by Miranda Bee
I waited in the thick of a large bush at the intersection of Stanley and fourth. It was just outside of town. It was a dinky little city with a bad drug problem. I made sure my bike was well hidden. If anyone came that wasn’t supposed to, I was prepared to hide until I was sure the coast was clear.
About 15 minutes after our arranged time, a squirrely man with short black hair showed up in his car. I didn’t recognize him at first. I realized quickly that he wasn’t affiliated with any gangs. He resembled a state official. He looked like a politician. Mathias must have been blackmailing him. Why? What was the connection?
When he turned his back, looking for Mathias, I snuck up behind him and anchored my arm around his throat. I put the gun up to his head.
“If you fight me in any way, I will blow your fucking head off.”
He nodded, nervously.
“So, Mathias is going back on his deal then?”
“I’m not working for Mathias,” I said, “Now, tell me, why are you?”
“Just be straight with me, man,” he begged, “I paid up this month. We’re square.”
“Why are you paying Mathias?”
He laughed, “Are you kidding me?”
“Do I sound like I’m joking?”
I slammed the butt of the gun against the back of his skull. He fell to the ground, groaning.
“Fuck! Okay, okay. Mathias somehow got pictures.”
“Of what!” I screamed.
“I fucked up. Okay? I met with this guy who got me into a party and…”
“Tell me,” I demanded.
“She was really young. She was really,really young.”
“Let me guess, you didn’t know? Am I right?”
“I knew. Okay? I fucked up.”
“What? You did it on accident?”
I hit him on the head again and he fell forward. I propped my foot on his back.
“I did what Mathias asked! Why are you doing this?”
“I told you, I don’t work for Mathias! What did he ask you to do?”
“Mathias promised he wouldn’t release the photos, but I had to pay him a shit load of money. I couldn’t pay it all. So, he amended the deal.”
“How much were you supposed to pay?”
“He wanted a million, but that’s way above my pay grade. I’m flattered that he thought I’d have that much, but there was no way.”
“So, what then? What did you do in exchange?”
Mathias didn’t fuck up on extortion deals. He knew this guy wouldn’t be able to pay. Whatever the ‘deal’ was, was what he was really after.
“I pulled some strings at the MotorWorld Conference coming up. I just worked it out and got the security guys to look the other way. I pulled in a few favors.”
“Why? Look the other way for what?”
“I don’t know! I swear to god, I don’t know. They just know to look the other way when Mathias shows up the night before the conference.”
Once I was certain I got all the information I could squeeze from this perverted pig, I pulled the trigger and shot him at point blank range. The bullet burst from the barrel, along with a ball of yellow and white light. The sound was deafening. The gunpowder burned my nose. It was a familiar sequence to me. William wouldn’t be around to tell a soul and good riddance. Nothing pissed me off more than child abusers. Fuckers like that always said they didn’t know or they came up with some other excuse. There was no redemption for men like this. I was surprised that Mathias would work with him.
I did a sloppy job taking care of the body, but things were starting to spiral. I was running out of time. Mathias was planning something big for the conference. I had to find out what and stop him.
***
Sammy was on my mind. I needed her now more than ever. Yet, I couldn’t have her, now more than ever. I wondered how she was. Was she thinking about me? Did she miss me like I missed her? She probably hated me. That was my aim. She needed to hate me. It was for her own good. I thought about her body. Her soft pale skin was riddled with goosebumps each time I kissed her. Her red lips parted, gasping and begging, whenever I pushed myself deep inside. I thought of her thighs, soft and warm. Touching her would mean so much to me right now.
I wished I could tell her how badly I needed her.
I had to man up. I took a shot of whiskey. I took another. There, after the smooth liquor slid down my throat and found its bed in the pit of my empty stomach, I felt warm. With the sting of her absence muted in the fog of drunkenness, I somehow found my fucked-up version of clarity. I had work to do. I had vengeance to seek. Her face faded, drifting somewhere in the back of my mind.
I had to stop the only demon I knew that was darker than myself.
Leading up to this point, I had stalked Mathias in the shadows of crowds. I overheard hushed conversations he had on his cell phone. I listened for hints whenever we spoke. I memorized his schedule. The conference was a mere three days away. I had to move whether I got the answers I sought or not.
I was resigned to accept the fact that I might never know why Mathias turned his back on all of us. I took another shot, raising the glass in the air as if to toast, “Here’s to hoping.”
In two days, Mathias had a very crucial meeting with Abraham. I was going to be there. Mathias had no idea. Nobody else in The Sons knew that Mathias had this meeting coming up.
I was going to blow the fucking building up. Dramatic? Maybe. Even an explosion, that would leave the MC a mere pile of rocks, wasn’t comparable to my rage. He was, for all intents and purposes, my father. He felt the same way, years ago. How could he turn his back on his own son?
He deserved to die choking on smoke. He deserved to die suffering.
I got to work on my project. I’d been collecting supplies over the last few days. I had 3 large tins, formally coffee cans. I had Vaseline, spackling putty, rubbing alcohol and various other materials laid out on my kitchen table. I was building three insanely powerfully C-4 explosives. According to the blueprints of the building, I should be able to bring it down depending on where I planted my bombs.
It wouldn’t be difficult.
I had to be careful, though. I already missed a meeting with Sammy. I wasn’t sure if she’d send an officer out to check up on me. If they came and got a glance at my work, I would be fucked. I was hoping she wouldn’t. Still, I needed to work quickly.
Several hours in, at around 10:30 PM, I got a call.
“This had better be good!” I answered.
My contact cleared his throat, you could hear the smile on his face, “Oh yeah. It is.”
“Don’t tell me, you found him?”
“One of my boys caught him out downtown, lurking around a restaurant. Do you want us to grab him?”
“No. I’m on my way. Leave him to me.”
He cleared his throat again, “Will Mathias be paying me?”
“No. This is personal business. When I’m done, I’ll hit you up. You know that I’m good for the money.”
“Have fun,” he said.
“Yeah.”
I hung up the phone and shoved it back in my pocket. I turned off the hot plate and moved it to the kitchen counter. I grabbed a sheet from the linen closet in the master bathroom and covered up my project.
I grabbed my vest off the hook, eyeing The Sons sigil that branded the back. I remembered the day I got patched. I was only 21 years old. I was so happy that day. I also got really fucking drunk and swore to myself that I would never drink again. Mathias patted me on the back the next morning, laughing at my resolution. Sure, as shit, I got fucked up the very next night.
Those were the glory days. Everything was shit, now.
“What a fucking joke?” I mumbled.
I ripped the patch from the vest and tossed it into the trash.
Chapter 21
Sammy Wood
It was a nice night. MaryAnn reserved the back room at Roto’s, and the whole office showed up to see me off. MaryAnn was particularly upset to see
me go, but I understood why. Florida was far away. It was exactly what I wanted, though. I needed to start fresh.
I gave up on checking my phone. I spent most of the week packing up my belongings. I donated a lot of stuff, too. I had enough savings to last the next 12 months in Florida without a job. It would take some time to find something new. I didn’t want to be a parole officer anymore. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.
Maybe I could be a waitress? Or an office assistant?
The party ended and it was time to head back home. Most everyone had already left. In the end, it was just MaryAnn and me, drinking wine and laughing about stupid shit. Eventually, the night came to a close. She hailed a taxi. I waited with her on the sidewalk. She gave me a big hug and made me promise to send her postcards.
“Are you sure this is what you want to do?” she asked.
“Positive.”
“Well, I mean, have you even told Devin you are leaving?”
“Why would I?”
“Come on, you don’t believe all that shit he said, do you?”
I shrugged, “He seemed pretty adamant.”
“I think he’s a goddamned liar. But, it’s your life. You know what you need. I trust that. I’m going to miss you.”
“Well, you’ll have to come visit,” I grinned.
“We’ll get tan and drink margaritas on the beach,” she chirped.
“Greenwood doesn’t have a beach.”
She craned her head back and groaned, “Sammy, Sammy, Sammy. You’re moving all the way to Florida and you chose a city without a beach?”
I laughed, “I’m sure we could drive there when you come to visit.”
She nodded, smiling, “Well, I’ll see you when I see you.”
I nodded.
She waved one last time before sliding into the backseat of a cab. Once the cab disappeared down the street, I made my way to the back of the restaurant. I cut through the alley to get to the main parking garage which housed all the cars for the businesses that surrounded it.
I felt good. The alley was a short walk and would lead me straight to the corner stairwell. I parked on the third floor to avoid getting stuck between all the SUV’s parked in the compact section on the first floor. It was against the rules, yet it always fucking happened to me.
Just before I reached the door to the parking garage, I saw a man leaning against the wall just on the outside of the garage. He was mostly hidden in the shadowy part of the street neglected by the street lamp. I pushed myself up against the side of the restaurant building and watched from the shadows. He shifted, looking around, before sprinting across the street.
It was Charlie. Fuck! Of course, it was Charlie. I wasn’t afraid of him, though. I had the upper hand. I’d been carrying my gun from the get go, though I didn’t plan to use it. I was going to kick his fucking ass. That was my plan. His muscles were bigger than mine, yes, but they weren’t that much bigger.
I had the notion that he was a coward who had never been in a real fistfight. I had a handful of my own fights, growing up in foster care after my parents passed away. There was a distinct sting when someone slammed their fist into the side of your head. To win, you needed to be fast, and you needed to be strategic.
I pushed myself up against the wall as Charlie came around the corner. As soon as he turned into the alley, I slammed my fist into the side of his head as hard as I could. The force sent bolts of pain up my hand and through my arm. He dropped to the floor on his knees. He raised his hands, holding his head. He was disoriented.
I kicked him right in that ugly fucking face of his. That move didn’t hurt me nearly as much as it hurt him. From what little light the ally caught from the street lamps, his nose appeared to gush blood. Although, he was no longer disoriented.
Two things happened. One, he realized that it was me beating the shit out of him. Two, he instinctually shifted into ‘fight or flight’ mode, and he was not running. He regained his footing and faced me.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, speckling the pavement with his blood.
“Oh Charlie, would you believe I’ve missed you too?”
I swung my arm, hurling it into his gut. That was a mistake, on my part. I was too slow, and he flexed his muscles. He was not affected. He grabbed my hair and brought my head down to his knee. For a minute, all I could see was bright white, and then black. Just as my vision focused, I watched Charlie’s fist coming straight for my face. I pulled down, my hair slipped out his grasp. I dodged his fist and came up swinging.
I landed a punch on the underside of his jaw, with all the force of my body. The pain in my hand was excruciating, at first, until my hand went limp. He stumbled backward. I braced myself and prepared to charge him. He came running toward me. I planned to break his fucking nose. Surprisingly, he jumped, kicking me square in the stomach. I fell down, gasping for air. It was so painful.
He knelt over me and wrapped his fingers around my neck.
I couldn’t fucking breathe! He knocked the wind out of me, and now he was choking me. I needed to breathe. I started to panic. My heart raced. The white light began to close in on my surroundings. I felt the pressure build up in my eyes.
This was it! Fuck! I should have just shot the bastard.
Suddenly, Charlie’s grasp loosened. As my eyes adjusted, I heard a familiar voice.
“You weren’t doing half-bad,” the man said.
I opened my eyes to see Devin crouched behind Charlie. Devin’s arm was closed over his neck. Charlie’s eyes were wide. He was clearly terrified.
“Sammy was kicking your ass,” he laughed.
Devin ran his knuckles through Charlie's hair like a big brother giving his younger brother a noogie. Devin pulled Charlie up off the ground and off me.
I scrambled back against the wall, gasping for air. I watched the man I loved, with his wild blue eyes, smile at me with Charlie locked in his arm. When he looked at me, everything felt better. I stood up and leaned against the wall. My neck hurt, my body hurt, and my heart hurt. Seeing Devin, though nearly a month had passed since we’d broken up, made my heart skip. Even in the midst of this chaos, I wanted him.
I wished he would hold me, again. I wanted to feel his lips on my skin and his arms wrapped around my body. I wanted to snuggle against his chest and let his beard tickle my forehead. I wanted, so desperately, for him to love me.
Why was he here? Did he just happen to be in the area and noticed the commotion in the alley? I doubted that very much. Devin had planned to take care of Charlie. He was here on purpose. That didn’t mean he loved me. Maybe he just cared about me. He thought I was a ‘nice’ person.
Charlie struggled against Devin, trying to escape his grasp. It was no use. Devin was much stronger. Devin looked at ease, as though he’d done this many times before. Devin cradled Charlie’s head in his hands. With a swift flick of the wrist, he twisted Charlie's head back.
Charlie collapsed to the floor, lifeless.
I looked away. My heart raced. Devin killed Charlie with such indifference. It dawned on me that he had murdered other men. I just knew it. It scared me. It scared me more that, for the most part, I didn’t give a shit. I wanted him. I would follow him to hell and back.
Nothing he had done or will do could ever change that.
I looked back at Devin. His chest was puffed out, his fist balled, he charged toward me. I pressed my palms against the wall, bracing for him.
He put his hand against the wall next to my head. He slid his hand under my jaw. His chest heaved. His blue eyes, teeming with rage and darkness, pierced mine with an intense gaze.
“You okay?” he asked.
I nodded.
I could feel his breath on my nose. The warmth from his hand was like an opiate. All anxieties and fear melted away. He leaned in like he was going to kiss me. His lips were a mere motion away from mine. I could steal a kiss. Even if he didn’t love me, I could steal it from him. I would memorize the texture of his satin lips and the taste o
f his sweet tongue. I would steal it and keep it. I would only need one more for the road.
Life was the road, winding and twisting in the opposite direction of Devin.
I hated it. I didn’t want to be apart from him. My heart was in free fall, breaking apart against the force of the wind.
His lips brushed my ear. He leaned his head against mine and sighed.
“You need to be more careful,” he whispered.
He turned away, hoisting Charlie over his shoulder. He trudged over to the dumpster against the opposite wall and tossed him in. Fuck. I couldn’t believe I was standing here, watching this. Charlie deserved it, though. He wasn’t just toxic, he was a toxin. Was Devin a toxin, also? I shook my head. He was different. He wasn’t all darkness. There was a light inside of him that was uniquely his.
He turned down the alley and began to walk away, fading into the shadow.
“Devin,” I cried, “Please don’t go!”
He didn’t pause. He didn’t stumble. He just kept his gait. Without another word, he was gone.
***
At home, I sat down in the shower, hugging my knees. I was trying to process everything. It was too much. Charlie was finally done. He couldn’t trouble me anymore. Still, it bothered me that I couldn’t take him. I really believed I could. I decided that when I got to Florida, I would start taking self-defense classes and start working out.
I thought about Devin. He was dangerous. He wasn’t a demon, though. He wasn’t something you could just slap a label on and expect it to stick. He was an outlaw, both in civilized and uncivilized communities.
It must have been lonely for him.
I was resigned to believe, at least for the moment, that he loved me. I was resigned to believe he lied about his feelings for me, for whatever reason. Though the moment the water ran cold and I stepped out of the shower, I would put that belief to bed. I couldn’t go through life thinking I might have had a chance if I had done something different.
A part of me feared that if I held on to the idea of Devin I would live in my head forever. It was a fantasy. It was the best kind of fantasy. It wasn’t real, though. The truth, though it hurt, was that we had a moment, but it was over.
