by Christa Lynn
“You don’t have to say anything. Just don’t drag him along, he can’t handle it right now. He may not have loved Madison as a wife, but he loved her as a person and a friend. Her death has been very hard on him, he feels guilty like he could have somehow saved her, but we both know that wasn’t possible. Take some time and think, but if you decide that you no longer want to be involved with him, all I ask is that you let him down easy. He’s my baby brother and I don’t want to see him hurt again.” She finishes as she stands to leave.
“You are a beautiful, smart and feisty girl. Jackson loves that about you. Please, think about this long and hard, and don’t keep him waiting too long, his heart won’t be able to handle it.”
She wraps her arms around me in a tight hug, her purse on her should and keys in hand, and she says nothing else. She sees herself out of my apartment, closing the door leaving me sitting on the couch, speechless.
I suddenly feel like I should call Jackson and I pick up my phone, but before I dial I slam it back down on the table. Shit. I do this several times before taking the phone into the kitchen and putting it on the charger. 20% battery life is not a good percentage to make a call that might end up lasting a while. Yeah, my reasoning makes no sense.
I continue fidgeting around the apartment and decide I can’t do that anymore, but I have no idea what to do. Yes I do, I’ll go visit Heather at her mother’s.
Heather's family lives in a town called Braselton, Georgia. You know, the town formerly owned by Kim Basinger? I always thought that was a strange story, but apparently it was true. Their home is in a gated community close to the Chateau Elan Winery. It’s not far from here, but I don’t get over there much. I call Heather and confirm she is up for visitors and jump in her car since she said she will bring me home. She’s been without her car since Saturday and I need to see her, to accept one of her massive bear hugs. I’ve told you before she’s a hugger, me not so much, but right now I need a fix.
The interstate is clear and I fly up I85, exiting at Highway 211 and making a left. This is still a pretty rural area with fields and horses, as well as lots of subdivisions that have popped up along the way. I pull up to the gate, tell the guard who I am visiting, and the arm raises up. I slowly drive through the neighborhood streets, keeping my eye out for errant golf carts that occasionally cruise around. Whipping the Prius into the driveway, Heather meets me at the door. And like I needed, she drops her crutches, grabs me and pulls me into a massive Heather hug. I press my face to her shoulder, since she’s a bit taller than me and I cry so hard her shirt is wet.
She pulls me into the house and we sit down on the plush leather sofa that faces a two story wall of windows overlooking the golf course. Men in colorful clothing toting golf bags are walking the course. I stare out the window while I calm myself. No need to have a panic attack now. I start thinking maybe I really need to get some medication to help me with this shit. I never acted this way before Jackson came into my life, but lately it happens more and more.
We sit there in silence until I finally break it. “Dani came to see me today.”
“Dani?” She raises her eyebrows.
“Yeah, Jackson’s sister. She came to talk to me about Jackson.”
I tell her all about the conversation and sulk back into the sofa. She really didn’t help matters any. I told him I needed time and instead, his sister comes roaring into my apartment, basically trying to talk me into giving this thing with Jackson a shot. But I just don’t know. I look at him, then look at myself and I just don’t see it. But in my silence I remember the smooth skin of his chest, the smattering of dark hair between his pecs, trailing down to that sexy v that disappears into his pants....because I know what’s under there. I remember running my fingers over him and the way he made love to me in New York, causing a tremble to run through my body.
Never has a man made me feel this way and I fear no other man will satisfy that feeling ever again. He’s ruined me for other men, anyone else would run second place behind him. I close my eyes and run through the past few months, all the way to the beginning back in Miami. Then I go back a little further and concentrate on how much my life has changed in the past few months. I’m close to getting that promotion I want, I have a nice place to live and a brooding man wanting to be in my life. Not bad for a small town girl from Buford, Georgia huh?
But is it what I want? I don’t know...I think yes, I couldn’t be happier and then I think no, I hate changes and want my old life back. My old life was calm and quiet. Safe. No excitement, no challenges no nothing, boring. But I like boring, and I like excitement. Shit, I’m so torn.
Heather does her best to try and console me, but we both know this is my decision to make and her advice is just that, advice. She can’t force me to do anything and I’m not ready to jump into the love game just yet.
After a good movie and some popcorn and soda, she drives my caffeinated ass back to the apartment. She decides to go back to her apartment and she lets me out at her place. I walk down the sidewalk to mine. I get into bed and turn back into a slobbering mess, crying myself to sleep.
Because of everything going on, I take two weeks off work. I promise to help Heather get around and do some things with her until she completely heals and goes back to work. The final weekend we head out for a movie and drinks on Sunday afternoon. The full two weeks pass and I hear nothing from Jackson. No phone calls, no emails, no texts....no kiss my ass or nothing. I shake it off as being for the better, though I am starting to miss him and wonder what would have happened if I had just taken the chance.
Lying in the bed on my last night off, the gerbils in my brain start running on their wheel and I can’t make them stop. I realize how much I miss him and those second thoughts come rushing in. I know I am probably too late and he now wants nothing to do with me, but I can’t help thinkingabout him and wonderingWhat If? which is exactly what Heather said. Damn it, why does she always have to be right?
Grabbing my laptop and powering it on, I decide to Google him, and based on the pictures I see, he has been in New York working with the NYPD on the investigation and arrest of the trolls that kidnapped Heather and me. Apparently its big news in New York and the press seems to be following him everywhere. Just another reason for me to stay away, but fear and grief overwhelm me once again.
He looks haggard with a 7 day shadow on his jaw, heavy lidded eyes surrounded by dark circles and thick bags. He looks thinner too, his clothes hang on him loosely. But he still looks gorgeous, and a pang of sadness and guilt overwhelm me that he looks like that because of me.
I click on one of the news links featuring his name and read the article.
Elusive drug lord, Sebastien DiMarco arrested and indicted in New York Metro Courts for drug smuggling. Indicted along with him were Franco Silvia, James Love and Steven O’Reilly, who are presumed to be his right hand men.
Damn. No wonder he looks so bad. Feeling a little better that it probably isn’t me causing his despair, I scan the rest of the article and it doesn’t mention Jackson, but I know that’s why he’s there. The next article I click on talks about Jackson being the World’s Most Eligible Bachelor. Nice. I refuse to click on that one, cause I figured I have tortured myself enough already.
Monday comes too soon and I slam my hand down on the snooze button to shut off the annoying buzzing sound. I lay there debating whether or not to take one more day off, but I get myself ready and drive into the office. Tim is surprised to see me, as is Nosey Sally who has cornered me in the kitchen. Great, just what I need this morning.
“Ally, you’re back! We didn’t expect to see you so soon. How ya doing?”
“I’m fine, Sal. Just ready to get back to work.” I nod at her as I take my coffee and head back to my cubicle. She follows me this time and I can feel her behind me. I turn to face her, “What Sally? Need more fodder for your gossip column? I have nothing to say about anything, especially to you.” And I immediately regret it, because her eyes dar
ken with pain like I just slapped her mother. “I’m sorry, Sal. But I really don’t want to talk about it. I’m all talked out, I just want to get to work and forget about all of it. Maybe one day I will fill you in, but right now I just can’t.”
Sally dips her head down and nods slowly, changing directions and going toward her own cubicle.
I’m scrolling through my emails and diary reminders, jotting everything down that I need to do today. Amazingly enough, most has been done by Tim not expecting me to be back in the office for a while. I’m zoned in on the computer when Tim comes up to my desk. “Glad to have you back, Ally. But are you sure this is a good idea? Jackson told me....” I hold my hand up to stop his talking. “Tim, with all due respect, I don’t need to hear what Jackson told you. I’m going stir crazy at home and need to get back to work.”
Changing the subject, I click on an email from the Ravinia project, “I see we got the contract.” I say as I scan the document. “Am I still working on this or did you pass it along to someone else?”
“Why don’t you come to my office and we’ll discuss it.” Tim says as he waits for me to stand up, and I feel the tension. Here it comes. I’m either about to be put back to admin duties or about to be fired. I figure the latter, since he looks so glum.
I march behind him to his office and he closes the door behind me, the sound of the door latching sounds louder than it probably should, over the roaring in my head and the sound of my heartbeat. I feel like I’ve been a bad girl and now I am facing the principal, anxiously awaiting my punishment. I just know that I’ve screwed up so badly that my days at Robertson Industries are over. I silently wonder if I can still get that job with Jackson.
“Have a seat, Ally.” He says as he takes his own seat, rocking back in it raising his hands over his head. “Last week, Archie Raymer called me. As you know, he’s the project manager at the Ravinia remodel.”
Uh oh, here it comes.
“He had so much to say about you, Ally. In fact, he was so pleased with your knowledge and your professionalism he wants you to handle the design of a new construction project that is in the planning stages for the Ga 400 area near the Perimeter. You up for the challenge?”
I am totally blown away. “Wow, really? Umm, sure. I’m definitely up for it.” I say, the gloomy feeling in my stomach fading away and turning into a happy rumbling.
“And, because ofhow highly he speaksof you, I am promoting you to Project Manager. No more admin duties for you. I plan to post an ad in the paper next week to hire you an assistant.”
“Holy shit! Ooops, sorry about that. But.....holy shit!” I say again, embarrassed by my outburst of profanity in front of my boss. Thankfully he just laughs. “No worries, Ally. I know you have worked hard to get to this point and I am very proud of you. And, I’ve heard those words before, so no offense taken.”
He reaches into a stack of papers on his desk and slides it to me. “This will be your new salary and extended benefits. You will be supplied with a Blackberry and iPad to have on you at all times. The iPad will be loaded with applications and programs to help you out in the field. Other than that, you will keep doing what you’re doing, with the exception of the admin stuff. You will need to train your replacement, are you okay with that?” He asks with a big ole goofy grin on his face.
“Yes sir, thank you so much. I won’t let you down.”
“I know you won’t. You deserve this, you’ve more than earned it. Congratulations.” He continues as he stands to shake my hand. “Welcome aboard.”
I shake his hand rigorously, my fingers tingling and my heart racing. Not only did I just get my dream job, but my salary just doubled. Now I can get rid of that death trap of a car I have and get me something good. I’m totally stoked about all of this that I skip back to my desk, passing Sally along the way. Great. She’s gonna be thrilled. Not really, that is sarcasm at its finest. She’s been here longer than me and still an admin. Oh well.....not my problem.
“What’s up Ally? You look pleased.” She asks with that sly look, like she’s just waiting to hear something juicy.
“Nothing much, just having a good day. That’s all.” I say, damned if I am going to feed her bad habit. I can’t stand people that like to poke their nose into other people’s business. She’ll find out soon enough.
I sit back down at my desk and grab my cell to call Heather, but before I do I pull up my email program and Tim has already sent the email announcement of my promotion. Damn, he’s quick. I figure he’d better be the one to spread it around before Ms. Nosey Pants gets a hold of the info. Almost immediately people are crowding around my desk, shaking my hand and hugging me in congratulations. I’m so excited that I forget to call Heather right away. It’ll be okay though, she’ll understand.
I breeze through my day and finish up some open items for the project I’m currently on, and review the specs that Tim has sent me on the new project. This is going to be one hell of a project and I can’t wait to sink my teeth into it.
As soon as I get home, I walk up to my door and see a large vase of red roses sitting there. Looking around, I don’t see anyone that might have delivered them, so I pick them up and carry them into the apartment. I call Heather and tell her the good news and she is just as excited as I am, but then gets worried that I'm going to move out of my apartment and away from her. I calm her down and convince her that I am not going anywhere except the car lot this weekend, then drinks are on me! As we talk, I grab the card from the flowers to see who they’re from and drop the card. Jackson.
“They’re from Jackson.” I whisper out loud, but to no one in particular.
“What is?” Heather asks.
“Oh my God, Heather. Jackson sent me roses congratulating me on the promotion.
Congratulations, my sweet girl. You deserve this. So proud of you. - J xoxo
Chapter 24
I don’t sleep real well that night, between the rush of work that day and Jackson, I’m flustered. I stare at the fan above my bed, trying to count the rotations, but I end up making myself dizzy. Should I call him? Should I wait until he’s back in Atlanta? How do I know he’s not already back here, or could he be in Miami? Would he want me to call? I go over and over these questions in my head, deciding that I need to try and think of something else.
My mind immediately goes back to New York, the night of the fundraiser. The feel of his soft skin and hard muscles, what a delicious contrast. His body leaning over me on the table while he......great, now my panties are wet. My fingers drift up over my breasts and I toy with my nipples, causing them to harden. I stroke over them softly and gently pinch them, causing another rush of moisture between my legs. Leaving one hand on my breast, I snake the middle finger between the soft folds of my warm flesh, gently stroking the sensitive nub before inserting it into myself.
I fantasize that my finger is Jackson’s tongue, dancing across my sex and teasing me. His hot breath caressing the tender flesh, causing my back to arch and my hips to rise, giving me deeper access as I insert a second finger. I stroke myself almost to the edge and stop, not wanting this to end so soon. I reach into my bedside table and grab my BOB, thrusting it into my hot cleft hard, then gentle. I mock his rhythm, closing my eyes and throwing my head back.
Then, I turn on the vibrations to low, and slow down the thrusting. I can feel my toes beginning to curl and my thigh muscles tighten. I crank up the vibration, pulling it out and pressing it firmly against my throbbing clit. As I pinch my nipple I feel the wave of intensity crash over my body, my limbs jerking violently as my orgasm takes me away. Takes me to Jackson. The intense release finally sends me into a peaceful slumber, as I am sated, satisfied and determined to get him back.
By the time I get home the next day, I decide to send him a basic text. Since I don’t know where he is, I don’t want to call and interrupt him if he’s busy, but I want to thank him for the flowers. Then it dawns on me, how did he know I got promoted? He must still have someone watching o
ver me and I end up pissed off. Damn these emotions, why can’t they straighten themselves out?
But I shake it off, my feelings for him over riding the anger. I want him in my life. No, I need him. He makes me feel things no man ever has, a feeling of contentment - and sometimes anger and frustration - but mostly happiness and passion. My decision made, I type in my text.
A - Thk u 4 the flwrs, they’re beautiful
After sucking in a breath, I press send and wait.
And wait.
And wait.
After about thirty minutes, I’ve got nothing. I start to get a feeling low in my belly and I realize that I’m too late. This sucks. I knew he wouldn’t wait too long, and I fucking blew it.
I think about sending another text, but I pause. No. I’m not going to beg. I asked him to give me space to make a decision and I stalled, waiting until it was too late to let him know how I really feel. I did this to myself and I will have to deal with myself. Every few minutes though, I check my phone to see if maybe I just didn’t hear the ding go off, but I didn’t hear it...cause it didn’t go off.
Resigned with the fact that I’ll never hear from him again, I go get changed for bed, putting on my satin boy shorts and matching cami. I know, fat bottomed girls shouldn’t wear skimpy boy shorts, but I’m not going anywhere, so nobody but me will see them, and they’re comfortable.
I grab a glass of wine from the kitchen and flop on the sofa, scrolling through the channels. It feels strange not having Heather here, but she’s working late this week trying to make up for being out. At the same time, it’s nice to have a little peace and quiet. I stop the TV on some sappy chick flick on Lifetime and I’m glued. Why do I do this to myself? By the end of the movie, I am balling like baby. These movies are always intense, but have a happy ever after. That's when I realize that I’m not going to get my happy ever after and the tears come harder.
