by B. N. Hale
“Everyone hates that class.”
She conceded the point with a rueful nod. “We had English, American History, and Calculus in high school.”
“I hated calculus.”
“Everyone hates calculus,” she said fervently, and they both laughed.
“Whatever happened to our teacher?” Reed asked. “I heard he got fired.”
“They found pornography on his computer at school,” she said. “My friend’s sister was in his class and said one day he just disappeared, but news travels fast.”
Reed shook his head in disgust. “I hated the subject, but he made the math fun.”
“Turns out he was just a creepy old man,” she said.
Uncomfortable with the turn in conversation, Reed steered the topic back to their time together. But as they were waiting for the check she abruptly leaned forward and interrupted him.
“Do you mind if we talk about my boyfriend?”
His heart sank but he gamely nodded. “Of course.”
She looked out the window. It had grown dark during their conversation and the street was filled with cars passing the restaurant, their headlights flashing and then dimming. Saturday night had brought people out in droves, and students converged on the bars nearby.
“He was nice at first,” she said. “But he really likes to drink.”
“Has he hit you?” he asked, alarmed.
“No,” she said hastily. “But I get the feeling he has to restrain the impulse.”
You should be with me!
He kept the words in check, but they reverberated inside his skull as they talked about Tim, how he’d grown increasingly physical in the last few months. She still really liked him, especially when he was sober.
“He’s graduating this year,” she said. “And he wants me to go with him to New York. He wants to go to NYU to become an attorney like his dad.”
“Are you going with him?” Reed asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I think I love him.”
“But he drinks too much.”
“He’s in college,” she said. “Everyone drinks too much.” She pulled out her phone and typed a text. Then she looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I forgot about your dad.”
Reed played with his fork, trying not to think of his dad’s drinking problem. “He’s in AA now so he’s getting better. He even met someone.”
She reached out and covered his hand with hers. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“It’s okay,” he replied, and managed a smile. “I’m probably going to switch roommates in the fall because Willis is doing the same thing. He stumbles in most nights and falls on the floor.”
“Sounds like Tim,” she replied.
They shared a sad smile and then the check came. Reed snatched it and paid, and then they left. On the way out he spotted a sign for the capitol building observatory, which was open late for today and tomorrow. He considered inviting her to go but decided it would be better to play it safe.
“Let’s go to a movie,” he said.
“Okay,” she said.
They drove to the movie theater but most of the drive she was engrossed with her phone, texting furiously. Her expression grew more worried and when he parked in front of the theater she turned to him.
“Actually, can we go another time?” she asked. “Tim wants to come pick me up. He doesn’t like that we are out together.”
“He’s here?”
“He drove us up from Gainesville,” she said uneasily. “He has some friends at Florida State and they wanted to get together.”
“Can he not pick you up after the movie?”
She bit her lip. “I’m sorry. He’s already on his way.”
The entire night shrank into a few minutes, and Reed realized he didn’t have time to say what he needed to say. He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. A new text came and she looked at her phone.
“He’s pulling in,” she said. “It’s been fun to catch up. Can we get together again?”
She reached for the handle but he caught her arm. “Aura,” he said, forcing himself to speak. “Can you wait a minute?”
“What?” she asked, the earnestness in his voice finally causing her to meet his gaze.
“I just . . . wanted to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“About what I feel for you,” he said.
Her eyebrows pulled together and she swiveled in her seat. “Reed, what are you talking about?”
He looked away and then back to her. Then down at his lap. Then back to her. Why were his hands suddenly sweaty? He realized he was fidgeting and she was staring and a car was swerving into the lot. Then suddenly the words tumbled from his lips.
“Aura,” he began. “I’ve actually felt this way for a few years, ever since you were in the choir and I watched you sing. Something changed and I looked at you differently, saw you for how beautiful you truly were. I was afraid to speak before but can’t wait any longer. I think I’m in—”
Aura leaned into a kiss, the contact robbing him of speech. It was less than a second but it seemed to linger for decades, his heart soaring. Then she pulled away and he saw the apology on her expression.
“You’re my best friend,” she said. “And I’ll always love you in that way.”
His hope shattered, his heart bleeding into his feet. “Aura,” he said.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
She hesitated and it seemed she wanted to say more. Then her phone buzzed and she got out. Numb, he did as well, and came around the car as a black Camaro came to a halt. Tim leaned over and shouted through the open window.
“Let’s go, Aura,” he called, his speech slurred. “We’re going to the gulf coast for a bonfire.”
“One second,” she said.
“Aura,” Reed said. “He’s clearly been drinking. Let me at least take you home.”
“He’ll be fine,” she said, but her tone was filled with doubt.
Tim honked and called her name, which came out distorted. “Aura!”
“Please,” Reed said. “Please stay with me.”
She remained in place, glancing between Reed’s outstretched hand and Tim’s car. For a split second he dared to hope, and imagined her turning away from Tim and taking his hand. Her fingers even twitched. Then Tim honked again and she cringed.
“I’d better go with him,” she said. “I’ll keep him from getting hurt.”
She took a step towards the car and Reed caught up, making a last, desperate effort. “Are you telling me you feel nothing for me?”
She stared at him, her blue eyes bright with worry and regret. She stepped to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, clinging to him as if he were an anchor that would hold her safe.
“I know you’re good for me,” she said in his ear, “but I want more out of life.”
Stung, he retreated. She grimaced and tried to apologize but he retreated another step. She apologized again and then strode to Tim’s car. Before the door had even shut he gunned it, nearly clipping a truck as he sped around the corner. Reed watched the car disappear around the corner, the bitterness like bile on his tongue.
It was the last time he saw her alive.
Chapter 6
Reed fell silent and looked to Aura. “I should have told you I loved you,” he said. “Maybe then you wouldn’t have stayed with him.” He reached out and took her hand.
“I told you about Kate. What I didn’t say is that she helped me move forward. She helped me realize I was okay. You’ll always be a part of me. It just won’t be the dominant part. It may have taken me three years, but I finally heard you. We are friends and always will be.”
He stood and leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. “Goodbye, Aura.”
Squeezing her hand, he took the long walk towards the door. With every step a fragment of weight fell off his shoulders, and by the time he reached the door he felt free. He looked back and marveled that his link to Aura was
gone.
He stepped out the door to find Jackson, Harold, and Sheila sitting around a table in the hall. Cards and money were piled in the center. All three looked up at his appearance, and Reed raised an eyebrow.
“We got bored,” Jackson said.
“So you played poker?” Reed asked.
“At least we still have our clothes on,” Harold said.
Jackson stabbed a finger at Sheila. “You could have warned me she’s a hustler.”
“Me?” Sheila asked innocently. “It’s not my fault you broadcast your cards on your face.”
Harold grunted and muttered, “It’s your fault you read them.”
“I fold,” Jackson said with a sigh.
“And I win,” Sheila said, a smug smile on her face as she raked in the money.
Harold threw down his cards in disgust. “How do you do that?”
“It’s not the cards that matter,” she said. “It’s the people. I already know how to read Harold, and it didn’t take long to figure out Jackson. Thanks for the money.”
“You’re welcome,” Jackson said, and then looked to Reed. “On another, unrelated note, you might need to cover gas on the way home.”
Reed laughed. “I’m sure I can cover it.”
Sheila stood and caught a nurse’s eye. “Judy,” she called. “Thanks for letting us play in the hall.”
The nurse waved dismissively and Harold dragged the table back to the wall. As Jackson returned the chairs, Sheila stepped to Reed and smiled up at him, looking for all the world like his own mother.
“Better?”
“Better,” he said.
She smiled. “Thank you for the visit. You are welcome anytime.”
Reed lowered his voice. “Will she wake up?”
“Only God knows,” Sheila said, lowering her voice and glancing at Harold. “I think we’ve both come to accept that she’s gone. But we don’t voice it aloud. The doctors are always looking for a reason to let her die.”
“I hope she does wake up,” Reed said, embracing the woman.
“Goodbye, Reed,” she said. “Take care of Kate.”
“I will,” he said.
He turned away from Reed to find Harold already there. The old man hugged him as well and then nodded before walking with his wife back into the room. Jackson joined Reed and they walked down the hall.
“You okay?” Jackson asked.
“Actually, I am,” he said.
They stepped outside and Reed was surprised to find the sun setting. Had he really been talking to Aura all day? His stomach grumbled and he realized he hadn’t eaten anything since the waffles at the Fairfield.
“I assume you’d like dinner?” Jackson asked.
“Anything but cold cereal,” Reed said.
He laughed and they went out to eat. Reed paid. They climbed into Jackson’s truck and started north, intent on getting in a few hours before stopping for the night. Throughout the drive Reed talked freely about Aura and Jackson listened. Reed had shared the details of the end, but now he shared the beginning.
“It’s clear you were close for a long time,” he said.
“She was there when my parents split up, when I nearly flunked trig, and even when we joined the chess club.”
“You joined the chess club?”
“So I could meet a girl,” Reed said.
Jackson had started to sip his soda and nearly spit it onto the steering wheel. “No, really?”
“Sara Granger,” Reed said. “And she was gorgeous. The chess club roster quadrupled the year she decided to play. I had a crush like everyone else. It faded the next year when I began to see Aura differently.”
“So you fell for Aura in what, the start of senior year?”
“It lasted three years,” he said. “That’s when she got in the accident and everything changed.”
“Tim should have died in the accident.”
“He was knocked out and didn’t wake up until they were in the hospital,” Reed said with a nod. “Only a broken bone and scrapes.” Then he frowned, realizing he’d never talked about him. “How did you know?”
“Harold and Sheila shared while we played poker. They said he’s now living in Texas going to school at a community college. He got a DUI from the accident, and has had another one since. Texas took his license.”
“Really?”
“About time,” Jackson said, his expression hardening.
Reed raised an eyebrow. “What’s that about?”
Jackson glanced his way and then looked back at the road. “I’ve played sports my whole life and known plenty of athletes. Some like Tim are arrogant—especially when it comes to girls. They think if they’re good at a game it gives them the right to dominate a woman. It doesn’t.”
Surprised at the vehemence in his voice, Reed shook his head. “I never thought about it.”
Jackson laughed sourly. “My dad and I used to play in the driveway and he always said to leave the game on the court. In high school I was the star and it went to my head. Then I was in college and didn’t quite have the skill to play on the school team. That’s when his words began to sink in, and you rammed them home.”
“What do you mean?”
“When we became roommates you had this whole idea about women that was new to me,” Jackson said. “At first I thought you were nuts, but I watched the impact it had on the girls you dates. And it reminded me of what my dad had said. I liked the respect you had for women, and when I met Shelby, I swallowed my pride.”
“You never told me that,” Reed said.
Jackson shrugged. “I just want you to know that if you give up on your promise to Aura, there are others that will continue what you started.”
“Are you worried about what I’m going to do with Kate?”
Jackson glanced his way. “Should I be?”
Their conversation had avoided Kate for the last two hundred miles, and Reed realized Jackson had done so by intention. But the mention of Kate sent a fire kindling in his belly. It had been there before, but the flames had battled with his regret for Aura. Now they burned bright and hot.
“I think it’s time I get her back,” Reed said. “If she’ll have me.”
Jackson laughed, the sound tinged with relief. “I’m glad to know we aren’t driving ten days for nothing.”
“You were right all along,” Reed said. “I was falling for her. But I was afraid of what that meant. Do you think I’m too late?”
“I don’t think so,” Jackson said. “But you were in a funk for two weeks and by the time we get back it will be almost a month from your non-breakup at the Fourth of July.”
“That means we’ll be getting back right before it would have been my turn in the challenge.”
A wide smile spread on Jackson’s face. “You want to fix things with a date?”
Reed grimaced. “I know what I want. Should I call her now? Or wait for the date?”
“You might not be able to fix things over the phone,” Jackson said. “You hurt her pretty bad. I think you need to do it in person. Do you know what you’re going to do? It had better be epic.”
Reed mulled it over and an idea came to mind. He’d thought of taking a girl to the event before, but it implied a significant commitment. Now? It was exactly what he needed. Excitement arced across his skin and a slow smile spread on his face.
“Trust me,” Reed said with a smile. “It will be.”
Excerpt from Volume 13
Kate stared at her phone, trying to remember what Brittney had asked. Then she realized she’d asked for the date and she mumbled the answer. Was it really August 2nd? Four weeks since she’d ended things with Reed.
The passage of time had merged classes and work into an endless blur of faces. She vaguely recalled studying the night before for an upcoming exam, but the words were meaningless. She’d thought Reed would call but he hadn’t, the lack of communication deepening the wound left by the Fourth of July. How had she been so wrong? But then,
she could never have imagined Reed’s past, and what he’d endured by losing Aura.
“Kate.”
She looked up, and her eyes focusing on Brittney. The girl’s expression betrayed a trace of annoyance, and Kate realized she’d called her name several times. Then Kate looked down and saw the cookies on the plate. She accepted one with a nod of gratitude.
“Kate,” Brittney said, “did you hear me?”
“Didn’t you ask if I wanted a cookie?” Kate asked.
“No,” Brittney said.
“Oh.”
Kate turned her attention back to the kitchen counter where she was preparing her lunch. Brittney groaned and put the plate down. Then she grabbed Kate’s shoulders, forcing her to meet her gaze. She gave a long, searching look before frowning.
“Kate,” she said. “You need to get past this. You’re like a zombie.”
“I’m fine,” Kate said mechanically.
Ember stepped into the room and took a cookie. “For someone who never dated the guy, you’re certainly broken up that you’re not dating him.”
“He didn’t want to date me,” Kate said.
Ember waved the cookie like a sword, her eyes flashing. “Are you stupid?”
The insult needled past the fog and Kate frowned. “Of course not.”
“Reed was falling in love with you,” Ember said. “Don’t you see that? Because everyone saw it. But you’ve spent four weeks wallowing like he abandoned you. He just had some things to work out. That’s why he went to Florida.”
Brittney threw her a warning look but Kate zeroed in on her roommate. “He what?”
“He went to see Aura’s grave,” Brittney said, her expression apologetic.
“When?” Kate demanded.
“Two weeks ago,” Ember said. “He was in the same funk you were so Jackson kidnapped him.”
Kate struggled to deal with the whirlwind of emotions. Had he really gone to Aura’s grave? How long before he got back? Would he reaffirm his promise? Or say goodbye? The questions bombarded her, leaving her confused and hollow.
“We weren’t supposed to tell you,” Brittney said when she didn’t respond.
“If something had changed,” Kate finally said. “He would have called.”
