by Sydney Addae
After wiping her face with the back of her hand, Bella grabbed her work apron and lace cap from the peg next to the door. “One second.” She ran back to her mom’s door and placed her ear on the wood hoping to hear something. She tapped the wood lightly. “Mom, I’m going to work. I’ll be back in a few hours, okay?”
“Okay Baby. I’ll see you then.”
Bella frowned at how weak her mom sounded and was tempted to open the door to see her again. But Mona knocked again. “Come on Bella. Stop singing! We’re going to be late. Jeremy can’t be late again this month, remember?”
With one last glance at the door, she turned and headed outside. Mona and Jeremy wore exasperated looks on their faces when she met their gazes. “I was singing to my Mama when she woke up. Priestess is talking to her now,” she said walking fast to catch up with the other two.
“Sorry. I didn’t know your mom came around. Hope you didn’t get in too much trouble,” Mona said hugging Bella. “Are you sure you want to work today?” The question was moot and they all knew it. Unless Bella was the one on her deathbed, the Order expected her to go to work.
Pleased with her best friend’s apology, Bella’s mood lightened. “Thanks, I’m okay. Right now, Priestess is talking to her. Daddy will be home soon and then I’ll take over later after work.” She tried to inject a positive note in her voice as she kept pace.
“Glad your mom’s doing better,” Jeremy said smiling at her.
Although he was three years older than her, she thought of him as a younger brother. Perhaps it was the ambling way he walked, or his shaggy sandy-brown hair always in need of a trim or how tied-tongue he became when complimenting her music.
Mona rolled her eyes at him and took the lead. “We can cut through the woods to make up time.” Tall and lean, Mona’s long stride ate up the distance and soon they entered the forest. Bella and Jeremy jogged to catch up. Panting, Bella’s gaze flitted around the fallen logs, overgrown patches and remnants of picnics. Beams of sunlight danced along the ground as it filtered through thick branches and leaves. It all seemed so peaceful she thought wistfully.
They broke through the forest, turned the corner and headed into town. Borian’s, their commune’s store, sat in the middle of the small, strip mall with several other local specialty stores. Walking at a brisk pace, they arrived at the shop with three minutes to spare.
Jeremy headed to the back to check on the stock and get instructions from Chad, the backroom clerk, who’d worked the previous shift. Bella and Mona put on their caps and aprons bearing the store’s name and logo.
Nanette, the store manager, walked toward them. Her dark eyes swept over them while pulling her brown shoulder length hair from beneath the cap into a ponytail. “We’ve been busy this morning. Chad didn’t get all the internet orders filled. We’ll take the ones he completed and drop them off to the parcel company rather than have them wait until tomorrow. One of you work in the back to help finish those orders first so they’re ready for tomorrow’s shipment.”
“I’ll handle that,” Mona said looking toward the back. “That way we get it done before we get really busy in a couple hours. Me and Bella will need to be on the floor then.”
“Good.” The manager removed her apron as Chad, an older, big guy who rarely talked, strode from the back with two large sacks. “We’ll see you tomorrow.” She opened the door and followed Chad outside.
To take her mind off her mom, Bella picked up the duster and searched for areas to clean. There were none. A few people walked by the store, others stopped to look at their window displays, some waved and continued. Typically, this was the slowest time of day.
Bella would rather be home with her mom and come in later when business picked up. But those in charge wanted three young adults in the store at all times and had refused her request to modify her work hours to care for her mom.
“Mama’s doing better,” she murmured and hugged those words close. She hummed the song she’d sung earlier. The bell over the door pinged. Bella pushed her memories aside, straightened and met cool, assessing gray eyes. He wore his dark hair in a pony tail that touched his shirt collar, pressed jeans and loafers. He reminded her of a few college students she’d seen online, without tattoos.
“Welcome to Borian’s,” she said hiding her surprise when he looked around the store remarkably at ease. Men didn’t come alone to their store often. She wondered if he was lost or meeting someone.
Nodding, he walked near a display, and stopped.
When he didn’t say anything, or look at their male oriented products, Bella grew uncomfortable. “Can I help you with anything? Hand cream? Lotions? Skin care products?” She waved to two full shelves of their signature lines.
“Is Mona here?” His deep voice surprised her almost as much as his request for her friend.
“Yes, she’s working in the back.” Bella wasn’t sure what to do. Had Mona and this outsider been talking? It was against the rules that had been in place much longer than no singing and was grounds for expulsion. After her recent threat from her father, Bella was hesitant to tell her friend this man wanted to see her.
“I’d like her to wait on me. She’s helped in the past.” His cold, gaze dared her to question him.
Goosebumps exploded over her skin. Bella nodded. “Sure thing. One second, I’ll get her.” She turned and walked to the back. Mona and Jeremy worked in silence filling orders. A nice pile was stacked against the wall.
“Mona, I’ll trade places with you in here. A customer asked for you to work with him.” Bella moved to pick up the printed labels.
“What?” Mona asked before blowing a few reddish-brown strands that slipped from their confinement, out of the way.
Bella repeated the gray-eyed man’s request and shooed Mona out the room. Of the two of them, Mona had more experience with guys. Beneath Mona’s stern veneer she was a romantic who wanted a house full of babies and a man or two to love. When she’d confessed her dreams, Bella had wished her well while thinking her friend would need to move away from the Order to live her dream because romance hardly ever factored into anything at the Order.
Bella believed in romance, but thought of it in terms of her favorite songs. She hadn’t met anyone who made her feel safe or cherished as the love ballads she enjoyed. She wanted a protector, someone who accepted all of her, would walk through the fires of hell to take her hand and lift her high in the clouds with his smile alone. Her skin warmed over her foolish thoughts, but if words in songs could become real, she’d meet a man who could deliver on all those promises one day.
“Seriously? A guy asked for Mona?” Jeremy asked sounding skeptical.
Bella nodded, but didn’t want to talk about the guy. He made her nervous. “Yeah. You guys knocked this out fast. That was the last one.” She looked at the boxes he continued stacking.
“Mona’s a beast at times.” He looked toward the door leading into the store. “Is it safe for her to be out there with him, alone?”
“I’ll head back out there in a sec. I just wanted to be sure we finished the orders.”
“They’re done,” Jeremy said a short time later. “Go out there with her.”
Surprised by his bossy tone, Bella looked at him. But he was staring at the door. “Okay.”
In the store, Mona had several items on the counter near the cash register. They didn’t work on commission, so Bella grabbed a few bags and looked at Mona. “Want me to bag these for you?”
“Not yet, he wants cases of these shipped to different people.” Mona winked at Bella. Another surprise.
“Here are the addresses and the items I’d like sent.” He handed Mona the paper. She rung up his order, gave him the thousand-dollar price tag and took his credit card while Bella watched from the side.
“Here,” Mona said to Bella once he signed the keypad and took his receipt. “Have Jeremy pull these and ship them to these addresses.” She handed Bella the piece of paper she’d received from the customer.
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Stunned by her friend’s dismissive tone, Bella looked at the paper and then at Mona, who turned to continue talking to the guy. Did Mona want this man’s attention? Was that the reason she sent Bella out of the shop? Priestess wouldn’t be pleased.
Jeremy entered the shop from the back and looked up at the man who had to be at least two to four inches over Jeremy’s six feet. He reached for the paper in Bella’s hand. “I’ll fill those.”
Bella released the paper. Jeremy returned to the back, leaving Bella and Mona with the customer.
“See, we offer excellent customer service. Your orders will be shipped within 24 hours,” Mona said. Her light brown eyes lit up from within.
This isn’t good, Bella thought as she moved around the store while watching and listening as the man flirted with her friend.
Mona laughed, hitting a high note that skittered across Bella’s skin. The bell on the door pinged, two women walked in and split up. Bella glanced at Mona who eyed the new customers and excused herself from the man. Relieved, Bella took the other customer and sold her a gift set in addition to skin moisturizer. When she rung up the order, she noticed the name on the gentleman’s receipt.
Jaiden Hampton.
She glanced at the man who lingered in the store. Once Bella finished, Mona returned to check out her customer. More customers entered the store, they got busy and finally Mr. Hampton left. Bella released a pent-up breath and glanced at Mona. Her friend seemed more energized, happy, relaxed.
Did Mona realize how much trouble she could get in by allowing Mr. Hampton to hang around the store? As head of security, Bella’s father had cameras everywhere and would have something to say. Bella was sure of it. She needed to remind Mona about them before she made a big mistake.
Business had been brisk that evening and they were all tired when they locked the store and went to the bank next door to drop the money bag into the night depository.
Silence greeted them as they walked down the deserted sidewalk to reach the road leading to the commune. Once they turned, Jeremy spoke. “Why did you allow that Hampton guy to hang around the store, Mona?”
Glad she hadn’t been the one to bring it up, Bella waited for a response.
“No reason. Just glad to talk to someone different I suppose. He was nice and placed a huge order. Didn’t seem right to ask him to leave afterward.” She paused. “What should I have done?”
Bella had no answer. How do you tell someone they shouldn’t be happy or smile so much around another person? She doubted Mona meant more than gratitude for the big sale which pushed their numbers higher for the week. Still, the look in Mr. Hampton’s eyes clearly said he enjoyed talking to Mona and that could be a problem.
“I don’t know. Just that it didn’t look right for him to hang around so long. That’s all I’m saying. Don’t be surprised if Mr. Gibson asks questions about it. He’s got the store wired for things like that,” Jeremy said.
Mona gasped but said no more.
The rest of the walk was in silence.
The moment Bella entered her home, she knew something was wrong. Rather, she knew her mom wasn’t there. Standing in the living room, she stared at her parents closed bedroom door and knew in her bones she’d never have that late-night talk with her mom. Never hear her sweet voice again. Never snuggle in her mom’s arms to have her hair stroked.
An ever-widening void filled her chest, holding her in a vise grip of pain so deeply profound Bella couldn’t feel or articulate the breadth of it.
Water filled her eyes as she doubled over holding her waist. A low, keening sound rolled from the pit of her belly through her mouth. Her world dimmed as she sensed her mother’s departure. Had she been too late? Had the conversation she had with Mona after Jeremy left them cost her to miss saying good-bye to her mom? God, no, her heart screamed, although no sound emitted from her lips.
The bedroom door opened.
Priestess wrapped her arms around her and held her close as she sobbed. A part of her soul ripped from her and floated away. “Mama,” she sobbed her arm outstretched toward the bedroom.
“Shh, come with me,” Priestess said moving them slowly toward the bedroom. “Come with me.”
Shards of pain penetrated her heart as she stepped into the bedroom. Her father sat in the chair next to the bed, holding her mom’s hand. Bella’s gaze zeroed in on the peaceful look on her mom’s face.
“No,” she shouted. “No! Mama you promised we’d talk tonight.” Bella pulled away and ran to the bed to take her mom’s cooling hand. “No. No. No!” Bella screamed. “Not my Mama.”
Hands peeled her fingers from her mother’s hand and pulled her away from the bed. She fought and screamed for the right to be with her mother, but was forcibly removed from the room. Screaming and crying, she was taken to her bedroom where Mona waited to wrap her arms around her and cried with her until she was completely drained.
CHAPTER FOUR
Hours of grief turned into days. The Priestess asked if she would sing at her mom’s homegoing, but Bella could not hear a single note let alone a song of praise or worship. She could not force gratitude or act as if everything was okay in her world.
It was not.
For three months, her mom had suffered and then she died. For what? What happened to all the prayers she and the others offered on her mom’s behalf? What was the purpose? Why didn’t the Mother Mary Magdalene save her mother? Every day Bella’s faith wavered in the obscurity of answers provided.
Blinded by grief, Bella refused to pray. She saw no need to seek direction when it wouldn’t be given. She did not attend any services other than her mother’s homegoing. She dressed in unrelieved black, a flagrant violation of the Order’s dress code.
“You’re supposed to work at the shop tomorrow,” her father said walking into her bedroom and pulling one earbud from her ear. “Time to get back into your schedule. Life goes on.”
Bella removed the other earbud and looked at him. “Life goes on? For who?” she challenged wanting to hurt him.
“For the living.” He met her gaze and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Hmm. I’m not ready to get back into any schedule that does not contain caring for my mom.” How dare he tell her how to act, how to feel! He had no clue of the yawning emptiness in her chest.
His gaze narrowed. “She was my wife. I don’t have the luxury of taking more time off. What makes you think you should?”
“For you, she was dead before she actually died. You wanted me to accept her death while she lived. Maybe you grieved a long time ago. I haven’t.” She didn’t feel any joy over the shame filling his face. She just wanted to be left alone.
He rubbed his hands against his pants and released a long sigh. “I was wrong. Wrong about so many things. Greta and I cleared the air before… before she left. I apologize for not being what you needed, for being caught up in my life’s purpose.” He paused. “But that doesn’t change anything. We need to move on.”
Bella’s stomach clenched at his late admission and half-hearted apology. “She promised to talk to me.” Bella looked at her dad. “Mama talked to everybody but me. Why?” That question ate at her every waking moment. Why hadn’t her mom waited for her? Talked to her?
He shook his head. “Maybe she knew she wasn’t that strong. How do you tell the most important person in your life goodbye? No matter what else you think, you were that to her. Her greatest achievement despite everything life threw at her.” He inhaled deeply and released it slowly. “Greta Gibson was an amazing mother, woman and wife. I never realized just how much until she left.” He looked at her. “She lives on in you. Don’t you understand? Your mother wants you to live, to reach the pinnacle of success, to be the best you can be.”
“That’s what she always told me,” Bella whispered, forgetting her anger at him for a moment and remembering her mother’s words of encouragement.
“What would she say about you laying around two weeks after she left?” he
asked.
Bella’s brow rose. “She’d say I’m allowed to grieve my mother who was the most important person in my life. It’s not forever, it’s just until this fog, or whatever I’m in, breaks.”
Shaking his head, he turned and left the room.
Bella replaced the earbuds in her ear and listened to the music. It had a discordant note, she couldn’t harmonize the sounds, her ear was off. Frustrated, she pulled them from her ears, laid back and covered her eyes with her arm. The pain of loss still cut deep. Her mom had been her compass, her confidant and cheerleader. With her faith waning, Bella had no idea what to do with her life. Adrift, she reached for the earbuds again.
Someone tapped lightly on her door.
Thinking her father had returned to press the issue she didn’t respond. The tap came again, more persistent this time.
“Come in.” She removed her arm and gazed into the warm eyes of the Priestess. So, her father had run to the Priestess to complain. What now? Would they threaten to toss her out of the Compound again if she didn’t go to work in the store? Tired, Bella met the Priestess’ gaze and waited.
“Bella, I need to share something with you. I believe you’re ready. If you aren’t, well I’m ready. So, we do this today.”
Intrigued by the sorrow and tiredness in the Priestess gaze, Bella answered quickly. “Yes, Ma’am.” Bella scooted back until the back of her head hit the headboard. Her father walked in carrying a large, old trunk and placed it at the Priestess’ feet.
Bella frowned when she saw her mom’s trunk.
“Thank you, Peter.”
Her father nodded, looked at Bella, offered a pained smile and closed the door behind him leaving them alone.
“I need you to bear with me, I have to do this my way.” Her gaze captured Bella’s.
Unaccustomed to seeing the Priestess flustered or uncertain, Bella swallowed her fear as she nodded. “Yes, Ma’am.”
