“Let me ask you something, Eric.”
“What is it?”
“If this were the last time we were going to see each other, what would you want to happen?”
“It’s not going to be the last time, so it doesn’t matter.”
“I’m speaking hypothetically. What kind of time would you want us to have?”
“I would want it to be completely romantic. I would take you to the best restaurants, we would go to the best parties, and I would spend at least one full day with you just in bed. We would have fun as friends, but at the same time, I would love you in the way you’ve always deserved. Even if we were apart, we would always remember our time together here.”
“Let’s do all of that then.”
“That sounds great, but what’s the catch? You aren’t planning on not seeing me again, are you?”
“Of course not. Haven’t you ever wanted to live like it could be your last moment, though?”
“I guess I have. All right, I think I like your idea. I say we start by doing the all day in bed thing,” I joked.
“Slow down there. I think we should save that for the last day. I want to hear some more about that romantic stuff right now.”
I planned out the perfect romantic day for us. It involved a nice restaurant, a stroll on the beach, and a candle lit dinner at the end of the night. I had no idea Emmitt had told her she needed to choose me or let me go. If I had, I would have refused her idea of one last romantic time together. I never wanted Olivia out of my life, but it seemed like our time together was quickly coming to a close. It was going to be one great ride, though.
We got ready and went out to the nicest place in town. Most people needed a reservation to get in, but I called William, and he was able to pull some strings for me. As much as Olivia didn’t like me using him to get us in, it certainly led to a good time. As we sipped on wine and ate the best meal of our lives, Olivia said something that I didn’t expect. I think she was trying to decide if leaving was truly the right thing to do.
“If I stayed, what would we do here?” Olivia asked.
“Are you actually considering it?”
“I don’t know. If you make a good case for it, I might. Do you realize how many times I’ve thought about dropping everything back at college to be with you? I’m not saying it’s something I would do, but I am admitting that it’s an option.”
“The answer is whatever you want. If you would stay with me until I finished college, then I would do anything to make you happy.”
“What if I asked you to stop helping Emmitt and give up on the idea of managing him in the future?”
“I would do it for you. It seems like a waste when I’ve already put in this much time, but I want you with me. That sounds selfish, though. What about you? You would be giving up going to medical school at a place where you’ve already been accepted. I can’t really ask you to give up on your dreams, no matter how much I want you here.”
“I know you don’t want me to give up on being a doctor. It’s an option, though.”
“Let me ask you something. Where is this coming from? We just went from talking about treating this like the last time we were going to see each other to spending our lives together.”
“Well, excuse me. I thought you would be happy about the prospect of me being here.”
“I am. Believe it when I say no one would be more pleased than me to see you come here. I just want to know where all of this is coming from. I can tell that you’re thinking about something really hard. What is it?”
“I’m just thinking about the future. I’m with Richard right now, and he needs me. At the same time, the only person I’ve ever needed was you. I feel lost. The logical thing to do is go back to Wisconsin and get my degree. Being with a guy like Richard even sounds like a good plan on paper. He’s a little down right now, but he’s a hard worker and very kind. I know he loves me for some reason. All I’ve ever done is betray him. Even now, I’m here with you. It’s wrong on every level. I don’t deserve someone like him. At the same time, there’s you. I don’t know what your future is going to look like. This thing you have going with Emmitt could implode at any moment, or it could make you a millionaire. Either way, it’s wrong. Your actions haven’t been that great lately. You’re involved in a lot of things that I don’t approve of. Then there’s the fact that Richard is close to my family while you’re here. Everything says I should be with someone like him, but you always draw me back in. It all seems so wrong, but at the same time, I want it. I want you, even though I shouldn’t. Richard is good for me, but you make everything about me different. You’ve driven me to cheat, lie, and even made me think about giving up on my dreams. Even so, I need you like I need air. You’re the only person I’m willing to be something I’m not for.”
“I don’t understand. How have I made you into something you’re not?”
“I don’t cheat, Eric, and I don’t lie to the people I love and tell them that I’m off in Cancun when I’m really hooking up with an old boyfriend. I certainly don’t let my mother talk me into an abortion because my boyfriend isn’t ready to be a father. With you, I’m different. That scares me. I still feel like an innocent church girl inside, but thanks to what we have, I know that’s not true. We’ve done terrible things that there’s no coming back from. I think you’re bad for me, but you’re my best friend. I think you give me the strength to do what I really want. I just don’t know if that’s a good thing yet.”
“How do I give you the strength to do what you want? It’s not like you want to quit school to move here, and I know you didn’t want to have an abortion.”
“Eric, I thought you really knew me. I cheated on Richard when you came back to Wisconsin because I truly desired to kiss you that night. I’m here now doing the same thing because it’s what I want. I’m even regretting going into the medical field now. It’s everything I dreamed of, but it also takes up so much of my time that I don’t feel like there’s anything else to my life but school. As for my decision not to keep our child, I think I used your fear to justify my own. I was scared, and when I saw that you felt the same way, I thought it validated my feelings. I did what I believed we both wanted at the time. It was a mistake, and I don’t want to keep making mistakes. This is difficult to say, but sometimes it feels like all we’re doing is making the wrong choices. You’re wrapped up in Emmitt’s world, and I’m considering quitting on a lifelong dream. Doesn’t that sound wrong, and how can I call myself a decent person when I’m cheating on a man who actually loves me? We’re bad for each other, but I think I might be all right with that as long as we’re together.”
“That’s a lot to take in. I didn’t realize how bad things were. I always thought of our story as a bit sweeter. The main thing I remember is when we were fourteen. I can see how all of this is a little messed up, though. I’m sorry that I don’t bring out the best in you. I should be better. I’m not ever going to regret you leaving Richard when we were sixteen or even you being here right now, though. Our story is flawed, but it’s ours. I love every part of it, even if there are some bad parts in it. I’m not going to let you quit on your dreams, though. I know school can be hard, but you want to be a doctor one day, and you will be. I can’t let you give up on your dreams to be with me.”
“So that’s it then. This trip will be it for us.”
“No, I won’t let it be. We’re going to treat this like it’s the end, and I’m going to love you the way I always should have, but it’s not over. You’re going to become a doctor, and I’m going to find success here. After it’s all over, I’ll find my way back to you. We’re going to make our dreams come true and then be together. I promise. Now, how about we concentrate on the only thing that really matters today? I have a very romantic day planned out for us. I’m going to make the next thirteen days the best we’ve ever had.”
Olivia smiled and nodded, but there was a deep sadness in her. She had made her decision. This was goodbye. Thirte
en passion filled days were in store for us, but after that, it was over. For the first time, she had made the right choice. It was painful, and it seemed wrong, but her dreams mattered more than I did back then. If only we had known the future. I would have followed her back to Wisconsin to insure that things happened exactly as they should have. We live and learn, though, and I still had a lot of learning to do before I could ever be good enough for the woman I loved with all of me.
Chapter 19
Letting My Heart Go
Twelve days passed in no time. Our odd conversation at dinner was an afterthought in what quickly became the best stretch of days that either of us had experienced. We had loved as the best couples do, joked as friends, and enjoyed some of the finest food and drinks that Miami had to offer. It had been the perfect time. We didn’t have much longer left, though, and as I woke up on that final day, I felt her in my arms. I held her a little tighter than usual. I think I was scared that if I didn’t she would be gone in an instant. I wanted Olivia right where she was forever. As far as I was concerned, no one would ever love her the way I did. She was better there with me. At the same time, she did have a point at dinner twelve days earlier. I had been the catalyst to the worst decisions of her life. I could honestly say that no one could ever love her more than me, but I couldn’t say I made her a better person, or even that I was a decent man anymore. How could I ask her to stay with me when I knew in my heart that I wasn’t good for her? It would be selfish, or so I told myself.
As she woke up and rolled over, I gave Olivia a soft kiss and slid my hands down her arms to her hips. I was going to miss every part of her. Her taste, touch, and gentle smile set every part of me on fire. When I had her next to me, the rest of the world felt like it could wait.
“I wish we could stay like this forever. I can’t believe this is the last day,” Olivia said.
“I can’t either. I don’t want to think about that, though. I just want you right here beside me all day,” I said and kissed her neck.
“Eric, do you remember the first time you saw me?”
“Of course.”
“Do you have any idea what I was thinking then?”
“Probably what’s up with the weird kid who’s staring at me? Who knows what you were thinking when the cars hit me?”
“No. I felt an instant connection the first time I looked into your eyes. I never said it because it was more fun to let you think I was just kissing you to pay you back for almost getting you killed, but the truth was that I wanted you to come talk to me that day. I will admit that after you got hit by the cars, I knew you could make me laugh, too,” she joked.
“I’m just glad I don’t have to get hit by a car every time I need to get a laugh out of you.”
“Where do you think we would be right now if you hadn’t tried to come visit me that day?”
“I don’t know. The first real conversation I had with my uncle was about you and getting hit by those cars. I bonded with him because he encouraged me to talk to you even after I embarrassed myself. For all I know, I might have never met you or gotten close enough to my aunt and uncle to ask them if I could live there after my parents got into trouble. You might have changed everything about my life. I kind of feel bad.”
“Why would you feel bad right now?”
“I think you’ve always made me better. You gave me confidence when I had none, and you gave my uncle a reason to talk to me. Without you, I might have always felt like an outsider, and worse, I probably never would have bonded with two people who became more of a family to me than my own parents. Look at how I affect you, though. I’ve been the driving force of some of the worst decisions in your life. I wish I could say that I made your life as good as you’ve made mine.”
“I think I was a little harsh at dinner a few days ago. I’ve made a lot of bad choices, and it’s easy to blame you for that. The blame lies with me, though. All you’ve ever given me is more love than I deserved. Now, stop concentrating on what’s wrong, and concentrate on me in this exact moment. I’m here, and you’re here. No past choices matter or even if this is a mistake. I’m right where I want to be, and I hope you are, too,” she said and kissed me.
As she rolled me over and got on top of me, it felt like the world faded away. Every negative thought was replaced with nothing short of complete perfection, and when she looked down at me with that same beautiful smile she had mesmerized me with many other times, it happened. I realized for the first time who the person looking down at me was. She was my best friend, the future mother of my children, and the only person I could never forget. She was far from perfect, and God knows I wasn’t a saint, but this was right on every level. It was destiny because I had decided it had to be. This was a woman who had the power to make me the happiest man on earth or completely destroy me in every way. With every touch and kiss, I fell deeper into something that I didn’t understand. This wasn’t lust, and to simply call it love wouldn’t do it service. She was my purpose. Deep down I knew that then. I was only on earth to love this woman. We stayed in bed that whole day. You can debate whether it was right or wrong. God knows I’ve wondered many times. I finally settled on the perfect term for what we did back then. It was wrong, and it was a betrayal to the man she was supposed to be with. At the same time, it was love mixed with complete ecstasy. It was the perfect sin.
When night came and we were left with nothing but a reminder that it was too late to do anything other than sleep, a great emptiness came over both of us. Olivia had to catch an early flight the next morning. Our time had been amazing, but it was coming to a close. We would sleep, and then the next morning, we would only have time to get ready and drive to the airport. After that, she would be gone.
“This sucks, doesn’t it?” she asked.
“Yeah. I don’t know how I’m going to manage without you.”
“You’ll be fine. I’m the one who’s worried. I’m going back to a man who can’t make me laugh or love the way you can. I think I’m just starting to realize that I’m always going to be looking for someone who can give me what only you do. You, on the other hand, will probably have another girl in this bed a week after I’m gone.”
“First of all, no woman will ever compare to you. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. That’s not going to change. I’ll make you a promise, if you’ll make me one.”
“Okay, tell me what it is first.”
“I’ll never bring a single soul back to this room. The last woman to ever be here with me will be the woman who should have been here from the start. In return, I want you to stop trying with a person you’re not meant to be with. Let Richard go. He didn’t make you happy in high school, and you wouldn’t be here if you were happy now. Find your happiness with someone who can be what you need. I personally believe the only one who can love you the way you deserve is me, but all I really want is your happiness. Try to find at least a little bit of it until I can find my way back to you again.”
“So you want me to give up a relationship, and in return, all you have to do is stop sleeping with bimbos. You know that’s something you shouldn’t have been doing to begin with, right?”
“I’m telling you that I won’t be with anyone else, if you’ll just give up on Richard and try to find what really makes you happy.”
“You realize that in that scenario I might date people besides Richard while you’re alone here, right?”
“I’ve found the only woman who can make me happy. I’m just banking on her realizing that I’m the only one who can give her everything she deserves. What do you say? Will you make that deal with me?”
“I will. Richard and I are officially done. I’ll probably give it a little while before I break it off to let him get out of the depression he’s been in. I don’t want to put him through more right now because I don’t know if he could take it, but I promise you that I’ll break up with him before the end of the month, no matter what.”
“Great. Now, we should probably get som
e sleep,” I said and slid my arms around her.
“I don’t want to sleep. I can get some rest on the plane. The moment we close our eyes, it’s like we’re saying goodbye. I’m not ready for this to be over.”
“So what do you want to do?”
“I want to talk all night about anything but our future.”
“Why wouldn’t we talk about the future?”
“It scares me. What if you’re not a part of that future? How will I deal with that? You might not realize it, but a large part of myself feels like it’s gone when you’re not around.”
“That part will always come back because I’m not letting you get away from me in the long run, so don’t worry about that for one second. What else do you want to talk about, though?”
“How about your parents? I haven’t asked about them since I’ve been here.”
“What about them?”
“You’ve been back in town for a year. Has it been nice to reconnect with them?”
“What makes you think I’ve even visited them?”
“You haven’t? I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t you go see your mom and dad?”
“They let us down. My sister and I thought of them as one way for so many years, and then they turned out to be totally different people. We didn’t even know them. I guess I just don’t want to face my parents when they’re going to look like strangers to me. Catherine goes to see them all the time, but I just can’t.”
“I understand, but ask yourself something. Does what they did really make them bad people?”
“Of course it does. They were hiding money for drug dealers.”
“You’re hiding money, and you’re not exactly a saint.”
“Are you comparing me to my parents?”
“No, I just want to prove a point. When I first came here, I saw a boy I didn’t know anymore. I saw your actions and assumed that they completely defined everything about you, but there was more. You were still that same person I fell in love with, and when I understood why you were doing all of this, I got it. I don’t approve of what you’re doing here, but didn’t you say you were doing it so we might have the future we’re dreaming of?”
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