‘By bringing up the past, you are treading very dangerous ground,’ he said icily.
‘I wouldn’t know, as you’ve never told me anything about your past. I only know what the rangers tell me—that everything you do here is to honour your brother’s memory. But how are you honouring him if you can’t trust the people you bring out here to help with the conservation programme? Is it because you don’t trust yourself? Is that why you’re behaving like this with me—as if I’m not capable of doing anything on my own?’
He made an impatient gesture. ‘What’s wrong here is that you don’t listen to me.’
‘Oh?’ Hand on chest, she feigned surprise. ‘And here’s me thinking we would listen to each other.’
‘You should have stayed away from the riverbed. You shouldn’t have come here in the first place—’
‘I shouldn’t be here in the desert? Or I shouldn’t be here in Q’Aqabi with you? Are you changing your mind about inviting your prize winner to visit your country, Shazim? Is that what this is about? You wanted to sleep with me, so you played along with that aspect of the prize, but now that you’ve had me I’m in the way. Maybe I’m even a potential embarrassment for you. Is that what you think?’
‘This is not what this is about and you know it,’ he said, growing equally heated.
‘Do I? It seems to me that the ruler of Q’Aqabi gets everything he wants when he wants it, and when he’s done with it he turns his back and rides away.’
‘It was not like that.’
The shadows of the cave added menacing contours to the lines of Shazim’s face, but she wasn’t nearly done with him yet. ‘What exactly was it like, Shazim? You brought me here to seduce me—and not just sexually. You got me to drop my guard—’ Emotion got the better of her, and she made a brief angry gesture of frustration. ‘You wooed me with words and with the magic of the desert. You listened to my fears, and plumbed my sorrows, without telling me a single word about yours. Did you feign interest just to get me into your bed?’
Shazim looked shocked and angry, but she couldn’t stop now. ‘Was this all a ploy to get what you wanted from me?’ She gestured around. ‘You took my trust and you abused it. You took my sorrow and made it your own—or you appeared to do so. Now I can only think you were getting me to open up and relax so you could get on with the job of seducing me. Have me, and then send me home. Job done. Well, I’ve got news for you, Shazim of Q’Aqabi. You’re so used to people obeying your smallest whim, you can’t see when they’re doing something out of genuine concern for you. I admired you and everything you’ve done for Q’Aqabi, but now I feel sorry for you, because you’ll never know what it is to risk your heart—’
‘What’s my heart got to do with this?’
He might as well have tipped a bucket of icy water over her head. Shazim couldn’t have sounded more bemused.
‘Exactly,’ she said, raking her hair with frustration. ‘You don’t allow yourself to feel, so your heart has got absolutely nothing to do with this. Our relationship, as far as you’re concerned, is purely that of employer and employee who undertook some pleasurable extramural activity. The fact that we slept together—and, I believed, became close—means nothing to you. I was on your agenda—on your schedule of things to do. And when you’d done me—done with me—you left for your next appointment,’ she roared, all out of words.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
‘YOU’RE SO WRONG, ISLA. I don’t know what you expect from me. I never promised you anything,’ Shazim rapped with an angry gesture that took in his royal person, as well as her position as a vet on his team, together with the fact that at that moment they might have been talking two very different languages.
Isla gave a grim laugh. ‘And you don’t disappoint. Now,’ she said as she walked to the mouth of the cave to look out, ‘do you think we should try and get out of here? Because I do.’
Shazim’s hand on her arm was meant to calm her, she was sure. ‘I’m just glad you’re safe,’ he said.
She wanted to believe him and heaved a troubled breath.
‘Your emotions are threadbare,’ Shazim insisted. ‘You need to calm down. If we’re going to climb our way out of this cave safely, you need all your concentration.’
He was right about that, at least. ‘I am calm—well, at least I am now,’ she said, frowning. ‘And if my emotions are threadbare, it’s because I care for you, you stubborn—’
‘Me stubborn?’ he said.
‘Yes. You,’ she insisted fiercely. ‘The longer you nurse your wounds, the more they’ll fester. Let me in, Shazim—if not me, then at least promise you’ll let someone in.’
‘Let you in?’ he echoed, frowning. ‘Do you think I have the luxury of emotion in my position?’
‘You said that I’m a woman as well as a scientist. Doesn’t the same rule apply to you? You’re a man as well as a king, Shazim. You’re allowed to feel.’
She gasped as he dragged her into his arms.
‘And you torment me beyond reason—’
As Shazim growled something vicious in his own tongue he slammed his fists on either side of her face. Pinning her back against the smooth, cold stone, he thrust his powerful frame against hers, melting her anger with his passion, and turning her frustration into searing heat.
‘Stop—stop it—’ She pummelled his chest.
‘If I thought for one moment you meant that—’ Shazim stood back, removing all contact from her. ‘Do you?’ he demanded. His blazing stare burned into hers.
‘No,’ she admitted, just as angry as he was as she reached for him.
They came together forcefully, love and desire colliding, dissolving her will in her urgency to be one with him. From there it was a fast road to an inevitable conclusion. Shazim lifted her, and supported her with his hands clasping her buttocks, while she locked her legs around his waist. She was more than ready for him, and while she laced her fingers through his hair to keep him close, Shazim gave her what she needed in firm, deep strokes. Her entire body was one with his, but she was only aware of a mutual and desperate need to reinforce trust in each other. Shazim moved as fiercely as she did in the hunt for release, and when it came it was as powerful and as vital to both of their existence as the air they were so greedily gulping in.
When she calmed, and Shazim was still holding her, he murmured in between kissing her, ‘We have to climb the cliff, habibti. You must save your strength for that.’
Humour coloured his dark, husky voice, but she wasn’t done with him yet. Shazim was still hard, still lodged deep inside her. She rotated her hips, wanting more.
He was lost the instant she moved again. Dipping at the knees, he took her firm and deep, thrusting to a rhythm as old as time. He wanted this woman with a hunger that would not abate. He thought about her every waking moment. She kept him awake at night. He knew how to bring her to the edge and take her over, and he did so efficiently and fast. They did have to move on. There was no more time to lose.
‘Now,’ he instructed softly as she groaned with pleasure.
She broke apart in his arms, while he made sure that she enjoyed the very last wave of pleasure, and then he held her until she collapsed, spent in his arms.
‘You’re amazing,’ she said softly.
‘So are you.’ He smiled against her mouth.
‘What are we going to do about this, Shazim?’
‘Do?’ He lowered her to the ground. ‘We’ve got to get out of here first.’
‘That isn’t an answer.’ But then she removed her hands from his steadying grip as if she had come to a decision. ‘But you’re right,’ she said. ‘We should focus on climbing the cliff.’
Her voice sounded strained and had lost all the passion it had so recently held. Isla could always snap back into practical mode, but he knew she was hurting inside and he could offer her nothing. He followed her glance outside the cave to where the water was still roaring. ‘Let’s make a move.’
‘Do you have enough rop
e?’ she asked, checking what little equipment they had.
‘It has to be enough.’
‘Is it safe?’ She stared at the coiled rope, chalk, and climbing gloves.
None of this was safe, but they had no choice. He wasn’t sitting around to wait and see. Action was always his preferred option. ‘The rope will take our weight easily. I’ve only got one pair of gloves, so you wear them—they’ll protect your hands,’ he insisted when she started to argue.
‘Yes. Both of my hands in one of your gloves,’ she remarked with a look. ‘You wear the gloves. I’ll take the chalk.’
He could see her now, heading up his team in the desert. Once Isla was fully conversant with all the dangers that team might face, she would make a formidable leader. But could he risk the life of someone like that to a perilous climb?
‘I’d rather you stayed here and I bring the helicopter to lift you—’
‘No,’ she insisted. ‘If you’re going, I’m coming with you.’
‘It’s a hard climb, and too much of a risk.’
‘That’s for me to decide. Coming to Q’Aqabi was a risk, but I’m here. You risked a dangerous climb to come and find me. Are you saying I can’t do the same?’
‘You’re not strong enough.’
‘Inaction isn’t an option for me, either, Shazim. Let’s do this—’
He snatched the rope out of her hands. ‘You’re staying here.’
‘What’s really bugging you, Shazim? I know it’s more than this or the storm—’
‘I’m asking you to wait this out,’ he spelled out as they faced each other angrily. ‘What’s so hard for you to understand?’
‘You,’ she retorted. ‘You’re impossible to understand.’
With an immense call on his patience, he tried sweet reason. ‘It’s much safer for you to wait until I come back with the helicopter rescue team. It will be easier—’
‘Easy?’ she queried. ‘We’re not here for easy, Shazim. If we liked easy, you would be on a yacht somewhere, living the playboy life with a supermodel on your arm, and I’d be in a nice, comfortable city practice with a regular wage and drinks down at the pub on a Friday night.’
As they stared grimly at each other, he knew she would never give up.
‘Tell me,’ she said. ‘Tell me what’s really bugging you.’
‘If I do, you’ll beg me to let you wait for the helicopter.’
‘Try me,’ she said.
Shazim was silent so long she wondered if he could hear the water creeping closer.
‘My elder brother was killed saving me from a cliff like this,’ he said at last.
She stilled, not wanting to distract him as Shazim stared blindly out of the cave at some horror she would never see.
‘He overbalanced and slipped—’
When he didn’t say anything more, she prompted him. ‘Are you saying that you believe the fall was your fault?’
‘It was my fault. He wouldn’t have been anywhere near that cliff, if not for me.’
‘But he was there and he saved you,’ she argued pragmatically.
‘I told him I could get down without his help. I was young and wild, and I believed I was indestructible. My brother was a lot older than me, but not nearly as strong. He was the thinker, while I was the reckless brother—’
‘He liked to put plans together for the benefit of Q’Aqabi,’ she guessed. ‘Like the nature reserve,’ she added as the pieces of the jigsaw fell into place. ‘No one needed to tell me, Shazim,’ she said when he stared at her. ‘I’ve seen the way you devote your life to this project. I’ve seen your face when you discuss your ideas, and I know how far you’ll go to advance them. This nature reserve is more than a passion for you, Shazim, it’s your life’s work.’
She understood him now. Nothing gave Shazim respite from the guilt he felt about his brother’s death. That was why he set himself such impossibly high standards and why he gave himself no rest.
‘My brother was steady and cautious,’ he said, shaking his head as if he still couldn’t believe what had happened after all these years. ‘He loved the desert he’d been born to rule, but he could never come to terms with its unpredictability. There had to be a rationale, a pattern to everything, he used to say, but the desert defied his best attempts to order it, and, in the end, I think that frightened him.’
She thought so too, and, remembering the theorising of the academics at her university, she knew now that there was nothing to beat knowledge combined with demanding and even very dangerous first-hand experience.
‘He’d be proud of you, Shazim. You’ve turned your brother’s dreams into reality.’
‘But have I succeeded?’ Shazim’s fierce face was shaded with concern.
‘That’s why I’m here,’ she said. ‘You’ve not just succeeded, you’ve created a world-renowned facility that attracts a global audience. As far as I’m concerned, working here would be a dream come true.’
They both glanced out of the cave to see the floodwater lashing at branches only a few yards away from them. They moved as one.
‘Just one thing,’ Isla said, staring at Shazim’s outstretched hand. ‘Before we leave here, I want you to accept that the past is the past for both of us. You can’t go on blaming yourself for ever—’
‘Leave it, Isla. I am to blame.’ Shazim’s expression blackened as he picked up the rope.
‘You came to save me,’ she pointed out, standing in front of him so she could meet his fierce stare levelly.
‘That’s different. I know what I’m doing. My brother should have left me on that ledge to freeze. I should have died instead of him—’
‘No—’ She grabbed hold of him when he collected up the rest of their equipment. ‘Don’t walk away from this, Shazim. Confront it.’
‘What do you think I do every waking moment?’ he demanded, swinging round.
‘I think you rehash it—I think you replay it over and over to see if you could have done something differently—’
‘I’ve told you all you need to know.’
His eyes were cold, his voice dismissive.
‘You’ve told me the sanitised version,’ Isla argued. ‘Now tell me the rest.’ His brother’s death had overshadowed Shazim’s life, and this perilous moment might be the only chance he ever got to start healing.
‘What do you want to know?’ He thrust his face into hers. ‘Do you want to hear that my brother tried to save me and that he fell instead?’
‘I want you to accept that you’re not personally responsible for everything that goes wrong. I will never believe you caused your brother’s death intentionally. You’re innocent, Shazim. What happened was a tragic accident.’
His black eyes raked her face in fury. His balled fists were bleached with tension. Her heart went out to him, but she wouldn’t relent. No one could live through that sort of torment without it destroying him in the end.
With a roar of impatience, Shazim rapped out, ‘My brother took a chance to save me, as you risked your life to save that animal. Unlike you, he missed his footing. He held on for as long as he could, and I somehow managed to scramble down to him. I even found a good handhold, and reached out to take hold of his hand. He looked at me and smiled with such relief when I grabbed him, but I knew at once that I couldn’t take his weight. He saw it in my eyes... There was such love in his eyes when he let go.’
There it was, laid out in front of her, pain of a type that few people, thank God, would ever know. She had often wondered if she would get over her mother’s death, but she couldn’t begin to imagine how Shazim must feel, believing himself responsible for what had happened to his brother.
‘The nature reserve is your work, Shazim,’ she told him gently. ‘It’s the most wonderful tribute to your brother. You’ve built a legacy in his name that will last for generations.’
Frowning bitterly, he shook his head. ‘All that’s left of my brother is the fountain I built in his honour, and my work in his name. Do y
ou seriously think that can make up for his death?’
‘No. Of course not.’
‘You think I’m doing something admirable here?’ His expression was derisive, self-hating, and riven with pain. ‘Everything I do, everything I am, is thanks to him. He should be here now, not me.’
‘And if he were here instead of you,’ she argued, out of patience, out of time, Isla realised as she glanced outside the cave at the rapidly rising water, ‘we’d probably die in this cave. I’m sorry to be so brutal, Shazim. I know you loved your brother, and I’m gutted that you lost him, but you can’t spend the rest of your life blaming yourself for something you can’t change. You’re not a selfish youth now, you’re a good man. Your brother wanted to prove how much he loved you by conquering his most deep-seated fears. He confronted the desert. He climbed a cliff. His only thought was to save you. He was a hero. At least allow him that.’
Her passionate words rang in the sudden silence and, for a moment, she wasn’t sure how Shazim would respond. His expression was fixed and shocked, but to her relief it slowly changed into something more human and alive. It was the expression of someone who could feel. Emotion flashed behind his eyes, and then finally his shoulders relaxed.
‘How long are we going to stand here?’ she demanded then in her most practical tone. ‘Shall we try for that ledge?’ She glanced up to a path beyond the ledge that would take them to safety.
Shazim’s silence was the longest few seconds of her life.
‘Stand on my shoulders.’ His voice rang out.
She did so.
He held onto her legs, keeping her steady. As soon as he was sure she was safely onto the ledge, he followed, and he kept on climbing until he reached a point where he could lean down and offer her his hand.
‘Grab my wrist, Isla. I’ll pull you up. Trust me...’
She didn’t hesitate. Holding Shazim’s stare, she took a firm grip of his wrist, and he hauled her up to safety.
In the Sheikh's Service Page 14
