“Yes. It serves as a reminder of my own shortcomings. I was so blinded by my…by my dislike of you that I failed to see the defects of Mr. Wickham’s character, and for that, I am heartily sorry.”
Darcy reached for the letter and tucked it into a pocket of his traveling coat. “That document has a fire in its future.”
Although Lizzy laughed at Mr. Darcy’s comments, she was utterly confused, and her look reflected that confusion.
“Something is bothering you,” Darcy said.
“I do not understand why…” Lizzy could not continue because what she wanted to say was: “Why were you not this charming when you first came into Hertfordshire? Why were you so unpleasant? So above your company? Why? Why? Why?”
“You continue to wonder why I acted so badly whilst at Netherfield Park. My excuse—being closeted with Bingley and his relations—does not satisfy. So, I shall tell you everything. I acted the way I did because I did not understand what was happening to me. I had never been in love before, and instead of embracing this feeling that had invaded my very soul, I treated it as an ill humor—something to be expelled—because it was not as I expected it would be.”
“What did you expect?”
“I am not sure because I had given it so little thought, but I never anticipated that it would be similar to the feeling you get when your stomach is empty and you need to eat.”
Lizzy laughed at Mr. Darcy’s description of love. But she, too, had had few expectations as to what it would feel like to be in love. Even so, she sensed that this unfamiliar feeling that was growing in the pit of her stomach might very well be the first stirrings of love.
“I do not know how to explain how ordered my life has been—so predictable, so pre-ordained—as if a part of some divine, unalterable plan: first a life of privilege at Pemberley, then on to Winchester and Cambridge, and, finally, full immersion in society. In a few years’ time, I fully expected to choose a wife from London society, and my hope was that, like my parents, a fondness would develop that would grow into genuine affection and result in a happy marriage. I thought love was the stuff of novels. But then I met you, and all my plans crumbled into dust. My emotions ranged from anger to confusion and back to anger again as I tried to comprehend what was happening to me—this feeling of helplessness, this inability to change how I felt. I wanted a return to my well-ordered life. That is why I left Hertfordshire, and that is why my offer of marriage sounded like an assault rather than a proposal. I did not want the very thing I sought because I did not understand it.”
Darcy was prevented from continuing by a jarring jolt as the carriage negotiated an uneven surface. It was then that Lizzy glanced out the window. They had been so deep in conversation that they had failed to notice that the farms and pastureland and villages that encircled London had given way to the boundaries of the city. They would soon be across the Thames and in Cheapside.
“Mr. Darcy, I can hardly believe we are in London. Time did fly. Before you know it, I will be at my uncle’s door.”
Only that morning, Lizzy had been so eager to get to London to see Jane and her aunt and uncle, but not now—not after her time with Mr. Darcy in her uncle’s carriage. The truth was that she did not wish to say goodbye to Mr. Darcy.
As Elizabeth spoke of reuniting with her relations, Darcy’s mind was elsewhere. He had no wish to discuss Jane Bennet, the Gardiners, London, or anything else. There was only one thing on his mind.
“This journey has been very pleasant and most informative,” Lizzy continued. “I hope we can part as friends now that we better understand each other. Although I am pleased that you and I have repaired some of the fissures in our relationship, in the end, it really does not matter.” Lizzy’s shoulders sagged. “Soon you will go to your home in Derbyshire, and I shall return to Hertfordshire.” Lizzy felt the jarring of the carriage as it traversed London Bridge, and with that, a reminder that their time together was coming to an end. “Oh, Mr. Darcy… If only…”
“If only what?”
“If only I had been kinder, more understanding, things might have turned out very differently.”
“I was guilty of the same sin. Elizabeth,” Darcy said, taking her hand in his. “This morning you said that you were bound for London, ‘with or without me.’ I now ask that it be with me. What do you say to that, Elizabeth?”
Lizzy covered Mr. Darcy’s hand with her own. “What I say to that, Mr. Darcy, is with you—most definitely with you.”
THE END
Other books by Mary Lydon Simonsen
From Sourcebooks:
Searching for Pemberley
The Perfect Bride for Mr. Darcy
A Wife for Mr. Darcy
Mr. Darcy’s Bite
From Quail Creek Publishing:
Novels:
Another Place in Time
When They Fall in Love
Darcy Goes to War
Darcy on the Hudson
Becoming Elizabeth Darcy
Novellas:
A Walk in the Meadows at Rosings Park – Three Short Stories
Conversations with Mr. Darcy
Convincing Mr. Darcy
Dear Sir, Dear Madam
For All the Wrong Reasons
Mr. Darcy’s Angel of Mercy
Mr. Darcy Bites Back
Mr. Darcy - Bitten
Captain Wentworth Home from the Sea
Short Stories:
Darcy and Elizabeth - Lost in Love
Darcy and Elizabeth – Behind Pemberley’s Walls
Darcy and Elizabeth – Answered Prayers
Netherfield Park Is Let At Last
Patrick Shea Mysteries:
Three’s A Crowd
A Killing in Kensington
A Death in Hampden
Dying to Write
Murder by Moonlighting
An Incident in Longmere
Non-fiction
The Mud Run Train Wreck – A Disaster in the Irish-American Community
A Murderer’s Country – County Galway during the Land War
The Carriage Ride Page 4
