She tapped the file and splayed her fingers wide, palm out, to launch it.
Dritan’s face appeared, and she involuntarily reached for him. Her hand passed through the holo, causing it to shimmer, and the pressure in her throat intensified.
Dark circles lined Dritan’s eyes, but he was still as handsome as ever. The scene behind him could’ve been the scene from inside any cubic, but the panels were clean and undented. If only the shiny, new cubic wasn’t deep underground on a toxic planet.
He cleared his throat. “Name: Dritan Corinth. Message for: Era Corinth. Destination: Paragon.” He smiled, but it looked false. “I only get a minute. I miss you, and I love you. I can’t wait to see you again. I hope things are okay up there.”
Dritan paused and ran a hand through his tight black curls. He leaned closer to the vidrelay. “By the time you get this, you’ll probably know the test results. Whatever they are, it’ll be okay,” he said forcefully, as if saying the words would make them true. “I wish I could be there for you. Let me know what’s happening.”
Tears slid down Era’s face, but she didn’t wipe them away.
Dritan seemed to want to say more, but he shot a glance past the vidrelay, where the witness would have been sitting.
“I’m staying safe. It’s great down here. Plenty of food. Everything works. I love you.” The holo blanked.
She pressed her lips together and watched the vid again. She needed to find out her test results and send him an answer. He deserved to know. He didn’t need to be worrying while he was doing his job.
Era wiped her face, sniffed, and got to her feet. She turned, searching for Mali, and saw her leaving the storage cubic. Era straightened.
She only had one more day to record a message for Dritan before the next shipment of cubes went out from the Paragon. She couldn’t put it off any longer. She should’ve gone two days ago to schedule her appointment on medlevel.
Mali walked up to the archivist station. “Did you get a message?”
Era nodded and rested her hand on her belly. “I need to make an appointment on medlevel. They had to give me an amnio. My results are probably ready. He’ll want to know what they are…”
Mali rested a hand on Era’s arm. “I’m sure he will. Why don’t you leave a little early today? Take care of what you need to.”
Had Mali had a failed pregnancy, too? Probably. Era had never heard her speak about any children. She took off her eyepiece and gave it to Mali. “Thank you.”
This was it. She’d schedule her appointment, and then she’d know.
She’d either be bringing new life into the fleet, or…
No point considering the alternative.
Era stepped up to the Population Management station and swiped her card.
The same girl from last time stood behind the station. Era drew a deep breath to steady herself. “The medic said I had to schedule an appointment.”
The clerk splayed her fingers wide and tapped the air. “Era Corinth. Ah. Your test results are ready.”
Era shifted her stance and fought the urge to walk out. She’d try to schedule her appointment for midbreak tomorrow, when she and Zephyr would both be free. She didn’t want to do this alone, not any more than she’d wanted to do it alone last time.
“Medic Faust can see you now,” the clerk said.
“What? I…I have to go to mess. Can I do it tomorrow?”
“No. Your appointment is flagged priority. And no one’s scheduled this block.” The clerk moved around the station and headed toward the corridor.
Priority? That was bad, wasn’t it? Why would she be flagged priority if they had good news for her?
Get it over with so Dritan can stop worrying. So you can stop wondering.
She struggled to keep her breathing even as she followed the clerk back to a cubic.
The clerk left. Era sat down on a stool and tapped her foot on the ground. She pressed her hands to her swollen belly and stared at the floor, willing herself to stay calm. Her mind wandered to the bare shelf in her cubic, to the pale green scrap of bedding folded there. Would they get the chance to wrap their newborn in it?
The buzzer sounded, calling an end to second shift and announcing the beginning of last mess.
Medic Faust entered, looking tired and older than she’d seemed just a week before. She sat down on a stool by the curved cabinets, a hard expression on her face, hands folded in her lap. Era’s shoulders caved in, and her stomach twisted on itself.
“I’m sorry. The cells have markers for the Defect.”
Era choked back a small sob, her hands slipping from her stomach.
Defective.
All the things she’d let herself dream about in the past few weeks, all the hope she’d had for the future. Gone.
Medic Faust’s lined face blurred in front of her, and Era leaned forward. The metal panels of the cubic seemed to grow closer, shutting her in.
“Your abort session will be two days from now. First shift, second block,” the medic said, not meeting Era’s eyes. “Dritan can attend. You’ll have a few free days afterward for recuperation.”
Era’s eyes focused on the medic’s hard face. “Dritan’s on Soren,” she whispered.
Medic Faust paled and rubbed her forehead. “I’d like to get you going on some grimp,” she said. She stood and opened a cabinet.
Grimp. The sound of the medic rifling through the cabinet took on a strange muffled quality, and a cold feeling spread through Era, starting at her throat and traveling down into her limbs.
Era rose to her feet and balled her hands into fists. “The Defect is a lie.” The words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them.
Medic Faust froze, and Era searched her face. But her expression was a blank mask and gave away nothing.
“Is it? Is it a lie?” Era’s voice cracked. “One of the traitors said it was.”
The medic’s eyes widened slightly, and she pressed her lips together. She took a step away from Era and placed the grimp back on the counter with a shaking hand. “The cells in your womb carry the Defect. I see you’re upset. I understand. But you should know better than to repeat the words of a traitor. You know what happened to the traitors. I won’t report this, but you need to forget what you heard him say.”
“It’s not just cells. I felt it move.”
The medic picked up the pills. “I want you to start on these. Once daily. They’ll help.”
Something wasn’t right, but this entire experience was beginning to feel holo, more like a nightmare than anything that could really be happening. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’ll see you in two days. If I hear you talk like that again, I will have to report you.” The medic shoved the pills into Era’s hand and went to the door.
“What if I say no?”
“Say no?”
“What if I don’t want to abort.”
Medic Faust took a deep breath and met Era’s gaze. “Disobeying population regulation is treason. I trust you don’t want to experience the consequences of that.”
She hit the button on the door and gestured for Era to leave.
As Era passed through the doorway, the old medic gripped her shoulder with one bony hand. “You’re young enough to get another chance. The next one could be viable.”
Era narrowed her eyes. “‘A better world awaits.’ Doesn’t it?”
Medic Faust pursed her lips and released Era’s arm.
Era placed her hand against her stomach and hurried away, not knowing where she was going, only knowing she needed to get as far away from this level as she could.
∞
She took the stairs two at a time, not sure where she was fleeing to. A few colonists flashed her dark looks as she pushed past, but she didn’t slow down until she reached the top of the stairs. Observation.
It’d be empty during last mess, so close to curfew, but maybe…maybe Zephyr would be here. She wouldn’t have stayed in the galley for long w
ithout Era.
The blood-red planet filled the expanse, impassive as ever about its role in humanity’s survival.
Dritan was down there somewhere. Era’s eyes burned, and she moved forward, searching for Zephyr’s familiar head of red-blond hair.
Zephyr sat in front of the glass, but she wasn’t alone. Tadeo sat beside her, his head tilted toward her. He smiled at something she said and leaned closer.
Era’s stomach twisted. Tadeo didn’t need to know her baby was defective. And Zephyr didn’t need her night ruined. Little enough happiness on this fleet.
Era strode to the furthest empty corner of the observation deck. She collapsed on the floor and pressed against the hard metal wall. She still clutched the plastic packet of grimp in her hand, and she let it slide to the floor beside her.
Grimp would dull the pain, but it felt wrong to dull her senses—to avoid feeling the pain she should feel. Did feel.
This blackness felt like deep space, a place with no warmth, and no hope of life or light ahead. Soren blurred in her vision as the tears finally came.
At least her baby wouldn’t have to suffer a lifetime on Soren. She pressed both hands against her stomach and closed her eyes. Her own body had betrayed her, formed a baby who couldn’t survive.
My baby. Never just a ‘collection of non-sentient cells.’ In two days, I’ll cast you into a world that would have killed you even if I’d carried you longer.
“I’m so sorry,” Era whispered.
The ancestors deserved what they got for what they did to humanity.
No one ever talked about what it was like to have to abort. Was it this excruciating for others, or did she have an abnormal attachment to this—to the baby—within her?
Of course, it had to be done. There was no use carrying it to term. The lungs and heart would be wrong, deformed. It’d be born into the world and suffocate before taking its first breath. Letting it come to term was cruel and a waste of the extra food and water she’d consume.
The regulation was there to protect the living. She’d been so naive to let herself feel love for this baby before knowing if it had the Defect.
She rubbed the rough fabric over her stomach and swallowed against the pain in her throat. But would you really die? Is everything I know about the Defect true?
Era’s gaze focused on the jumpgate.
CD-1dy34b. The cube with the Legacy Code history on it.
Accessing the records would be treason, and she couldn’t get to them anyway, even if she was willing to commit the crime. And she wasn’t. She wouldn’t betray Mali’s trust.
Era Corinth. Traitor.
She let out a bitter laugh and wiped her face with her sleeve. Dritan told her to keep her head down. What would happen if the medic did report what Era said today? How could I be so stupid?
She took a deep breath, grabbed the grimp packet from the floor, and pushed to her feet.
Zephyr and Tadeo still sat in front of the expanse, huddled close on the bench.
Era pushed her thoughts of treason away, buried them deep. She had to abort, follow the law. Other women did it. They aborted and somehow survived. She’d survive too. What other option was there?
Era spooned some quin gruel into her mouth and tried to swallow it. So tired. She’d had the nightmare again last night. Maybe her mind had been trying to warn her this whole time she’d have to abort.
She looked down at the sad, half-ration of gruel she’d been given, dropped the spoon into her bowl, and searched the galley for Zephyr. Era found her at the end of the line, taking a steaming bowl and cup from the galley worker’s grasp. Zephyr stepped out of line and headed toward her.
“Sorry I missed you last night,” she said as she slid onto the bench across from Era. She stared into her gruel, her spoon poised above it, a crooked half-smile on her lips. “I waited for you, but Tadeo wanted to meet up, and well, you know. He might’ve been hurt if I didn’t show. Couldn’t disappoint him.”
Zephyr wrinkled her nose and lifted a spoonful of the gruel. She let the coagulated mass slide back into the bowl. “But—ugh. I might have to stop seeing him if he keeps talking about the president like she’s some kind of old Earth Goddess.”
Era extended her arms in front of her, hands in fists, and closed her eyes. If there ever were any gods, they’d turned their backs on humanity a long time ago. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.
“By the way, you’re wrong about him. He definitely likes girls—” Zephyr looked at Era and her brow creased with concern. “I did wait for you, you know, at least—for a little while—”
“I was at medlevel,” Era said.
Zephyr’s eyes widened, and she reached across the table to grip Era’s hand. “I said I’d come with you.”
Era shook her head and forced the words out. “I have to abort.”
Zephyr’s eyes darted to the colonists on either side of them. “I’m sorry,” she said in a low voice. “I didn’t know.”
Era’s stomach turned inside out, and she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“When? When do you have to do it?”
“Tomorrow. First shift. Second block.” Era wanted to tell Zephyr what she’d been thinking about the Defect. She wanted to tell her what she’d heard the traitor say, but she couldn’t, not here in the galley. And what good would it do anyway?
“You want me to come with you?” Zephyr asked. “I will. I’m coming. Mali’ll let me.”
Era nodded slightly and drew her arm away from Zephyr.
The loud chatter in the galley died to a whisper, and Era looked up, seeking the reason. She found it. A group of guards were pushing past people waiting in the mess line.
The guards spread out and began walking through the galley, past each table, searching, just like they had the day the traitor attacked Tesmee.
One of them walked by Era, and she held her breath, shrinking in her seat. She saw herself, reflected in his eyepiece, as his gaze swept over them.
His comcuff crackled. “Near Entrance B.”
The guard strode toward the far end of the galley, and Era twisted on the bench to see what was happening.
Shouts echoed across the hushed space from the area where the sublevel workers sat. Where Dritan’s crew used to sit. The guards hauled four colonists to their feet and led them toward the doors.
One of the workers, a half who looked fresh out of caretaker sector, pulled away from the guards. “I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean what I said.” His high-pitched voice rang out, and everyone craned their necks in his direction.
The guard closest to the boy reached for him, but the boy lurched away, running for the doors. Another guard darted after him and slammed a fist into the back of his head.
The boy went down, and Era sucked in a breath. Why would the president bother arresting a brand new half? What could he possibly have said or done to be a threat?
Two of the guards dragged the limp boy out of the galley with the rest of the prisoners. Several moments passed, and the chatter picked up again, more subdued than it had been.
Era stared into her gruel, her appetite gone. This ship was supposed to be safer. The guards were supposed to be here to protect the colonists. Weren’t they?
Zephyr slammed her spoon into her bowl. “So our president’s arresting halfs now. She gonna send guards to caretaker sector next?”
Era took a drink of water to get rid of the sour taste in her mouth. She cupped her palms over her belly, too sick to eat, and waited for Zephyr to be done.
This will be gone after tomorrow. My baby will be gone.
She blinked to banish the tears springing up in her eyes. How would she get through this without Dritan? Zephyr didn’t get it. She couldn’t understand what this was like—not yet.
Era had thrown the grimp Medic Faust gave her on the shelf next to her bunk and hadn’t given it a second thought. But right now, the promise of feeling nothing tempted her. Anything to get rid of this pain.
“The president will what? Save us all? The president does what’s good for the president.” That’s what Zephyr had said. But Era hadn’t believed it. Now she didn’t know what to believe.
Had she been naive to think the president had the fleet’s best interests at heart? Had she been stupid to think this ship could be a chance at a better life in the fleet?
A movement pressed against her from within her womb. The tears filling her eyes poured over, and she wiped them away. Not gonna cry. Not here.
Era felt a light hand on her shoulder, and she looked up. Zephyr had finished and was standing next to her. “Dritan will come back,” she said. “You’ll try again.”
I don’t want to try again. I want this baby.
Era stood up and grabbed her bowl to take it back to the line. She dropped it into the bin and followed Zephyr out of the galley.
When they stepped into the corridor, Zephyr crossed her arms. “Tadeo wanted to meet up during midbreak, but we can—”
“No. You should be with him.”
“But…I finished my song yesterday. We could go up to Observation…”
“I didn’t sleep that great. I think I’m just going to go back to my cubic ‘til my shift.”
The buzzer went off, and a quiet group of techs exited the galley, followed by a crew of sublevel workers.
Zephyr gave Era a hug. The warm touch made Era’s eyes fill again.
“You know Mali just wanted to get rid of me,” she said. “I’m gonna find a way to get back on the same shift as you.”
“Go, before you’re late,” Era said.
All she wanted to do was crawl back into her bunk, hug Dritan’s pillow to her and inhale the quickly fading scent of him.
“See you at last mess?”
“Yeah. For sure,” Era said.
Zephyr gave her a little wave and turned to go. She walked to the main stairwell, her chin held high, her long impractical red-blond hair swinging behind her. Defiant in a place steeped in too much fear.
I’ve never been defiant about anything.
Era pressed a fist against the swell of her stomach and headed the opposite way, for the stairwell that would drop her off closest to her cubic.
Fractured Era: Legacy Code Bundle (Books 1-3) (Fractured Era Series) Page 14
