‘Will,’ I said, with a fair assumption of calm. ‘You’ve left your post?’
‘My turn on duty is over,’ he replied, indicating the skipper at the wheel behind us. ‘It’s time for me to snatch a few hours sleep, but I’m curious as to what has kept you so still in the prow for over an hour when you should be sleeping.’
‘Ah just restless thoughts,’ I said with a small sigh, looking away from him out to sea.
Will leaned on the rail beside me. ‘Tell me?’ he invited. ‘As a friend.’
I swallowed, unsure how to speak, or how to put my doubts into words. ‘Very well, as a friend,’ I said after a long pause. It was hard to say the word, difficult to meet his eyes. ‘I truly have no idea what is to become of me next week.’
‘Your family?’ asked Will. ‘Would they not be overjoyed to see you? They must think you dead.’
I bit my lip. ‘No doubt they do,’ I agreed. ‘There are reasons I cannot return to them.’
‘Tell me,’ Will repeated. ‘You can trust me, you know.’
Could I? I knew he meant it kindly. But would he not judge me if he heard the truth? I dreaded seeing his expression change; the warm concern that filled his face now fade and be replaced with shock.
‘Truly, when I think back to the person I was five months ago,’ I said abruptly, ‘I positively loathe myself. It drenches me with shame.’
Will laughed softly, but not in an unkind way. ‘You were hard to like,’ he said. ‘A lesson to all of us in how a perfectly good person can be ruined by indulgence.’
I buried my face in my hands. ‘But I’m not sure I am a good person,’ I said. It came out as a muffled groan.
Will ruffled my hair casually. ‘We know better,’ he said lightly.
I merely shook my head. I dropped my hands, but kept my face averted, still looking out to sea though I no longer saw the beauty of the night.
‘I need to tell you … ’ I began, but Will spoke at the same time.
‘Never fear, Isabelle,’ Will said cheerfully. We won’t leave you to starve. I won’t … ’
His voice tailed off. I didn’t know what he had wanted to say, or what had intruded to prevent him completing his sentence.
‘I don’t deserve it,’ I said.
‘So what has brought on this sudden remorse?’ Will asked me in a bantering tone. I could tell he was trying to cheer me. ‘You certainly made life uncomfortable for yourself and everyone else when you were first on board. But we’re all friends now. So why repine?’
‘Perhaps because we’re going back,’ I said.
Will sobered suddenly. ‘Ah! Durdle,’ he said. ‘Yes, I can see that the scene could be painful to you in more ways than one.’
We both fell silent. We stood quietly side by side thinking each our own thoughts. There was more of my story I should tell him. I tried to make myself speak the words but my tongue cleaved to the roof of my mouth.
‘Did you love him so much?’ asked Will softly, shocking me out of my abstraction.
‘What?’ I asked confused for a moment. Then I recalled that Will thought I’d walked into the sea that night for the love of the young viscount. He didn’t know the truth. I blushed scarlet.
It was Will’s turn to look confused. ‘James Marlow … the man you were going to marry,’ he said uncertainly. ‘Who else?’
‘I … yes. I mean, no,’ I stammered. ‘I thought myself in love with him certainly. But looking back, seeing it more clearly now, I hardly knew him. I believe I was more in love with his rank, his fortune, with the idea of marriage. I longed so much to be a bride. To make a good match. And that one was brilliant … ’
‘What is it, Isabelle?’ Will asked when I faltered and stopped. A sudden gust of wind blew over us, filling the sails and pulling the boat forward in a great lurch.
I turned to him, resolute, determined to be brave. ‘Will, there’s something I need to tell you. It wasn’t because of him. That’s not why you found me in the sea that night. At least, he was only a part of the reason. There’s something else. Something that happened afterwards that you should know about.’
Will was looking at me half eagerly, half anxiously. Another gust of wind swept across us, this time so fierce that the ship heeled and we both caught at the rail.
‘Will!’ the skipper shouted. ‘Ring the bell; get some more hands on deck! We need to reef the sails!’
Will dropped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it briefly. With a regretful backward glance, he ran to the bell. I watched as he rang it and then swung himself up into the rigging. I followed him, and side by side we worked to reef the mainsail, tying the fastenings off securely, using the knots I’d learned. I worked until men began to stumble sleepily onto the deck from below. The fresh wind that was now squalling over us and a sudden burst of rain soon woke them, and the ship bustled with activity. They joined us in the rigging, stronger and more experienced than I was. I was soon pushed aside as they took over.
I wasn’t needed any longer. Feeling hollow, I climbed back down to the deck and went to my cabin. But until the dawn was flushing the sky pink, I still couldn’t fall asleep.
Having been up all night, I slept much of the next day and awoke hungry and with a headache. It was already growing dark when I left the cabin, and we were close in to the coast. I cast the land an uninterested glance, and sought Harry in the galley and settled down to a hunk of bread with bacon to assuage my hunger.
Below, I could already hear the men shifting the kegs ready for unloading and I’d seen the look-outs in the rigging. We were waiting for the signal; preparing for the landing. ‘Should be a straightforward one tonight,’ remarked Harry, sliding onto the bench beside me.
‘That’s good,’ I mumbled.
‘You look terrible,’ Harry told me. ‘Where’ve you been all day?’
‘Sleeping,’ I said shortly. ‘Harry, how did Will come to be with you? He doesn’t seem the type to be aboard a smuggling vessel.’
Harry laughed shortly. ‘Neither do you, come to that. He joined us at the beginning of last winter. We don’t own The Invisible, you know. It’s sad, but true. We’re free-traders, but not free men. We get paid by the venturer who owns this ship. He sent us Will to be our agent and negotiator. We suspected he was here as a spy. You know, to make sure none of us were cheating the boss. We gave him a hard time.’
I wondered if this was the mystery that Will had been alluding to. ‘And was he?’ I asked curiously.
‘None of us know. But he’s a damn good agent. We never had so many runs, so many customers. He’s negotiated us better pay too. Everything’s run like clockwork since Will came aboard. He’s risked his life for us a number of times. Whatever he is to the venturer, most of us trust him now.’
‘I see,’ I said, puzzled. Will was an enigmatic character, half comrade, half … what? The puzzle of what a gentleman-born was doing among smugglers was far from explained.
I went up on deck to help watch for the signal from the beach. It was bright and clear tonight and I wasn’t the only one to spot it. The boats left us, heading into the dark and the sound of waves on shingle. I saw Will leave on a boat full of casks and when the boat returned he was gone.
‘Where’s Will?’ I asked the skipper as he gave the order to set sail.
‘We’re picking him up tomorrow in Lulworth,’ the skipper replied briefly.
Tomorrow. That wasn’t so very long to wait. I would speak to him as soon he returned. It was important to me to tell him the truth now.
But when Will returned to the ship the following night, he stared at me as though I was a ghost. When I approached him, he shied away as though I carried some deadly disease. I’d left my tale too late.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
The mood was abruptly different on board. It was not only me Will kept his distance from. He was silent and taciturn throughout the voyage, keeping to his work, meeting no one’s eyes and spending long spells alone, either aloft in the rigging or in hi
s hammock below.
I also gathered, from conversations I overheard, that both the goods and the destination for the final run of the season had been altered.
‘No lace,’ Harry said. ‘So Will’s in a bad mood—won’t get to don his gown one last time!’ He laughed as though it were a joke, but there were others who didn’t take this change of plan so lightly.
‘Something’s up,’ muttered Sly Pete. ‘I never trusted him.’
‘Nor me,’ agreed Bill. ‘I always said he was a spy and a traitor. We nearly got caught running into Kimmeridge. We never found out the sneak. What does anyone wager it was him?’
‘Come, lads,’ said Jacob, his brow furrowed and his face troubled. ‘How can you talk about not trusting him after all he’s risked for us?’
‘Well, perhaps he had his reasons up to now,’ snapped Sly Pete. ‘And now the time for trust is over. I don’t like it, I tell you. We never go to the same drop twice running. What’s he thinking of?’
Jacob shook his head. ‘He has something weighing heavy on his mind,’ he said. ‘That doesn’t make him a traitor.’
‘Guilty conscience; that’s what it is,’ Sly Pete insisted.
I paced the deck as the ship dipped and rose in the swell, wondering what the truth of this was. Will had been ashore to the very beach I’d fled. Had he heard the truth about me? Was that what troubled him? He wouldn’t speak to me.
At that moment, Will swung himself down through the rigging from the look-out and landed lightly on the deck. At the same moment Sly Pete, Harry, Bill and some of the others emerged from the galley and confronted him.
Hard-Head Bill went to walk past Will, but instead barged him with his shoulder. Will turned swiftly and landed a punch that sent Bill to the deck. He fell heavily with a groan as the breath was knocked from his body.
‘Stop this at once!’ shouted the skipper, taking the steps from the quarterdeck two at a time. ‘What in God’s name is going on? I won’t have brawling aboard my ship!’
‘The man’s a traitor!’ shouted Bill through his bloody nose. Lying on the deck, he pointed a finger at Will. ‘He’s turned us all in and we’re sailing into a trap!’
‘What nonsense is this?’ demanded the skipper, turning to Will. ‘Explain!’
‘I’ve been listening to damned lying accusations since I came back on board,’ said Will with a shrug. ‘I’ve had enough!’
The skipper looked from one to the other, an exasperated expression on his face. ‘What’s your reason for this suspicion?’ he asked the group of angry men. ‘You’ve worked with the man for two winters. Why now?’
‘Haven’t you seen him slinking around?’ demanded Bill. ‘Not looking at anyone? We all know there’s a traitor in among us somewhere. Look how many times they’ve known where to take us this winter! And now he’s changed our run. He’ll betray us and collect the reward.’
The skipper looked at Will, waiting for his denial. We all waited. Everyone on deck paused in what they were doing to hear what Will was going to say.
‘I would never betray any of you,’ said Will steadily. ‘The change of drop was arranged by the venturer. We must trust him, mustn’t we? It’s his money and ship at stake after all. There’s a reason why I’m distracted but has nothing to do with betraying the crew.’
The skipper didn’t move. His eyes didn’t leave Will for a moment. ‘I think you should tell us what’s wrong,’ he said levelly.
‘Very well,’ said Will. He turned to me. I froze in shock and had the strangest feeling that the ship was foundering under my feet. Will’s eyes were accusing and angry.
‘Our mermaid,’ said Will, indicating me with an angry gesture, ‘failed to mention to us that she is the bride of our venturer. That she married him for his money and then having got it, ran off and left him on his wedding night, making him the laughing stock of the county. I’ve never seen a man so angry. There is a reward out for her. And all this time, we’ve been sheltering her! If he were to discover what we’ve done, he’d be revenged on every last man of us!’
Absolute silence followed Will’s words. One by one, they all turned to look at me. I flushed hot with shame and embarrassment. Then my stomach turned and I thought I was going to be sick. It was all over. I was utterly exposed.
‘Isabelle?’ said Jacob’s wondering voice. ‘Tell us that’s not true.’
He sounded quite bewildered, bless his good heart. As though he couldn’t believe it. I wished I could tell him there was some mistake. I turned to Jacob and spoke to him rather than face Will’s accusing gaze.
‘I didn’t know he was your venturer,’ I stammered. Had I really married a smuggler?
‘Don’t stand there looking so innocent,’ snapped Will. Anger and hurt flashed in his blue eyes as he glared at me.
‘I really didn’t know. But it’s true,’ I whispered. ‘At least, it wasn’t quite as simple as that but … Oh, I’m so very sorry.’
‘Why, Isabelle?’ Jacob asked. His voice was still gentle and the sound of it brought tears to my eyes.
‘I didn’t mean any harm … ’ I faltered, my voice breaking as I choked back the tears.
‘You hid the truth—lied! You’ve put us all in danger,’ said Will, still in a hard voice. I tore my eyes from Jacob’s puzzled but sympathetic gaze to face Will. He stood rigid, blazing with anger. ‘You came aboard under false pretences.’
‘I didn’t ask to be rescued,’ I said miserably. ‘I wish you hadn’t, if it will cause so much trouble. I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you. It … wasn’t easy for me.’
I stumbled to a stop. Will hated me now. But I truly hadn’t known what to do or where to turn. It had all gone so horribly wrong. Unexpectedly, Jacob put a protective arm around me. ‘Never fear, Isabelle,’ he said. ‘We’ll stand by you.’
I couldn’t speak. Instead, I nodded, tears spilling over. I dashed them away. Behind me, outside the safe circle of Jacob’s arm, I heard an argument raging. Some wanted to hand me over and collect the reward, others to keep me with them and protect me. I was hurt and moved in equal measure. I heard no opinion from Will, and knew only that he was furious with me. And somehow that was worse than all the rest. It was worse than anything that might happen to me now. In fact, if Will hated me, I no longer much cared what became of me.
‘What if the reason they’ve been chasing us so hard all winter is cos of her?’ shouted Hard-Head Bill. ‘What if they’ve guessed she’s here? They found her damn dress aboard, didn’t they? It’s put all of us in danger!’
The skipper’s voice reached me once more through the babble of voices. Everyone fell silent to listen to what he had to say.
‘I ask you again, Will. Did you tell Holbrook that we had his bride aboard The Invisible?’
‘I told him nothing. Until yesterday, I hadn’t seen him face-to-face since the autumn. Since before … it all came about.’ Will, it seemed, could no longer even bring himself to mention my name.
‘Did you tell anyone at all that we had a woman aboard?’
‘I did not.’
‘Did he give you any clue he might suspect it?’
Will shrugged. ‘I’m not sure.’
‘In that case, I don’t see what all the fuss is about,’ said the skipper firmly. ‘Isabelle is a member of our crew. For safety’s sake, she should stay in boy’s clothing. But no one but us knows anything. So as far as I can see, nothing needs to change. Now back to your stations everyone.’
The men dispersed, talking among themselves. ‘A word, if you please, Isabelle,’ said the skipper. ‘In private.’
Jacob patted me kindly on the shoulder as he released me. I followed the skipper across the deck towards his cabin. I saw with pain that Will turned his face away from me as I passed.
‘Sit down,’ said the skipper as I followed him into his cabin and shut the door behind me. I’d never been in here before. It was a grander cabin than my own small space. Besides his bunk, there was a table, spread with
charts and maps, and some chairs. A large chest stood against one wall and a chart hung on the wall above it. There were barometers and other instruments mounted on the wall, and the spring sunshine shone in through a porthole. I sank into a chair, shocked and dispirited.
‘So, my girl. It turns out after all this time, that you’ve put us in a difficult position,’ the skipper said sitting down opposite me.
I nodded, sadly. ‘I’m truly sorry,’ I told him.
‘As you said, it wasn’t your fault Jacob brought you aboard. You certainly came most unwillingly. But you would have spared us this trouble if you’d told me the truth that first night.’
I nodded, shame-faced. ‘But you would have taken me back,’ I said. ‘I dreaded that above all else.’
‘Aye, the chances are I’d have done so,’ admitted the skipper. ‘It’s breaking the law to conceal a wife from her husband. And when that husband owns this ship and pays all the men on board, that complicates life even further.’
‘But I didn’t know that,’ I pointed out miserably. ‘How could I know I’d married a smuggler?’
‘Strictly speaking, he ain’t,’ said the skipper. ‘He’s the money. But that’s a technicality. As you know, this is our last run. The ship goes into dock for cleaning and repair and the crew disperses for the summer. You’ve been a valuable crew member, and I feel a certain loyalty to you, despite this. Therefore I see no reason why we should make any changes tonight. You leave us tomorrow, and where you go and what you do after that is your business. But there is one thing I must ask of you.’
‘Yes,’ I said, relieved by his words. He wasn’t going to take me back. I wasn’t to be coerced into doing anything. But still. From tomorrow I was alone. That was a very bleak prospect indeed.
‘You can never mention to anyone that you’ve been aboard this ship with us,’ the skipper told me earnestly. ‘This was a promise I would have needed to ask from you in any event. But it becomes doubly important now. If your presence became known here, our lives and livelihoods could be in danger. We risk revealing our trade and we could be condemned for harbouring you. The one could lead to the other. So I must ask you for your oath.’
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