Everyone got to work, packing as much as they could onto the ATV and the small trailer they found in the garage before filling their packs. Megan didn't want to ever come back.
She helped Harry pack a few things in a backpack. He insisted on carrying something. She worried even a five pound pack would be too much for his emaciated body, but he was a fighter. She knew how a strong will to survive could drive a person to do things they normally wouldn't be able to do.
She herself had experienced it and wasn't about to deny this man that same gratification.
31
The walk back to the lodge was somber. Wyatt had radioed Albert, telling him the coast was clear and he could take the women and children back to the lodge. Albert didn't ask about the outcome or any details. Megan had been listening to the conversation, wondering what Wyatt would say. It was a brief conversation.
They moved much slower than they had on the trip over. Each of them lost in thought. Megan fought back the tears that threatened to flow every time she thought about Jack.
Wyatt had requested Brenda not tell his mom or Willow about Jack. That was something he needed to do in person.
Megan felt the guilt as heavy as the pack on her back. She could have saved him. She was the one who chose to let him die.
Did she dare tell Wyatt what happened?
He would never forgive her, surely.
Megan looked up and stared at the sun burning high and bright in the sky. The fog had burned off and the blast of rain had washed the area clean once again.
There hadn't been a clear day in weeks, but today, it was beautiful. The gloom that clung to her made it impossible for her to appreciate it.
On a normal day, if the sun had been this inviting, she would get the kids together and play a game of baseball. She wasn't sure she or the kids could ever enjoy the game again. It would always bring back memories of the game that had ended in gunfire and Jack being stabbed.
“You okay?”
“What?” Megan realized Wyatt was talking to her.
“Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah, I don't know, lost in thought I guess.”
His expression had been fixed since he learned about Jack. There wasn't anger or sadness. It was just set in a permanent, all-business look.
“You?” she asked, already knowing he would say he was fine.
“Ready to get home. Kind of. I'm not really looking forward to that reunion.”
Megan gulped back the giant lump in her throat.
She didn't know what to say. Sorry was inadequate. She should apologize because it was her fault Wyatt's brother was dead.
“Are we close?” she asked instead. It seemed like a safe subject.
“Yeah, probably more than half way.”
The sound of an ATV engine made Megan's stomach drop. She reached for her gun. Wyatt put his hand on the barrel as she raised it up.
“It's probably Albert or Brenda coming back to get Harry. I asked her to. He's pretty weak and I don't think he can make it much farther.”
“Oh,” she said, lowering the gun, feeling her pounding heart return to a normal rhythm.
Brenda appeared up ahead, steering the four-wheeler towards them.
“Harry, you go on back with, Brenda. We'll be there soon enough,” Wyatt instructed.
At first, Megan thought the man would argue, but he must have known he didn't have the strength to carry on.
“Thank you. I appreciate all you have done, Wyatt. Your dad would have been proud,” he said, crawling behind Brenda on the ATV.
“How's the arm?” Chase asked Brenda.
“Fine. Rosie put some stuff on it and bandaged it up. I told her to hurry so I could get back out here.”
Brenda looked at Wyatt, “There were a lot of questions.”
He nodded, “That's fine. Let them know we will be there after dusk I imagine.”
“Yes, sir. You ready?” she asked the elderly gentleman who was clinging to her waist. His head was resting against her back.
“Ready.”
“See you in a bit, Harry,” Wyatt called out before Brenda fired up the engine and took off.
Megan didn't want to return to the lodge. How could she possibly face Willow?
Her mind flashed to Ryland. Ryland's dad had been killed. The boy looked up to his father and now, he was going to grow up without a dad.
It was too much. The grief crashed over her catching her off guard. Her knees buckled and before she knew what was happening, she hit the ground.
Wyatt was instantly by her side.
“What happened? Are you hurt?” He frantically searched her body, pulling her jacket open and then searching her back.
She couldn't answer. She shook her head no, but he wasn't getting the message. All she could do was sob. The guilt and grief were too much for her to bear.
When Wyatt found no injuries, he leaned back and looked at her. A look of understanding crossed his face.
“You guys go on ahead. We'll catch up,” he told the group who had gathered around.
Chase seemed to understand and commanded the other men to keep moving.
“Let it out, Megan. Let it out,” Wyatt soothed, rubbing her back.
Megan wanted to tell him to go away, but she couldn't form the words.
“I'm sorry,” she managed to gurgle out. “I'm so sorry, Wyatt.”
“Megan, you can't be sorry. It isn't your fault. The man responsible is dead. There is nothing more we can do.”
She vehemently shook her head, “No! You don't understand. It was me. I did it!”
“What? You did what, Megan?”
“Jack!” she wailed. “It's my fault.”
“Megan, it isn't your fault. Jack knew exactly what he was getting into. We all did. It could have been any one of us.”
Megan cried harder. She had to tell him. There was no way she could live with the weight of the guilt. There was a good chance she would be leaving them once he found out she had chosen to save the others instead of his brother.
A sudden calm washed over her as the resolve to clear the air took hold. She refused to live with the guilt.
Taking a deep breath, Megan stared Wyatt right in the eye, “You don't understand. I could have saved him. I chose not to.”
Wyatt leaned back on his heels. He didn't say anything. She knew he was waiting for an explanation.
“Bryan, Chase, Evan and Garrett were all trapped in the shed. A man had a torch and was lighting it on fire. I knew I had to take him out.”
Wyatt nodded.
“There were two other men with some RPG type thing. They were aiming it directly at Jack. Jack was kicking some serious butt and took out quite a few of the men. I shot one of the men, but the other one kept going.”
A grim look crossed Wyatt's face.
“You shot the man with the torch.”
She fought back the tears that threatened to start pouring out again.
“Yes. I only had one bullet, Wyatt,” she whispered. “I had one bullet and an impossible decision.”
Wyatt didn't say anything for several long minutes.
“Okay,” he said, standing up and brushing his pants off.
“Wyatt. I am so sorry. I didn't know what to do. I thought of the four men burning alive. I couldn't let it happen.”
He turned to look at her, still kneeling on the ground.
“You did what you had to do. It was for the good of the group as a whole. You chose to save four lives instead of one.”
His voice was cold, but not mean. It was a commander talking to his soldier, not a man talking to the woman he loved.
Megan instantly regretted unburdening herself. She should have never told him. Now she made her grief and guilt his. He had enough to deal with and she made it worse.
If she thought the guilt was bad before, it was nearly unbearable, now.
They started walking again, with Wyatt ahead of her. They didn't speak. She wondered if he would ever talk to her a
gain.
Her mind started to whir as she thought of her future. She was going to have to leave the lodge. She would not make them look at her, the woman who killed the man they loved. Could she stay through winter?
She would have to try. She couldn't risk taking Caitlin into a snowy winter simply because people were going to treat her with malice. She would have to stay strong and deal with the hate that was sure to come her way.
Another thought popped into her head.
What if they kicked her out?
A strangled cry escaped her throat as she thought of being kicked out with nowhere to go. Would they do such a thing?
Wyatt loved her, but he loved his brother, too. Willow, Rosie and Ryland would encourage him to push her out.
Wyatt had stopped walking and stood in front of her.
“Megan, I think it’s best if we keep what happened before Jack's death between us. Okay?”
“Are you sure? I don't want to lie to them. They deserve to know what happened.”
“It isn't lying. They don't need to know. It doesn't change the outcome. It would cause problems for the whole lodge.”
She understood what he was saying. Deep down, she was relieved no one else would have to know what she did.
“Megan?”
She didn't want to look at him.
“Megan?”
“What?”
“Look at me.”
She took a deep breath, preparing herself for his anger and hurt.
“You did the right thing. You saved the lives of four men. The explosives they had were imperative to killing McDaniels. You have to know that. You made a decision based on the needs of many over the needs of one.”
She nodded, unable to speak. His voice was soft. Her boyfriend had returned. He was saying the words to reassure her and comfort her.
He looked thoughtful, “Jack was in bad shape. I don't know that he would have made it back to the lodge and I think he knew that, which was why he insisted on coming. The position he chose to take was the most obvious. He knew it wasn't a good tactical move, but it provided him with the best advantage. He was an intricate part of our success. His death has meaning. He died saving the people he loved.”
The tears could not be held back. They flowed freely down her face, soaking her neck and the high collar of her shirt.
He hugged her holding her tight. She wrapped her arms around his chest and listened to the gentle thud of his heart. They stood that way for a long time. She felt dampness on her shoulder and knew he too was releasing the pain.
He took a deep breath and stepped back, quickly wiping his eyes.
“We better get moving.”
He grabbed her hand, squeezed it and started moving.
Megan wanted to cry with relief and hurt at the same time. He wasn't angry. He didn't blame her. Her secret was safe. She could stay at the lodge.
When they got closer, Megan stopped walking. The rest of the men had waited. No one wanted to be the one to reveal what had happened.
Greg and Jack's death were going to be incredibly hard for them all to accept. Jack's death would be especially difficult.
“We better get this over with,” Wyatt said moving forward to cross the stream.
“They're gonna know,” Chase said. “They're gonna know the moment we walk through those doors.”
“There is no way to soften the blow. Be ready to catch Willow or my mom. I have no idea how hard this will hit them.”
Wyatt turned to Megan, “Can you take care of Ryland? He seems close to you.”
“Of course. I will do whatever I can to make this easier.”
Once again, guilt slammed into her. She was going to have to comfort the boy who lost his dad because she chose not to save him.
32
Each of them walked single file through the door. Megan walked in front of Wyatt. Rosie was rubbing an ointment on Linda's wrists and she looked up when she saw the procession.
Willow stopped what she was doing at the stove and watched as well.
No one said a word. He didn't think anyone even took a breath. The saying “you could hear a pin drop” wasn't even close to describing the silence in the room.
Wyatt met his mother's eyes before quickly looking away and shutting the door.
“No!” Willow cried. “No! Wyatt! No! Where is he?”
Wyatt walked to her and wrapped his arms around her. She burst into sobs, hunching forward, unable to stand.
Rosie quickly put one hand on the table for support. Linda reached out and grabbed her free hand, offering her sympathy without saying the words.
Chase walked to stand next to Rosie. Wyatt knew he was ready to catch her should she collapse.
Caitlin popped her head over the upstairs railing. “They're back!” she said running down the stairs.
She bounded down the stairs in typical childlike innocence, unaware of the dark cloud hanging in the room.
The little girl rushed to her mom and Megan squeezed her daughter, holding Wyatt's gaze.
He hoped she could shake off the guilt she was feeling. There was nothing she could have done differently to make the situation any better.
They all knew death was a real possibility when they went on their march to war. He knew Jack had accepted the possible outcome. He knew without a doubt his brother never would have been okay if Megan had chosen to save him and let the others die.
“Where's dad?” Ryland asked, looking around the room.
His eyes settled on Wyatt holding his mother.
“Mom?”
Wyatt didn't know what to say. He couldn't say the words, couldn’t get them out.
It was Bryan who surprised him.
“Your dad is a hero, Ryland.” He walked over and extended his hand, “I want to shake hands with the son of the man who saved all our lives.”
Ryland put his hand out, still not fully grasping the situation.
He looked to Megan, “He…died?”
Wyatt watched as Megan fought back the tears. She peeled Caitlin off her and walked to Ryland, dropping down to get eye to eye with him.
“He did, honey. I am so very sorry. He was so proud of you. He fought so hard. It is like Bryan said. He saved all our lives. He is a hero.”
Albert had been sitting quietly at the table, “Greg?”
Chase shook his head.
“Dammit,” Albert muttered.
“You killed them all?” Rosie asked in a steady voice.
Wyatt looked her in the eyes, “Every last one.”
She took a deep breath, schooled her features and walked to Wyatt.
“Willow, dear, let's go upstairs,” she said softly.
Willow was uncontrollably crying.
Everyone in the room looked away. Her pain and suffering was palpable and it cut through each of them.
Ryland appeared to be in shock. Once Rosie had Willow safely up the stairs, Wyatt went to him.
“You want to talk about anything?” he asked the young boy who had yet to say anything else.
“How did he die?”
Wyatt looked to Megan for help. Should he tell him? Was he too young?
Megan grabbed Ryland's hand and led him to the table. She gestured for Wyatt to sit across from him.
Harry extended his frail arm and placed it on Ryland's back, “Your dad was a Godsend, young man. He saved me, my dear wife, and our little Emma. I didn't get the chance to meet him, but I know he sacrificed himself to make sure all of us would be okay.”
Linda, who looked to be in bad shape, had tears streaming down her cheeks.
“I'm so sorry, Ryland,” she said in a weak voice. “I'm so sorry, but I too am so thankful I got the chance to meet you and your mom.”
Ryland turned back to Wyatt, “How did he die, Uncle Wyatt? Please, tell me!”
Wyatt took a deep breath, “To be honest, I don't know for sure. There were a lot of men. Your dad held a position that allowed him to kill them as they came out of the house. I do
n't know how many men your dad killed, but you can imagine that they got a little angry.”
Ryland grinned, completely taking Wyatt off guard.
“I hope he killed a whole bunch of them.”
Megan stood next to Ryland, “He did. He absolutely did.”
Wyatt was relieved when Ryland didn't press for details about Jack's death. The young boy didn't need to know all the graphic details.
“Are we going to have funerals for my dad and Greg?” he asked.
“Yes. We will. I think we need to give your mom some time and then we will plan a funeral,” Wyatt explained.
Ryland was quiet for a few minutes before he stood.
“I better go check on my mom. I'm the man of the family now and dad always told me I had to take care of her if something ever happened.”
“Yes, you do. If you need any help, you let one of us know. You don't have to do it all on your own. We are all in this together. We will all help you and your mom,” Wyatt assured him.
“Okay. Thank you. Come on Duke, we gotta go check on mom.”
The dog jumped up and followed him up the stairs.
Wyatt excused himself from the group and went into the bathroom to clean up. He heard a knock on the door.
“Thought you may want some hot water,” Megan said holding out the steaming tea kettle.
“Actually, yes, that would be great. Here,” he said handing her one of the clean towels. “I know you want to clean the grime off, as well.”
She took the towel and closed the door behind her.
Wyatt poured the hot water into the bowl before adding some of the water from the jug that was always left in the bathroom for quick cleanups.
Megan sat on the edge of the tub, staring down at her feet. “It feels very weird.”
“Yes, it does and it will for some time. We’ll have to adjust to a new normal all over again.”
She stood, dipped her towel in the water and sat back down on the tub edge. “I'm tired of constantly adjusting. Just when you think things are going to be okay for a bit, surprise, a crazy mad man wants to kill you.” She smiled. “Not once, but twice. How does this happen to the same group of good people twice in the space of a year? We must have some really bad karma floating out there.”
EMP Lodge Series Box Set | Books 1-6 Page 58
