by Anthology
****
I stare at the attractive blonde who’s getting closer to the spot where Tristen and I are dancing. I noticed him staring when we walked onto the dance floor and he's been getting progressively closer with each song. He only has eyes for Tristen and I want to take Tristen by the hand and drag him away. I’m trying to be relaxed about the attention he's getting but it’s proving difficult to take it all in my stride.
I grab Tristen by the hand and spin him towards me, faking a twirl so I can put my body between him and blonde guy. Tristen laughs before grabbing my waist and pulling me towards him, our hips colliding as he closes his eyes and lets the music take over. I groan at the move, thankful that it won’t be heard over the loud music. Maybe dancing with Tristen isn’t such a great idea because feeling him pressed against me is just how I remember it from our college days and it feels amazing. Even though he’s smaller than me, he fits perfectly and against my better judgement I let my alcohol infused brain take over and grind my groin into him. I can feel myself harden as his stomach rubs against my dick but I don’t let it stop me. I run my hands around his waist, letting them linger just above his arse. I want nothing more than to lower them and feel his perfect cheeks fill my palms.
I'm just about to give in to the very bad idea when Mr blonde comes over and leans in to speak into Tristen’s ear. I can’t hear what’s being said, but Tristen moves away from me with a smile appearing on his lips as he turns to speak to the guy. My heart starts racing in my chest as I watch them talk to each other in the middle of the busy dance floor, and even though dancers surround us, I can only see the two men in front of me.
Tristen turns to look at me before he smiles and winks as he starts to walk away with the guy in the direction of the bar.
I didn’t think it was possible but I actually feel the moment my heart shatters in my chest. I went through this when Tristen met Ray and I'm not sure I can go through it again. I don’t think I can watch this again. I can’t watch him fall in love with a man that isn’t me. Fuck, would you listen to me. He has gone to the bar with someone he met on a dance floor and I have him falling in love and getting married. I need to stop drinking because it’s making me crazy.
Tristen
I stare intently at the guy who approached me on the dance floor. His name is Will and when he first spoke to me my nerves almost had me running away. He’s really attractive and instinct told me I shouldn’t waste my time talking with him. I’ve been out of the game for so long that I didn’t want to waste such an attractive guys time, especially when he could probably get any other man in here if he wanted. The only thing that gave me confidence to accept his offer of a drink was having August here. I know that if anything were to go wrong he would be close by to rescue me.
The first thing that caught my attention when I turned and saw Will were his eyes. They’re dark green or at least that’s what they look like under the flashing lights, but it wasn’t their colour that stood out, it was the sparkle in them. It made him look like he was hiding a naughty secret and I instantly wanted to know what it was. His almost white blonde hair stood out just as much as his eyes, and the combined effect actually makes him look really young. He assured me that he wasn’t as young as he looked and now I'm sitting at a table in the back corner with him having a great time.
I’d enjoyed dancing with August, it’s always easy with him and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave him to chat with Will. I can just let go with August knowing that he won’t judge me no matter how bad my dancing is. When he was holding me close to him I felt relaxed and safe. It felt like when we used to go out in college, both of us drunk and dancing provocatively together to get a guys attention. I could always count on August to make me look good out on the dance floor, and going by the fact that Will told me he couldn’t stop watching me move, I take it that it still works. As much fun as I was having with August, I'm glad I took the chance to talk to Will.
“I haven’t seen you out here before, have you just moved to the area?”
I take a drink from my bottle of beer to buy myself a little time before I answer. I don’t really want to get into why he hasn’t seen me before but I also don’t want to lie to him. I know that I probably won’t see Will again after tonight but on the off chance that I do, I give him half of the truth. “I've been here about a year, but it’s the first time I've come out. I haven’t been in the best place since moving here but I'm having a great time tonight.”
Will looks like he wants to ask something else but he doesn’t and I'm grateful to him. “Well I'm glad that you decided to come out tonight. I wasn’t sure if you would talk to me when I saw you dancing with that guy. You seemed really intimate but I thought I would chance talking to you. Is he your boyfriend?”
I choke on a mouthful of beer, confused by the question. Why would he think that I was in a relationship with August? I know I was dancing with him but there is no way that we looked intimate. “I'm not with August. I was dancing with him but he's just my best friend.”
Will looks confused, his forehead scrunching up in a kinda cute way. “Are you sure? You move together like you know each other inside and out.”
He's right about that. August really does know me better than anyone else but that’s what best friends are. “I'm pretty sure he's not my boyfriend, if he is I missed the memo. He's my best friend and we’ve known each other since we were kids.”
“My mistake. So, what do you like to do in your spare time?”
I forgot about all this small talk stuff and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. I always hated this part of pretending to get to know someone before moving on to the more exciting stuff. I'm thinking that Will might want to accelerate the normal time line when I see him staring at my lips intently.
My heart starts racing again when I think about what might happen tonight with Will and how far he might want to take it. Will he be happy with just kissing, and if he is, am I? Can I kiss someone that isn’t Ray? I know that I told August that I wasn’t ready to move on but sitting here with Will, I’m starting to wonder if I am. He’s really fucking cute with his boyish looks and a body that any fitness model would be happy with, and I think any man in here tonight would be happy to get his attention. I've got it though and now that the opportunity has presented itself, I think I’m more than happy to go with the flow and see where the night takes me.
August
I should have taken my own advice and stopped drinking when Tristen started to talk to Blondie. I should have swapped the alcohol for water but instead I started on spirits and let my anger and pain start to fester inside.
The night had started so well; it was just the two of us having fun. Despite all of our friends being here with us it felt like it was just him and me, especially when we moved to the dance floor. Now I'm sitting on my own at our table, seething with anger as I see the blonde Adonis make his move on my man. I don’t know if I'm angrier at how attractive the guy is and how happy Tristen looks with the attention he's getting, or the fact that I can’t go over there and tell the world that Tristen is mine. And I can’t tell Tristen I want and love him or that I want him to leave the guy and come back to spend time with me. I can’t tell him I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
I grab my drink from the table and finish it, wincing at the burn as the liquid slips down my throat. When did life get so fucking hard? I thought I was able to suppress my feelings for Tristen and keep them hidden so I could keep being his friend. Now seeing him moving on after his loss makes me realise I don’t know if I can be his friend. He’d said that he wasn’t ready to be with anyone else and if he was, he would tell me? I believed what he said and I was using the time to build up the courage to finally tell him how I felt no matter what would happen afterwards. Now he's moved on without giving me a chance to be what he needed. I could have been the guy that gave him everything, who loved him no matter what, but now he's gone and met someone else whilst I was watching. No, I can’t do
this again. I refuse to do this again. I don’t think anyone would blame me for not sitting by whilst my heart got broken again.
My breath gets stuck in my throat as I see the guy lean in and brush his lips over Tristen’s ear, lingering far longer than needed. When Tristen doesn’t back away I've decided I've seen enough. I need to get out of here before I do something stupid like going over there and ripping Blondie away from Tristen.
I stand and grab my jacket from the back of my chair, putting it on as I start to walk to the exit. I should just leave but despite my anger I can’t go without letting Tristen know, he might worry about me and I don’t want that. I approach them slowly, my nails digging into my palm as I watch them together. The last thing I needed to see as I reached the table was Tristen's hand resting on Blondie’s thigh, far too high up to just be friendly.
“I'm leaving.” I don’t hang around to see if he hears me or not. I told him I was leaving so my conscience is now clear.
I walk out of the nightclub and head down the street towards home. All I want to focus on now is going to bed and nothing more. Any decisions about Tristen can wait until the morning when my head is less foggy, but the way I'm feeling just now, as much as I hated the idea of him leaving, it might actually be the best thing for us. Maybe a little distance would put all this into perspective for me and help me get control over my feelings again.
Just as I turn the corner at the end of the street I'm grabbed by the arm and spun in place, turning me to face the opposite direction. I pull my free arm back, ready to punch my attacker but pause when I see Tristen standing in front of me with a shocked look on his face. For the first time tonight I'm actually glad I've had a drink because it’s slowed my reflexes and stopped me from striking out as quickly as I normally would. If I had I'm pretty sure Tristen would be lying on the pavement by now.
“Why did you leave?”
The sound of his voice has my anger showing itself again. I know I'm being unfair to him, he has no idea that I have feelings for him and so doesn’t realise that he's hurting me right now, but I just can’t seem to let the thought make me relax. “Where did you leave your boyfriend?”
Tristen’s forehead screws up and he just stares at me. “What are you talking about? Is this about Will?”
Learning his name doesn’t make me feel any better about the situation and I turn to walk away. I only make it a few steps when I'm grabbed again. This time it isn’t such a surprise so I pull out of his grasp.
“August, would you just stop?”
I keep walking, letting my hurt and pain fuel me, my pace increasing. I hear Tristen behind me but I don’t slow down.
“August, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
I stop instantly, spinning in place until I'm looking straight at Tristen. I should take a minute to think about my overreaction to this, especially since I can see the look of hurt and confusion on Tristen's face, but my emotions just won’t let me calm down. “What's wrong with me? You have no fucking idea do you? I swear you act like I need to spell it out for you.”
“Fine, spell it out because I don’t know what’s happening right now.”
I should just walk away. I should put distance between us but my brain has lost the little voice that makes sense, leaving me unsupervised with the impulsive part. I storm over to where Tristen stands, stopping when I’m close enough to feel his stuttered breath on my lips. His eyes are wide and his lips parted as I stare at them. I've wanted to do this my entire life and this might be the only chance I ever get to actually do it.
This is my moment. This is my dream. This is everything.
I stop thinking and let my body take over as I lean in and claim Tristen's lips.
Chapter Five
Tristen
I stand in shock and watch as August storms away from me. What the hell was that? My fingers drift upwards and brush over my still tingling lips.
August kissed me, he really fucking kissed me. I would be more shocked about it happening if the fact that I enjoyed it more than I should wasn’t messing with my head so much. Oh my god, August kissed me. I step backwards until my back hits the wall behind me. I thought tonight might change everything, I just didn’t imagine it would be in this way.
At the nightclub I was having fun getting to know Will and as the minutes passed we were becoming more comfortable in each other’s company and we started to get closer. Will’s lips brushed around my ear as he spoke and the warmth of his breath made my dick wake up quickly. It isn’t the first time that I've found interest in someone I've met, but it is the first time I thought I might actually do something about it. I'm pretty sure that’s where the night was going, especially when Will’s finger brushed over my hard on. I gasped at the intimate connection on my neglected dick.
I was fully on board with the whole thing, or at least I was right up until the moment August appeared and told me he was leaving. The minute he said that my attention was fully on him. I couldn’t understand why he was leaving. Was he annoyed that I had left him to talk to Will? Wasn’t it August who told me that I should go out and try to meet someone? Okay, he hadn’t actually said exactly that, but he had asked if I was thinking of moving on. I hadn’t lied to him, because at the time I wasn’t interested in hooking up with anyone. Even when we arrived at the club I was happy just to spend time with my friends, but then Will spoke to me and I decided that maybe he was a good place to start with the living again thing.
Now when I think about moving on it isn’t Will’s face that I see. No, now all I can picture is August and that shocks the shit out of me. I’ve never thought of August as anything other than my best friend but now as my lips tingle from his kiss, I wonder if there’s something else I’m feeling.
Could I possibly like August as more than just a friend?
I think back over the last few months, at all the time we’ve spent together and I can honestly say that he’s the only reason I made it through the past year. He’s been so patient and caring, letting me deal with everything at my own pace, and never being pushy about anything. He has made everything about me for as long as I can remember and if he hadn’t kissed me tonight I never would have realised that he had feelings for me at all. He's never given any clue that he saw me as anything else other than his best friend, or has he? Have I just been blind to everything and so caught up in my own bullshit that I didn’t pay enough attention to August. If that’s true then it shows not only am I oblivious to anything that isn’t to do with me but it also means I'm a really shit friend. Is it possible that I am so stuck in my own drama that I've missed things that are going on right under my nose?
I push away from the wall and head in the same direction as August had vanished minutes earlier. I don’t know what I will say to him when I get home, how to even start a conversation about what just happened? I want to go straight to bed and give myself a chance to think about what I'm feeling. That’s the biggest problem with the whole situation, I don’t know what I want to say because I don’t know what I'm feeling. Half an hour ago I would have been able to tell anyone what my relationship with August was, but in the space of thirty short minutes everything I thought I knew has changed.
I reach the front of our house too quickly and as I push the door open I'm met with complete darkness. I slip inside and take my jacket off, hanging it on one of the pegs on the wall. I move as quietly as I can, listening to see if I can hear August moving about but I'm met with only silence. Common sense says I should go to bed and sleep on this, let the dust settle a bit but I can’t do that. The memory of his kiss is just too fresh and confusing in my mind, and I need to talk to him about it now. I need to find out why he did it and where we go from here.
I head down the hall towards August’s room. The silence would make me think I was home alone, but since I found the front door unlocked I know that he must be here. It’s not only the unlocked door that lets me know he's here though, I swear I can feel him. It’s possibly just my imagination but I
can actually feel him. There is an air of tension in the air as I walk through the house towards August. I knock on his bedroom door but there’s no answer. Again my common sense tells me to leave him alone but I don’t listen and I grab the door handle before pushing the door open. His bedside light is on but his room is empty. I can see the light from the ensuite shining through the open door so I head in that direction. Hearing the water running makes it real that he’s in there and I feel my stomach churn with nerves. I take a deep breath and walk through the open door.
August is standing at the sink with his hands resting on the edge and his head dropped forward. I can’t see his face and I wish I could, I want to be able to gauge his mood but I am going to have to play it by ear. I take another quiet step into the room and even though he keeps his head down, his body tenses so I know that he's realised I'm here. I lean back against the door and cross my arms over my chest. I don’t know what to say so I just stand there in silence, watching him as he raises his head and looks at me in the mirror. I try to read his emotions again but his face has remained blank. I've never seen August so closed off and I'm hoping that this situation isn’t going to ruin what we have.
“How long?” I don’t know why that’s the first question that comes to mind, especially when I should be asking why he kissed me and what’s going on.
He turns the water off and grabs a towel to dry his face. When he's done he throws it into the hamper beside the shower and turns his eyes back to me, still in the mirror and not turning around. He shrugs at me but doesn’t speak.
“You’ve got to give me something here, August.”
He finally turns to face me, leaning back against the sink and crossing his arms over his chest, mimicking my stance. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
