Allie calls me back to her comfortable and inviting office almost as soon as I arrive. With the court mandate in place, she already has most of the information she needs on us.
“What a pretty bird. Can I hold her? Will she bite?” Allie’s attention is solely focused on Kiwi.
“Sure, you can hold her. Just let her perch on your hand. She may use her beak to climb on you, but she’s not doing it out of aggression. No reason to be afraid.”
Allie holds her hand up to Kiwi’s breast and Kiwi steps on to it. As expected, she walks up Allie’s arm, grabs her sleeve with her beak, and hops up to Allie’s shoulder.
“Hello.” Kiwi turns her head from side to side, examining Allie.
“Hello, there. Aren’t you a pretty girl?”
“Yes,” Kiwi replies.
Allie chuckles as Kiwi flies back to my shoulder. “Snack, Daddy.”
I pull the small plastic bag with her leftovers out of my pocket and feed her a carrot slice. Then I sit on the couch and wait for Liv to arrive.
“Are you not afraid she’ll fly away from you?”
“No, her wings are clipped so she can’t fly fully. She can flap her wings to glide a few feet. But we’re her family, so she wouldn’t go far, anyway. These birds need nearly constant companionship.”
“She’s amazing. I wish my pets could talk to me. Now you have to bring her with you to every session.” We both laugh, then I look over and see Liv rushing in at the last minute.
“Well, we don’t leave her alone for long periods of time, so I’m sure you’ll see her frequently.”
“Momma. Momma.” Kiwi bobs up and down, excited to see Liv again. Liv sits on the couch beside me so Kiwi can be close to both of us. This is how we always sat at home too–when we still lived together. The constant close proximity helped Kiwi bond with us equally.
Liv leans over and nuzzles her cheek against Kiwi’s. She’s so close to me, and her perfume brings back so many memories. All I want to do is gather her in my arms and make this all go away. I’m just not sure how we can get back to where we once were again. There are too many reasons why we shouldn’t be together. But I’m willing to try if I can convince her our reunion is best for all of us. Hopefully our therapist will see it and help guide us back together.
“Sorry I’m a little late. I got busy at work and completely lost track of time.” Liv continues to scratch the side of Kiwi’s head when she speaks to Allie.
“No problem at all. Kiwi stole the show as soon as she entered the room. She’s fascinating. No wonder you both love her so much.” Allie obviously already caught up on the major points of our case. Her polite but professional tone indicates the session officially has started now. “So, let’s start from the beginning. What brings you two here today?”
Talk about a loaded question. Where do I even start to answer that? I could tell her I’m still in love with my wife and can’t see my future without her in it. Or I could point out how Liv asked me to take her home from the bar and we fell back in bed together as if it was the most natural act in the world. That definitely points to a reconciliation, even though we claim to be irreconcilable. Or maybe I should lead with…
“Ryder and I want the complete opposite things in life. Whether we still love each other is irrelevant if one of us is forced to forfeit our hopes and dreams so the other can have theirs. That only leads to resentment down the road. We can’t be husband and wife anymore, but I certainly don’t want anything to happen that would make us end up hating each other. Making a clean break now is the best option.” Liv folds her hands on her lap, keeps her back straight as a board, and her tone even throughout her little speech.
She so rehearsed that little speech ahead of time.
“Ryder, what is your answer to why you’re here today?” Allie’s deadpan expression gives nothing away.
“Liv and I have grown apart and have very different expectations regarding the next phase of our lives. It’s something we failed to discuss fully and agree upon the timelines and specifics before we married. We were too young and blinded by love to think anything could come between us.” My answer is the truth, but I’m careful not to convey the wrong message. I don’t believe we’re beyond fixing.
Allie makes notes in her journal but doesn’t respond otherwise to either of our explanations. “How old were you when you married?”
“Twenty-two,” Liv replies. “Ryder proposed during our junior year of college, and we married soon after graduation.”
“How did he propose to you?” Allie looks up from her notes, engaging with Liv on a more personal level.
Liv’s facial features soften, and a small smile plays on her lips. I can see from the dreamy expression on her face, her mind is taking her back to that night when the world only revolved around her and me.
“We were home on Christmas break nine years ago. Winter had started out abnormally hard that year. The temperatures were much colder than we usually have. We had more significant snow days than normal, and everything was frozen. The lake was a solid block of ice on the top several feet. Limbs snapped under the weight of the snow in the forest all around Mason Creek. It was just really unusual so early in the season.
“Anyway, Ryder had already made up this big elaborate plan in his mind and Mother Nature was not stopping him. He and I always enjoyed long walks in the woods and exploring new hiking trails, so it wasn’t unusual for him to pick me up and say, ‘Let’s go get lost today.’ And that’s exactly what he did.
“You can imagine my surprise when he drove into town, parked beside the fire station, and got out of his truck. I mean, it’s kind of hard to get lost in downtown Mason Creek. But he opened my door, took my hand in his, and I followed him anyway. The sun had already set, and the snow sparkled in the moonlight as we walked through the woods. When we reached the old bridge built by Henry Davis, the view was surreal. The blizzard conditions had eased to a gentle snowfall. Huge flakes hung in the cold air. The water under the bridge was completely frozen. Stars twinkled in the black skies. An enormous elk with the most beautiful antlers I’ve ever seen stepped out of the tree line and just basked in the moonlight, unafraid of our presence. When I turned to get Ryder’s attention, he was down on one knee with a beautiful ring in his hand.”
She stops talking—cold. She’s told this story a million times, so I know she’s not finished. After a silence long enough to start feeling awkward, I make myself look up from my lap. I’ve avoided looking at her during the entire story because it’s hard enough remembering it in my own mind. Watching her face as she relives it moment by moment is too much.
My heart drops to my stomach and my lungs forget how to function.
Tears stream down her face unchecked, and she bites her lower lip to try to stop it from trembling. I look at Allie for any hint of guidance, but she doesn’t return my gaze. Her eyes are locked on Liv’s face, assessing every emotion and reaction she’s displaying.
After another moment, Liv regains her composure and continues the retelling of our engagement.
“Ryder said he’d loved me from the day I moved to Mason Creek as a child. He knew he’d found his soul mate before he was old enough to know what that word meant. Then he asked me to spend the rest of my life with him and make him the happiest man in the world. He promised to meet my every need and do whatever it took to give me the best life.” She sniffles and wipes her face with a tissue from the table beside her. “How could I say no to that?”
“Did you believe he would fulfill those promises?”
Liv considers her question for a minute before answering. “At that moment, of course I did. But that was the romantic young girl in me. No one person can meet your every need or give you a perfect life. Happiness has to come from inside you before anyone else has a chance of making you happy. And no matter what he did or how hard he tried to please me, my happiness is ultimately my responsibility.”
“And were you happy being married to Ryder?” Allie probes a litt
le more into Liv’s thoughts. “Or have you been unhappy with him for a while and just didn’t know how to tell him?”
“Of course I was happy with him. We had a great marriage, and we were building a wonderful life together. Why would you assume I wasn’t happy with him?”
“Because you’re getting a divorce.” Allie makes a valid point. “What happened that took away from your happiness from one day to the next? What made you stop loving Ryder?”
“That’s a little unfair, Allie. No one who’s madly in love wakes up one day and decides they don’t like their spouse and they want a divorce. Those marriages break down over time, and usually not from one big event. More often than not, it’s all the little things that add up and create an unhappy atmosphere. Asking Liv to pinpoint one thing and one that made her stop loving me is out of line. It also puts all the blame on one person, and we all know that is rarely ever the case.” I lean forward on the couch, pinning Allie with my challenging gaze.
“You’re quick to defend the woman who’s divorcing you, Ryder. Do you think she’d file to dissolve your marriage if she still loved you?”
“Hold on a minute. I never said I quit loving him. I’ve also never said our problems were all his fault. What I did say was we want such completely different things now, there’s no way we can both have it our way. Neither of us should have to feel as though we’re giving up a vital need in order to satisfy the other person. How did you turn that statement into insinuating Ryder did something wrong that made me quit loving him?”
Allie places her journal on her desk and looks at us with a warm smile. She just made a complete one-eighty from her demeanor not even three seconds ago.
“Thank you for your honesty. Here’s what I want to point out. You two are both being so polite and mature about this. But we all know relationships are messy. There are ups and downs, and sometimes those extremes last for a long time. That stands to reason that divorces, in turn, are also messy. You’ve been in mediation for seven months because you can’t come to an agreement, not because everything is perfectly amicable.
“Before I stand in front of the judge and give my honest opinion, I need to see and hear more honesty from both of you. The good, the bad, the ugly—as long as it’s the truth, I don’t care. But this polite, casual goodbye you’re trying to sell me isn’t real at all, or you would’ve already been divorced and moved on with your lives. I hope we all understand each other now.”
“Oh, we absolutely understand each other much better now.” Liv doesn’t even attempt to hide her hostility from Allie.
“Great.” Allie ignores the passive barb and picks up her planner from her desk. “I think meeting once a week for the next several weeks is best. That’ll give me a chance to get to know you both better without dragging this out for another seven months. How does Thursday of next week at the same time work for both of you?”
“Fine.”
“Great.”
Liv and I reply at the same time.
Allie’s smile doesn’t falter as her eyes dart between us. “It’s a date then. Feel free to bring Kiwi back with you anytime.”
Chapter 9
Olivia
“Can you believe the nerve of that woman?” I throw my hands up in the air, completely frustrated with today’s session. “I wonder if we can change therapists.”
“That was unprofessional, in my opinion. But she did have a point about us not confronting our problems head-on. She already has our case file, so I don’t know if we can change now. Besides, there aren’t any other counselors here for us to see.” Ryder walks beside me with a stern set to his jaw.
“That’s for standing up for me in there. She flipped the switch on me in a split second. I don’t know why she decided to attack me all of a sudden. What kind of crazy therapist does that to her clients?”
“You don’t have to thank me for standing up for you. Ever. I’ll never let anyone mistreat you.”
I can’t help but notice the leap my heart makes because of his words.
Our fast pace out of the doctor’s office led us straight down the street, almost to my store. This is where we’ll part. I’ll drive to my house just outside the city limits, and Ryder will continue to the next block or so to his condo. After the last hour of reliving a huge part of our history together, my nerves are frayed, and my emotions are all over the board.
“It seems we’ll just have to suck it up and get through these next several weeks the best we can. Our lives are in her crazy hands.” We stop at my car. An awkward silence lingers between us, and I nervously play with my keys.
“Momma.” Kiwi jumps to my shoulder and burrows underneath my hair.
“She misses you when she’s with me.” Ryder watches as she finds her spot on the back of my neck.
“She asks for you when she’s with me too. I’m not the only one she misses.” Kiwi finally settles on one spot, using my hair as her bird blanket. “Maybe I should walk to your condo with her. She’ll probably feel better when she sees her toys and her cage.”
“That’s a good idea. I was also thinking maybe you shouldn’t be alone right now. You seem pretty shaken up because of our therapist. Let’s face it, you never cry, especially not like that. I thought you might get mad at me for suggesting it though.”
“It’s okay, Ryder. We’re adults, and we have to think about what’s best for Kiwi. We have to be able to talk and see each other in the future. For her sake. Maybe I overreacted when I told you never to come back to the house. Being with someone who understands my predicament would be nice right now. No one knows it better than you do.”
We turn at the same time and continue walking toward his building. The silence between us feels more comfortable now.
“You know, I’ve always loved this old covered bridge. After we moved here, every trip my parents dragged me on seemed like it took forever to get back home. But as a little kid, I knew when I saw the bridge, we were almost home and I’d be happy again.”
“Everyone was always so jealous of your extravagant vacations. One group of girls would make up these wild tales of all the things you were doing while you were away. It was harmless. They were trying to live vicariously through you without even realizing it.” He gives me his reassuring smile, letting me know I shouldn’t be concerned.
“It may have been harmless at first. But my parents never realized how their lavish lifestyle caused so much gossip about me all through school. The tales started small, but they grew taller as the years passed. I’ve stood my ground, taken the high road, and let it roll off my back more times than I can count. That’s why I refused to let my haters prevent me from opening my shop. They weren’t going to bully or shame me for helping other women here be confident in who they are.”
Ryder stops walking and takes a long, hard look at me. Almost as if he’s seeing me for the first time. “Livvy, I never knew all the town gossip affected you like that. You’ve always laughed it off or did more outrageous stuff just to piss them off.”
“Of course I did, Ryder. I couldn’t let them break me. Can you imagine the hell my life would’ve been if I’d broken down in front of them? Never let them see you cry or they’ll pick your bones dry.”
“You made up that saying.” He arches one brow at me.
“Yes, I did. It’s been my life motto for as long as I can remember. Repeating that over and over got me through high school. Now that I’m older and can make adult decisions, I prefer to tell them to go fuck themselves. It’s much more therapeutic. But still, they’ll never see me cry.”
“Babe, I’m sorry. I feel like such a complete failure because I never realized how much you dealt with these feelings alone. All this time, I should’ve shielded you better… carried the burden for you. Why didn’t you tell me?”
The sincerity in his voice, I can handle. But the pity? Not so much.
“If I’d needed help, I would’ve asked. But I had it all under control.” If I lie to myself enough times, it’ll become th
e truth. Right?
“Clearly, you were completely fine.” There’s the sarcastic humor I’ve always loved about Ryder.
When we reach his condo, he invites me in. This is actually the first time I’ve been in his bachelor pad. The thought of him being with someone else and bringing her here was too much to bear before I saw the interior. Now that I’m here, I’ll have more vivid visions of all his bachelor ways.
Yay me.
“Enough of the morose and morbid talk for one day. Man, if every session is this depressing, I don’t know why anyone goes at all. How about a beer, a steak, and a big pan of eco-friendly brownies?” Ryder grins from ear to ear.
“You don’t mean…”
“Yes, I absolutely do mean. We need a good laugh. What better way than a batch of feel-good chocolaty goodness?” He waggles his eyebrows and waits for an okay from me.
“Let’s do it. We haven’t had them in years. We deserve it. Mix those brownies first, Martha Stewart. Get our Snoop Dog on.” My smile is the first genuine one I’ve had in the past two weeks, aside from the day the magazine contacted me.
I briefly consider telling Ryder all about my news—all of it. But after the day I’ve had, I’m not up for more serious discussions. A meal plus a fun dessert sounds like the perfect getaway solution without leaving the comfort of his condo.
Ryder steps out on his back porch to fire up the grill while I untangle Kiwi from the nest she made in my hair. We always leave her cage door open during the day so she can come and go as she pleases, so I leave her to perch on top of her cage to watch us. Then I move into the kitchen to marinate the steaks and pop the potatoes in the microwave.
“Am I stealing this steak from an important guest? We didn’t usually keep fresh ones on hand.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop myself.
Perfect Excuse (Mason Creek Book 11) Page 7
