips stopped moving, leaving him buried to the hilt. I had a hard time concentrating on anything at all when he was that deep inside me.
“No. I love it.”
“Fuck, shit.” His hips dug harder as his grip tightened. Speed increased, his teeth biting into my shoulder. I was getting close, whimpering at every movement.
If possible, he held me closer. His groans of pleasure had me shaking, sitting on the edge of my orgasm. I was panting into his neck, just behind his ear.
I wanted to mark him as he marked me, and I found my spot. I licked at his skin, tasting the saltiness of it. My mouth clamped onto the tendon right below his ear, sucking hard before my teeth pushed into his skin. Hard enough to mark, but not hard enough to break skin. Like he did to me.
“Shit!” he cried out, his thrusts becoming erratic.
I tipped over the edge, and screamed out his name as my pussy clenched around him. “Nate!”
“That’s it, baby, fucking come. Shit, shit. Oh, fuck. You really do love this shit.” His body started shaking as his hips stilled. Our eyes were locked with one another, his hooded and glazed, and I was certain mine matched. I felt him emptying inside me, and I shuddered in ecstasy.
After his orgasm, his arms gave out, no longer able to hold his weight. He fell to the side, landing next to me on the bed, and pulled me up so that my head was resting on his chest.
Hours later, I awoke with the need to use the bathroom, prying myself from the death grip he had on me. Once done, I walked back into the bedroom and gazed at his sleeping form.
The light was starting to come in through the windows, illu
minating his body. He was lying there, naked, the sheet barely covering below the waist, one of his legs sticking out. I had never seen him naked before; he had always been half dressed. But in that moment I could admire him in all his glory.
I walked closer to the bed and my stomach dropped. The sight before me was horrific. I felt as though I’d been punched in the gut.
A thick, jagged and raised pink scar ran on his left side from his ribs, down his side, and around his hip. It wasn’t the only scar. Some were jagged, others straight, but all were smaller than the one on his side, marring his beautiful body. There were holes next to some, indicating the wound had been stitched or stapled up. His left leg held the second largest scar, and it ran from above his knee to halfway down his shin. I studied his face as I tried to keep myself together. That was when I noticed the star shaped scar in his hairline, right above his ear.
It was part of his puzzle, a big piece of his mystery. Something had happened to him, something terrible, and he shut himself off to everything. My heart was breaking as I took in the sight of the evidence of his once broken body.
Tears flowed in steady streams down my face when I dropped to the ground, my legs giving out. I erupted in violent shakes, arms wrapping around my body, trying desperately to keep the sob that was threatening to escape within me.
“Lila?” His voice was groggy and thick with sleep. He jumped out of bed and stood in front of me, giving me the full view of his body and all the damage that had been inflicted. The sob broke from my chest, and it was painful and raw. “Lila?”
He dropped down on the ground in front of me, and I flung my arms around his neck, pulling him close. Tears were falling from my eyes as his arms wrapped around my body, his head dipping into the crook of my neck.
“What happened? What happened to you?” I asked through my sobs. His grip grew tighter as if he was using my body to hold his own together, to keep himself from breaking.
“Please, don’t ask me that. Please… I can’t…”
We held each other on the floor for what seemed like hours until my tears stopped. I leaned away from him to see a frightened look in his eyes. My gaze wandered his body, my fingers reaching out to trace the large scar around his hip. He didn’t flinch at my investigation, but stared at me in wonder.
