Rolling my eyes, I answered the last question and gave Grandma my paper.
"I see." Grandma read my paper and then compared it to Beth's, which was a little humiliating.
What if her answers were better than mine? What if mine were stupid? Why the hell did I care?
"Lovely." Grandma beamed. "Just lovely. You're dismissed."
"What?" we said in unison.
"You may go." Grandma's smile widened.
"But…" I scratched my head and let out a nervous laugh, "you didn't even tell us how we did? I mean, wasn't there a point to that exercise?"
"No," Grandma took a sip of tea, "I was just curious. You know me, flighty as a seagull." She laughed. "Ta-ta. Use sunscreen!"
Beth jolted up from her seat, but I kept my eyes firmly on Grandma. Something wasn't right. She was tricking me, but I didn't know how. The longer I stared the more mischievous her smile became. And then she blew on her hand and winked.
"You're evil."
"Thank you." She beamed as the door closed behind us.
Beth was a good few feet ahead of me, making her way toward the pool.
"Slow down!" I called after her.
"Keep up," she called back.
"Can you just, I grabbed her arm, "stop for one damn second?"
She stopped walking and put her sunglasses on. Hell, did that mean she was crying?
"What's wrong with you?"
"I just want to relax in the sun. Is that so much to ask?
"Yes," I snapped. "I mean, no."
"Jace," Beth put her hands on her hips, "what do you want?"
"I want you to stop yelling. I want to stop going to therapy with a senile eighty-six year old with felt pictures. I want my life back, but I want to kiss you more. So that's what I want," I grumbled
"Your life back?"
I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her against the wall. "The second part."
"A kiss?"
"I want more than a kiss, Beth. Don't you get it? I'm trying to protect you. I'm trying to do the right thing. I want you. Don't you see that I want you? Give me a reason not to want you—"
"My cartoon character was She-Ra."
"Huh?"
"I wanted to be a warrior princess."
"That doesn't help."
"I thought it would weird you out?"
"You wearing battle gear and wielding a sword?" I chuckled. "Not even close to helping."
"My most secure childhood memory was when I got second place at the science fair. My mom and dad weren't able to make it, so my grandpa came. He told me that as long as I had a heart to go along with my brain I'd turn out okay. He said hearts and brains shouldn't work separate but together." Her eyes glistened with tears. "He said I was smart, but he kissed me on the cheek and said what was more important is that he loved my heart."
I reached for her hand.
"He, uh, died the following day. Stroke."
I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head.
"And I hate vegetables." Her voice was muffled against my chest. "If I had to be one, I'd ask to be put in vegetable soup so I'd suffer a veggie death. I hate green things. I know I'm supposed to like them. I know I'm supposed to be super-healthy, but damn it, Jace, sometimes I just want a cookie!"
"I think I can do that."
"Really?" She stepped away and wiped underneath her eyes.
"Yeah." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead again. "I'll buy you as many cookies as you want. And if your plan was to get me to fall just a little bit more for you, you succeeded."
"Oh yeah?" Beth sniffled, "Why's that?"
Grandma was a damn spy and had dug into my childhood, that's how. "I wanted to be He-Man when I was little. My most secure moment was when my dad said he was proud of me after I won Student Body President. He said all leaders should have a good head but needed to lead with their hearts first."
My hand trembled just slightly as I squeezed Beth's shoulder. "And I've been on vegetable strike since the fourth grade."
"A rebel."
"Oh yes. Every time my mom put carrots in my lunchbox, I swapped them with the girl sitting next to me. Cheetos and carrots? Same color. It helped that she was legally blind in one eye, plus she had a crush on me. I'd send her to get milk. She'd come back, and the Cheetos would be gone, leaving her with carrots. I lied for two years, Beth, I'm not proud of what I did. But sometimes a man has to do things, ugly things, to get what he wants."
"You stole cheetos from a blind girl. How does that not make the news and me walking with you into a hotel does?"
"Easy." I grinned. "You're prettier."
Beth's face reddened. "So how about that cookie?"
"How about it?" I reached for her hand and didn't let go. We fell into easy talk of She-Ra and He-Man escapades and decided that Grandma had broken laws of national security to get the information that she had. The woman had done her homework.
"Closed?" Beth pointed at the sign to one of the snack shops lining the beach. "Why is it closed?"
Why was her voice rising? And then I remembered her reaction to cookies a few days ago. The yelling, the stomping, the throwing.
"Beth, calm down. We'll find you cookies." I patted her hand.
She turned, her angry cat-eyes flashing with irritation. Holy shit. Where was Donkey when I needed a quick escape?
"Beth! Jace! Over here!" Someone or something was waving at us.
I couldn't make out faces because of the way the sun was setting. But I didn't need to make out faces. It was too late anyway. A fist came flying into my face and everything went very, very black.
Chapter Twenty-two
"Did you?" The agent sounded irritated.
"Did I what?"
"Break laws of national security for personal gain?"
Grandma seemed to think about the question. "Of course not."
The agent breathed a sigh of relief.
"It was for their gain. Not personal at all."
"Ma'am, that doesn't make it legal."
"I thought we've established I'm above the law, Gus? Sheesh, you're so forgetful, and I'm the senile one."
Beth
"Char? Jake?"
I was caught between wanting to make sure Jace was okay and also wanting to hug my sister and return the punch to Jake's face.
"Hey!" Char hugged me and then shoved Jake. "You ass, why'd you punch him?"
Jake cracked his knuckles. "He kissed you. Twice. Tried to steal you away. And was inappropriately touching your sister."
"Weren't you voted player of the year in Playboy?" Char asked. "Just curious."
"I'm a reformed man and happily married." Jake rolled his eyes. "Are you okay, Beth?"
"Since when is this one defending girls' honor?"
I ignored Jake's question and put my arm around Char.
"Marriage," Char rolled her eyes, "it's cured him. Disgusting, really. He won't even answer when I call him whore. Tragic, really."
"Heard that!" Jake snapped then poured some bottled water over Jace's face in an attempt to either drown him or wake him up.
"Why are you guys here?"
"Grandma kept hanging up on us." Char rolled her eyes. "And Rick's been trying to track down Jake and won't stop calling him. It seems our senator has it in his head that he isn't a public figure and doesn't need to keep his phone on."
"Sort of my fault." I meekly raised my hand. "But to be fair, neither of us have even touched technology in the past three days."
"We know." Char patted her on the shoulder. "Also, that Dr. Z needs to chill out. When we were trying to reach you, she kept saying that you were not to be disturbed, which frankly just freaked this one out." Char pointed to Jake, who was leaning on his hands and knees and now lightly tapping Jace's face.
"Wake up, bastard. Fight like a man."
"Fight like a man?" Jace grumbled, not opening his eyes. "Since when is getting sucker-punched fighting like a man?"
"I breathed hard enough.
You should have sensed me."
"The man has a point, Thor," I agreed.
"Thor?" Char asked then looked at Jace. "Huh. How 'bout that?"
"She calls you Thor?" Jake gave a disgusted look.
"Wanna see my hammer?" Jace opened his eyes and made a fist.
"Funny," Jake said dryly. "The dirty senator makes jokes."
"Hilarious. The drunk billionaire comes to the rescue."
"Boys!" Char shouted. "Keep your balls on, okay? Damn, it's like the honeymoon from hell."
Jake got up from his position on the ground and wrapped Char in his arms. "I'm sorry, baby."
She sighed heavily against his chest. "It's okay. I blame Grandma."
"Economy failing?" Jake swore. "Blame Grandma."
"Can't sleep?" Char added in. "Blame Grandma."
"Please," Jace tried to get to his feet. "I highly doubt you guys have been worse off than us."
"They couldn't find our reservation at the hotel so we went to another hotel. They too were conveniently all filled up," Jake growled. "And then, wonder of all wonders, Grandma finds the perfect place for us to stay, all inclusive, nice little huts…"
"Huts?" I gulped.
"There's two of these places." Jake grimaced. "I hate damn couples' therapy. Some pictures can't be unseen, some words, unheard. I need a damn drink and a—"
"She drugged me with Viagra!" Jace blurted.
"Beth Lynn!" Char yelled.
"Not me!" I held up my hands in innocence. "Grandma did."
"But Grandma's been with us!" Jake said.
"No, she's been with us, here. She's our therapist."
"No…" Char squinted, "she's been our therapist."
"Holy shit." Jake pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to strangle her. I don't care what you say, Char. I'm doing it. I'm going to prison."
"Aw, baby, you know you're too pretty for prison." Char patted his back. "They'd eat you alive."
"Drinks?" I offered lamely. "You know, before you guys decide to bury your grandmother."
"Oh good!" A voice said from the dock. "You're all here, just as planned."
I turned slowly to face Grandma. The woman had no soul.
"Well." Jake cleared his throat, "may as well get on with it. Why are we all here, Grandma?"
"Yes," Another voice rang out. "Why in the hell are we all here?"
"Hi, Kacey!" Char waved.
Jake pulled her arm down and swore.
"All my kids." Grandma clapped and then did something that I'd never before seen in my life.
She burst into tears.
Chapter Twenty-three
"Does your meddling know no end?"
Grandma squinted. "No, of course not? They need me. And by the time the story's finished, I guarantee you'll agree. Grandma's ways are best."
"I highly doubt your grandsons agree."
"I beg to differ. My grandsons love me."
"Is that why one threatened to strangle you?"
"Oh that." Grandma snorted. "He'd have to catch me first."
Jace
Funny, how a few minutes ago I was ready to kill the elderly woman, and now my heart felt like someone had pulled it beating out of my chest, stomped on it, and then placed it back inside, all twisted and dirty.
"What's wrong?" Kacey pulled Grandma into a hug and gave Travis a helpless look.
He, in turn, looked to Jake who shrugged and nudged me. Nothing. I had nothing.
"Oh, I've made a mess." Grandma wiped a few tears. "I thought I could pull it off, but…" she sniffled, "I just… I couldn't do it. The project was too big, the minds helping me plan too damn small."
"Did she just call us stupid?" Jake asked.
"No," I answered honestly. "She'll just come out and say it if she wants to, believe me."
"And now his career's going to be over!" she wailed.
I had a sinking feeling I was the his, and the career was already in the toilet, but hey, ever the optimist, I kept listening.
"Jace."
Well, shit.
"Your approval ratings are low, it's true. I've been monitoring the news briefings. As of right now, everyone believes you've gone on vacation with your new family, but someone went to the reporters and said you were bluffing to cover your own ass. And when Kerry was interviewed again, she spouted more nonsense about how you weren't a family man and often paid prostitutes."
Jake's eyes narrowed.
"Ya, cast that stone, bastard. See if it hits you or me in the ass first," I sneered.
He shook his head and crossed his arms.
"So why are we here?" Travis asked. "Seems to me that Jace needs to get back to Portland and fix this. And you need to help him."
"Well," Grandma wrung her hands together, "I may have let it slip that he was here with his fiancée and her family."
"Of course you did." I clenched my teeth, not liking where it was going.
"So that explains why you called us, and why Jake and Char panicked when Rick wouldn't stop calling them, but…"
"Oh bother." Grandma wiped another few stray tears. "I'll just come out and say it."
"Please do." Okay, my teeth were going to grind clean off.
"I told them it was a destination wedding, and that your honeymoons were cover-ups to keep the media away."
I swayed on my feet. Not a proud moment.
Grandma continued talking. "I finally reached Rick, and he said it was a good cover, but that if we could somehow leak pictures to the media of us together, it would help."
"Hmm." Travis's eyes lit up with approval. "That's actually quite brilliant."
"You think so?" Grandma beamed.
I smacked his arm. Friends don't give Grandma compliments, or access to Benadryl, or any sort of encouragement, for shit's sake.
"What?" He shrugged. "It's not like you guys actually have to get married or anything. I mean, come on, Jace, it's not like you'll ever get married again after what happened with—"
Grandma smacked him on the back of the head. He gave me a guilty shrug, while Jake looked nervously between me and Beth.
She'd been eerily quiet the entire time, driving me insane with the desire to jump into her head and find out what she was thinking. Instead, she stood there like a frozen statue, while everyone else planned the next few days.
"You'll still attend therapy." This from Grandma.
"Screw therapy," Jake argued.
"Jake, you are an ass," Grandma retorted. "Which is why you still need to follow the rules. I know how hard it is for you to color in the lines, but for my benefit, you'll go to therapy. Poor Char, having to deal with all those anger issues."
"I'm NOT ANGRY!" Jake shouted.
"Stop raising your voice," Grandma said calmly. "I'm not deaf, and you will listen to me, or I'll fire you again."
He stopped talking.
"Well," Travis rubbed his hands together, "I guess that only leaves us one thing to do."
"What?" Beth asked, her voice small.
"Happy hour." He nodded. "I learned a long time ago not to argue. Things go much easier with tequila shots, wouldn't you agree, Jake?"
His eyes narrowed, and then he did the oddest thing. He blushed as Char kissed him on the neck and laughed.
Clearly, I was missing something, but it didn't matter, because Beth was still motionless. I almost waved in front of her face.
"What say you, Thor?" Jake asked, hands on hips.
"If he's Thor, I'm Iron Man." This from Travis.
"Dibs on Green Arrow." Jake raised his hand.
"Children." Kacey shook her head. "It's like we're honeymooning with little boys and capes."
"Please, like he's cool enough to have a cape." I pointed to Jake and instantly felt judged, and ten years old.
That was what being around the Titus family did to people. One minute you were a sane adult; the next you were arguing over Marvel Comics and yelling at the top of your lungs at an eighty-six-year-old woman while she blotted her red lipstick
.
Somehow, I'd lost my manhood. I'd lost my maturity and everything else that went with it. Because I wanted to beat the shit out of both Titus boys for no other reason than they were arguing with me about something stupid like comics and refused to let me be right.
I felt Beth's hand on my arm.
"So, that settles it." Travis clapped. "Avengers… to the bar!"
"Best idea he's had all day." Char's amused smile was lit with humor, making me feel slightly better about the fact that my entire career was in Grandma's hands, her meddling, terrifying, little hands.
I said a little prayer and followed everyone down the dock toward the bar as Grandma paid one of the bellhops to take the luggage down to the reserved huts.
Reserved. As in, everything was planned; it had been planned a long time.
Hell, when God created heaven and earth, He created Grandma on the final day and said, "I have a plan for those men…"
And I was just unfortunate enough to be included in said plan.
Chapter Twenty-four
"How do you sleep at night?" the agent asked.
"How lovely of you to be concerned." Grandma touched his arm. "A tiny pink pill followed by two large glasses of merlot. Works like a charm. I sleep like the dead, except for when Charles Barkley gets agitated with my snoring."
"Charles Barkley?" the agent repeated. "In your bed?"
"Well, where else would my dog sleep?" Grandma rolled her eyes. "Some people."
Beth
My vacation was over. I couldn't bring myself to feel sorry for Jace or for anyone else. Grandma was just trying to help, though her motives were so very, very illegal. Still, she loved them, and I loved her for it.
I couldn't even find it in myself to be angry.
If anything, I was sad.
Because he'd promised me six days.
And they'd been stolen from me on day three. I was owed three more days of romance, three more days of the fairytale. Instead, I was given my sister, her new husband, his brother, and wife.
The Dare Page 15
