by Tina Martin
“Where’s my grandbaby? You have him with you?”
“Yes, Mother.”
I hear her huff then she said, “I do not believe this. What happened? You and Andre get into a fight?”
“Sort of.”
“Well did you, or didn’t you?”
“We did.”
“About what?”
I sigh and turn the knob on the stove to the off position. The sloppy joe is done.
“Well don’t be tight-lipped now,” she utters. “What’s going on, Ava?”
“We’re just not meshing.”
“And what exactly does that mean? Meshing?”
“It means I don’t want to be a burden on him with my sickness.”
“I knew it...I knew it was you.”
I roll my eyes and stir the elbow macaroni noodles in the pot so they don’t stick together.
“Why can’t you just accept the fact that Andre is hopelessly in love with you?”
My Mother loves Andre like a son. She said she’d never met a more kind-hearted, generous and gracious man, my father included. Sometimes, I think she lives vicariously through me, dreaming of a man like Andre. Maybe if she had a man, she’d stay out of my business.
Why didn’t she have a man? She still had some spunk and being that she was in excellent health, she had plenty of years left to spend with someone special. She’s only fifty. She could use some male interaction in her life.
“When are you coming back?” she probed.
“I don’t know, Ma,” I say, because I truly don’t know if I want to go back to Florida, or if I want to continue to stay here and gripe about my personal problems.
And why is she so concerned with my life? When she moved to Florida, she left all of her friends behind in Raleigh. While I’m sure she’s made a few gal pals in Miami, I know for a fact she hasn’t made any male friends. I don’t ever recall seeing her with a man.
I was so young when my dad passed, I don’t remember him. If only she had a relationship and wasn’t so concerned about me and my marriage drama.
“This is a crime shame,” she exclaimed. “Y’all done had that beautiful, out-of-this-world wedding, in paradise mind you, and you’re going to throw all of that away.”
“Mom, let me handle my life, okay. I don’t need you butting in right now. That’s why I didn’t tell you I left.”
“You should have. I can’t even see my grandson because you want to have a tantrum.”
“I’m not having a tantrum, Mother, and why are you so worried about my life?”
“Excuse me?” she said, and by the inflection of her voice, I can physically see the expression on her face, the wrinkles in her forehead and her neck snapped to the side like I just disgraced her somehow by asking a question.
“Mom, you’re always overly concerned about what’s going on with me. Why aren’t you making any strides in your own life to be happy?”
“I am happy.”
“No you’re not. You’re lonely. You haven’t been with a man since dad, and you fill your life with the goings on in my life to deflect from the fact that you don’t have a personal life. Well, guess what...I’m not going to be around for long, and I don’t want you to be single. I want you to be happy. I want you to be with someone who makes you happy and—”
The next thing I know, I hear sniffles. Did I just make my Mom cry? Now I feel like a jerk, a bad daughter. A bad seed. How did I get to this low sinkhole in my life where I pissed off all the people I loved? Where I upset the woman who birthed me into the world to the point of tears?
“I’ll talk to you later,” Mom said nasally, and now I’m one hundred percent sure she was crying.
I feel awful. Now I have to go back home to Florida, if for nothing else to make things right with her. But for now, Andrew is screaming for dinner.
I secure him in his highchair at the kitchen table and feed him minced macaroni and a little sloppy joe without bread. I’m so bothered by my conversation with Mom, that my appetite has left me. Suddenly, I felt like my life was out of whack and I had no control over my fate. And while I sulked and bathed in my poor-me attitude, I was wreaking all kinds of havoc on the people around me.
AFTER I’D PUT Andrew to bed, I ran a bubble bath and submerged my body in the soaker tub in the ensuite bathroom. How relaxing. After the stressful day I had of running my life through my head and upsetting my Mother, I needed this. Warm water. Foamy bubbles. Candles. This was the ideal way to unwind and reflect.
Was I making a mistake with Andre? I considered that as a possibility, but every time I think about being close to him, remembering how he looks at me with worry in his eyes, I know I’m doing the right thing. But then I think about Andrew and how he can’t communicate it to me but he’s grown to love his father. I can tell by the way he runs to meet Andre at the door when he comes home from work. It’s the cutest thing, how they’ve bonded, and it has touched my heart, giving me the satisfaction and assurance that even if I were to die today, I know Andrew will be loved and cared for.
I look at the clock on the wall near the door. It’s a little after ten. Before sliding between the cool sheets of the bed, I take my cell phone from the nightstand, checking to see if Andre has called, but he hasn’t called so far tonight.
Chapter 6
Andre
. ~ .
ANDRE THREW HIS suitcase in the trunk of a taxi and after hopping in the back seat, he rattled off the address of his Charlotte home to the driver.
He couldn’t wait to get there, to see Ava and persuade her to come to her senses. He was a man of action and when he laid his eyes on her, there wouldn’t be much talk. Time for talking was over.
He missed her. He needed her.
When he’d spoken to Todd about his dilemma, he questioned if marrying Ava was a mistake. Most men would probably not allow themselves to fall in love with a woman who had Ava’s health issues. But as a man who was in his late thirties and had never been in love before her, he knew what woman he wanted. He’d found her, found love – what sense was there in giving up now?
Through sickness and in health meant just that. He took his vows seriously and he would love her through her sickness and not feel regret for doing it.
A few years ago, one of the guys in his company’s information technology department lost his wife to breast cancer. The wife had suffered for years before finally losing her battle to the disease. And while she had suffered, so had he, there for every doctor visit and chemotherapy treatment.
A real man didn’t leave a situation when times were tough. True love withstood tests, because if love was never tested, how would one know if it was really true? It’s easy to say that you love someone, or love someone when everything else in life seemed to be going fine. But what about through the hard times? That’s what really made a couple strong throughout marriage.
THE TAXI CAB driver pulled up in the driveway and after giving him a fifty dollar bill, Andre took his suitcase from the trunk, extended the handle of it and rolled it up to the front door. He unlocked the door and stepped in the foyer. He hadn’t been to this house in months. It was quiet and dark. Besides a small lamp in the living room, no other lights were turned on downstairs. Being that it was after midnight, Ava and Andrew were likely upstairs sleeping.
Leaving his suitcase in the foyer, he continued on upstairs checking Andrew’s room, seeing his son lying peacefully in his crib. He smiled at the sight of him. Nothing made him prouder than having a son by the woman he was in love with.
He walked further down the hallway, towards the master bedroom and saw Ava lying there, majestically, intertwined in the covers, lying face up with her mouth opened just slightly. She looked peaceful, calm and relaxed. The windows were open, allowing the crisp, spring night air to blanket her while she slept. The little light from the cracked bathroom door illuminated her face.
Andre pulled his shirt over his head in one, long tug. He undid his belt buckle, leaving it threaded in the
belt loops of his jeans. He sat in one of the chairs in the bedroom, leaned back in it, watching her. That’s something else she had complained about – him watching her. She didn’t want him to, didn’t want to feel like he was always being her bodyguard, her protector. But is that not what a man was supposed to be for his woman?
He thought so. Ava was his weakness. She had no idea the amounts of money he’d spent seeking answers for a cure for her heart, not to mention the time he spent with Dr. Burke, going over treatment plans and possible scenarios that could play out in the event she needed to have emergency surgery. He would do anything for her. He’d go broke, if need be, because he loved her.
Ava was younger than him, and in his opinion, part of the reason why she couldn’t grasp the depths of his love for her. Besides, their attraction to each other had happened so quickly that neither had time to think and analyze their situations – that she was living in North Carolina and he was in Florida. That they didn’t have a lot in common and that he was older than she was. None of that mattered then, because when the sparks flew, it set fire to their souls. They’d fell in love, and even after losing touch for two years, that fire still burned within Andre’s heart. He was certain that this woman, Ava Rockwell, was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
He undid the button to his jeans, unzipped them and allowed them to fall to the floor where he stood. Then walking over to the bed, slowly, he climbed on it, on her, moving silently as his body loomed over hers like a blanket, shielding her from the midnight air. After lowering himself on top of her, she stirred, then panicked when she felt the weight of someone bear down on top of her. She pushed, and hit him, trying to defend herself from whomever it was on top of her...
“It’s me, Ava. It’s me, baby,” Andre said, calming her, holding her arms down to stop her frenetic movements.
Her chest rose up and down quickly as she struggled to calm herself. With panic still in her face, Ava said, “You nearly scared me to death. What are you doing here, Andre?”
“I came to get my wife back.”
“Dre, please—”
“Listen to me, Ava. Listen. I love you.”
“Andre, please—”
“I love you and I will not let you destroy our marriage. I won’t let it happen. I will never let it happen.” Andre stared down at her defiance, at her ripe lips that he wanted to taste so badly. “You’re worried about me and how I feel about you and your health but I’m here to tell you that I love you, Ava. I love you more now than ever, and I will be here for you through all of this. I’m a man, your man. Let me be your rock.”
“But Andre—”
“No buts. Do you love me?”
“Yes,” she said as tears rolled out of her eyes.
“Then let me love you, for the rest of our lives,” Andre said, lowering his lips to hers, capturing her pouty ones into his mouth. Oh how sweet the taste.
He missed her, and hadn’t known how much until the moment their lips mated. He hadn’t made love to her in months, afraid that he might hurt her. Now he needed to make love to her, afraid of losing her. Maybe this is what she needed, what they both needed, to be physically reminded of their love.
And remind her he would...
“Oh, Dre,” she whimpered, feeling his tongue lap around her neck, leaving trails on her as he licked his way to her earlobe, sucking it.
“I miss you so much, Ava,” he whispered in her ear and then, looking adoringly upon her, he stroked her hair, smiling as their eyes made contact.
“I miss you too, Dre,” she admitted.
He knew it all along. She was just confused, bothered by the notion of him having to take care of her because of her circumstances, but she should’ve known that Andre would do anything for her. Hadn’t he proven that?
Lifting the covers to get under with her, he pulled her thin gown up over her head, feeling their warm bodies touch.
Skin-to-skin contact alone was enough to settle him, feeling his desire for her jolt something deep within him – an intensity that he hadn’t felt before. He sought her mouth again, plowing his tongue into her depths, wanting all of her as her fingertips strummed up and down his spine.
“I love you, Ava. I’ll always love you no matter what.”
“I will always love you too, Andre.”
He kissed her lips again, laid next to her and pulled her close to him.
“I know you have concerns about me,” he said to her.
“I do.”
“Talk to me.”
“It’s just that…I don’t want to hurt you, Andre. It’s a fear I have.”
“It’s a fear you’ve had for quite some time, and I’m here to tell you, baby, that that’s not your job to worry like that. I told you before and I’m telling you again, leave the worrying to me. All I need from you is love and trust.”
Ava nodded. “I know. It’s just so hard for me.”
“Then what can I do to make it better?”
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure.”
“Then know this,” he said, stroking her back with his fingertips. “I’m in this for life. I chose the woman I want to spend my life with and it’s you. Trust me when I say that I have been and will continue to do everything in my power to ensure that you get the best medical care available.”
Ava smiled. “I know you will.”
“Good,” Andre said, feeling relieved. He continued stroking her back, until he felt her breathing pattern change into one of rest and sleep. All those nights he’d spent watching her sleep, he knew her pattern well. And he could rest with a sound mind tonight, knowing that he had his woman in his arms.
Chapter 7
Ava
. ~ .
ANDREW’S CRYING WOKE me up early this morning, even after the late night I had with Andre. One thing I’ve grown to learn as a mother is that, no matter how tired you are, the sound of your baby crying will instantly wake you from a deep sleep. So I eased out of bed so as not to disturb Andre and walked down the hallway to Drew’s room.
After changing his diaper, we descended the stairs to the kitchen where I made him a bowl of oatmeal and began cooking breakfast for Andre and I – eggs, ham and toast. But something happened to me as I divvied up the food on our plates. I felt dizzy – like I was going to faint and catching my breath was difficult.
I set the frying pan back on the stove. Feeling the room spinning, I used the countertop to steady my balance as I walked to the kitchen table where Drew was sitting. It was becoming harder and harder for me to catch my breath and if I didn’t sit down, I knew I would pass out.
Pulling out a chair, I slowly sat there, next to my son, closing my eyes in hopes it would make the spinning stop. The sensation was making me feel sick to my stomach, and since I knew there was no way I could make it upstairs to wake up Andre, I rested my head on the table for a moment, waiting on this to pass.
Chapter 8
Andre
. ~ .
ANDRE SAT IN the waiting area of the E.R. with Drew on his lap. It stabbed his soul when he came downstairs and saw Ava sitting at the kitchen table, lying face down while little Drew was crying, screaming at the top of his lungs, and she hadn’t budged. Andre shook her because he thought she might’ve fallen asleep, still tired from last night, but she was out of it, groggy and could barely open her eyes. And her weak pulse didn’t help matters.
He dialed 911 immediately thereafter and within minutes paramedics arrived. Andre gave them the rundown on Ava’s heart condition and they secured her on a stretcher.
The sight of her lying there instantly broke his heart and now, as he sat in the E.R., waiting for her doctor to come out and give him an update, he tried to control his rapid breathing and remain calm for Drew’s sake.
“Mr. Rockwell,” Dr. Burke said from a distance, waving Andre in his direction.
Andre scooped up Andrew in his arms and followed Dr. Burke to a private corner in the hallway.
“What’s
going on?” Andre asked. “Is she okay?”
“Well, you remember when I told you that at some point, the medication wouldn’t be as effective, and we would have to do the valve surgery?”
“Yes. Is that where we are?”
“Yes, and we need to act fast.”
“Okay, but what if the valve surgery doesn’t work?”
“Then she will need a transplant.”
Andre grimaced, then bounced Drew a little to settle him. His thoughts were scattered. Ava was doing so well with the medication and now, she was here, in the hospital, needing to have surgery.
“Dr. Burke, are there any other options? I mean, what if we try a different medication? That was our next plan of action anyway, correct?”
“I’m afraid we don’t have the time for that avenue.”
Andre frowned. “Is she awake? Can I see her?”
“Yes. She’s awake. We’ll be moving her upstairs in a few, but for now, you can come on back.”
Andre followed Dr. Burke down the brightly lit, cold hallway corridor to where his wife was located. She wasn’t even in a room. It was just a space enclosed by a curtain. She had an oxygen tube at her nose and her eyes were barely opened.
“Ma ma,” Andrew said and tried to wiggle his little body out of Andre’s arms to get close to her.
“Drew, calm down, son. Mommy’s not feeling well,” Andre said throaty. It pained him to see her like this.
“Hey,” she said, sounding like she had been drugged.
“Hey, baby.” Andre held her hand. “How do you feel?”
“Tired,” she replied.
“I spoke with Dr. Burke. He ah...he said you need to have the surgery, Ava.”
Andre watched tears fall from her eyes.
“Sweetheart, don’t cry. This is going to make you better. We discussed this, remember?”
