A Way (The Voyagers Book 1)

by Tara Lutz

  Jessie looked across the flames at her new friend that shared the name of her childhood imaginary one, and shared a laugh with her younger self.

  “Oh yeah, what was that?” Adam asked.

  “I never remembered,” she said. Her voice had dropped to a volume that forced Adam to strain to hear her reply.

  “Who needs another drink?” Samantha asked, breaking through the uncomfortable tension created by a conversation that had gotten deeper than the tattoo question intended.

  Jessie quickly answered, “Me,” and thrust her recently emptied cup towards her.

  Adam reached his glass across the fire to have it filled and Dex cracked a beer that materialized from the jacket he pulled on over his flannel. Pete was the only one to not refresh his drink, he stared unmoving into the dancing flames.

  “Why did you move to the city?” This question, from Pete, was a little tougher. He looked up from the mini inferno that hypnotized him.

  Samantha watched Jessie, with anticipation. The eight eyes on her made her gather the glowing Sesame Street character sweater into balls in her hands. She stared into the shades of orange blaze, searching for a better answer than the one that, she felt, made her out to be someone who was weak. A person who ran away to hide.

  “I was in a relationship; it didn’t work out. I didn’t want to move back home. I was afraid everyone would see me as a failure. I wanted to start from scratch, so I jumped in my car and drove.” She glanced up from the fire, couldn’t bring herself to meet any of their eyes, and looked back at the flames.

  “So, long story short, I met Ger. The city she lived in was on my list of places to get lost and found. She helped me get back on my feet and I’m almost there. And I sound like a train wreck.” She smiled weakly, exhaled, and tried again to look around the circle. First to Pete, then Samantha, to Adam and finally to Dex.

  “Well, it looks like she’s been found. Right, Dex?” Pete asked, under his breath. Or did he say, “Look what she’s found?” Whichever it was, it caused an expression to appear on Dex’s face that made Jessie reach over and grab his hand. “I think it’s time she knows,” he finished.

  Dex looked past Jessie, to Pete. “I think it’s time to roast some hotdogs,” he attempted a small grin. This one didn’t touch his eyes.

  “He’s right, Dex. You remember what happened the last time,” Samantha urged. “We can go back to the cottage, if you want.” She stood and motioned for Pete to follow her. “Let’s go, Adam,” she gently demanded.

  What was going on? Jessie felt a truth coming that she wasn’t sure she was ready for, but that she had been waiting her whole life to hear.

  After a long uncomfortable pause, Dex finally spoke. “No, stay Sammy, in case I leave anything out.” He tightened his grip on Jessie’s hand and broke his gaze with Samantha, to look directly at her.

  “Jessie do you remember when we met? How long we’ve known each other?” He asked.

  Had they all gone crazy? Was it catching? “I didn’t have that much to drink, Dex. I met you last night. Last night! I’ve known you since last night.” She was adamant, but at the same time her voice was filled with doubt. Jessie didn’t like the way it had taken on a high pitched tone. She started to tremble, she hoped it was just from the cold, she knew that it wasn’t.

  He shifted his chair closer to hers and continued. “What if I told you we met before last night?”

  “Was it at Central? Friday nights there can be blurry sometimes.” She released a nervous laugh, trying to ease the tension gripping her heart.

  “No, it wasn’t at Central.” Dex closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and released her hands to rub his down the length of his face.

  “I don’t understand.” Jessie looked at the faces around the fire. The flames bathed them in an eerie light. Their eyes hidden in the shadows that the fire created. “Would someone tell me what’s going on?” Her eyes returned to Dex’s. “Dex, when did we meet? How long have we known each other?”

  She searched his eyes for the answer she was looking for. They looked back into hers, begging her to find it before he had to speak it out loud. He brought is fingers to her cheek, tracing her jaw line, resting his palm just above where she could feel her heart beating rapidly. He twisted her necklace around his fingers. She knew what he was going to say before his lips formed the words.

  “Forever.”

  PART 2

  DEX

  1875

  CHAPTER 11

  Alex had just celebrated his seventh birthday and hadn’t really closed his eyes. Playing hide and seek with two five year olds was only something to pass the time while he waited for his friend to finish his morning chores, then they could all walk to school together. His younger brother and his friend’s little sister were easily distracted and standing around, waiting, was not the easiest thing for them to do. Both of their bored faces brightened when he suggested they hide, probably in the barn, while he counted to ten. The children scattered and ran straight for the predicted building. He pretended not to watch as they both vanished from sight, through the gaping double door.

  “Ready or not, here I come,” he yelled, in a sing song voice.

  He saw who he was waiting for, Gerald also seven, round the corner of the log house. He was struggling to carry a full bucket of water, collected from the well behind his family’s modest home. Knowing he still had enough time to find their siblings, he walked the length of the yard, past three clucking chickens, and into the barn.

  As soon as he crossed the building’s threshold, he spotted Peter. His brother was crouched in an empty stable, his body pressed up against the far side, trying to make himself smaller. When Peter saw Alex, he shut his eyes, hoping this would make him invisible. Dust floated through the air on the wings of the sun rays that broke through the cracks in the wooden walls. Alex heard a barn cat scurry, feeling it brush by his feet before slinking out the door. Outside, the chickens squawked out a high alert to one another.

  “Peter,” the older boy said, “get out here. You can help me find Jessie.”

  He thought her name was funny, a boy’s name. He wasn’t surprised she had found a place to hide that wasn’t within view of the barn’s main entrance. She was always running ahead of them on the way to school, getting too close to the pond, or disappearing into the woods. Gerald was easily frustrated with his little sister, and often left her behind for his more responsible friend to collect her. Alex would hold her tiny hand in his and gently pull her to school, so they wouldn’t be late.

  “Jessie,” he called, moving deeper into the barn. “Where are you?”

  She loved this game. He could picture her stifling a grin, trying not to laugh her five year old laugh. He wished he had a little sister. He stopped and listened. There it was, a muffled giggle, in the loft. He told Peter to wait, not to touch anything and better yet, to go outside and wait for Gerald.

  Alex climbed the sturdy ladder to the shelf in the barn. He reached the top, listened closely and called her name.

  “Jeeesssiieee?” Nothing, maybe she wasn’t up here.

  Acoustics in barns could be tricky. They were full of things for sound to bounce off. He heard her sneeze, followed by a sound that was more of a sob, than a laugh. She was definitely upstairs. He pulled himself up the remainder of the ladder to straighten to his full height. In a few years he would have to duck, but today, standing on his tiptoes and reaching with all his might, his fingertips were still a few inches from the ceiling.

  The loft was three quarters full with hay bales. Gerald and Jessie’s father was one of the few farmers around that had a horse drawn hay baler. Alex’s father had accompanied him on the two day wagon ride to bring the baler back from the city and every farmer in their town had rode out to their farm to admire it. It was one of the many times they had went on a long trip together, but one of the only times they had an excuse.

  The sob came again as he noticed a few bales near the back, stacked against the wall, shake. He w
ent over to end their game and looked over the top of the hay tower. Jessie was stuck between the heavy bales and the barn wall. Her eyes were red from her face being pressed into the coarse grass and she had tiny scratches on what he could see of her arms.

  She looked up at him with glistening, wide, blue eyes. “I’m stuck, ex, stuck.”

  If she could pull her arm up to her face, she might have started sucking her thumb, like any scared, five year old. Instead, she pushed as hard as she could to topple the trap to try and free her tiny body. Alex moved some surrounding bales in an attempt to reach her from the side. She let out a muffled whimper when her leg wouldn’t budge.

  “Can you push forward a bit Jessie? Maybe at the same time I pull you?” He grabbed her arm again. “I’ll count to three. I promise it won’t hurt”. He gave her a smile, the most comforting one a seven year old could muster.

  “Ready, Jessie?” Her face scrunched up to get ready to strain against the thing pinning her against the wall.

  “One, two, three!” He pulled, she pushed, and with only slight resistance Jessie was free.

  Sitting on the floor where she landed, inspecting her hay scrapped knees, she looked up at him with damp eyes. He reached back into her hiding spot to grab her lace trimmed bonnet and dusted it off with his hands.

  “You found me, ex.”

  Jessie still couldn’t pronounce his full name, Alex. He didn’t mind. She was so little, he needed to protect her. He stood her up, placed her hat over her blond curls and gently tied the strings, to hold it in place under her chin.

  “I will always find you, Jessie.”

  Chapter 12

  Somewhere between turning thirteen, and winter turning to spring, Alex found it was not Gerald, his best friend, that he wanted to make the trek to school with. It was Jessie. His grin widened every time he entered the clearing at the end of the path from his house to hers, and looked up at the window, to see her looking back, giving him a quick wave. He could picture her rushing down the stairs to give her sister, who she adored, a kiss. She would thank her mother for her lunch, then give her a fast, but tight hug, goodbye. Seconds later, the solid wood door would swing open and Jessie, her collie Duke following closely at her feet, would skip out of the house, over to him, and start in on a story that he just had to hear: he would never believe it, she had forgotten to tell him yesterday, pointing out clouds in the sky that looked exactly like a horse. She would barely catch her breath as she scolded Duke back to the house, if he hadn’t already been distracted by something in the barn.

  The energy she had as a child had tripled, and while Gerald and Peter stumbled behind them and struggled to keep up, Alex floated along beside her. He never took his eyes off her. Jessie turned twelve that past winter and after years of looking up at him, she now hovered close to his shoulder, sometimes resting her head on it when she pointed up to the rabbit, cow or wolf shaped clouds. She always carried more books than the three of them put together, reading a new one weekly. Along with her regular school texts, she carried a pad of paper to write her abundance of thoughts on, when they came to her. Every day he offered to help her carry them. Every day she declined.

  Sometime, over the years since the barn rescue, she had decided she liked calling him Dex better than his given name, Alex. Then it caught on with the rest of his friends and was eventually adopted by his family. Their new school teacher didn’t even suspect it wasn’t the name he was given at birth.

  Jessie gave no explanation for calling him Dex. She looked at him one day, when they were sitting on a rock at their favorite swimming spot, tilted her head and said, “Race you to the island, ex.” Then she jumped in the water and was gone.

  She was seven, he was nine and from that day forward he was Dex. He seemed to be always running behind Jessie, trying to keep up. ‘Race you to the islan dex.’

  *******

  Up ahead of them, other kids from their class streamed down the street in the direction of their school house. William, who sometimes helped out at their farm, in the summer, was mooning after Rebecca Moreland, the daughter of the man who owned the town store. She stepped off the front porch, ignored William and stared directly at Dex, with her liquid gold eyes. Her cat-like stare made Dex uncomfortable, he regretted even looking in her vicinity. A boy named Garrett, who thought it was funny to pull girl’s pig tails - Dex dared him to try that with Jessie –turned towards them, walking backwards, calling to his brother, Joshua, to hurry up. That reminded him. He also turned, to make sure his brother and best friend were close behind. They were both watching Dex and Jessie, Peter with a pout, Gerald with a smirk.

  Even with these observations, he was paying little attention to the activity surrounding him. He certainly didn’t notice Rebecca hovering behind them, wondering what it was about Jessie that caused Dex to never take his eyes off her. He was too busy mourning the fact that his favorite time of the day was almost over. Jessie was like a breath of fresh air every morning. He wished their walk could go on forever. After school, she went to her job at Moreland’s mercantile, while he rushed home to his chores.

  Lately, his father had been more strict than usual. “Make sure you come straight home from school boy. No time to be messing around,” he yelled out to his son, when Dex was leaving for school that morning. His father turned and walked into the forest behind their house, in the opposite direction from the fields where he worked daily. Dex wondered where he went every morning. His father acted like there was something he forgot to check the night before and wanted to make sure it was still there. Why he was allowed to be ‘messing around’?

  For the last few minutes, Jessie and Dex had been walking quietly, close together, as they watched their classmates enter the school. Both of them were thinking the same thing. Jessie moved closer to him, dropping her hand and letting the back of it whisper along the back of his. Too quickly, Dex felt her arm return to support her heavy load of books. The short pause in their steps gave their dawdling brothers a chance to go in front of them. They slowed their steps even more and reluctantly climbed the remaining stairs into the school. The bell started to chime, signaling the start of their endless school day of sitting apart.

  Even though Jessie’s desk was situated only two desks away from his own, he felt that the distance was still too great. He would drift between lessons, watching her shoulders move up and down. Her shining blond braided hair lifting with each breath she took. He was not quite sure what was happening to him.

  An elbow to the ribs, compliments of Gerald, shook out Dex out of his day dream. His friend leaned over and looked at his empty slate. They were supposed to be solving arithmetic problems from page – he didn’t know – to page - he had no idea - in their text books.

  “Hey you better get something written down on that or you will end up over there.” Gerald motioned to Emmett, the class trouble maker, sitting in the corner, a pointy cap stuck on his head.

  Dex hadn’t even noticed what the kid had done this time. He had been too busy watching Jessie, hoping she would put her hand up so he could hear her voice, before he forgot what it sounded like. As if she could feel his eyes on her she turned around just enough so he could see her profile, her mouth turning up slightly, a smile just for him. Her slight movement caused their teacher, Ms. Emery, to look up and find its source.

  “Jessie, did you need something?” Their teacher asked, tapping her fingers on the book she was holding in front of her face.

  Jessie pivoted in her chair. “Water, Ms. Emery.” There it was, that voice. “I was wondering if I could run out to get a little bit of water.” She asked, innocently.

  “Very well, but don’t take all day. I plan on asking you to do a few readings, shortly.”

  A few readings by Jessie. What a good idea, Dex thought.

  Jessie rose from her chair, tripping over the leg as she tried to climb out of it. She grabbed the desk behind her to regain her balance and knocked a book off of it, on to the floor. He stifled a laugh; sh
e was so clumsy. He loved it.

  Ms. Emery looked up again from her book, with an expression that bordered on annoyance. “Mary and Joseph,” she muttered. “For heaven’s sake Jessie, be careful before you destroy the whole room.”

  Jessie, who was also trying not to laugh, managed to force out a “Yes ma’am” as she walked down the narrow aisle of the one room school house. She reached out her hand as she passed Dex and gave his arm a quick squeeze. He loved her.

  *******

  On his way home after a long day of classes, to start the chores he had promised his pa he would rush to the fields to complete, Dex walked with Jessie to the store. They had just exited the school when Rebecca ran up behind them and linked her arm through his. He pulled away from her like he had been burned by a hot iron. Jessie leaned across him with an amused look on her face, one eyebrow slightly raised.

  “Hi Rebecca,” Jessie said. “I was just heading to your place.”

  “Oh hi, Jessie,” Rebecca replied, without looking at her. Dex detected a sneer in her voice and moved closer to Jessie.

  “What do you want, Rebecca?” He wasn’t going to play nice. He didn’t like the way she treated Jessie, like she was invisible. He didn’t like her.

  “I have to walk to the post office and since you’re on the way out of town I thought I would see if you wanted to walk with me.” Jessie snorted. She was finding the exchange amusing. Dex was angry that the last few moments he had to spend with her were being interrupted by Rebecca.

  “I was going to hang out with Jessie for an hour or so,” he lied. He wanted her to go away.

  “Oh, Jessie won’t have time for any of that. Father has this week’s supplies waiting for her to inventory and put away.” Her lips curled into an ugly smile. They had arrived at the store. He was running out of time, maybe he could pretend he left something back at school.

  “That’s ok Dex, you walk with Rebecca,” Jessie grinned, her eyes laughing.