“Why are you doing this?” I beg him, and he puts his hand on my bed beside me, causing me to become frightened. Not again, I pray.
“This is what love is.” His words haunt me. They always will.
“Fate,” Cameron says, pulling me from the past and he puts his hand on my leg. It’s like he’s grounding me to the present and keeping my past where it belongs. His touch has a way of doing that for me.
“You really want to spend our day off from classes there?”
“I want to spend my day with you and I want to see you in your happy place.” I don’t know what comes over me, but I pull him to me. Placing my hands around his neck, I bring his lips to mine and when he groans against my mouth, I deepen the kiss. Just as I go to pull away, I lightly nibble his bottom lip and I feel his hands on my waist tighten. The power from this feels incredible.
“You’re my happy place,” I whisper against his lips and his mouth crashes down on me. Slowly, I begin to lean back and he has no choice but to follow me until my back is resting against the couch and he is holding himself up above me. He’s careful not to put any weight on me or touch me other than with his lips. Before he can do anything to stop me, I pull him down on top of me. He groans as our bodies connect and I begin moving my body, asking for his.
“Fate, if you don’t stop I’m going to go to my happy place without even having to get naked,” he says and I can’t help but giggle. “You think that’s funny?” he says as he gives me this devilish grin. Slowly, his hands creep up and I know what he’s going to do before he even touches me. I begin breaking out in a fit of laughter before he even has his hands on me to tickle me. Usually I’d panic at such a touch but all I’m doing is trying to breathe through the laughter.
“Please stop,” I say in laughter, and he jumps off me. I see that he thinks he’s done something wrong, so before he can figure out what I’m really thinking I jump over to him and begin tickling him. He falls back against the couch, and I climb on top of him, continuing my assault as he chuckles against me, trying to grab my hands. “Do you give in?” I say while I’m giggling and continuing to tickle him.
He gives me a warning look, and I stop. “If I say yes, does that mean you are going to get off of me?” I giggle again, then he pulls me down to him and kisses me again.
“We have to stop or I won’t get to see you school me in the world of fish,” he says when he pulls away.
“Fine, if that’s what you want. Prepare to be educated, Mr. McAlister,” I say with a grin on my face.
I’ve been to aquariums before. I live in Orlando so water and fish are kind of everywhere, but being here with Cameron is something different. Other than with Clarissa, I’ve never really shared my love of marine life. No one ever really wanted to know me. The walls I’d built up over the years kept people away. That is one of the reasons I had those walls to keep people out but also to keep out the memories and protect me from new harms. As soon as we are through the door, I feel the comfort that nature brings me. Even though this isn’t natural, it is still beautiful. These are creatures we wouldn’t have easy access to in their true homes without diving, so this gives everyone a chance to enjoy the wonders of the waters.
Making our way into the first exhibit, we see the hippos, jellyfish, and octopus. Cameron seems to be fascinated with the color display the jellyfish exhibit has. He never lets go of my hand the whole way through as we weave between the crowds. When we get to the shark exhibit I pull away and walk up to the glass, placing both hands against the glass. They are predators but they still live in a community. It’s amazing to see the workings of that up close.
Turning, I look to see that Cameron is watching me with a smile on his face. “Seeing you here, it’s as if I’m on the inside of those walls with you, getting to see you clearly,” he says and my heart melts. The ice princess he’d called me out on being the day we met has become less and less that since he walked into my world. Leaving the glass, I walk up to him, wrapping my arms around him.
“Oh my God,” a girl screeches from next to us and her eyes are locked on Cameron and me. “You are Cameron McAlister from Ten Ways Gone,” she says, getting louder as she goes on. Cameron gets protective and tries to get me out of sight, but I don’t budge. “And you’re Fate,” she yells, and I slightly flinch, but I don’t think Cameron notices. “You guys are so freaking cute together!” This girl looks like she is going to pass out from the excitement. Cameron is tense and I know he doesn’t know what to do or say because I’m with him.
Screw it world, I’m here. “Thank you,” I say with a smile on my face. “Would you like me to take a picture for you with him?” I suggest, and the girl almost faints right there.
“Really?” She is jumping up and down. I have to laugh because it is so strange to see something like this. “Wait.” She waves to a woman who must be with her and hands this person her phone. “Can I get a picture with both of you?” What?
Come on, Fate, can’t back out now. “Of course,” I say, smiling and I look at Cameron, who is just watching me with an odd expression. We pose for the picture and the girl thanks us before heading off on her way again.
Cameron is still looking at me oddly. “What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Nothing is wrong, I just can’t believe it.” He shakes his head with a little chuckle. “I was panicking thinking you were going to shut down because someone recognized us, but you just soared. I know you don’t want to go public yet, but when you do they are going to care for you just as much as I do.” His carefully chosen words warm my soul because every day we find new triggers and he just rolls with those punches. He is careful of his words and actions so that I feel at ease. I’m in deeper than I could have imagined.
“So where is the French Angel Fish?” Cameron asks and it takes me a moment to know why he’s asking about that particular fish. “I want to see what we have. I bet it will be amazing to watch. I’m sure the world is jealous of us,” he says, joking.
“Well, I’m not sure if they have any here. They don’t have every fish or marine animal. Each aquarium has different things to attract different audiences. Plus, there is just too many in the ocean to cram them into one aquarium,” I say as we continue walking through the exhibits. Cameron sees something and begins pulling me in another direction. I have no option but to follow him away from the walls of the sea turtle exhibit I was currently looking at. When he pulls me in front of the exhibit, I feel my chest tighten.
“We might not have the monogamous French Angel Fish but we do have these. The book you gave me talked about them as well. They share the load of life’s hardships so they both can survive. I know these aren’t the exact ones from the book but my meaning is the same.” Looking through the glass, I feel every bit of his words. Penguins.
Tears begin to sting at my eyes, then start to break free. There are people around going about the attractions, but I feel like we are alone here. “Some things are far too precious to let go and they know that too,” he says and a few tears slip out. He wipes them away and just stares at me.
“Actually, most penguins are monogamous. These African Penguins can be too, but the Emperor Penguin is the most monogamous penguin,” I blurt out, and he chuckles.
“I know, I read about them. Something like fifteen percent stay together in the next mating season but that’s due to circumstances of being torn apart by death or the elements.” I look to him in amazement. Never has someone taken such an interest in something so close to me. “We are that fifteen percent, Fate, because I’m not going to let anything pull us apart.”
“I’m sorry to interrupt such a beautiful moment.” Turning, I see a lady in her late fifties looking at us with tears in her eyes. She has a uniform on, indicating that she works here and the penguin pin tells me this is her exhibit. “We do have French Angel Fish, they are in the exhibit right down that hall on your left.” Cameron snickers and I can’t help but smile at us being caught in our crazy fish moment. Cameron grabs my h
and again and turns me to him. He lightly presses his lips to mine. “Most certainly a monogamous creature you have there, miss. You enjoy your day here at the aquarium.” Cameron continues to lead me through the exhibits and my world finally feels complete with him here with me in my other happy place.
On our way back to the apartment we get out of the cab early and walk back, enjoying each other’s company. Being here with Cameron, having him understand my insecurities is like my world finally makes sense again. No more nightmares, no more fear, because each day we find a new way to work them out. Things I don’t want him to see or know come out and he just shows me how much I mean to him every time. Nothing could take me off the cloud his actions and words put me on.
“Hello, Fate.” Just like that I’m in my nightmares with him, but I know I’m not sleeping. I’m looking at him in the light of the day. He really is out and has found me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Fate, who is this man?” Cameron says and I feel as if I’m frozen. “Fate.” I look at him and I can’t even say our word to tell him how much of a struggle this is. Protectively, he takes a step so he is a bit in front of me, telling me that he knows without me saying it. “Who in the fuck are you?”
“Tsk, tsk. Is that any way to talk to your girlfriend’s father?” Cameron’s eyes go big and I want to pull away. Run away like my body is telling me to, but Cameron’s touch has me pinned. “What, aren’t you going to give Daddy a hug? I missed my baby girl,” he says snidely and I feel nauseated. My eyes dart to the left, looking at Cameron. I’m going to have to do this, I can’t have him look at me this way. Not him. Moving forward, I feel Cameron tug me back to him. My father notices this and his face changes to anger. “I want a moment alone with my daughter if you will please.” I’m silently praying that Cameron will just let this go. Knowing will destroy us.
“Kurt, I think you’ve had enough alone moments with your daughter already, don’t you?” My stomach drops at Cameron’s words. Frantically, my eyes find his and I see it. He knows.
“Who are you to tell me what I can be to my daughter?” my father says, enraged.
“I don’t have to tell you shit, the law told you that. I think you need to just walk away, Kurt, or this will end badly. Trust me when I say you will never touch her again.” I feel as if I’m going to pass out. Cameron is standing here telling me that he knows all my secrets.
“How?” I whisper, looking at the ground. His hand lightly touches my chin, bringing my eyes to look at his. His blue eyes are penetrating right through me like there isn’t anything between us. Like he’s not here, but I know he’s watching this.
“The first night you had a nightmare you were screaming, but you also kept saying ‘Daddy, no.’ I wasn’t sure what you were talking about. However, the more I got to know you I just had this sick feeling in my stomach that he had done something to you.” I try to pull my face out of his grip in shame, but he doesn’t let me. “I wasn’t sure until I saw your face just now.” He bends down to me so only I can hear him. “He will never touch you again, Fate, no one will. I fucking promise you that.”
“How cute,” my father says, reminding us he’s here. “I’ve done my time because of that. Nothing says I can’t have a relationship with my daughter now.” The way he said relationship I want to hurl. My world is spinning and I feel trapped. “Especially since the world now knows what a whore she is. Screwing a rock star is a step up, sweetheart, just don’t forget your roots.”
I feel Cameron go stiff. I’m not sure what he’s thinking. It is like he has shut me out, that is the worst feeling in the world. Tugging my hand as hard as I can, our hands part and I feel the instant fear that has taken a grip over me. He goes to look at me, but my eyes dart to the ground since I can’t bear to look at him right now.
“Stay away from Fate,” Cameron roars.
“Good for you, son, protecting that nice piece of ass you found yourself.” I now notice his words are a bit slurred and now that he is close enough to me, I can smell the booze coming from him. He’s had a relapse. This isn’t the father I grew up with for nine years, it’s the monster that the booze made him into after my mother died. Cameron moves so fast I miss it and he is on top of him, smashing his fists into my father’s face.
“Cameron, no!” I scream.
People are staring and taking pictures, causing more to come around. Quickly, I rush to him. “Cameron, please stop.” My words aren’t getting through to him and I know I have no choice. Just as I go to grab him, his elbow connects with my left shoulder and I’m thrown back. My head snaps back as I hit the ground, smashing into the sidewalk and for a moment I feel lightheaded.
Trying to pick myself up, I see Cameron staring at me. I know that all his fears about his anger have just happened. I know he wants to come to me, but he’s holding back. He’s doing what I do. His thoughts are full of blame. My father begins to get to his feet and he is looking at the scene in front of him.
“Guess I’m not the only abuser,” Kurt insults.
I see Cameron getting ready to go to the deep end of his anger again. Just before he lunges, I yell, “Choose.” Just like that, all the anger disperses and he turns, looking at me with such sorrow that it pulls on my soul.
“Choose what?” Kurt says, clearly confused.
Leaning into my father so others can’t hear, he says, “None of your business, you have no business here. Do you get it? I will fucking kill you before I ever let you touch her again.” I see the anger building and I know I need to get him out of here. Grabbing Cameron, I try to show him with my eyes that I need to leave. Pulling, he eventually gives in and lets me begin to lead him away.
“Maybe I will kill her first, those pictures aren’t doing it for me anymore and I won’t go back to jail for a little bitch,” he slurs.
Cameron stops in his tracks, but I put my hand on his chest. He brushes me off and I feel the loss of him right away.
“He’s not worth it,” I plead.
“You’re right, none of this shit is,” he snaps back, causing me to flinch. He takes off, walking away from me.
“Dad, get some help and stay the hell away from me. Stop ruining my life,” I scream and run off after Cameron. When I round the corner on the way to our building, I can’t see him anywhere. Cameron is nowhere to be seen. Picking up the pace, I take off as fast as I can to our apartment. After I unlock the door, I find that I am in our apartment by myself. His door is open and I know he hasn’t been back here yet. I throw my bag on the table and fall against the wall. My body is making itself a puddle on the floor and I pray for tears but they never come. I’m broken. My phone begins to ring and I scramble to answer it.
“Cameron,” I say hopefully.
“Fate, it’s Clarissa.” I gasp at the realization it isn’t Cameron calling me. Cameron, no. “Fate, what’s wrong?” I don’t speak. I feel so much, but I have no words. “Fate, if you don’t answer me right now I’m getting on a plane. Fate,” Clarissa yells.
“Cameron’s gone,” I whimper.
“Fate, start from the beginning,” she pleads.
“Dad was here, Cameron attacked him after he figured out what had happened between us. I got him off of him, but he accidentally knocked me over and then when I finally got him to leave, Dad said...” I can’t finish, my throat feels like it’s closing up. Clarissa doesn’t even know the extent of it.
“What? Tell me, Fate,” she begs.
“He said he’d kill me before he’d go back to jail again and…” taking a deep breath, I give her my final secret, “that the pictures aren’t keeping him as good company as I would.”
“What kind of pictures, Fate?” she cries out and my heart breaks for her in this moment. I’ve had years of these memories and I know I can barely handle them.
“He has pictures of me without my clothes on in my room,” I say.
“He says he still has them? Why didn’t you tell me about this when it happened?” she asks, trying to
remain calm, but I can hear the soft sobs coming from the other side of the phone.
“He says he does. Clarissa, he’s drinking again. I could smell it on him and he was slurring his words.” She understands what this means when it comes to that man.
“I am getting on a plane right now.” I can hear her shuffling around and then I hear the clicking of a keyboard. “There isn’t a flight until tomorrow morning,” she says in frustration.
“You don’t have to come, Clarissa.”
“I know I don’t have to, but I am coming. There’s no use arguing about it,” she says firmly, and if I wasn’t dying inside right now I might feel some relief at her coming. “It’s going to be okay, Fate.”
“Cameron,” I whisper.
“It’s a lot to take in, Fate. He’ll be back,” she says, trying to lessen my pain.
“It’s over, he’s not coming back, he knows the truth and he can’t handle it. No one can. This is why I pushed him away before. Why I broke down and had to be committed because I knew this moment would come and I would be feeling this. He finally knows and can’t look at me,” I say and I believe every word.
“Then he isn’t who I thought he was and he isn’t the person for you, but I think you’re wrong,” Clarissa says and then I hear a bang, causing me to gasp. “Fate,” Clarissa yells from the phone, but I can’t say a word.
“Cameron,” I cry out and tears glide down my face. He is just standing there, watching me. The pain I’m seeing in his face mirrors the pain in mine.
“Fate, are you crying?” Clarissa gasps.
“Yes, I am crying. He’s here, Clarissa,” I whisper like I’m scared if I am too loud I might startle him or wake up and find out he’s not really here. “I have to go.”
“Listen to me, let him tell you what he feels, don’t assume, and you have to let him talk about this. You can’t ignore this. The cat’s out of the bag so to speak. He might have questions. But you have to trust him to stay. I love you and I will see you tomorrow at eleven o’clock.” I don’t even have to hang up as I hear the click telling me she has. I just let the phone fall from my hands to the ground beside me.
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