by Meg Xuemei X
I, Xirena, sometimes lie, but I never explain myself.
THE WOLF
A week has passed. Kai hasn’t reacted.
The rumors about me continue simmering in my high school. He surely has heard something. In order to mask the anxiety, I start to act bored and impatient a bit too often. Kai watches me with worry.
When we meet at the Nest at Friday night, Kai says, “Let’s find something interesting to do.”
The more he cares, the more I learn about the power a girl has over a boy. That discovery genuinely surprises me and pleases me even more, though I don’t know how long it’s going to last in my situation.
“Let’s visit my new house over the hills,” he offers.
“Didn’t you live uptown with your parents before you moved here?” I ask. “Since when do you have a house over the hills?”
“How did you know where I used to live? I never told you that.” He flashes a smug smile. “Did you look me up?”
“I didn’t look you up!” I say. “I heard things. People love to talk.” I inspect his eyes, trying to find a hint that he’s heard something about me too.
“Yes, people talk too much.” He averts his eyes, his face turning grim for a few seconds. “The house is still under construction. I was planning to surprise you when it’s finished, but it seems we have nothing better to do now, so I’ll just take you to see it.”
“All right,” I say. Some distraction could be good for me.
His gaze returns to me, searching my face. “The house isn’t that exciting to look at, but I can show you the sunset behind the mountains.”
“You’ve got yourself a date.” I try to sound cheerful.
His calloused thumb traces across my cheek. “Everything will be fine, Xirena,” he says.
What does he mean by that?
That Sunday afternoon, he brings a bicycle and meets me at the Ducklings’ Nest. “The construction workers are taking the day off,” he explains. “We’ll have the house to ourselves.”
His house is far from town. I put on a boy’s outfit he brought for me and an old man’s black hat. I pin my hair up and hide it inside the hat.
“You definitely look like a boy now,” he says.
“Maybe I am.” I smile, eager to start my first field trip.
“I prefer you as a girl,” he says.
When I settle down on the back seat of his bike, he speeds up. The treeless, asphalt streets blur. We pass by idling bicycle riders, who exhale puffs of frost, slow-walking pedestrians wrapped in thick cotton coats, whining about the winter’s chill, and an empty rickshaw with its loud owner soliciting the footers.
For my sake, Kai picks the side streets with less familiar faces. Sometimes I advise him which streets are better routes if he turns into the wrong one. I wrap an arm around his waist, grateful that his broad shoulders block most of the stiff wind.
I jump off the bike at the bottom of the hill. Once on the sharp incline, I help him push the bike up the trail. He smiles. “Though I appreciate your help, it’s easy for me to handle the bike. Why don’t you walk beside me? I like to keep an eye on you, so you can’t run away.”
“Running away isn’t my style.” I bounce beside him.
“If you run, no matter how fast, I’ll always catch you.”
We arrive at a lone, red brick house on the top of the hill. It’s not complete, but inside, five bedrooms are easily identified.
“My mom took the advice of a Feng Shui master and bought the land,” Kai says. “In a few years, the price of this uncharted area will be sky high.”
“You’ll be a rich man,” I say absent-mindedly.
“I doubt it,” he says, “But I like having a house here. It’s good to breathe in the mountain air. Clears the mind.”
I breathe in deeply, trying to get some of it into my lungs.
“My parents built this house for me,” he continues, “You can live here with me in the future.”
“I won’t stay in this town.” I grit my teeth. “I’m leaving this hole the first chance I get!”
“We’ll leave together, Xirena.” He looks sideways at me, unmoved by my biting tone. “But we can keep this house as a summer vacation place.”
He’s planning a future with me. I point at the mountains not far away. “I’m going to see what’s over there.”
“That’s what I wanted to show you,” he says, “But before that, put these on.” He zips open his backpack and pulls out a set of new clothes. As he unfolds them, my eyes widen.
A light brown leather jacket, light brown leather pants, and a pair of chocolate leather boots shine in his hands. And they’re my size! I brush my fingers over the fine material. Even the buttons are fancily made. I inhale sharply.
“Go change, Xire.” He hands me the clothes. “And we’ll go to the mountains.”
Chills climb up my back. Only one person, my surrogate mother, ever fondly called me Xire, and she isn’t in this world anymore.
Shaking off the memory, I stroll into one of the rooms, swiftly shed my old baggy clothes, and put on the leather attire. I’ve never worn anything fit and chic, until now. I immediately feel the effect. Catching a glimpse of my reflection on the glass window, I move closer to the glass, unable to take my eyes off this new girl. I’ve been transformed from a beggar to a kickass princess. Light swims in my eyes like mercury. I look much hotter than the twins ever could. That’s what gorgeous clothes can do.
With a bright smile, I step out of the room. Kai’s eyes roam over me inch by inch with appreciation, then desire.
My cheeks flame.
“You look even better than I pictured.” He swallows hard. “Brown matches your eye color.”
I feel glorious. “How did you know my size?” I ask.
“I’m a painter and sculptor,” he says, his eyes giving me another quick look over. “But you’ve grown a lot lately. Have you realized that?”
The heat from my cheeks spreads to my ears. My breasts have been feeling tender for months.
“Let’s go to the mountains,” I say.
He stretches out his hand toward me with a smile, and I’m quick to put mine into his. And off we go.
“Where did you get the leather clothes?” I ask, trying not to sound suspicious.
“Can’t a man be allowed to have a small secret?”
“Keep your secret.” And I indulge myself in the sound of my boots tramping along the pine-covered road.
Halfway through our walk, we reach the woods. I feel like I’ve stepped into a familiar painting. I recognize this site as the source of Kai’s landscape portrait “Sunset in the Woods.”
The sunlight bleeds through the vestiges of leaves in the aspen, casting shades of flame, rust, and bittersweet down to the ground. Even the pungent air smells otherworldly. For once, I don’t feel the rush of time. It has stilled for us and brought us across the ancient age.
“Here, we’re the only people in the world,” Kai says. “It’s nice.”
I toss my head back, looking at the sky through the small gaps in the foliage. Kai leans against a tree, watching me. When I turn back to him, I catch light shining through his jet-black hair. The light descends into his eyes, paling his irises but deepening the golden rims around them.
With magic in the air and the leather pants wrapping around my thighs like a second skin, I can’t help but sway my hips into a dance, until the boy can’t hold still. He swallows, moving toward me with unmatchable grace, his intense eyes glinting with primitive hunger. Wrapping an iron arm around my waist possessively, he crushes me against his chest and dances with me. We don’t need music, for it flows in our veins.
A head taller than me, he lifts me, placing me so that my feet stand on his hunting boots, and rocks me slowly. My fingers clasping around the back of his neck, my head nesting against his strong shoulder, I wish to dance with him forever.
Light shifts amid the trees; wind blows past us. But all I care about is Kai’s warmth and his hard muscles pressing ag
ainst me, melting me into him. I don’t know how much time has passed—maybe a second, or maybe eternity—until I feel his body tense against me. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck, wanting him to relax, and fly with me to infinity and beyond. But he resists my plea and pries my fingers from his neck.
Lifting me off his boots, he sets me down on the ground, whispering in my ear urgently, “Wait here,” and rushes off before I can react.
Without his warm, strong arms around the small of my back, with my mind still trapped in a world of dreams, I stand in the clearing, feeling momentarily lost. Then through the fringe of my vision, I catch a blur of motion in the trees not too far away. “Kai?” I call and whirl, my voice breaking with discontent and suspicion. I run toward the movement ahead.
Even with the sound of the wind ripping in my ears and my boots landing swiftly on soft leaves, the woods seem eerily quiet. When I reach where I thought I spied Kai, I see only silent aspen trees. I slow down my breath to get the feel of the woods before I set out to track Kai. Then I sense a presence.
Someone, or something, burns its piercing gaze into me. I hold my breath and whirl around slowly toward the presence that has sent a chill down my spine.
I squint. White, pure, and glowing, the radiance vanishes. My mind must have played a trick on me, and I wish that what I saw in front of me was also a trick—but no. I blink harder, and it’s still there.
Seven feet away, a snow-white wolf, formidable and beautiful, faces me and studies me. Something strange, dangerous gleams in its piercing, deep grey eyes.
For a few seconds, I can’t feel my own heartbeat, but then the next second, my heart pounds like a fleeing prey’s. Raw fear rams into me, driving my vocal cords to a violent vibration. I scream, “Kai!”
Nearby, an urgent response cuts through the air. “Xirena! What’s wrong? I’m coming!” A rush of footsteps on the dry leaves and twigs races in my direction.
The wolf turns it head slightly, casually, its ears pricked back and listening, as if to decide whether it should stay for the extra fresh meat. And it stays.
Kai arrives like an arrow. He immediately sees the situation and dives in front of me, sheltering me, powerful and graceful like a leopard. Adopting a battle stance, his body tenses like an iron whip, and his muscles twist into cords.
The rasp of my breath quiets, as I become aware that my heart isn’t going to jump out of my throat, or be violently ripped out by the beast, as long as I have my human shield. I now have an opening to get away. My brain approves my thinking and screams for me to run and preserve my flesh.
Fear makes people do stupid, selfish things, and fear paralyzes me. Before I break into a dead run, a voice asks, Will you be able to live with yourself if anything happens to the boy who stepped before you to save you from the beast? I stop in my tracks as shame casts a net on me. All my life, I’ve despised cowardice more than anything. Am I going to be so gutless?
I draw in a sharp breath. If Kai must go down, I’ll go down with him. I stand firm, glaring at the wolf, for my shame has ascended to indignation. We won’t go down easily, beast! We’re two to one against you.
“Don’t move, Xirena,” Kai warns in a hushed voice, never breaking eye contact with the animal. “Wolves tend to attack from behind. As soon as I move toward the wolf, you run.”
I move, but not away from him. I stand side by side with him, facing the wolf with my fists balled up. Fear still parches my throat and makes my legs wobbly, but my mind is functioning, and it races.
Should I go for its eyes? I know when fighting humans, you’ll creep them out if your first vicious move is direct to the eyes. And when fighting a man, aiming for his crotch is always the most effective. Strike it, kick it, or squeeze it as hard as you can, and he’ll feel excruciating pain.
After appraising the wolf’s powerful jaw and imagining its piercing teeth, I doubt any of those moves will prove to be practical. If I kick it in the face with the heel of my boot, even with the speed of bullet, this powerful beast would likely devour my foot. Panicking, I start to squat down to collect the dirt and twigs and small rocks to toss at its eyes.
Kai reaches a hand, pushing me behind him. “I told you not to move,” he says in a low growl. “And try not to provoke it!”
The wolf still stares at us. Strangely, and I’m not at all comfortable with this, it now ignores Kai completely and fixes its eyes solely on me.
Kai obviously notices its shift in attention as well. His body grows even tenser. He slowly steps before me in order to block the wolf’s view. “I’m fine,” I say quietly, pinching his tensed, hard-muscled leg to stop him from moving another inch. I insist on opposing the wolf with him like his equal.
How cold are those eyes on its riveting face! But mine are colder. I read the same assessment in its eyes. A sudden kindred feeling strikes a chord in me. Fascination takes over my fear. A strange emotion stirs in my chest, as if I’m under a spell. An urge propels me to step forward to touch the wolf, like it is the most natural thing to do.
The beast’s eyes intensify with both anticipation and despair, drawing me in. Before I can make a move, Kai commands the wolf, “Go! We’re not your enemy, nor are you ours. Leave in peace!” His deep voice is quiet but with raw power. “Go now!’
The spell falls from my eyelids. I stagger half a step back.
The wolf narrows its eyes in displeasure, then casts a last, evocative glance at me before breaking into a run. It disappears like white mist among the trees; in its wake, a cloud of Ixora blooms like crimson wildfire. I’ve never seen Ixora, the flower of passion, in my life, but somehow its name and matching image just click in my mind, as if I’ve always known it.
When I blink again, the wildflowers are no longer there. The wolf is long gone.
Kai turns to me. I’ve never seen his face this pale. He regards me thoughtfully for a moment, then color reels back to his face. Kai is himself again. His face breaks into an appreciative grin, as if he’s proud of me. I’m only glad and extremely relieved that I didn’t run away.
A giggle abruptly escapes me. And then I can’t stop laughing. I thought I’d lost the ability to make these vivid, vibrating sounds, but they return to me under such circumstances.
Kai looks more stunned at my laughter than when he saw the wolf, but then he starts laughing too. “Xirena.” He shakes his head, scoops me up in his arms, and holds me aloft. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracks with relief and regret. “I shouldn’t have left you alone in the woods. If something had happened to you, I could never live with myself. I wouldn’t be able to go on . . .” Unable to finish the words, he bends to rub his chin against my head, his fingers running through my thick hair.
“Then why did you leave me in the middle of our dance?” I demand.
“I saw the most beautiful wildflowers not far from where we were dancing,” he says. “It seemed like a miracle happening right in front of my eyes. All I wanted was to get them for you.”
I inhale sharply. Ixora!
“When I got to the place I thought I saw them, there were no flowers,” he says with a hint of bitterness. “I thought my eyes were mistaken, but I have excellent vision. So, I searched around the area for a while, and that’s when I heard you screaming my name. I’d never felt so afraid in my life.” His arms wrapping around me tighter, he inhales the scent of my hair, as if to assure himself that I’m indeed safe and sound.
“Show me where you spotted the flowers,” I say.
“There are no flowers there, Xire,” he says. “I’ve checked.”
“Just show me.”
Holding my hand, Kai leads me to a cluster of barren shrubs, surrounded by scattered rocks. No flowers could grow out of these bushes. That is for sure. Over my brooding look, Kai whispers, “Don’t be disappointed, Xire. If you want flowers, I’ll get them somewhere else for you.”
For some reason, I don’t tell Kai that I also saw a flood of coral red wildflowers spring to life, brighter than searing flames. It
couldn’t be an illusion since both Kai and I saw the same thing. But if it was real, why is there no trace of a single Ixora anywhere?
I survey the woods carefully, uneasy.
“It’s getting dark,” Kai whispers, an anxious look darkening his bronze eyes. “I don’t want that wolf to come back.” He gently slides a muscular arm around my shoulder. “Let’s go back to the house.”
“We missed the sunset,” I murmur, letting him steer me out of the woods.
“We can always watch the sunset. Next time we come back here, we’ll be better equipped, in case we run into that wolf again or into any other wild animals.” He ponders for a second. “But wolves aren’t known to live in our town or our state.”
Actually, according to the records, no one has ever sighted a white wolf in Asia before. The knowledge floods back, but in the petrified moment that I encountered that wolf, I forgot all the odds. My heart pounds hard; my mind whirls. “That big wolf didn’t seem to want to eat us.” I lick my lips.
“Human-killing isn’t normal behavior for an average wolf,” he says. “And that wolf was obviously fed. I didn’t detect an appetite in its eyes. That’s why I was a bit relaxed.”
But I saw hunger in its eyes, a pining I can’t put a name to.
Kai turns to look at me darkly, “I don’t like the way it looked at you as if it was interested in you. I almost attacked it before it ran away.”
“You’re jealous of a wolf?” I ask incredulously.
“If a man looked at you like that, I’d punch him to a pulp!” He clenches his fists at his sides.
No man or boy has ever looked at me the way Kai does, and no man or boy will ever look at me the way Kai looks at me. But then, I think of that wolf, and the way it looked at me as if I belonged to it. I shake off an absurd, fearful thought.
“Wolves are opportunists. That wolf was considering us as we were evaluating it. We were a pack; it was alone,” Kai says.
“We’re a pack?” I arch an eyebrow.
“Always, Xire,” he says. “Together we’re better and stronger.”
“But—” Suddenly my mother’s lines leak through me, driving away the uncanny thoughts of the wolf. “My mother said you’d eat me alive and spit out my bones, just like what you’ve done to the other innocent girls.”
