by Sasha Wasley
It was like hugging a plank of wood.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked, drawing back.
‘Yeah, fine. How are you?’
‘I’m fine.’
He glanced at her face and looked hastily away but a moment later his eyes wandered back and examined her, from her hair down to her painted silver sandals. It was as though he couldn’t drag his gaze away – and it was electrifying. As she took in his mesmerised expression and red cheeks, Free’s hope rose again. He either really liked what he saw – or he was suffering from heat stroke.
‘Come on inside, Finn,’ Tom invited as they all headed for the house. ‘You look like you need a beer.’
Finn snapped out of his reverie. ‘Oh, no, thanks, mate. I’ll be off. Have a great day. What time do you want your pick-up, Kate?’ he called after her.
Kate didn’t even hear, and Tom raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re going back to Mount Clair, only to turn around and drive all the way back out here later tonight?’ he asked. ‘Why aren’t you staying for the wedding?’
‘Uh . . .’
Free comprehended what had happened. Tom had only got to know Finn since the wedding invitations were sent. Finn hadn’t been asked, but Tom had forgotten that. She stepped closer again, taking Finn’s warm, strong arm.
‘Come on,’ she said. ‘Stay. I think you’ve just been invited.’
‘No way,’ he said quietly, standing his ground. ‘I’m not gatecrashing a wedding I wasn’t even invited to.’
Willow either caught some of what was said or worked out the situation. She broke from Tom and crossed to Finn. ‘Please stay,’ she said with a warm smile. ‘It can be a bit hard for us to keep up out here on the station, but you’re part of the crew now.’
Finn still hesitated. Tom shouted to him. ‘Getting you a beer. Right now.’ He headed into the house and Willow followed, Beth fussing over the wedding dress’s hem.
Free looked up at Finn. ‘Please?’
The indecision faded and he nodded. She restrained a wriggle of delight.
‘I’m skipper, so no beer, though,’ he added.
‘Not even one?’
He shook his head. ‘Nah. I’ll stay on the softies.’
Finn was swept up in Briggsy’s crowd during the wedding itself and Free was far too busy with the ceremony and the photos to seek him out. However, the energy between them ran hot. Every time she looked his way, he was watching her. She was so excited she could barely focus on the celebrant’s words. It felt like she and Finn were locked in their own little secret world of mutual desire and she longed for a chance to speak to him again. Scratch ‘speaking’. She wanted to kiss that sexy mouth and look into those warm eyes at close – very close – range. Unluckily, her bridesmaid duties kept her at the bridal table for much of the evening.
At last, late in the night, the formalities ended. Tom and Willow took to the hired dance floor, snuggled up close together as they danced to a U2 song. Free knew Willow had been dreading the bridal dance, but as far as she could tell, her sister barely even knew anyone else existed in that moment. Her Audrey Hepburn dress streaked with red dust, Willow had her arms around Tom’s neck and her eyes on his, the two of them deep in conversation.
‘What’s the bet they’re discussing cattle?’ Beth murmured to Free, which made her burst into laughter.
Best man Briggsy came to claim chief bridesmaid Beth for the dance, so Free looked for her own bridal party partner. But Tom’s mate Hendo had shirked his duty and was dancing with his girlfriend. Finn passed by at that moment so Free grabbed her opportunity – and his hand.
‘Hey! I’ve got no partner – will you dance with me?’ she asked, smiling up at him.
He nodded immediately and they moved onto the dance floor. Free reached up to put her arms around his neck but he caught her hand on the way and they ended up in a more conservative, formal pose, her hand clasped in his; the other one on his shoulder. His big, strong shoulder, she thought, resisting the temptation to squeeze the hard muscle. Maybe he didn’t want to get too close to her in front of her family. Fair call. She didn’t want to get tongues wagging at her sister’s wedding, either.
‘Nice ceremony,’ he said a little gruffly.
‘It was. I’m so happy for Tom.’ Free watched her sister dancing for a moment. ‘Know what he told me after they got engaged? He admitted he’s been in love with Willow, like, forever. Hundred per cent, head-over-heels in love. It was only when he nearly died in the chopper crash that she realised she felt the same.’ She grinned up at Finn. ‘If anyone deserves Willow, it’s Tom. And vice versa.’
‘They spent a long time apart, though, right? Didn’t your sister only come home last year?’
‘Yeah. He never stopped loving her, though. No matter what.’
Finn was silent, his face remote, and Free felt a sudden pang. Was his ex-girlfriend on his mind?
‘Where’s Max tonight?’ he asked from out of the blue.
‘Max . . .’ Huh? Maybe talking about inane things was Finn’s comfort zone. ‘At home, doing his thing, I guess. He’s an independent spirit. I left him something to eat.’
He nodded. ‘The sarge is acting a bit funny,’ he remarked, glancing towards Briggsy.
‘Is he?’ Free hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary, but she turned to stare. Briggsy looked normal to her, chatting with Beth as they danced.
‘Yeah. I can’t quite explain it. He’s almost a bit too jolly.’
‘Maybe he’s just emotional,’ Free suggested. ‘Lots of feels today.’
Finn shrugged and she felt his shoulder muscle move beneath her hand. Holy crap. This guy is just . . . She pressed slightly closer almost without thinking. Finn stopped moving abruptly. He released her hand and stepped back.
‘Thanks for the dance,’ he said. ‘I’d better go – I was supposed to be getting Kate a drink.’
He walked away, leaving Free gazing after him in dismay.
Clearly, Finn did not want to dance with her.
But those looks he’s been giving me all night, from the moment he first saw me . . .
Free sat down on a spare plastic chair, frustrated. She’d never had so many mixed signals in her life – or maybe she’d never had any patience with decoding mixed signals before. Finn liked her, she was sure of it.
So what’s his problem?
‘Thanks again for the lift home.’ Free studied Finn’s profile in the darkness. Maybe if she stared long enough, she’d see right through into his brain. ‘I could have got a ride with Beth tomorrow afternoon, but I really need to work on a scoping document for Jay before Monday.’
He nodded, hands on the wheel, and her frustration rose again. Finn was focused on the road ahead and wouldn’t even look her way. Briggsy was singing Bruno Mars’s ‘Just the Way You Are’ to Kate in the back seat.
‘God, Sean,’ Kate groaned. ‘Would you please shut up?’
‘Beautiful wedding,’ he said, his words a little slurred. ‘When you gonna marry me, Katie? Been waiting for years.’
‘I’m not having this conversation.’
‘Why not?’ Briggsy raised his voice to include Free and Finn. ‘Don’tcha reckon Katie should marry me, Miss Free? Kelly? We’ve been together since we were practically kids!’
‘Stop it,’ Kate hissed.
The argument startled Free. She’d always thought of Briggsy and Kate as happily and permanently de facto.
‘What’s this scope you need to do?’ Finn asked.
Free realised he was trying to act as though there was no argument happening in the back seat. She scrambled to join in. ‘Oh, well, it’s kind of a statement of concept, giving the reasons behind the theme of the tile wall and an idea of what it might look like.’
‘Am I not your Mr Right, Katie?’ Briggsy was asking, his voice dropping. ‘Am I just Mr Right Now?’
‘That’s enough, Sean.’
‘Come here, beautiful.’
‘Keep your bloody hands to your
self!’
Free had to stop herself from twisting around to stare.
Briggsy sounded hurt this time. ‘I just tried to hold your hand, for Chrissake. No need to act like that.’
Her voice was hard and cold. ‘You’re drunk. Just cut it out.’
‘Kate.’ Briggsy attempted to lower his voice to a murmur, but he was so drunk it carried. ‘Why are you acting like this lately? What have I done?’
‘I’m joining the local footy team,’ Finn said in an unusually loud tone.
By now, Free just wanted to hear what was going on with Briggsy and Kate, so she merely mumbled an acknowledgement in reply, but Finn kept on talking in that booming voice over the top of their murmuring. ‘Yeah, I’m a bit out of practice, but the fellas assure me that’s not an issue round these parts. They say the game’s played in fun. I don’t know, though. They’re probably more competitive than they let on.’
‘Stop comparing us to Tom and Willow,’ Kate was saying in a low, tense voice. ‘We’re not them.’
‘I don’t want to be them. But why won’t you commit to me? I just want you. We’ve been together for years. I’m happy with you, Katie. Aren’t you happy with me? Every time I mention marriage, you shut me down. Isn’t this, what we have, isn’t it serious for you?’
‘I don’t want serious.’ Kate sounded close to tears. ‘God. I knew we shouldn’t have bought a house together.’
Briggsy sucked in a breath. ‘What?’
‘I wasn’t ready. I don’t need this pressure.’
Their voices had grown louder and Finn made another attempt to distract Free.
‘Your painting of Talbot Gorge, will you sell it?’ he asked.
‘Um, I don’t know. I guess if someone liked it and offered a fair sum, I would.’
‘How do you decide what to charge for a painting?’
‘There’s a calculation you can use. Materials plus time. I don’t use that method, though, because I’m either horribly slow or stupidly fast when I produce something.’ The voices in the back seat had dropped away to angry mutters once more.
‘I wouldn’t mind buying it,’ Finn said.
Free whipped her head round. ‘Huh? My painting?’
He made a slight movement with his shoulders. ‘Yeah. It’s really good. And the track out to Talbot Gorge is where I first learned to four-wheel drive. It means something to me. That’s why I wanted to know the asking price.’ He didn’t appear to be kidding.
‘I was going to put it in the Broome Art Show, if it turns out okay.’
‘Well, do that. But if you don’t sell it there, maybe we could talk about a price.’
She glanced into the back. The argument had reached a stalemate. Briggsy and Kate were sitting far apart, staring out of their own windows.
She turned back to Finn. An idea had popped into her head. ‘Are you working in the morning?’
‘No. Tomorrow arvo.’
‘Oh, right.’
He glanced her way. ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Well, I was going to see if you’d like to come with me out to Talbot Gorge, especially since you know how to four-wheel drive and I’m not great at it. And because you like it there. That photo I’m using – I took it a couple of years ago now, and I wouldn’t mind having another look at the place. I’m a bit stuck on one section of rock and seeing it in real life again might unstick me.’
‘Ah, right. Sorry, but . . . yeah. Work.’
‘We don’t have a vehicle to use, anyway.’ Free hesitated. ‘But maybe we could borrow one and go next weekend?’ She waited breathlessly.
‘Where are we going?’ Briggsy broke in, leaning forward.
‘Talbot Gorge,’ Finn answered.
Free was torn. She didn’t especially want Briggsy crashing in on the date – but it might be a good way to put Finn at ease. Although Finn’s honest eyes said he was interested, he hadn’t been receptive to any of her gentle moves. We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks, she reminded herself. Perhaps he was simply cautious. If they hung out in a group, he might feel more confident about her.
‘Next weekend,’ she said to Briggsy. ‘Want to come along?’
‘Hell, yeah.’
‘Are you and Kate free next Sunday?’ she asked. ‘And do you have a four-wheel drive, Briggsy?’
‘I am,’ said Briggsy. ‘And I do. The one you’re sitting in right now. I think you’ve got next Sunday off too, haven’t you, Kelly?’ Finn gave a sound of acquiescence and Briggsy sat back again. ‘I bloody love Talbot Gorge. We’ll go for a swim. Remember when you and I went swimming there, Kate?’
She maintained a frosty silence and Briggsy slumped against the seat. He resumed staring moodily out of the window.
Finn turned up the radio to fill the silence for the last half-hour of the drive. Free was immensely glad when they dropped Briggsy and Kate home at the residential estate a couple of minutes out of town.
‘Do you need your car in the morning?’ Finn asked his boss. ‘If not, I’ll pick you up for work after lunch, yeah?’
Briggsy waved him away, declaring he planned on sleeping in and definitely wouldn’t need his vehicle back.
‘Wow, that was intense,’ Free said after they’d called their goodbyes and pulled away from the kerb. ‘Did you ever see any of that stuff before tonight?’
Finn hesitated before shrugging. ‘Not really.’
‘You’re a terrible liar,’ Free said with a giggle. ‘It’s okay. I don’t gossip.’
He relented. ‘I’ve noticed a bit of tension between the sarge and Kate before, but tonight was the worst I’ve seen. I think he’s keen for kids, getting married, the whole bit. She’s not. He makes the odd throwaway joke about it but there’s an undercurrent. Kate – well, she’s not interested in settling down.’ He paused. ‘What he said back there, about being Mr Right Now for her? I think he nailed it.’
‘Oh, that’s sad.’ Free’s heart ached for Briggsy – but also for Kate. ‘I guess if he wants the family life, children, marriage and so on – and she wants her freedom – then that’s a pretty fundamental mismatch. Still, she might change her mind. She’s only, what, late twenties?’
‘He’s thirty. She’s thirty-two.’ Finn stopped at a red light and rowdy pub-goers crossed the road in front of them. ‘I don’t know. I’m not sure she’ll change. If she doesn’t want that life with him now, why would a year or two make any difference?’
‘People change all the time.’
‘Not really.’
Free glanced his way. ‘Seriously? You don’t think people can change?’
‘Not fundamentally. They can change their behaviour and outlook – to an extent. But not the things deep inside that make them who they are.’ The light went green and he moved the car forward.
‘I’ve seen people change,’ Free said stoutly. ‘It’s cynical to say they can’t.’
He chuckled. ‘You’re very trusting.’
‘So are you.’
He laughed more, a note of surprise coming through. ‘I just told you I don’t believe leopards can change their spots and yet somehow I’m trusting?’
‘I don’t think you’re as cynical as you make out, Finn. You have this thing where you just radiate positivity. I saw it when you pulled me over on Herne River Road before Willow’s hen’s party. I felt better as soon as you spoke to me. You’re kind and decent, and you expect other people to be kind and decent, and I’d be willing to bet that, more often than not, they naturally rise to your expectations. There’s nothing like someone thinking you’re great to make you want to be great.’ Finn didn’t answer and she rested her head on the window, tiredness hitting. ‘You should work with young people, with a gift like that.’
Finn scoffed. ‘A gift!’
‘It’s a gift,’ she repeated. ‘I look into your eyes and I see myself amplified, reflected back much smarter, better – more reliable, more talented, than I actually am.’ She had to stop herself from adding ‘prettier’. ‘That’s a g
ift. Imagine if you made kids feel like that about themselves.’
‘I look at you and I see what I see,’ he said. The discomfort had returned to his voice. ‘I don’t need to amplify anything to see how smart or talented you are.’ He clamped his mouth shut but her heart jumped, a smile coming to her lips.
‘Thank you, Finn,’ she said. ‘And that’s exactly what I mean. That’s how you make me feel.’
‘That’s how you should feel.’ Finn’s eyes were on the road but, in the streetlight, she detected a faint crease above his eyebrows. ‘If anyone makes you feel less than you are, less than amazing, you should . . .’ He stopped and scratched the back of his neck as though second-guessing himself. But then he went on, blurting out the words. ‘Then you should let them know that hurts you. And if they still don’t realise how amazing you are, you should consider . . . moving on from them.’
Was he talking about Beth? How could she move on from her own sister? Whatever he meant, she appreciated his words and leaned over to put her hand on his where it rested on the gearstick. He tensed and she thought for a moment he would pull away. He didn’t. He released the gearstick and squeezed her hand. Free went hot all over in an instant, her heart rate leaping into a wild, irregular thump.
They were almost home. What would happen when they stopped?
They arrived, and Finn pulled the car in to his carport, climbing out straight away. Okay, no car kiss then. She gathered her gear and clambered out after him. Finn bounded up onto his porch and she paused at the foot of his steps, watching him as the security light flicked on. His T-shirt was stretching over his hard shoulders as he dug for his house key.
She took a breath. ‘Do . . . do you reckon I could come in for . . . for a coffee?’
He stopped dead, key in the lock, and turned to catch her eye.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
She dropped her gaze. ‘Oh.’
‘Where’s Max?’ he asked.
Deflecting again. She gave him a sad half-smile. ‘Probably snoring on my bed.’
Finn unlocked his door. ‘Goodnight, Free.’
He shut the door before she could even reply.
