by Sadie Conall
Ryder turned as Madeleine leaned against him and he moved to embrace her, feeling the soft warmth of her against the chill of the evening. And like her, his thoughts were of Harry as he watched the village far below settle for the night. Yet Ryder was also thinking of Allard Lemoine’s compound and as before, found himself envying him. No wonder Hubert had fled there after losing Ryder to Torrance Benedict all those years ago. And no wonder Te’tukhe had fled the Wazhazhe after the smallpox outbreak, to live up there trapping furs with Allard and his sons.
Ryder allowed himself a moment to wonder what might have happened had Hubert taken him up there, instead of fulfilling Torrance Benedict’s wishes and delivering him up to the Corrigans. Although, in truth, he knew the answer. With unlimited resources available to Torrance, he would have eventually tracked Ryder down and ensured his arrival in England, even had it taken years. Because Torrance had been desperate for an heir.
He shuddered, thinking of those lost, empty years he had lived at Stretton Court with his father while on holiday from boarding school. They could have been close. They could have shared so much, especially about the Wazhazhe people and Wazhingka, Ryder’s mother. But they had not. Because Torrance had been implacable, incapable of showing his feelings or revealing any sort of weakness and because of it, neither of them had won.
Ryder closed his eyes to the past, having no care to revisit it. Instead he reached for Madeleine, pulling her onto his lap, feeling her warmth as she cuddled into him. And as the night drew down they shared a mug of baagwana tea, that sharp peppermint drink so loved by Madeleine and the Bannock, watching the flickering lights of all those small fires far below. Harry would be around one of them to the rear of the camp, up towards the forest, sharing a meal with Poongatse and her family.
Ryder smiled as he thought of his son and glanced down at Madeleine, his eyes lingering on her face, taking in the beauty of her eyes and long lashes, her mouth generous yet showing her strength, her complexion still soft with the colour of cream, thanks in no small part to the concoction of herbs she used on her face and arms and neck every day. She would be thirty years old come July, he would be thirty-six in November, yet she was still the most desirable woman he had ever known.
She wore her hair in a long plait down her back woven with feathers and strips of plaited rawhide. And where diamonds and rubies had once hung from her ears, now delicate silver threads hung there, decorated with dyed seed beads and the feathers of a bird. Ryder thought her as beautiful as when he first saw her in the firelight of her cave, when she had been a young woman of twenty-three.
When the drums began later, their primal beat drifting up to where they sat on the edge of the meadow, they saw people making their way to the square to take warmth from the fire.
“I’m glad we’re going to the Salmon River with them and not spending the summer alone in the cave,” Madeleine said, her voice soft.
“I’m glad of it also,” Ryder said, glancing back towards the canyon where the flames of their fire flickered off the rock walls. “Do you remember it took us four days to get from your cave to the village all those years ago? I struggled to stay upright in my saddle, while you jogged alongside me. But if we push our horses tomorrow, perhaps we can make it to the cave by tomorrow night, which means we can be back down there with Harry within six days.”
Madeleine nodded and turned to look at him. “Would you change any of it?” she asked, surprising him by the question.
Ryder frowned. “I wish I hadn’t had that accident with esa. And I wish we hadn’t been separated for so many years. But had we not, had you not returned here alone, I doubt we would be here now, for my responsibilities and duties in England would never have allowed me to come back, not for a long time. But I’m so grateful to be back. Not only for your sake and my own, but for Harry’s sake, for I can see him growing in confidence. He’s already a fine rider and competent enough with a bow and arrow for his age. And if those years apart from you and Harry taught me anything, it was for me to understand that I cannot live without you. Indeed, had Jarryth or Thorne been capable of running the Benedict estates, I would have gladly passed the burden over to them. They could have had the whole of it, the title, the estates, the money, all of it, for I know that nothing matters to me anymore as long as you and me and our son are together.”
“I feel the same, halfbreed,” Madeleine said, her voice almost a whisper. “And I often wonder what my life would be like had I not agreed to be your wife, had I not returned to England with you,” she shivered and moved to sit facing him, her legs on either side of his hips, her glorious eyes taking in the beauty of him.
“I would never have known the joy you’ve given me, nor the pleasure of Harry,” she paused, thinking of the child she might be carrying. But she said nothing. Another few days, then perhaps she might be sure.
“Should we rebuild it?” he asked, surprising her by nodding back towards the ruined cabin.
She turned to look out across the plateau but the ruined cabin lay in darkness now, lit only by the stars glittering above them and the almost full moon.
“Rebuild it?” she asked in bewilderment.
Ryder nodded. “We could, if the Bannock agree to it. As Allard has done with the Hŭŋkpapĥa. For I think Harry will be more than capable of taking over from me when he grows to be a man, which will allow you and me to do whatever we want. And if you desire it, we could build a compound like Allard has done, but with the Bannock and Shoshone being a part of it, as the Hŭŋkpapĥa are a part of Allard’s compound. Wesa'shangke and the Comanche brothers might even come north and live with us for a while and dare to face the winters. Te’tukhe and Wannge’e can come and go as they please.”
Madeleine looked at him in astonishment. “What fantasy is this, halfbreed? For could you really leave behind what you have in England? Could you leave Harry behind? And the family he might one day have? Indeed, it might be years before we saw him again.”
Ryder nodded. “Of course, you are right, for I could never leave Harry behind. Even if he were happy in England, even if he made a success of his life there, I could not endure being apart from him. Yet, why is it not possible for us to have both? If I can leave behind my life in England for five years, then perhaps Harry can also leave it for a few years. The business now has a life of its own, I made sure of that before I left and because of its investments it will always survive.”
Madeleine stared at Ryder in shock. She had never expected to hear these words from him, for he was not of Bannock blood. He was Ugákhpa. And this territory, this high mountain country was not embedded in his blood. His ties lay many miles to the south with the Ugákhpa and Wazhazhe tribes. Or in England, with the Benedict family.
“When I saw what Allard Lemoine had achieved with the Hŭŋkpapĥa, I knew that’s what I wanted for myself,” he said. “And this country with its endless forests and deep clear rivers and lakes along with the people who live here, now have my heart firmly in its grip. My days with the Wazhazhe started coming to an end the moment I left there as an eight-year old. Everyone I grew up with, everyone I knew as a child barely remembers me, or are dead from smallpox or cholera. But this country has special memories for me, not least because this is where I met you and where I fell in love. Indeed, I do believe I would like to be buried up here, for this is the place where I first held you in my arms,” he paused, taken aback by Madeleine’s stillness.
“I care not for some grave at Millbryne Park, nor a tomb made of marble alongside my ancestors in the Benedict crypt in London,” he stopped then, as though he had revealed too much, aware of the distress on her lovely face. He reached out to hold her, bending forward to look into her eyes, in shadow now because of the dark.
“Madeleine, who knows what the future holds? In twenty years this country might look quite different to this. Perhaps there might be settlers here, living in this very place. And we might yet be blessed with another child, so the thought of living out here one day is not
some far-fetched dream. Indeed, we already share a large family between us, so what a place this would be for us all to gather. We could raise cattle, provide beef to the Bannock and Shoshone if they can no longer hunt buffalo. We could raise chickens and pigs. It might be possible to grow beans and squash and corn here like the Mandan and Lakota do. Or tobacco, or whatever else grows in this rich high mountain soil. The Bannock would take their share, for we would be living on their land. And if the Americans come, well, that gives all of us more opportunity to trade.”
Madeleine reached up to put a finger on his lips. “Enough, halfbreed. You talk of a dream, nothing more. For even if we decided on it, it is something so far into the future, some twenty years away at the very least that in all truth, the only way it could work is doing what we’re doing now, a few years here, a few years in England. But by doing that, would it serve either well?”
He grunted and bent to kiss her. “I don’t know,” he muttered, putting his hands on her hips and pulling her closer. “But do you remember when we spoke of a future together up in the woods nearly six years ago, before you agreed to be my wife and I said neither of us knows the future? Well, you and I know better than anyone just how quickly things can change. Good Lord, the world might change beyond our recognition in the years ahead, that no-one can begin to imagine, so why not think about living with those we love, doing something that would benefit everyone. Imagine what we could do here, with all of us working together. My entire adult life has been spent doing deals, of making things happen, so if anyone could find a way to make a success of living here, I’m that man.”
He laughed suddenly and moved to kiss her and Madeleine responded, denying him nothing and as the night came down, as they moved to lie on their furs before the fire Madeleine thought on his words, of creating something special here.
Yet she couldn’t be apart from Harry. Not for one more day of his life, if she could help it. Although, the years of boarding school loomed and she had that to face yet. But still, she couldn’t wish away the next twenty years to live a life here.
*
It took longer to reach the cave than they had planned, for the path Madeleine had always taken had changed in the six and half years since they last rode through there. Trees and massive branches had fallen in storms to block their way. Rocks and some cliffs had given way, forcing them to ride around the debris. And the river where they had stopped to take a break and where Madeleine had painted his face with red dye had broken its banks, its water diverted along another route, a quarter mile away from where it had been.
Madeleine still remembered that day, how she felt when she touched him. It was as if he vibrated with the force of life, bringing all her senses afire. Although she hadn’t understood it then. Her feelings had frightened her. But that day, in this place, she had felt some primeval force deep within her that she had not known with any other man, feelings she couldn’t name. Although now, as she followed Ryder north, taking comfort in looking at him, she knew its name well enough.
*
The following night they camped under the roots of a great pine, placing wood and kindling over the blackened remains of the fire they had used all those years ago. And as Ryder sat awake, taking the first watch, he glanced at Madeleine and thought back to the last time they had been here, when he had wondered how this young girl had been able to sleep so soundly in a night so deep in blackness he couldn’t see beyond the light of the fire, surrounded by a forest that had no end, when esa had stepped out of the trees and into the glow of their firelight. And only then had Ryder understood that Madeleine and esa shared something he couldn’t begin to understand. Something deep and spiritual, as if they were one. Indeed, she was like her wolf even now, wild and free and prepared to fight to the death to protect those she loved. For hadn’t she proved that with Thorne and Jarryth and Lisbeth Ashbury?
He turned back to look out into the night, the light of the moon allowing him to see a little beyond the light of their fire, although the woods lay mostly in deep shadow. So when a wolf howled not a mile from their camp, Ryder checked his musket, making sure it was primed with shot and powder. And as he checked his pistol, he remembered that recent encounter with esa in the woods up on the northern ridge, not far from this camp, where esa and his pack must hunt. He shuddered, knowing how deadly wolves were in packs and he moved quietly to put more wood on their fire.
When Madeleine woke to take her turn at keeping watch in the early hours of the morning, he told her of the wolf he’d heard, before crawling into his furs. He was asleep with minutes, as Madeleine got up and prowled around their camp, aware he had let her sleep longer than he should.
It was later, almost dawn, in that time of utter stillness, when the air is crisp with the promise of a new day, when the sky is turning from black night to light grey, when esa appeared. Madeleine thought she was dreaming at first, her eyes half closed with fatigue in that strange morning light, when she saw him standing watching her at the edge of the forest, not twenty feet away from where she sat.
She rose slowly and looked beyond him to see if his pack followed, yet for now at least, he was alone. She moved to kneel, whispering to the creature, her voice nothing more than a soft murmur, yet esa heard her. The wolf lifted his great head to sniff as though aware of her scent, then he lifted one paw, stepped forward, took another step, those brilliant yellow eyes never leaving her own and then he was there, his head pushing gently against her shoulder, even as he whimpered in the back of his throat.
Madeleine reached out to touch him, her hands sinking within that deep white fur as esa continued to whine, pushing his whole body against her now, as she struggled to stay upright.
“Oh, I have missed you deide’dee-daga’,” she said as esa turned to her, his eyes only a heartbeat from her own, taking in her scent, listening to her voice and then he lay down across her legs, as though taking comfort from her. Madeleine continued to caress him, all the time talking softly to him, unaware of the man watching.
Ryder had woken suddenly, in time to see the wolf run towards Madeleine, but before he moved, before he reached for the pistol which lay beside him, he saw the look which passed between the massive creature and the woman. It was as if they shared the other’s soul. He remained where he was, utterly still beneath his furs, his pistol forgotten as he watched them.
The wolf left as silently as he came. He stood up, shook himself, then trotted off towards the trees, disappearing within their depths. And only then did Ryder move, pushing aside his furs to go to her, wrapping his arms about her as she fell back against the hard strength of him, her face wet with tears.
“Forgive me,” she whispered, wiping her face. “I think I cry because I know he just came to say goodbye.”
Ryder shook his head and smiled. “I disagree my love. From what I just saw, I think he came to say hello.”
*
They didn’t bother making coffee or a baagwana drink but took some dried slices of smoked meat from their supplies before pushing on. They made it to Madeleine’s cave just before midday on the third morning. And as they neared the pathway which led to the plateau, Ryder became aware of Madeleine’s unease.
He rode behind her, recognizing the heavy boulders and rocks which lined the path, although there were more trees now than he remembered. Pine and fir had taken root during the years they had been away, as well as other shrubs and ferns. They dismounted near the top of the path and hobbled their horses under a stand of thick ponderosa pine before taking their muskets from their sheaths, knowing a bear or mountain cat or even wolves may have made the plateau their home, although they found no evidence of spoor. It was as if no living soul had been here since they left in the winter of 1799.
Madeleine reached the plateau first and Ryder heard her utter a long drawn out breath as he came up behind her. Then he stopped and stared in astonishment, just as he had the first time he came out onto this wide deep ledge. He recognized the triangular shape of the plateau,
he saw it fall away into that two-hundred foot drop into the ravine below where white water raced through a gorge. He saw the vast mountain ranges that swept away to the north and south, the nearest range being so close he felt he could reach out and touch it.
“My God,” he said, lowering his musket, for it was obvious no creature had been here since they left. “I had forgotten how spectacular it was.”
The mountains rose sharply to meet that cloudless sky of azure blue, the crisp cool spring morning seeming to bring everything into sharp focus. The forests which skirted the foothills of the mountain ranges were so vast, they seemed impenetrable from this height.
When they turned towards the gate which opened into the grove, the logs which Madeleine had placed against the crudely made door in a bid to prevent any predator gaining entrance, still stood fast. Ryder put down his musket and pulled the logs free, as Madeleine remembered collecting them off the forest floor and carrying them all the way back up here. She had been a teenager when she first came here to spend the summer, just seventeen, a little older than Deinde'-paggwe and Wannge’e were now, but craving independence even then.
With the logs pushed aside, Ryder opened the gate. They both heard the old leather hinges which Madeleine had made so long ago rip apart, rotten with age. Ryder stepped back and allowed Madeleine to enter the grove first, then he followed her inside, glancing up at the high, sheer rock walls which surrounded it, creating a natural fortress, those unassailable walls ensuring Madeleine’s safety. Nothing could ever get in or out of here unless they came through the gate.
