Sofia knew I worked for her dad, so I no longer had to worry about explaining my presence. I had time to fix things between us. There was no deadline or time limit to figure out our shit. At some point, I’d have to decide what to do about telling Enzo, but that could wait. For now, I would do my job.
It was easier walking into Sofia’s home this time. The bittersweet aftertaste of old memories was still present, but I was prepared for the assault this time. The far end of the hallway was dark—Sofia was doubtless getting ready for her graduation party, but a part of me had hoped to see that pale light signaling her nearness. I shook off the childish longing and focused on what Enzo might need to discuss with me as I followed him into his office.
He gave a tight smile and gestured for me to sit opposite him at the desk. “I thought perhaps you and Sofia were well on your way to working out your differences, but whatever happened last night did not go well. She’s hardly spoken today, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say she spent the night crying. I don’t know exactly what happened when you two broke up, but she isn’t going to let it go easily.”
The implication of wrongdoing was clear in Enzo’s words, and I felt a compelling urge to defend myself. “I did what I had to do to protect her, sir. I wasn’t exactly given a choice when I entered this life. Once it was done, I decided not to drag her with me. I did what I believed was best for her.” I was relieved to speak up for myself. I just hoped I wasn’t opening a door that would get me in trouble.
Enzo steepled his hands, resting the tips of his index fingers against his lips. “You were one of Sal’s recruits, if I recall correctly. Am I to understand you didn’t want to become a part of this outfit?” His features were totally impassive, giving me zero clue if I was being asked a simple question or providing evidence at my own trial.
“Sal wanted me on board, so he used what leverage he had to coerce me into working for him—to demand my allegiance and become a made man.”
“I’ll admit I was surprised when I found out you had joined the family. When you were young, and Sofia took such a strong liking to you, I spoke with your father about ensuring you weren’t allowed to know about our activities. I didn’t want that information getting back to Sofia. I would have preferred she had friends outside the family just to make life easier, but she was so affected after her brother died, I couldn’t stop her from befriending you. As you two grew up, I wondered how it would all play out. Last I had heard, you didn’t know anything about the family until you were suddenly among our ranks. Then you two broke up, and it was no longer an issue.”
“I didn’t know anything about the family until Sal and my father gave me a crash course. I happened to see you that night outside the warehouse I’d been taken to. I thought maybe you had been a part of recruiting me—that you had ordered my initiation.”
He shook his head, lips pursed. “Unfortunately, no. It was yet another poor decision made by Sal. No one wants a man who doesn’t want to be made, but there’s no going back. I trust that isn’t an issue now?” he asked with a slight lift of his brows.
“That was a lifetime ago. I’ve made my peace with where I am and made the outfit my family.” I infused my gaze with every ounce of confidence and certainty I possessed. I didn’t want to give Enzo the slightest shadow of a doubt as to my loyalties.
After an eternal second, he lowered his hands. “You’ll need to fix this business with Sofia. She’ll be moving out of our house soon, and I want someone guarding her.”
“I’m working on it.” Not for the reasons you think. He wanted me to protect her, and I wanted to get her naked beneath me. The brief kiss we’d shared wouldn’t stop replaying in my head, no matter how messed up the situation had been. I wanted more. A hell of a lot more. If I accomplished my mission, did it matter how I did it?
A small voice inside me cleared its throat and insisted this would be the perfect time to tell Enzo that his daughter knew about the family. I’d sworn an oath to the outfit, so I owed this man my absolute loyalty. So why did my lips refuse to budge? The family was supposed to outrank our own blood relations. Outrank any all other obligations. But at the sight of Sofia destroyed in my arms, all other promises shriveled into dust.
Nothing came before my Ladybug.
Even my own life.
Enzo drew me back to the present when he continued to speak. “We have a meet with the Russians tomorrow morning to sort out whatever mess Sal has created. I want you there. Once we get the Russians settled, hopefully we can smooth things over with the Gallos and get our hands on Sal.”
“Not a problem. Let me know when and where, and I’ll be there.”
He gave a nod, then stood and extended his hand. “This may not have been the life you envisioned, but I’m glad to have you with us. You’re a good man, Antonico.”
I shook his hand firmly. “Thank you, Don Genovese.”
“We still have a few hours until things get underway, but you’re welcome to stick around. I wasn’t sure if I’d get a chance to visit with you once Carlotta put me to work,” he said good-naturedly.
“No problem at all. I have a couple of errands to run, but I’ll be back in plenty of time.”
I excused myself and made my way back to the car. I had a call I needed to make to an old friend to see what I could dig up on this Mikey kid. I wasn’t sure why I was prying into Sofia’s past, but something didn’t sit right with me. Probably came down to unreasonable jealousy. Chasing down some schoolyard crush of hers wasn’t exactly rational.
When it came to Sofia, all logical thought exited the building.
With each passing day and every minute we were apart, I became more and more certain I needed to make her mine. If only there were an easy way to make that happen. In my gut, I knew there was only one possibility, but it had just as much of a chance to work as it did to backfire in my face.
I needed to tell her everything, even if she never talked to me again.
It was a risk—not only because she might push me away, but also because I would be breaking my oath for a second time. My need to have Sofia was going to be the death of me, but calling her mine for however long it lasted would be worth that fiery descent into the bowels of hell.
Chapter 13
Sofia
Now
Last night was such a disaster. If I had to list all the ways the night had gone wrong, I’d be at a loss as to where to begin. Probably the fact that I allowed Nico to whisk me away in the first place. He had hit the nail on the head when he said it was just like old times. Standing on the patio with him made me feel like I’d slipped through a portal to seven years earlier. It stunned me to discover just how comfortable and normal it felt, despite everything that had come between us.
The champagne no doubt played a role in my questionable choices. I could have screamed or put up more of a fight, but I didn’t. No matter how much he had hurt me in the past, no matter how wary I was of seeing him again, he was still Nico. I couldn’t unlove him if I’d tried, which I hadn’t. The most terrifying part was that I didn’t think I ever wanted to stop loving Nico. How messed up was that? He was an intrinsic part of me, and cutting him loose would mean eviscerating an integral part of my soul.
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
So where did that leave me?
Bawling my eyes out for the better part of the night, that was where. Some of my turmoil had run far deeper than anything Nico had done. Seeing him replay the worst night of my life had brought back all the oppressive emotions linked to Marco’s death. I hurt in ways I’d forgotten a person could hurt.
Then the pendulum would swing the other way, and I’d remember the momentary bliss I’d felt when I’d stolen that kiss from Nico in his car. My lips on his had erased all the other hurt and fear. Being in his arms had brought me more comfort and surety than anything ever had before. But it was as short lived as a rainbow trailing a summer storm. When I witnessed the understanding that passed between Nico and my father, the puzzl
e pieces slid themselves into place, revealing a crisp image of what had happened so many years ago.
Nico became a member of the mafia, choosing the family over me.
He had become a part of my father’s outfit and, in turn, walked away from me. He could claim he was protecting me or that he was sworn to secrecy, but every rule had exceptions. It had been his choice to push me away. His choice to join the outfit. His choice to keep those secrets.
Everything was a choice.
Why couldn’t he have trusted me with his secret? Did he think I would tell someone and endanger him? Did he not realize I was already in danger, considering my father’s associations? Whether I knew about my father or not, Nico had to have known, which meant he knew I was already at risk. So how would pushing me away keep me any safer?
No matter how I examined what happened, none of it made sense. I could only assume there was more he wasn’t telling me. It was a safe guess—people always left something unsaid. We were creatures of habit, and our most intrinsic habit was the keeping of secrets.
I had thought my relationship with Nico was different, but why, I didn’t know. I’d kept my family’s secrets from him, so why wouldn’t he keep secrets of his own from me? I wasn’t purely good or evil. Neither was he.
Maybe that meant I should have cut him some slack and recognized that his actions might not have been purely malicious. I’d tried not to condemn him unjustly, but the pain of everything that had happened clouded my judgment. He had wounded me too deeply for me to view his actions from an impartial perspective.
Startling me from my thoughts, my mom’s approaching footsteps clacked loudly down the hallway. I quickly threw a drape over the canvas I’d been examining and turned to the door.
“Sofia?” she inquired cautiously as she rounded the corner. “How are you doing, sweetie?”
I hadn’t spoken to anyone at breakfast and had looked positively atrocious, so it was no wonder she’d come to check on me. “I’m fine. Is it time to start getting ready?”
“Just about.” Her lips pulled into a thin smile, her eyes flitting about the room. “You want to talk about whatever happened last night? Your father told me you went out for a bit with Nico.” She came and sat on a stool next to my supply table.
I wanted to be angry with her for bringing Nico back into my life, but I had a feeling it would have happened one way or another, regardless of her interference. Instead, I just felt defeated, lowering myself onto the stool beside her. “It’s complicated, Mama. Seeing him stirs up so many emotions. Sometimes it’s good, but sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t breathe.”
“The people we love are always the ones who hurt us the most. If we didn’t care about them, their actions wouldn’t hurt.”
“I get that sometimes we hurt people on accident, but if you love a person, why would you intentionally do something you know is going to hurt them?”
“Why does a parent spank a child? Why tell your sister the guy she’s dating is an asshole? Sometimes it’s easier not to do those things, but we do them because we love that person. I’m not Nico, so I can’t speak for him, but I would be willing to bet he had a good reason for the things he’s done. I’ve seen the way he looks at you—the way he’s always looked at you—and there is no question in my mind that he loves you.”
“So, you think good intentions can absolve someone of their wrongdoings?”
“Well, that’s a broad statement if I’ve ever heard one.” She arched a brow at me. “It’s presumptive to say good intentions are always enough, but sometimes, yes, I think a person’s intent can be grounds for forgiveness. We’re all just doing the best we can. Maybe you would have done things differently, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t doing his best.”
For a second, I wondered if our conversation had more than one meaning. I wasn’t sure if I was reading into it because I knew about Dad, or if she was sensitive to Nico’s plight because of her own choices in life. Either way, I could see how her words applied to both situations and wondered if it was intentional. “I see what you’re saying, but it doesn’t make trusting him any easier, and it doesn’t erase the pain.”
“I know, baby. That’s what alcohol is for.”
I looked over at her, and we both burst out laughing. How could this woman make me want to strangle her one minute and laugh the next? Was I not entitled to a single simple relationship in my life? Of course, things with Maria were simple. She asked me about school, and I asked her how life was treating her. We both gave vague, meaningless answers and moved on. Simple. And totally worthless.
I sighed, leaning over to give my mom a hug. “Thanks, Mama. I needed that.”
“Anything for my baby girl. And I wasn’t kidding about the alcohol. How about you go get in the shower, and I’ll bring up a glass of wine.”
“If you insist.”
With a smile, she tapped my nose and left for the kitchen.
An hour and a half later, I wrapped up the finishing touches of my outfit and examined myself in the full-length mirror. The dress was perfection—even more beautiful now than I remembered it being in the store. I had pulled my hair up to make sure the low back and reverse necklace were visible, put in understated diamond stud earrings, and topped off the look with a delicate platinum bracelet. The touch of aquamarine in the necklace gemstones brought out the hazel in my eyes, and the dress gave me the illusion of curves.
I felt seductive in the dress—powerful even.
It was a heady feeling and extremely important when I’d be seeing Nico again. Or at least, I thought I would. In actuality, I had no idea what to expect. He had indicated the ball was in my court, but did that mean he would keep his distance? What if he didn’t even show up? The possibility stole a chunk of my newly manufactured confidence like the big bad wolf blowing down the little piggy’s straw house.
Oh well, nothing another glass of wine can’t fix.
I went to slide my phone into my small black clutch and noticed I had missed a text from Michael.
Sorry I missed seeing you yesterday. Seeing his words made me smile as I typed out my reply.
No problem, it was a busy day. I take it you got my gift? In the morning before my graduation ceremony, I’d stopped by his apartment knowing the rest of the weekend would be crazy busy. He’d given me a key to his place a long time ago, but I rarely used it.
It’s perfect, thank you. Ready for your party?
As ready as I’m going to be. Lunch Monday? I wanted to ask him more about the cop but didn’t want to do it over text. On Monday the gallery was closed, so I’d have a chance to have a long lunch with him and catch up.
Sounds great.
“Sofia, you look amazing!” Alessia stood just inside my doorway, her hands over her mouth and a look on her face like a mother sending her daughter off to prom.
“Hey, Lessi! How are you?” I threw the phone in my clutch and hurried over to give my big sister a hug. She wore a gorgeous long-sleeve coral gown that hugged her curves like a second skin. Her dark coloring was the perfect accent to the dress—a shade I would have looked dead in.
“You said you found a dress when we talked on Sunday, but you didn’t tell me it was so stunning.” She pulled back and forced me to take a spin, admiring the total package.
“Well, I was a little more focused on my run-in with Nico at that point.”
“I can’t believe Mom did that, but she probably had no clue what she was doing. I’m sure she thought she was helping.” Alessia had heard through the rumor mill at school about my breakup with Nico, but I’d never given her the ugly details. It had been too painful to discuss with anyone.
“Whatever she was thinking, it didn’t end there. They had him over for dinner the next night. He seems to think there’s still something between us, but I don’t see how it could work.” I plopped down on my bed, feeling deflated.
Alessia sat next to me, her face a mix of emotions. “I had the same thoughts when I first met Luca, but sometimes
things have a way of working out. No matter what, I’m Team Sofia, so whatever you decide, I’ll support it.”
“Thanks, Lessi. He’s supposed to be here tonight, and I’m nervous about seeing him. We fought last night and said some ugly stuff.”
“If he makes you uncomfortable, you give me a sign, like a safe word, and I’ll have Luca kick his ass out of the party.”
“You haven’t seen Nico recently; he’s huge.”
A mischievous glint lit her eyes. “You haven’t seen Luca fight; he’s incredible.”
“Why exactly have you seen Luca fighting?” I asked with a curious grin.
“Some guys tried to mug me. It’s a long story. The point is, I have no doubt he could escort Nico out of here in a heartbeat.”
“A kidnapping and a mugging? What the hell is going on with you lately?”
“Don’t remind me. It’s been one hell of a month.” She rolled her eyes, then grabbed my hand and pulled us up. “Come on, let’s get this show started. And remember, you need assistance, you come find me.”
I squeezed her hand. “Thanks, Lessi.”
We made our way downstairs to find the formal living area had been transformed into a sophisticated arrangement of glittering white lights, crisp ivory table linens, and decadent Madonna Lilies. The party would be indoor/outdoor, so the décor spilled out onto the patio where glowing heaters stood at regular intervals to keep the spring air from feeling too chilly.
My mother had done a beautiful job. The look was formal but not austere or gaudy—she had achieved an elegant atmosphere for the evening, and I would have to thank her for all her efforts. Just because I preferred not having a party didn’t mean I couldn’t appreciate what she had done on my behalf.
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