by Lym Cruz
Tapping my foot, I sat on a wooden bench at Azalea Community Park. Darkness had robbed the daytime colors from the park. Agaves and lavender complemented whimsical sculptures, while brickwork paths and benches encouraged lingering. It was a peaceful space, completely at odds with what I was there to do tonight.
A murky silhouette strode towards me like a piece of the night. The large frame slipped next to me. “Ezra, it’s nice to finally meet you.” Without turning to face me, he thrust his hand in my direction. I shook it catching a whiff of cigar from his breath. “You say you’ve got somethin’ for me?”
Nunes was a detective in the narcotic’s division. I reached out to him promising intel on how drugs were being trafficked into the city. I chose him after extensive research, he seemed like a standup cop, unlike a lot of his men who I’d seen trading favors with Rowan.
“I can help you take down an extensive drug operation,” I said, “I can give you names, accounts, tell you how and when the drugs are getting in and out, and how the cash is being cleaned.”
He whistled. “That’s some big talk, kid. Got any proof?”
“I’m working on it.”
He scoffed. “You got me out here, in the middle of the night, for I’m working on it?”
“No. I got you here because I need you to promise me that once I hand over everything I’ve got; my family will be safe. I need you to get them out of here. When I turn on these people, they will come for me, guns blazing, and when they don’t find me, they’ll go after my family.”
“Listen, if you had somethin’ solid, I could’ve considered the possibility but you’ve got nothing.”
I retrieved a piece of paper from my pocket and handed it to him. “This shipment will arrive tomorrow. The inventory says that they are shoes and most of them are but some will have thicker soles where the drugs will be hidden. If this comes through, do we have a deal?”
“If this comes through.” He took the paper. “I’ll reach out to my friends at the DEA. Then we’ll talk about your options.” He rose, adjusting his jacket. “You said you want protection for your family but you didn’t include yourself?”
“I have it figured out.”
“I hope you do, ‘cause this is no game.”
Nunes’ words caused the hairs at the back of my neck to stand on attention. In life there are rules, but with every rule, there was an exception. In this case, I was hoping to be the exception. I planned to snitch on a drug cartel and walk away alive, while the rules stated death as the penalty for betrayal.
I let Nunes disappear before I left. Unfortunately, I had another delivery to make. Even though I disliked it, I had to tread carefully around Rowan, maintain things as natural as possible. I read the delivery address once more and drove off into the night.
A tattooed man stood by the doorway blocking the entrance.
“You Rowan’s boy?”
“Yeah.”
He looked me up and down before stepping aside, letting me in.
“Go straight.” He pointed to a hallway. “The last door. He’s expecting you.” Tattooed flopped onto a couch, joining a few other men playing video games. The volume was high and all of them were focused on the screen. None acknowledged my presence.
Every part of the house reeked of marijuana and a thick coat of smoke was still present. I followed the path instructed towards the end of the corridor and banged on the last door.
“Come in,” a deep male voice, that I assumed belonged to Kai, answered.
I’d never met Kai before, but Rowan warned that I should keep my eyes open. That was the rule anyway. Always keep your eyes open. At the first sign that he was trying to pull a fast one on me, I’d leave. However, the men on the couch had me worried. If things went south, the odds wouldn’t be in my favor.
“Kai,” I called, walking into the room.
I glanced around at the mess that surrounded him. Empty beer bottles, takeout boxes and a whole lot of shit were dispersed. And the awful pong nearly had me gagging with disgust.
“You got my stuff?” he questioned.
“You got my money?”
Kai closed the distance between us. When he was in front of me, I noticed his bloodshot eyes and how dilated his pupils were. His shirt and jeans seemed like he had been rolling around in the dirt. Fuck! Rowan sent me to a junkie.
Scrunching my nose, I cursed under my breath. “I changed my mind. Call Rowan and have someone else drop by.”
“Nah, man.” He sniffed, scratching the side of his head. “I got money. You think I don’t got money?”
I crossed my hands over my chest, legs slightly parted. “Fine then, show me the cash.”
He moved around the room searching for money I was almost sure he didn’t have. My gut was troubled and my instincts told me to flee.
“I’m out, dude.”
“You ain’t going nowhere,” Kai said, gliding his eyes to the right. I followed his gaze. He wanted to reach for a gun that was on a table two feet away from him.
If he reached it, chances were I’d have to give up my stash or worst case scenario he’d pull the trigger. As high as he was, anything was possible.
Without giving it another thought, I leaped over him. Taking us both tumbling to the ground. I smashed my right fist into his throat. His hands instinctively reached for my neck but his grip was weak. I shoved my fist into his chest, repeatedly, until he let go of my neck.
Kai wiggled beneath me attempting to be free. I slammed my knees into his thigh, preventing him from getting away. Both my hands found his throat. I squeezed—hard—with every ounce of strength in me.
His face turned scarlet, swelling from the pressure against his throat. I lifted his neck slightly, bringing up his head and smashed his skull on the ground. He passed out.
I stood, breathing hard, fixed my hair and clothes while fighting to control my ragged breathing. Swallowing, I moved towards the door and pressed my ear against it. I could hear the game noises and buoyant voices coming from the other side.
Having calmed down, I opened the door, peeked out but saw no one. I took a cautious step out, squared my shoulder and strode to the main living area.
Tattooed guy cocked his head to look at me but said nothing then returned his focus to the screen. The second I was out of the house, I rushed to my car and raced down the street.
Once I was far enough from Kai’s residence, I called Rowan. He answered almost immediately.
“You made the delivery?”
“The fuck man? You sent me to a junkie with no money who nearly shot me.” My pulse thudded, adrenaline cruising through me. “You want to get me killed?”
“Shit,” he said. “I was told Kai was secure.”
“Well, whoever told you that wanted to fuck with you.”
“Are you okay?”
I was stunned by his question and frowned as if he could see me. “Like you care.”
“I might not care, but you can’t get hurt. I need you alive. The fucker who vouched for Kai will get what’s coming to him.”
The line went dead.
Chapter Eleven
Christina
All the color drain from my face, and I swear I couldn’t breathe as Ezra sauntered into the office. I forced myself to expel the trapped air when he sat across from me, offering a lame explanation for his absence that morning.
How was it possible I sent him those texts instead of my friends?
We were gathered having lunch and I did my best to stick to the salad I’d packed from home, all the while, resisting the whiff of pizza misting up the air, and the burger Sienna was eating.
“Frank,” Sienna called. “How did you propose? We never got the story.”
“How does anyone propose?” Frank shrugged. “I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me.”
Stacie sucked on her lips and kept her face tilted down, failing to hide the grin on her face. Clearly, there was more to the story, however, I don’t think they were willing to sha
re.
“Didn’t you get nervous?” Sienna continued. “I mean, it’s not easy putting all those feelings into words.”
“Why not?” Frank scrunched his shoulders. “Look them in the eye and say: ‘I want you. Do you want me too?’ Simple as that.”
“I get nervous and the words get stuck.” Sienna placed her hands over her belly. “I stutter and get butterflies in my stomach.”
“Digest them,” I said ironically. Everyone laughed except Sienna.
Without drawing attention, Stacie placed a slice of her pizza on a plate and slid it in my direction. It was one slice. I could do it. Taking the first juicy bite, I wondered if food was this good for everyone or to me exclusively.
Ezra was watching me eat, I sensed his eyes on me. I glanced up through my lashes and he didn’t look away. He was staring with a weird look on his face. I knew it had to do with the texts, and, even more, I wondered what he thought of them.
“What?” I mouthed.
He shook his head as if saying, “nothing.” But he still didn’t look away. Instead, he smiled and my brows pulled together. I dropped the pizza unable to continue eating.
His hair was a little rough today like he left in a hurry. A few strands poked out of the bun. His white shirt that concealed a work of art beneath it had the first two buttons undone, showing a bit of flesh and his collarbone. There were also fresh nail marks around his neck. I figured it was a woman who left them there. Maybe that’s why he left so quickly yesterday.
“Stop ogling,” I said, kicking his foot under the table. “It’s uncomfortable.”
“I’m just trying to figure something out.”
“What?”
“Did you mean them?”
I knew he was referring to the texts. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He didn’t say anything else so I went back to my pizza. However, I could still feel his eyes on me causing my skin to prickle.
I shifted in my seat. “You’re going to make me choke,” I said, without lifting my face. “Stop staring!”
Peeking up, I saw his smile extending to a full-blown grin. “The view is great.”
“No one looks great while eating.”
“Depends on what they’re eating.”
I swallowed and lifted my gaze to his. His eyes screamed mischief and ran his tongue over his bottom lip. I imagined his plump lips on mine, they seemed soft and were a sweet shade of pink. I could consume them like my favorite strawberry donut topping. Oh God, I had to stop those types of thoughts.
“Like what for instance?” I challenged, sitting up.
Everyone fell silent, keenly watching our exchange. Ezra moved forward and leaned his elbows on the table, brushing his calf over my bare leg and I bet it wasn’t accidental.
“Exactly what you’re thinking of.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I wasn’t thinking about eating.” If he wanted to play the flirtation game, I would go along. “I was thinking more in the lines of sucking. I love ice-cream.”
His eyes were gleaming. “I could get you a cone, all you have to do is ask.”
“I see y’all are really talking now,” Frank teased, cutting through the moment. “Damn!”
Sienna coughed with exaggeration akin to someone who was choking. Taking the attention from us and pulling it towards herself. When the coughing stopped, she turned to Ezra and said, “Are you still drawing that girl?” Ezra’s eyes narrowed as he glanced in her direction. “The one you’re in love with?”
My chest twisted with an alien sensation. He was in love with someone? Right away, the name Melissa flashed in my mind and the thought distressed me. I straightened my spine and continued eating. It was no secret he had harbored the biggest crush on Melissa.
Ezra’s face flattened. “No, I don’t,” he replied, showing no difficulty. “I realized that I wasn’t in love with her. I was in love with the image I’d created of her when in reality, I had no idea who she was. I don’t believe anymore that it’s possible to love someone without knowing them. Knowing what makes them happy or what makes them cry. Their fears, aspirations. Without knowing their soul. And I never knew her.”
“Amen brother. That was deep, spoken like an artist,” Stacie said, clapping. “And I agree with you a thousand percent. Love based on appearances isn’t love at all ‘cause that changes over time, but our souls remain the same.”
Ezra’s words brought about tumultuous thoughts where I had a transcendent moment. My mind drifted to Robert. He had no idea who I was beneath the clothes and makeup. I never let him see the true me. I hid my scars, my fears, and even my aspirations from him. I never cared to learn about him either. Juggling the thoughts that raced through my system, I tried to remember anything personal about Robert like even if he had any family, but came up empty. Who was this Robert that I claimed to love? Was I even in love with him? Or was it all an illusion? All I knew was that I wanted what my friends had. Did I project that desire onto Robert?
The pain I felt from losing Rob didn’t originate from losing him. It was from the rejection. The rejection hurt. Seeing him happy with someone that was taller and thinner hurt. Knowing that I wasn’t good enough hurt. We never shared what Melissa and Andrew had or the evident bond between Erica and Dave.
With the resolution, my eyes were heavy and emotions gripped at my chest. I cleared my throat determined not to let it show.
“Ezra draws?” I asked Sienna. “And who’s the girl in the drawings?”
“Yes, and he’s good,” She said proudly. You’d think she was talking about herself. “The girl in the drawing has no name. We don’t know who she is. This is the first time he’s openly talking about her. Now that he’s no longer in love with her.” Her eyes sparkled with hope. “What about you, anyone special in your life?”
I reached across the table and took another slice of pizza, this time from Frank’s box. He didn’t protest. There were too many emotions threatening to engulf me and I desperately needed food. “Not at the moment?”
Ezra raised an inquisitive brow. “Why not?”
I shrugged. “Haven’t found the right, tall guy.”
“Tall? Too bad I’m taken,” Frank said with a peal of laughter in his tone. “But Ezra’s available.”
Sienna’s face fell. Frank was only kidding, but I could tell it hit her hard.
“Nah, he’s too short,” I sneered. He wasn’t that short. About six-two or slightly over.
Ezra snorted. “Says the girl whose head barely touches my shoulder.”
I chuckled. “Before I forget I’m having a house-warming party this Saturday. You’re all invited.”
“Even me?” Ezra asked, surprised.
“Especially you, Ezra.”
After a few more slices of pizza, I slipped out of the office.
As I exited the bathroom, a hand cupped my elbow and spun me around.
Ezra grimaced. His lips were set to a firm, displeased line. “Why do you do that?”
I forced the muscles of my face not to flinch when my insides turned a cartwheel, and my heart drummed a little faster beneath my chest. Pretending to be unaware of what his vague question meant, I yanked my hand from his and said, “What are you talking about?”
“I know what you were doing in there. You do it every time after you eat.”
“Everyone takes a shit,” I quipped. “What’s uncommon about that?”
Ezra seized my upper arm and pulled me towards the staircase. I slapped his hand, telling him to let me go but his grip tightened. He kicked the door open and pressed me against the wall.
“Let me go,” I said through clenched teeth.
He did. When I took a step away from him, he placed both his palms on either side of my face, caging me in with his body. Leaning my head backward, I stared at him knowing that my breathing was harsh, probably a little loud too.
He looked down at me, intensely, his gaze skimmed my face and stopped at my mouth. He swallowed, parted hi
s lips lowering his head. His nose brushed over my mouth, tingling my skin and when I thought he was going to kiss me, he sniffed and removed his body from mine.
“You brushed your teeth.”
I rolled my eyes, disappointment settling in. “So?”
“This is the seventh time I’ve heard you puke right after you eat. The first time, I thought you’d eaten too much and it was some kind of bad reaction. Then I thought you had some sort of stomach issue. But I don’t see you taking any medication and you spend the whole day in the office. Since you brushed your teeth, I can only assume you come prepared. What I don’t understand is why you do it.”
I felt attacked, exposed and vulnerable. My brain shifted over to the defensive mode. It was my coping mechanism. “Get a fucking life and leave me alone. Stop monitoring everything I do, it’s creepy.”
He exhaled sharply. Shut his eyes, shaking his head. “You’re impossible, Christina.” When he opened his eyes, they were worried. Why did he care? “I know you don’t need my advice, but this thing that you do, for whatever reason you do it, isn’t healthy.”
“I’m glad we agree on something: I don’t need your advice.” I shoved past him and marched back to the office.
I had the situation under control. This was temporary. Until I lost a bit more weight. Although I’d been purging at least twice a day, I could stop whenever I wanted to.
Now Ezra knew my secret. Ezra of all people.
Chapter Twelve
Ezra
Christina’s apartment was impressive, upmarket and way above her pay scale. I sat on one of her couches with a beer in hand watching her. I didn’t know how to stop it. I found her intriguing. Her complexity was what drew me to her.
She went around making sure everyone was comfortable and attended to. The party didn’t have a large attendance, only the people from the office, her family and a few others.
