“What are you doing here?” she asked. He could hear her come closer and could feel her presence only a few feet from him. He could probably feel her presence anywhere.
“Samantha came to visit, looking for you. She said she couldn’t find you down here, so I was worried.”
Elizabeth let out a scoff. “You were worried about me? I find that hard to believe.”
Tom turned around and shot her a look. “What do you mean?”
Elizabeth pushed her damp hair back. “You’ve only been treating me with contempt these past few days. Why should I believe you when you say you are worried about me?”
Tom took a step forward, so they were only inches apart. “How can you believe that, when all my thoughts are consumed by you? I am always worried something will happen to you. You have become one of the most important people in my life. I care so much about you, I don’t know what to do with it anymore.”
He could feel her shallow breathing. He looked into her eyes as he reached over to touch her cheek. Elizabeth leaned into his hand, closing her eyes.
“I don’t know what I would do without you now. You mean so much to me.”
Elizabeth opened her eyes. They stared at each other for what seemed like eternity. Carefully, Elizabeth stepped ever closer so only her dress was between them. “Show me,” she said, as she dropped her dress between them.
It only took a few seconds before Tom reacted. He leaned in and took her lips, while his hand reached to grasp her back, holding her close to his body. She lifted her arms to wrap around his neck drawing him closer to her. She clawed at him, pulling him forward like she wanted his body to blend into her. Her hands went to the bottom of his shirt; she fumbled with the buttons until each one was undone. She pushed back his shirt without breaking apart and let her hands explore his chest until she wrapped her arms around his neck again.
Tom picked her up, setting her down on the soft grass under them, kissing her neck as she fumbled with his pants. Her movements were proving what he knew all along; that she wasn’t experienced at all. And he was fighting with himself to go as slow as he could, but it was hard with her writhing underneath him. She was able to undo his pants with his help and he pushed them down until they were both naked on the ground.
He forced himself up, to look down at her. Her face looked to him, almost pleading with him to continue. But he didn’t want to misunderstand her intentions. His pause seemed to alarm her, as she reached up and cupped his cheek. She leaned up and whispered in his ear. “Please, I want this.”
Before Tom could change his mind, he leaned down and took her lips once more before he became lost in her body.
Elizabeth laid there, looking up at the sky. It was clear and was the prettiest blue she had ever seen it. But it also could be because she was elated at what just happened. As she looked over at her husband, who laid next to her in all his naked glory, she smiled in satisfaction. She thought back to what he said before. He cared for her. She felt warmth flow through her body at the thought. No, it wasn’t love, but it was a start.
As she turned her face to look back at the sky, she realized what she tried to deny herself; she loved him. It had been there all along and no matter how much she thought she could outrun it, it was there as clear as day. Would it be enough he cared about her? Could she continue this way knowing that she was in love with him and he may not love her?
For now, she felt it was enough for her. She had given much thought about what would happen when she finally gave herself to a man for the first time and secretly, she worried about finally going further with Tom. She knew it was a matter of time, because she imagined Tom would want his own children. It would be a means to an end. She was afraid that her innocence would be etched all over her face and he wouldn’t like doing it with her. But from the pleased expression on his face, he seemed to be satisfied and that made her smile.
She heard a cry coming from the blanket nearby her. It shook her out of her thoughts as she sat up with a jolt. Madeline. She stood up, running down to the creek to pick up her undergarments, hastily putting them on before she walked over to the not-so-sleeping baby. Madeline was crying now as she scooped her up and hugged her close to her chest.
She whispered soothing words to the baby as she wailed into her chest. It was probably because she was hungry, and she cursed herself for letting her emotions get the better of her. She shouldn’t have rolled around in the grass with her husband, no matter how glorious it felt at the time. Tom sat up and looked up at Elizabeth. “Is she ok?”
“I think she needs to get back to the house. It’s probably time she be fed.”
Tom scratched his head before sighing and turning to grab his pants to put on. He seemed to be disappointed. Maybe because they had to make their way back to the house and couldn’t continue with their escapades. When he found his shirt, he put it on and went to buttoning it up. “Maybe we were too loud.”
Elizabeth felt her cheeks burn. She shot him a look of death, but Tom only laughed. “We shouldn’t talk like that in front of the baby.”
Tom finished laughing, leaning in to give Elizabeth a quick kiss on the cheek. “I highly doubt the baby is paying attention to every little word we say, nor is she going to understand our adult conversations,” he said, before pressing a kiss to the crying baby’s forehead. “Let’s get her back to the house for a light supper. Then maybe we can get her to bed so we can finish what we were doing earlier.”
Tom leaned back, taking in Elizabeth’s shocked expression. He laughed even more, as he held out his arms to take the baby. “Let me take her so you can finish getting dressed.” Elizabeth gladly gave her to him, so she could put on her dress. Once she was fully dressed, Tom started up the hill back to the house. Elizabeth followed him up, smiling to herself. She felt excitement at her husband’s words and wondered what was about to come.
A few days went by with Elizabeth and Tom trying to get as much alone time as they could. Little Madeline had other plans. Elizabeth loved Madeline like she was her own, but even she had reached her limit of tolerance. She would give anything for one night of peace. She was relaying this to Samantha one day, as they sat around sewing some old garments. Samantha didn’t really know how to sew properly, so Elizabeth was teaching her.
“We’ve had a few stolen kisses here and there, but it seems that Madeline is trying to thwart us at every turn. We’ve only been able to make love once and then once more we got close. Then she cried like it was the end of the world.”
“Well, that’s good right? He is being very affectionate towards you, which was very different from before,” Samantha said, as she continued to use the needle in the shirt she was mending. “Am I not doing this right? It doesn’t seem to be closing,” she said, pointing to the open hole at the shirt pocket.
“No, you need to keep the thread close together,” she said as she walked over to show Samantha how to do it properly. Once she was satisfied Samantha was making better progress, she went back to her seat. “Yes, I do think we are getting closer.” Truth be told, the last time Elizabeth was really close to expressing her love for him, she was conscious enough to bite her tongue. Once she said those words she couldn’t take it back, and without any indication about how he would react, she didn’t want to say them too soon. Or say them at all if she knew he wasn’t going to say them back.
Samantha motioned for Elizabeth to look up, as she held the mended shirt up for Elizabeth to see. “Perfect!” Elizabeth smiled, as Samantha folded the shirt and placed it in the basket at her side. Samantha and Elizabeth had gotten close these past couple weeks, and she considered her almost like a sister. Elizabeth looked forward to their hours together while Tom and Seth were out working on the farm or in town.
Samantha got up to check on the chili cooking on the stove. “What if we take Madeline for the night? That would give you two some privacy.”
Elizabeth looked up from her own mending. “Really? It wouldn’t be a bother?”
&nbs
p; “Heavens no!” she said, grabbing some vegetables to cut. “I would love to. You know how much I love Madeline.”
Elizabeth wasn’t so sure Seth felt the same way. Elizabeth secretly thought Seth was trying to avoid having the baby as much as possible. She did feel bad, for a moment, for letting the Jenkins take care of Madeline. But then the thought of having one night alone with her husband made her not regret her actions.
She quickly agreed to Samantha’s offer. A few hours later, Elizabeth waited in the house, anticipating her husband’s entrance. When she finally heard the door open, she sprang up from the bed to greet him. She attacked him with a kiss that he equally gave back to her. “That was quite a hello,” he said, looking beyond her into their small kitchen. “Samantha explained to me that we wouldn’t be joining them for dinner?”
Elizabeth smiled and motioned to the kitchen. “Yes, I’ve made a little supper for us. But I think I have something that might interest you a bit more.”
Tom placed his hand on her waist. “And what is that?”
“Well, Samantha offered to take Madeline for the night. We have the whole house to ourselves,” she said, leaning in closer to him.
Tom leaned down and kissed her hungrily. “Then I think we should enjoy our time alone,” he said, before reaching down to remove her dress, while pushing her back out of the kitchen and towards their bed.
Chapter 12
Tom laid on the bed with Elizabeth leaning on his chest. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He had never made love to a woman before where it was also about mutual pleasure. The feelings were just never there, at least on his part. And when he could feel that they were starting to come, he would go onto the next woman. But now, he couldn’t think of making love without emotion and without her.
He knew he was starting to fall for her and he was hoping that she was feeling the same way. Her actions showed that she was; he had caught her staring at him in a loving way that morning before he made his way out to the field. But he couldn’t be too sure. He could be reading into the signs.
And of course, there were secrets between them. He still hadn’t confronted her about Madeline, even though he had wanted to. But he didn’t know how to broach the subject. He didn’t want to alarm her; he agreed with what Samantha had suggested. Maybe she was hiding something horrible because she had no other choice.
Then there was his own secret, one he had been holding onto for years. “I’ve wanted to ask you, but I’ve never known how to.” Elizabeth lifted her head, so she was staring into his eyes. “Why did you help me that day at the train station.”
And there it was, an opening. Tom knew it was the right thing to do, to tell her. But it would be sharing a part of his soul he had never shared with anyone. Seth didn’t even know this story and he felt he had no secrets with him. He was trying to think of excuses; but when he looked into his wife’s eyes, he felt his resolve fail.
“You reminded me of someone,” he said, pushing back her hair so he could see her face clearly. She was so beautiful.
“Who?”
Tom took a deep breath. There was no turning back. “My sister. Her name was Hannah. She was younger than me, by a few years. We were very close, growing up. I was very protective of her, but in the end, I couldn’t protect her.” He thought back to her now, her face so vivid in his memory. “She was in love with this boy, who lived a few farms down. Jared. They grew up together and were inseparable from childhood. I should have noticed when their friendship turned to something more. When she turned eighteen, the young man was involved in a horrible accident. He was trampled by some horses and he passed away.
“My sister, she was so distraught over the whole thing. We couldn’t calm her with anything and she was beside herself with grief. But what made it worse is, we found out she was pregnant. Once Hannah found out she was with child, she started to get better. She wanted to be better, for her child. It was the only part of him she had for herself. My mother thought she couldn’t handle it. It was so scandalous, with my sister’s lack of marriage. But she knew that she couldn’t have Hannah lose the baby. There were ways, I’m sure, things she could do for Hannah to not be pregnant. But it was too soon, and Hannah was doing so well. She was like herself again.
“So, my mother devised a plan. She was going to have Hannah have the baby, but she was going to give it away, so we wouldn’t have to live with the shame. She thought it was the best for Hannah. After all, how was she supposed to find a husband with a baby? Ma didn’t think she would find anyone.”
Elizabeth moved her fingers to draw slow circles on Tom’s chest. “What of your father?”
“Pops was away from the farm for a while. He was out doing some carpenter work in the next state. We really needed the money since the farm was having trouble. In fact, all the farms were having trouble; Seth and I had already been talking about leaving to make it on our own. My mother knew Pops would not have approved of my sister being pregnant.
“Hannah had the baby and then Ma did her duty. She took the baby, not moments after Hannah had given birth. Hannah was so upset. She screamed at my mother as she took the baby out to the women who were going to take the baby away. And then she screamed at me to stop them. She wanted her older brother to help her, and I couldn’t do anything. I tried to explain to her that it was for the best, but she wouldn’t listen. She was so depressed afterwards, but my mother and I thought, believed she would get over it. We were wrong. She took her life a few days later. Our family never recovered.”
Elizabeth gasped, placing her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry. That must have been hard.”
Tom swallowed and looked away from Elizabeth’s concerned eyes. “I couldn’t forgive myself. I should have stood up to Ma. If I did, maybe Hannah would still be alive. It’s all my fault,” he said shielding his eyes.
Elizabeth reached up and took his hand. She pulled him forward, so they were looking each other in the eye. “You did what you thought was best at the time.”
“No, I did what my Ma thought was best. I should have listened to my gut.”
“You can’t hold yourself accountable forever. She wouldn’t have wanted you to do that.”
Tom sighed. “That’s why I helped you. When I saw you at the train station, all I could see was Hannah. I thought that if I helped you, if I married you, I could atone for what I did to her.”
Elizabeth leaned in and kissed him on the lips. “I think she would be proud of you.”
Tom wanted to believe her, but he still had this sinking feeling. He looked over at Elizabeth, who looked like she herself was wrestling with something. “Is everything alright?”
Elizabeth looked up with tears in her eyes. “I have something I have to tell you.” She shared the story about her aunt and uncle and their abusive relationship; her need for freedom outside of their home and the letters to Carl; her aunt getting pregnant and giving birth; her aunt dying during childbirth, leaving her with a baby; how her uncle had dismissed her, so she had no choice but to take the baby with her.
Once she finished, she leaned her head on Tom’s chest and he could feel fresh tears coming off her face. “I’m sorry I lied to you, but I was so flustered I blurted out my first thoughts. And then I couldn’t take it back. I was so worried that you wouldn’t help me if you knew the truth. I didn’t know if I could trust you. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me.”
Tom laughed, and Elizabeth looked up at him. “How can you laugh at this?”
“Because I had a feeling you weren’t experienced,” Tom said, as he brushed her naked back.
Elizabeth face tinged pink. “You did?”
“Yes, and it was only confirmed the first time we made love. But, if I am to be honest, I had known a few days prior. The lawyer you talked to about adoption? He also happens to be Samantha’s uncle and he let it slip that you had visited him.”
“You knew a few days ago?”
“Yes, and regrettably, that is why I was treating you
badly. And I’m sorry. I just couldn’t believe that you’d lie to me and I thought the worst. But Samantha kindly reminded me that you probably had a good reason for your secrets. I should have asked you about it, not sulked like a child.”
Elizabeth inched up to kiss his lips. “Are we that damaged we can’t talk to each other?”
Tom flipped Elizabeth over, so he was on top of her. He looked into her eyes and kissed her on the nose. “No, I think we are just two halves of the same whole.” Then he kissed her again to make sure she knew how complete she made him.
I’m running out of time. Carl was looking at his pocket watch, as he waited for Harold to come back. They had gone over the plan several times; Harold was supposed to bring some men to the saloon who were going to kidnap Elizabeth. He thought it was strange that this man was eager to help him with only the baby as payment. He couldn’t help but wonder if his intentions were bad, but he was so desperate, he was willing to ignore his better judgment.
A few moments passed, and Harold came through the saloon doors, with two large menacing looking men. “You’re late,” Carl said, pointing at his watch.
“It took a little longer than expected,” Harold said, as he took a stool in front of the bar. “If you want it done right, you have to find the right people.”
Carl looked at both the men. He had never seen either man before. They made the scariest man in his own bar look like an angel. “Where did you get these men?”
Harold looked back at the men. “I met them in a gambling ring a few towns over. Told them about our plan, and they are in. Of course, for a fee.”
Carl put his hands down angrily. “You offered them money?”
Harold scoffed at Carl. “How do you think this is going to work? You have to give something in order to get something.”
Her Secret Baby (Black Hill Brides Book 2) Page 11
