by Mandy Magro
‘Don’t worry, Ryan, I’ll keep my eye on her. I won’t let that creep come anywhere near her if he has the gall to turn up in Moonstone Valley again.’
Ryan hadn’t mentioned anything to Greg about Troy. It was the next thing he was going to talk to him about. ‘You know about her ex?’
‘Yeah, and he sounds like a right little arsehole. Not that Jim should have told me, mind you, being police business and all that, and you know how much of a stickler he is with keeping to the book. But seeing as Tilly is my daughter he broke the rules this once. I’d love to get my hands on the bastard, so for his sake I hope he steers clear.’
‘You’re not the only one, mate. I’d love to teach him a lesson or two as well.’ A shudder ran along Ryan’s spine. ‘I don’t want the same thing happening to Tilly that happened to …’ He closed his eyes and shook the haunting images away.
‘You don’t have to spell it out, Ryan. With you, Jim and me all looking out for her, she’ll be right. The gutless wonder would run for the hills if he found himself faced with us three.’
Ryan smiled. ‘Damn right he would.’ With his drink finished and the time ticking on he stood up. ‘Anyways, I best get a move on. I told Dad and Jake I’d help them with a few things before sundown.’
‘Righto, Ryan. Say g’day to your mum for me, and tell your dad I’ll try and pop out sometime next weekend for a beer, or four.’
Ryan stood, chuckling. ‘Will do.’
CHAPTER
20
An ear-piercing scream for help brought Matilda out of her nightmare and crashing headfirst into reality. While still feeling as though she was tumbling mid-air, her thoughts instantly went to who was in trouble and how she could help them. Then, with her body firing to life, she realised she was in bed and it was she who was doing all the screaming. With her body in full fight-or-flight mode she took a few moments to get a grip on the here and now. She flicked open her eyes but that only intensified the fear when the darkness met her. She prayed Ryan hadn’t heard her. Not only did she find it embarrassing to be screaming out as if someone was attacking her, she also didn’t want him running to her aid. He had come to her rescue enough the past week and on top of that the vibe between them wasn’t overly comfortable since she told him she was moving out. He hadn’t even returned home for the lamb roast dinner she’d cooked, as promised, seeing as it was Sunday night.
Taking a few deep breaths she tried to slow her racing heart. Why wasn’t her lamp on, and how come it was so damn hot? She had gone to bed with the fan on top speed and now there wasn’t even a breath of fresh air. What in the hell was going on?
Not moving an inch, she honed her senses as the sound of someone creeping quietly into her room sent her heart vaulting once more. Her imagination ran wild. Had Troy decided to come back to Moonstone Valley, to fulfil his promise of killing her? Should she scream out again, in the hope of waking Ryan? Or, in her panicked state, was she just overreacting? Then she’d feel like an absolute fool. Clutching the doona to her chest she held her breath.
Slowly turning her head to the doorway, relief flooded her as a lighter was flicked on and she came face to face with Ryan. In his other hand was a candle. He was dressed only in a pair of boxer shorts, the hard curves of his strong body accentuated by the flicker of flame. Matilda had a sudden urge to kiss every single inch of him, to feel skin on skin as they made passionate, hungry love. Searing heat flooded through her with the thought. Her heart raced in her chest.
Kneeling beside the bed, Ryan placed the candle on her bedside table, the dance of the flame igniting his chiselled features into a work of art. He was so close she could feel his warm breath on her cheek, sending pleasurable tingles throughout her. If his physical attributes weren’t enough to drive a girl wild, she finally met his eyes and the deep concern within them moved her beyond words. Why did everything about him have to be so perfect? It only made things ten times harder.
Come to think of it, why hadn’t he just turned the light on instead of bringing in a candle? Was he trying to seduce her?
Damn it…
Before Matilda had time to speak his hands reached out for hers. She went to pull away, but so much of her needed him, wanted him to fall for her like she was falling for him, that she was rendered motionless. God, he was magnificent. What she would give to go back to that night they had kissed, because she would have made the most of the moment they’d had. Too late now, she’d live to regret not taking the chance when she could have.
‘Why don’t you turn the lamp on?’ She had no idea why she’d just whispered.
‘It’s a bit hard to when the electricity has gone on the blink,’ he whispered back.
‘Ah, good point.’ She smiled softly and he gave her hands a gentle squeeze. The simple yet tender gesture kicked her voice of reason back into action.
Don’t give into temptation, Tilly, you’ll only end up with a broken heart …
He has someone else …
Pippa’s face flashed before Matilda’s eyes and she resisted the urge to yank her hands out of his as if she had stuck them into a fire. She knew he only meant to offer comfort, but she was too brittle for his kind heart. As hungry as she was for his arms to embrace her, so he could comfort her like he had only days ago and make her feel as though nothing could hurt her with him by her side, it would be all too easy for her to crack under the strain and give into her emotions if he did. Just one more intimate touch from him and her fragile self-control would shatter, and this time round she knew she would be doing a lot more than just kissing him. That would lead them down a path neither of them were ready to take. So, she needed to build those damn bricks back from where he’d pulled them down. Her wall had to go back up. Pronto.
With the atmosphere intensifying, neither of them said anything and the silence was becoming a little uncomfortable. Matilda had to diffuse whatever was going on here. Now. Right this second.
‘I’m okay, Ryan, you can go back to bed.’ She noticed she sounded a little abrupt.
‘Oh.’ Clearly noticing her tone, hurt flashed in his eyes. ‘Sorry to barge in here but you were having a nightmare, Tilly. With the power going off, I knew you’d freak out without the lamp on. That’s why I brought in the candle.’
‘Thank you for thinking of me, but you didn’t need to do that. I would have been fine.’ No, she wouldn’t have, not as much as she was with him, but she didn’t know what else to say. With her breath catching in her throat and every inch of her skin aching for his touch, she needed to get him out of her bedroom. Like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter’s night, he was enticing her more than she needed.
‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Ryan’s voice was soft, tender. It sent a shiver dancing down her spine, as if he’d lightly traced his fingertips down her back while placing warm kisses on her earlobes.
‘Yeah … I’m positive.’ Her breath caught in her throat. ‘It’s been a really big couple of days, that’s all, and I’m tired.’ She forced a yawn.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t come home for dinner tonight. I didn’t think you’d still be making a roast after everything.’
‘Why wouldn’t I? It’s not like we’re not friends anymore, and I did make a deal with you to cook tonight. Unlike some, I like to stick to my promises.’
Her last sentence was harsh and directed at him, and from the gloomy look on his face he knew that too. ‘Like I said, I’m sorry.’
She shrugged as if it didn’t matter. ‘No biggy. I made you a plate up and popped it in the fridge. You can eat it whenever.’ She wanted to know if he’d been at Pippa’s having dinner with her, but then she didn’t want to know either. It would be another stab in her already pierced heart.
‘I was over at Pippa’s trying to sort things out, and I grabbed some Macca’s on the way home.’
She was right and the stab hurt like hell. ‘Whatever, Ryan. You have no reason to explain yourself to me.’
Ryan’s hold loosened and Matilda took th
e chance to free herself from his touch. Tucking her arms under the sheet so she had a little more control over what she did with her hands, she offered him a small smile. She felt bad for being bitchy, and it was time she reined in her emotions. ‘Stop looking so worried. I’ll be right.’
‘Your nightmare made it sound like you were far from all right.’
‘I have nightmares from time to time, when I’m a bit frazzled. That’s all.’
‘Righto then, if you say so.’ His chest lifted in a deep breath that he exhaled slowly. ‘Was it about Troy?’
‘No. I can’t even really remember, just jumbled-up, meaningless stuff.’ She hated lying, but she didn’t want his sympathy anymore. It was too tender, too sweet, too beautiful to ignore. As much as she loved it, she hated it at the same time because she knew she couldn’t have him. If he couldn’t cut ties, then she would gather the strength from somewhere to do it for them.
She sat up before she gave into her longing to pull him into bed with her. This hunk of delicious man lit up her libido like the surface of the sun. She needed to get him away from her. Before the comfort of night, the warm flicker of the candlelight and the intense look in his eyes made her do something she shouldn’t.
Ryan had to fight every urge not to climb into bed with Tilly and take her into his arms. After getting home late, he had discovered her note on the bench, letting him know she would be moving out in the morning and asking if it was all right if she left Huckleberry here until she found more permanent accommodation where she could have a dog. His heart was aching beyond belief. Soft, innocent, vulnerable, wise, strong—the list could go on and on. This gorgeous woman was all those things, and much more. In less than a week Matilda Denver had lodged herself deeply beneath his skin, to the point where she was constantly consuming his thoughts, and his dreams.
Without second-guessing what he was about to do, he dragged in a shaky breath, lifted his hand and cupped Matilda’s cheek, the tremble in his fingers so strong she was sure to notice. But he didn’t care. She affected him so strongly, so deeply, in every way possible. As terrified as he was about saying it out loud, she needed to know how he felt about her before she moved away from him and the safety of Heartsong. He hadn’t let himself acknowledge how deeply his feelings ran for her until tonight. After spending the last five hours lying on the couch weighing up whether going into her room and pouring his heart out to her would be a good or a bad thing, it was now or never.
‘What are you doing, Ryan.’ Matilda’s voice dragged him from his thoughts.
He gazed at her steadily as his throat tightened. ‘For once, I’m trying to be honest with myself, and you.’
‘Please Ryan, I …’
He watched as she moistened her lips with a quick sweep of her tongue. What he would give to feel his mouth pressed up against those beautiful lips once more, to feel his tongue dancing in circles around hers as he slowly undressed her. ‘I have to let it out, Til, please let me do this.’ He stalled, the look in her eyes stealing his ability to breathe. Finding the right words suddenly seemed incredibly hard.
‘We haven’t known each other long, but I think I’m falling in love with you. And with everything such a mess I don’t know what I’m meant to do about it.’ He held his breath, waiting for her to reply, to say anything but stare at him the way she was. She looked as if she was about to burst into tears.
He silently swore. This was a huge mistake.
The air whooshed out of her parted lips, as though she had been holding her breath. Then her hand came down softly on his. ‘I know I’m falling in love with you, Ryan.’ Her voice cracked. ‘That’s exactly why I need to leave. You have other priorities in your life and I’m just going to get in the way.’ The welling tears now rolled down her cheeks, heavy and constant. ‘I can’t play second fiddle in someone’s life again, especially yours. I would end up resenting you and that’s the last thing I want to happen.’ She gently placed her hand back down on the bed. ‘I would rather stay friends than be heartbroken because of you.’
‘You’re not in the way and never will be. I would never deliberately do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?’ Ryan’s chest ached as though a tonne of bricks were upon it. Matilda had been hurt enough in her life and he hated feeling responsible for her tears. He reached out and gently wiped them away.
‘I know you wouldn’t, but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. You and Pippa have a history and she might be carrying your child. If I allow myself to fall even harder for you and it turns out it is your child and you decide to try and make things work with her, where’s that going to leave me?’
She had a point. Even though he had no desire to get back with Pippa, he honestly had no idea how he was going to react if he was the father. He couldn’t answer her question with certainty and honesty, so he chose not to say anything.
Finally he said, ‘I hate what’s happening as much as you do. Believe me, if I could go back in time and change it, so we could be together, I would.’ He closed his eyes and shook his head, deeply disappointed with himself. ‘I’m so sorry, Tilly. I shouldn’t have said anything. You don’t need this. I should stop being so damn selfish.’
A small sigh from Matilda brought his gaze back to hers.
‘You know what, Ryan?’
‘Yes, I sure do. I’m a big stupid dickhead that needs to learn to keep his mouth shut.’
Matilda softly chuckled as she shook her head. ‘Close, but no …’ She gave him a look to let him know she was playing around. ‘But seriously, I love how you’re so real, and so true to who you are and what you want in life … it’s one of the many things I adore about you, so don’t ever change that.’ She sniffled and smiled gently. ‘Please don’t apologise for opening up to me. It’s nice to know you feel the same way I do about you. It sucks that life has dealt us the hand it has, but sadly we have to play that hand and see where things go.’
‘Yeah, it sure does suck.’ He forked his fingers through his hair before leaning on the side of the bed. ‘Can I ask you a serious question?’
‘Shoot.’
‘If it turns out I’m not the dad, would you give us a chance, or at the very least let me take you out on an official date?’
Matilda didn’t answer straight away, but when she did her smile had faded and the tears were returning. ‘Let’s not jump ahead of ourselves, because if you are the father, everything we say will be pointless. I don’t want to get my hopes up just to be disappointed. I need to protect myself, Ryan. Please try and understand that.’
Ryan heaved a weary sigh. ‘Yeah, you’re right.’ Pushing on the side of the bed, he stood up. ‘I better let you get some sleep.’ He wanted to run, punch something, yell, anything but stand here and see the woman of his dreams in so much heartache, all because of him. He felt like the biggest arsehole on earth.
Matilda nodded. ‘Yeah, I better. I’ve got a big day tomorrow. Is it okay to leave Huck here until I find my feet?’
‘Of course it is. Anything I can do to help, hey.’
‘Thank you. Are you okay to drop me into the pub after brekkie?’
‘Of course I am.’
‘Okay, great.’
‘Night then.’
‘Night, Ryan … Sweet dreams.’
They will be if you’re in them, he wanted to say, but instead he said, ‘You too, catch you on the flip side.’
Stepping into the dark hallway, Ryan blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall as he walked to his bedroom. It was time to let Matilda go and accept that the future didn’t hold out much hope for them. If that meant steering clear of her for a while once he dropped her at the pub tomorrow, then so be it. No matter how hard that was going to be, he would do it for Tilly’s sake. She deserved happiness, and he wasn’t the man to be able to give her that now, if ever. Considering how beautiful she was, inside and out, he doubted it would be very long before the eligible Moonstone Valley blokes figured that out and tried to win her over. It wouldn
’t be long before someone else won Tilly’s love. The very thought shattered his heart into a million tiny little pieces.
CHAPTER
21
With his toasted ham and cheese sandwich still untouched, Ryan stared across the picnic table in the local park at an effervescent Pippa. He was trying his very best to remain calm—he knew from his experience with her that getting hot under the collar didn’t get them anywhere other than into a massive argument. Seemingly oblivious to his building tension, she finished what she was saying and then smiled sweetly, fluttering her long lashes for added effect. Her coyness might have helped her to get her own way in their relationship, but it certainly wasn’t going to work its magic on him now. This was way too serious for that.
He took a sip from his coffee, biding his time while thinking about what to say next. For someone who was suffering with morning sickness, she seemed bright eyed and bushy tailed. Pregnancy clearly agreed with her. He wanted to tell her so, but after a week of disagreeing over when and how they were going to do the paternity test, he was beginning to lose his patience and didn’t feel like being complimentary.
‘What do you mean you don’t want to get the test done until after you’ve had the baby?’
She blinked owlishly and shrugged.
Ryan felt like yelling, and it took every bit of his resolve not to. ‘Don’t you think that’s going to put unnecessary stress on us?’ He was drumming his fingers on the table. ‘Have you stopped to think about how Kevin will react when he finds out about this? It’s not like you can hide a pregnancy in a town like Moonstone Valley. As you know all too well, people like to talk about other people’s business here, and sooner or later he’s going to hear of it or see for himself when your belly starts to show. Then he’ll want to know how you’re sure that it’s mine. As much as I hate the bastard, I wouldn’t blame him for wanting straight answers like I do.’
‘Oh, Ryan, you’re always so dramatic. I will handle Kevin if and when the need arises. Everything’s going to work out just fine, so would you stop stressing.’ She placed her hand on her flat stomach. ‘I don’t want to get all frazzled about this and stress our baby out, so could you stop, please.’
