Her dad had encouraged her to participate in after-school events, but she never did. She always felt the odd one out—she had no mom, she was too smart, horribly shy, and awkward around other kids.
“I suppose…what if Nick tries to take Sean from me?”
“Then he’d be a fool. What makes you worry he’d do that?”
Ashley rubbed her temples. “I don’t know what I’m thinking.”
“It sounds to me, you’re overthinking.”
“One of my worst habits, right? Maybe he wouldn’t try to take custody from me, but what if Sean wants to live with him part of the time? He looks at Nick like he’s the next best thing to a Rick Riordan novel.”
“It’s normal to expect Sean to be interested, even a little infatuated, with his dad. As long as you’re allowing them to spend time together, hopefully that will be enough. But you have to be prepared for Sean to stay over Nick’s place. They’re going to want to be together without you.”
Knowing this and pretending not to feel crushed when she became the outsider were two entirely different things.
“I know you’re right. When it happens, be prepared for me to show up on your doorstep with a bottle of wine and a chocolate cake.”
“Do you think there’s any chance of you and Nick—”
“No,” Ashley interrupted.
“You answered too quickly.” Patty dropped the clothes she’d been sorting and touched Ashley’s arm. “You’re still attracted to him. You kissed the stuffing out of him last week.”
“A moment of weakness. Besides, what happened between us was a long time ago.”
“You told me it was the best night of your life. What if there could be more?”
A thought that had drifted to Ashley’s mind more than once over the years. Seeing Nick now, she felt the attraction between them—sizzling just as before. Was a relationship even possible now? Could he ever look past what she’d done?
“Right now, only Sean matters. The last thing I should be thinking about is my future.”
“Your entire life has been about doing for others—first your father and then Sean. When is it time for you to find your happy ending?”
Ashley didn’t believe in happy endings, choosing instead to believe in happy moments. Long-term relationships were hard, and other than her father, son, and Patty, Ashley hadn’t had any deep-seated connections. And for now, that was fine.
Anything more wasn’t worth risking raising her hopes and potentially breaking her heart.
Chapter Twelve
It was midday Sunday afternoon when Nick turned onto the tree-lined street where he grew up. He cast a glance in the rear view mirror and saw Sean taking in the scenery as though he was imagining what it would have been like to live on this side of town. The boy kept up a steady stream of questions, which helped fill the lack of conversation from the passenger side of the car.
Nick expected Ashley to be nervous—he sure as hell was glad he hadn’t had time to think about meeting her father. Regardless of how much reassurance he provided—including helping her pick out flowers at the florist—Nick couldn’t lesson Ashley’s anxiety. Now, she played with the hem of her skirt in the way he’d noticed she did whenever she was worried—in other words, quite often.
Nick parallel parked his SUV in a spot along the street. It wasn’t a fancy section of town, but he loved the sense of community. Friendly neighbors with lots of kids to hang with when he was growing up.
“Which house is it?” Sean asked from the backseat.
Nick pointed out the front window. “Two houses down. Number two-eleven.”
He looked at his childhood home and tried to take it in from an outsider’s perspective. Rows of detached houses stood on small plots of land. Each house had a short front yard with a walkway and stairs that led to the front door.
His parents’ home was a three-story brick house. A variety of purple and pink asters and irises filled the flower beds plus a few others he couldn’t even name. Nestled in the center stood a low stand holding a small welcome flag. Overflowing pots of orange and gold mums sat at the bottom of the steps. Each spring and fall, Nick and Vinnie almost broke their backs changing out the flowers under their mother’s direction. It was neat, pretty, and welcoming.
Nick hopped out of the SUV and walked around the front to open the door for Ashley. She gripped the bouquet of flowers like they were her lifeline.
“I shouldn’t have come with you. Sean belongs here. I’m an outsider,” she said.
Nick covered her hands and stopped her from further crinkling the paper. “Relax.”
“Easy for you to say. You weren’t the one who kept their grandchild a secret for fourteen years.”
She had a point. Still, he wasn’t going to let her nerves get the best of her.
He tilted her head up and stared into sad green eyes that reflected all the regret he imagined she must feel. “It’s going to be fine.”
“I’m nervous, too, but Dad’s right,” Sean said, standing next to Ashley.
Her gaze shifted to Sean, and she reached for his hand. “You’re both right. Let’s do this.”
Nick led them up the walkway. He’d asked his sisters to arrive a little later so he could introduce Sean and Ashley to his parents in privacy. Which left Vinnie, who hadn’t returned any of his texts. Would he be there, and if so, how would he react to meeting Sean?
Nick held open the front door to allow Ashley and Sean to enter first. As usual, garlic and tomatoes from his mom’s homemade gravy welcomed them, a testament to his mother being up at the crack of dawn.
“Wow, that smells amazing,” Sean said with eyes wide. “Sort of like your sauce, Dad.”
“Sunday afternoon dinner is usually macaroni.”
“Why the afternoon?” Sean asked.
“Growing up, family and friends would come over throughout the day. Kids would gather and play ball or games. The women would cook, and the men would watch whatever ball game was playing. We’d eat from early afternoon until evening.”
“It sounds fun,” Sean said with a wistful tone.
Nick thought about his childhood with fondness. Back then, you didn’t run around on Sundays. Today, with both parents working, weekends were for errands and bringing kids to sports activities or birthday parties.
He’d often felt overwhelmed with Franny and their busy schedule. After an exhausting week at work, Nick enjoyed being able to kick back in the confines of his home and got frustrated when Franny insisted on accepting every invitation and filling up every free moment without checking with him. Then, she’d give him grief when he complained.
Now his apartment was too quiet, and he’d give anything to be surrounding by noise and chaos.
“Ma will be in the kitchen.” Nick gestured for them to follow him to the rear of the house.
Nick walked over to the short dark-haired woman by the stove. “Hey, Ma.”
“There you are. I was wondering when you’d get here,” his mother said.
He leaned down to hug and kiss her. “Come meet Sean and Ashley.”
His mother turned and pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh, my mother Mary.” She crossed herself the way she did at church. “You weren’t kidding, Nicky. He looks exactly like you.”
“Sean, this is your Grandma Carmen.”
Sean held out his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”
Carmen took one look at the hand and smiled. “So polite. This is how we greet each other in our family.” She kissed him on the cheek and pulled him into a fierce hug.
Thankfully, Sean hugged her back. Nick met Ashley’s gaze over their heads and when tears welled in her eyes, he struggled to keep his own emotions under control.
His mother pulled back from Sean and settled dark brown eyes on Ashley. While Nick didn’t expect his mom to welcome Ashley with open arms, the cool gaze she fixed on her was uncharacteristic coming from a woman who welcomed everyone into her home.
“You must
be Ashley,” his mother said.
Ashley stepped forward. “Hi, Mrs. DiFrancesco. It’s nice to meet you. I’m only sorry it’s under these circumstances.”
“I’m sure you are,” his mother said. “Are those for me?” She nodded at the flowers.
“Yes, it doesn’t make up for…I mean, I want you to know how sorry…”
She rambled when she was nervous, and while it was completely her own doing, Nick felt bad for her.
Ashley thrust the flowers into his mother’s hands. “I’m sorry. I’m horrible at this.”
Nick stepped closer. “No one expects you to be good at handling this.”
Ashley leaned into him, and he felt her tremble.
“Nick, why don’t you take Sean into the family room to meet his Grandpa Joe,” his mother said.
Nick didn’t want to leave Ashley alone and started to tell his mother as much, but she cut him off. “We’re fine here. Ashley can help me get the antipasto ready, and we’ll meet up with you in the family room.”
And with a gentle shove, his mother pushed him and Sean out of the room.
****
Ashley felt light-headed and prayed she wouldn’t faint. She hadn’t been able to eat breakfast because her nerves were shot. The two cups of coffee she had made her jittery, which was not helping her at the moment. With the way she stumbled over her words, Nick’s mother must think she was a dimwit. And right now, she couldn’t blame her.
“Can I get you something to drink?” Mrs. DiFrancesco asked.
“A glass of water would be nice, thanks.”
After filling two glasses, Nick’s mother carried them to the table. “Let’s sit.”
Ashley lowered herself into one of the wooden chairs grateful to be sitting. Raising the glass to her lips, she let the cool water quench her throat. She needed to turn this around before she screwed up this dinner.
She could do this.
“Mrs. DiFrancesco—” she began.
“Please call me Carmen.”
“Okay, Carmen. As you can tell, I’m nervous about being here. Let me start by apologizing for not telling Nick and your family about Sean for all these years. I hope despite my mistake you’ll accept Sean into your family.”
Carmen took a sip of her own water before responding. “It was surprising and upsetting to learn how Sean came to be in this world. I’m from a generation where people got married before they had kids.” She held up a hand before Ashley could respond. “Old-fashioned, I know, but that’s the way it was.”
Ashley licked her lips. “My father was disappointed in me, too. I’m an only child, and I’d been raised a similar way as you described. I’d never done anything like that before. I still don’t know what your son saw in me.”
“He saw a beautiful girl,” Carmen said.
“The only time I ever threw caution to the wind, and it exploded in my face. Shortly after, I moved to the West Coast for a job and to be near my father who had relocated there. Then to find out I was pregnant…”
“You must have been scared,” Carmen said.
“I was. It’s just my dad and me.”
“Where’s your mother?”
“She left when I was six. I went to school one morning and when I came home she was gone. Turns out she was pregnant and left us to be with the baby’s father.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Things were rough for a while, and money was tight. My dad worked a lot, which left me on my own at a young age.”
“What does your father do?” Carmen asked.
“He’s a psychology professor. Back then he was teaching at a high school. When he got his master’s, he was able to get a job as an adjunct professor at St. Joe’s. After he got his PhD, he got a job at UC Berkeley. That’s when I moved out there.”
“You have no other family?”
“None.”
“So there was no one you could turn to.”
Ashley shook her head. “When I found out I was pregnant, I had planned on contacting Nick, but—” She chewed her bottom lip. “I learned through a friend he was getting married in a few days. I was scared and in the hospital suffering from horrible morning sickness. Against my father’s advice, I decided not to tell Nick.”
Ashley had never believed in fairy tales. She’d been too sensible to believe in white horses carrying handsome princes, a result of growing up sooner than other kids. But for one small moment, she allowed herself to fantasize about Nick coming to California for her and the baby.
Learning about his upcoming nuptials had been like dumping a cold bucket of water on a fire. No matter how much she wanted the father of her child in her life, how could she return to the East Coast and turn his life upside down?
“Why didn’t you contact him after you gave birth to Sean?”
She could have.
She should have.
“I don’t have a good answer other than I was overwhelmed caring for an infant and my father. Then the more time that passed, it didn’t seem right to upset Nick’s life. I knew he had a second child, and I took the coward’s way out by not telling him.”
“You’re right, that’s not a good answer,” Carmen said.
Ashley lifted her chin and met the older woman’s gaze. “No, ma’am, it isn’t, but it’s an honest one.”
“My son would have taken responsibility for Sean. You should have given him more credit.”
She was right. Nick would have been there for her and Sean.
Too little too late.
“I should have. For what it’s worth, since having moved back, I’d been thinking about contacting Nick.” She fiddled with her skirt before meeting Carmen’s chocolate brown eyes, so much like Nick’s. “Since the end of middle school, Sean has been pressing me more about his father.”
“Sometimes it’s harder to withhold the truth.”
And wasn’t that the truth.
“Then after I ran into Nick, I decided to tell him, but we were interrupted before I got the chance. Then fate intervened, and here we are.”
“Well, I’m certainly glad it did. We’ll welcome Sean with open arms to this family.”
The fact Carmen didn’t include Ashley didn’t go unnoticed.
“Thank you. I’ll go now and leave you with your family. Nick can bring Sean home later today.” She put her hands on the table to rise when Carmen covered Ashley’s hand with her own.
“Please stay. This is all hard for me to process. You made a decision I’ll never understand. For the sake of my grandchild and my son, I’ll do my best to keep it in the past.”
Ashley fought the urge to squeeze this woman’s hand. The warmth and kindness she exuded were unfamiliar to Ashley and made her uncomfortable and yearn at the same time. She pulled away and lowered her eyes which stung with tears she’d been fighting. “I don’t deserve your kindness but am grateful to have it.”
“What about my son?” Carmen asked.
“Nick?”
“What about your relationship with him?”
Ashley felt her cheeks flush. “We don’t have a relationship—I mean we’re Sean’s parents but we’re not…involved.”
“My son is a good man.”
Was she encouraging her to pursue a relationship?
“He is. I’m sure we’ll be spending time together for Sean’s sake.”
“Any woman would be proud to have him in her life.”
“You’re right.”
Ashley shifted in her seat, not sure what else to say. She hadn’t known the adult Nick long, but the little she knew showed him to be a caring man—a ridiculously hot and caring man who worked hard and didn’t shirk his responsibilities. Carmen’s subtle suggestion they pursue a relationship made Ashley’s body tingle at the memory of what his touch did to her.
Ashley ran her fingers along the light film of condensation on the glass.
“Is it safe to enter?” Vicky called from the doorway.
Ashley jumped and knocked over the
glass, causing a river of water to run across the table and spilled into Carmen’s lap.
****
The sound of voices drew Nick away from the family room to the kitchen, where he found Ashley cleaning up something from the floor. Vicky stood over her, holding out paper towels.
“What happened?” Nick asked.
“She knocked over her glass of water,” Vicky said.
Ashley wiped at the floor, her backside swishing side to side in a move that shouldn’t look as sexy as it did. Finished, she scooted back and managed to smack her head on the bottom of the table.
“It’s only a little water, Ash. No big deal,” Nick said.
Ashley rose, awkwardly, with a hand pressed to where she’d clocked it. “It is a big deal. I spilled water over your mother.”
Nick tried not to laugh, especially seeing she was practically in tears.
“Ma has had worse spilled on her,” Nick repeated.
“That’s what I told her,” Vicky added.
Nick crossed the room, took the wet paper towels out of Ashley’s hand, and threw them in the trashcan. Moving beside her, he slung an arm around her shoulders. “You need to relax. If you act guilty, people will treat you like you are.”
“How can I look at your parents and not think about what I’ve done?”
Nick cast a glance at Vicky and pleaded with his eyes to help.
“Now that you and Ma talked, it’s best to move on. Just be yourself. We’re not expecting you to be perfect—hell, we’d be pretty ticked at you if you were because you’d make us all look bad,” Vicky said.
Vicky’s comment got a stiff smile out of Ashley.
Loud noises outside the kitchen drew their attention to the doorway.
“Hello siblings, your favorite sister is here.” Kate hovered in the doorway, carrying a cellophane-wrapped plate.
“You’re only our favorite if those are what I think they are,” Vicky said, walking over to snatch the plate out of her sister’s hand.
Awaken My Heart Page 15
