by Ron Foster
― Sun Tzu, The Art of War
“You work that ice maker thing out, Farley, and then you come back and visit again real soon. Let’s see now, you said you got 20 gallons of gas for trading.” Barnett began.
“No cans included because the owners want them back.” Farley declared.
“Ah hell, go find something to put that gas in Frazier.” Barnett told him.
“How about I pour it in my car? Ok Barnett, I was just kidding, I am on it.” Frazier said and then set about finding something after Barnett raised his eyebrows at him about his joke.
“My current selling gas price when I can get it is $20.00 a gallon, might go up to $25 soon enough. I will give you $10.00 a gallon, man has got to make himself a profit.” Barnett said.
“Yea this man also has to make a profit, how about that, you give me $15, Barnett.” Farley said.
“I will see you in the middle at $12.50.” Barnett said offering his hand.
“Not so fast, Barnett, you are probably going to jack your selling price to $25 probably the very second I get out the door and besides if you don’t, $5 a gallon is more than a decent profit for you to make on gas. Hell, before this crap hit service stations were lucky to make a nickel or a dime off of it.” Farley declared.
“Well, I ain`t no service station. Take the $12.50, Farley, and I will throw in one chicken.” Barnett said with a grin.
“Holding out with a chicken, you are a piece of work. Barnett. Ok. deal.” Farley said shaking hands.
“That’s $300, in your favor and you get your cans back. That leaves you owing me $300 more, you want to dicker some more or do you want to pay cash.” Barnett said still hoping for some silver.
“What are you paying for gold these days, Barnett?” Farley asked.
“Coin, bullion or jewelry? Barnett asked.
“Gold is Gold, Barnett, you have just got to adjust for the karat percentage. I got a 14k man’s plain wedding ring that weighs about 10 penny weights (DWT).” Farley said.
“What’s a penny weight?” Barnett asked confused.
“It’s a gold measurement that lots of jewelers use; there are 20 penny weights to an ounce. I haven’t weighed that ring on a scale but I used to be in the business and my estimated weight of it in the palm of my hand is pretty accurate. If you got a gram scale around here we can weigh it but I ain`t going to be much shy off of my estimate. Remember, we are talking Troy ounces not Avoirdupois, I know the difference. There are 14 ounces to a pound when we are talking about dealing in gold or precious metals.” Farley said wisely and warning Barnett not to try and pull any unscrupulous buyers tricks.
“I know the difference, I ain`t trying to cheat nobody.” Barnett said huffily.
“I didn’t mean to say you would even ever consider it, I was just saying I know the business of buying and selling precious metals pretty good. Hell, if you got any metal you want to sell I might even be willing to buy some off you for green cash if you want.” Farley suggested.
“No, I like holding onto the metal better. Have you heard on the news the Government might do a referendum and reissue or devalue the green back?” Barnett asked.
“Yes, heard that bit of troublesome news on the radio last night, more bogus bullshit by government, I say. Since 1930 they have been dinking with the dollar and some well known economists were saying that it was already devalued to 4 cents before this crap happened. I guess that it’s all relevant in the way you look at things. An ounce of gold back in the 1930’s would buy you a fine suit of clothes and some shoes; it will still do the same today. When it comes to cash or gold it’s still a buyer-sellers market of what we are willing to exchange.” Farley declared.
“Yea you got that right, my buy price is $800 an ounce, 14k is 58% pure so $464 an ounce that puts you at about $230 for that ring if your guesstimate is right.” Barnett said before the door opened and Becky and Jeremy wandered in.
“Hi, Miss Becky, nice to see you, son.” Barnett said addressing them and acting like a totally changed man from the one they had first met.
The pair returned his greeting just as nicely but were still taken back a bit by his change in demeanor.
“Farley, it’s hot as hell outside, are you going to be shopping much longer?” Becky asked.
“No, we are winding it down now; I had more business to discuss than I had originally thought I would, sorry about that Becky.” Farley said.
“There is cool water in that crock over there, I dug that thing out of the attic weeks ago and that’s what passed for refrigeration back in the day but it still does a good job now.” Barnett said indicating a big stoneware jar over in the corner.
“Thank you Barnett that sounds like a good idea.” Becky said escorting Jeremy back towards it to get themselves a drink and stay out of Farley’s way with whatever it was he was negotiating on.
Farley produced the wedding ring and Barnett weighed it up and found that Farley was about a gram and a half off and so he owed him a bit more cash than they had originally settled on.
“I need more than just one chicken, Barnett; we need to get back on to that subject. You got any scratch feed to go with that bird?” Farley asked.
“No, I only got the one chicken available here today; Frazier will get it for you, it’s back there in a crate. I had 6 chickens for sale this morning but folks have already bought them.” Barnett declared.
Farley was curious as hell just what kind of trade goods or prices were exchanged for those yard birds but he didn’t want to push the subject any further. “Have you got any egg laying mash available?” Farley asked, referring to a grain mix that had calcium in it to harden egg shells that was necessary sometimes in a hen’s diet.
“I guess I could give you a little bit of it and maybe enough cracked corn so you can get her acclimated to wherever you’re going to pen her up at so she don’t run off the first time you try to free range her, but that’s all I can spare.” Barnett said watching Jeremy turn suddenly at over-hearing Farley had somehow got a hold of a live chicken.
“The chicken is outside boy if you want to go out to see her. She is around the back in the shade of that big oak tree on the left.” Barnett told him and after Jeremy asked his Mom if he could go see it, she decided to go along with him.
“I take it that there is no seed and feed store close by or for that matter still open these days?” Farley said studying Barnett.
“Well there is one store that might be still be operating about 18 miles from here but the government come in a few weeks ago and declared it a state asset. The owner Mr. Jones liked to have got himself shot over that shit by telling the government agents that he operated a private enterprise and that he was a freeman to boot and he wasn’t going to allow them federal folks on his property but some soldiers grabbed hold of him and it was go to jail or comply so he ended up complying. They took all of his accounting books also and them federal bastards ended up taking over all the big farms around here and were starting to visit the little ones appropriating cattle and such before a big stand off with the farmers and the National Guard almost caused lots of bloodshed. The way I hear that it all went down was that the Fed ordered the Guard commander who just on a off chance happened to be from around here to go out and enforce the governments emergency powers mandates and he was doing so before the farmers organized themselves and their neighbors and had themselves an armed mob stationed on one of the big cattle farms and said no more and threatened to shoot anyone trespassing on the property. Because that Guard commander was from around here and he was a pretty well respected man, it luckily turned out ok for everyone. He was a timber dealer by trade in his civilian life and he had done business with several of them folks. He said the hell with enforcing this crap when confronted by the angry farmers and citizens and he told his troops to load up and go home. The government threatened to send in the regular army to put down the dissent but they never appeared. I guess because they were too busy off somewhere else and that commander for
whatever reason is siding with the state and the citizenry and even though he has not come right out and said it I believe he would use his troops to try to repel the federal regulars if they were sent in. Hot damn, Farley, you might just get to see the old stars and bars flag flying over Alabama again. Texas already has seceded from the union so the government has it’s handsful there and those screwed up big northern cities like Chicago, Detroit, etc. are all burning with riots out of control, hell Louisiana is saying they are exercising their sovereignty and trying to get the government out of their oil and gas refineries and threatening to halt the flow of oil out of state on that pipeline. Course the government is not ever going to allow that and since the Mississippi river flooded its banks and put them half under water they can’t say much or lose what Federal aid they are getting.” Barnett said describing how an about 140 mile rift from St. Louis to the Gulf of New Mexico had changed the landscape of America.
“These are trying times indeed, Mr. Barnett, a lot of folks might be wailing and gnashing their teeth over this death and devastation we have going but me, well I kind of like the fact that this country is going to have to go back to its roots of help thy neighbor and stand up for freedom and liberty even if the big man in the sky has already drop kicked us over the goal posts of life. Hey, I am enjoying the hell out of this conversation, but I really do need to get out of here, we got to get back to talking about those chickens before I leave though or my clan might not see itself through winter. How many chickens would $500 green back dollars buy? Now that’s all the cash I got in the world to invest and it ain`t even all mine so shoot me a good deal, ok?” Farley said putting all his cards on the table.
“You ain`t going to like my answer, Farley, and I don’t even want to hazard to give you a quote. You’re asking way too early in this little fiasco but I don’t blame you and some may say you are being pretty smart by doing so, but not me. I will allow you to purchase only 5 more chickens but I won’t have them available for you until Monday week. Me and you can seal our deal here and now if you want to and at today’s prices for future delivery but it’s got to be up front money or barter for me to secure them for you. I got lots of other folks that I know better than you and ones that have been trading with me longer to consider so you are damn lucky I am even am entertaining doing business with you before them. However, you’re a resourceful fellow and I think we are going to be able to do some pretty good future business. You got any of that silver left?” Barnett said scrutinizing Farley.
“I got some silver left but it’s mostly in the form of 2 rolls of pre-1964 nickels.” Farley offered.
“Shit, I don’t like that 50% silver content stuff; folks don’t recognize it like they would a silver dollar or those mercury dimes you traded me. You sure you don’t have any other better coins to trade with me?” Barnett asked.
“No, buddy, that’s it, but hey look at it this way. You know you are going to need change for your cash register and that don’t take into account that fake plated crap that passes for current minted dimes and quarters these days if we are trading in real metals. You should take what’s on the table now that we have agreed on for the guns and such and you call it square for me to receive 5 chickens Monday week and I will give the nickels to you upon delivery.” Farley said putting down his best offer.
“That sounds fair and you do have some change coming to you but after what you said about them nickels, I think I need them now. You trust me with them nickels for a week and I will throw in an Araucana rooster, you familiar with them?” Barnett said referring to the breed that causes brown egg laying chickens to lay colored eggs as well as their own breeds colors.
“Yea, I know about them big flashy roosters and that them Easter looking eggs they produce are supposed to be better for you and all but you got me buying a pig in a poke here. Exactly what kind of damn egg laying chickens are you offering me in trade anyway? You haven’t got around to telling me that part of the business yet. I don’t want a giant rooster trying to service a bunch of bantam hens.” Farley said chuckling while thinking about the diminutive hens.
“I ain’t going to do you no wrong, Farley.” Barnett said with a grin at the mental spectacle of that unlikely union.
“I am not up on my chicken breeds but Frazier can recognize a few and the sellers tell us a bit about what they are offering but I will get you the best birds I can. That Araucana is coming off my spread because I want me a bunch of bantams that don’t eat so much. How about some good generic big brown chickens? Or if you don’t want those, I got access to some white ones that come out of those chicken houses that are just layers but they aren’t as good as the ones used to free ranging a bit.” Barnett offered.
“I will take the brown ones or even some of them wild looking black fighting rooster ones with the colors but don’t try passing off no ancient non- laying birds. If you got access to chicken house birds then you got access to some grain so I don’t care how you do it but find me 50 lbs. of some kind of feed and we got us a deal and I am all in.” Farley said reaching in his vest and handing over the two rolls of nickels.
“I like the hell out of that vest of yours, Farley, but I like even better what you always manage to pull out of it. I got to see about getting me something similar to wear. Now then, you be back here anytime Monday week after 8am and pick up your chickens and feed. That surplus .38 ammo you got on your ticket is good stuff and accurate. I am going to throw in a extra box for you so you or whoever can do some practicing and if you will let me I would like to give your missus and that boy a friendly little gift for your good trading and that previous misunderstanding we had.” Barnett said.
“That is fine by me and I am sure they will appreciate it.” Farley said beaming a smile at Barnett and shaking his hand.
“You all come in here a minute, if you would.” Barnett said walking to the backdoor and calling over Becky and Jeremy who were under the shade of the oak tree laughing about something with Frazier.
“Yes sir?” Jeremy said standing in front of the door waiting on his mom and Frazier to catch up.
“What’s your name boy, I seem to have forgotten it.” Barnett said looking down on the young man in an old timer’s friendly manner reserved for such moments.
“Names Jeremy, Mr. Barnett.” Jeremy responded quite nervous.
“Me and you and your Ma had us a little misunderstanding and I want to set it right.” Barnett began before Becky interjected that wasn’t necessary.
“I know we are all ok now, but I wanted to give you a little something anyway. I got a jar of sweet clover honey for you, Becky, a friend of mine who raises bees around here fixed for me and Jeremy, you can have this if your paw paw says it’s all right.” Barnett said reaching in his pocket and pulling out a folding fishing knife complete with hook disgorger and scaler.
Jeremy’s eyes danced and sparkled at the magnificent gift he held in his hand admiring it before mumbling thanks and smiling before saying that Farley wasn’t his real Pa but he was grateful beyond words to Barnett before Farley started shoving everyone towards the door saying it was past time to get this show on the road and for Jeremy to go load the chicken in the van.
After collecting his guns, ammo and a couple small sundries they said their farewells and Farley and crew left enjoying a more comfortable and congenial atmosphere than they had ever anticipated or wished for from this backwater bait store.
“What were you and Frazier laughing so much about, Becky?” Farley asked as Jeremy giggled.
“We were talking about how that chicken looked like it was wearing pants.” Becky said smiling brightly before Jeremy interjected Frazier said it reminded him about how Farley’s hair looked after he had gotten windblown from having his window down on the trip over here.
Farley took it in stride and laughed and told them that kind of a chicken was called a “silkie” and that Frazier reminded him of the ass end of a north bound mule and chuckled about the comparisons.
5
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Homecoming
Farley paid special attention to observing the country boy’s trailer on the way in but there wasn’t a vehicle or person in sight.
Becky watched Farley and Jeremy with special attention noticing that being around them boys seemed to give them extra apprehensions but she didn’t know why and Farley just muttered something about he had a bad vibe about them boys and left it at that.
“You think we caught us a raccoon in the trap,. Farley?” Jeremy said excitedly referring to the trap they had set the day before.
“No telling but I must admit at the moment that I am hoping we didn’t.” Farley said not relishing the task of having to clean the critter if they did.
“I am with you, Farley, I hope you didn’t catch one either. Its not like I wasn’t up for trying one of those interesting sounding raccoon recipes you told us about but I kind of got the idea Miss Feng is going to out do herself cooking up a home style Asian recipe tonight.” Becky stated.
“Me too! Who in the hell would have ever thought I might get to enjoy some Chinese takeout or eat in during the apocalypse.” Farley said laughing.
