by Amy DuBoff
“That’s a risk we have to take. The Aesir might never get involved.”
They will. They have to. Wil is who’ve they’ve been waiting for. Banks crossed his arms. “Fine.”
“You still disagree.”
“I know better than to continue engaging in a losing argument.” I’d just end up dead otherwise.
Taelis sighed. “We’re on the same side, Jason. We have to remember that.”
But can both of us be left standing in the end? “Yes, of course. And now it’s even more important for us to be unified.”
“It is,” Taelis agreed. “I know we walk a delicate line, but we have to do what’s best.”
Banks nodded. He’s doing what he thinks is right. I can’t fault him for that. “Thank you for looking out for all of us.”
Taelis hinted at a smile. “It’s habit now. I couldn’t stop if I tried.”
I just hope he’s worrying about the right things. “Well, let me know if you need anything. I know resources are tight for you.”
Taelis nodded. “Well, I’ve given Wil some tasks. Just give him what he needs to follow through.”
“What tasks?”
“Mainly, solving the independent jump drive equation,” Taelis said.
Stars! “That could be a major waste of time.”
“Or it might be the solution we need,” Taelis countered. “I know you have your little design competition among the Junior Agents, but I want Wil to take it seriously. He just might do it.”
Banks shook his head. We have entirely too much riding on one person. “I think he’s already been working on it.”
“I’m not surprised. Which brings me to my next point,” Taelis continued. “I also proposed a new arrangement between Wil and the TSS.”
Without consulting me first, naturally. Banks held back a wave of frustration. “Which is?”
“Drawing a distinction between work and personal time.”
That’s uncharacteristic. What’s his aim? “Our schedules aren’t quite that neat. You know that.”
Taelis looked surprised. “I thought you’d embrace the idea.”
Coming from someone else, maybe. “What are you suggesting—have an arbitrary start and end time for each day?”
“Not arbitrary. Talk with Cris and come up with something that seems fair,” Taelis replied. “You two have made such a big deal out of how much pressure we’ve put on Wil, this is a chance for him to set his own priorities. Anything on TSS time goes to us, and everything else he can maintain the rights.”
“You’re really ready to relinquish the rights for anything he develops on that personal time?” Banks asked. Why would he make such a generous offer?
“Invention patents aren’t our primary revenue stream. What’s more important now is to make sure he stays useful.”
“Oh, so you just want to give him the illusion of control?”
Taelis looked a little smug. “We get everything we need, but it’s on his terms.”
And hopefully slow the coming of his inevitable burnout. Banks sighed. It was a minor change—and while not entirely innocent in its intentions, it would ultimately be to Wil’s benefit. “Agreed. I’ll come up with a schedule.”
“Good.” Taelis let out a long breath. “I should get to bed.”
“So you do sleep?” Banks quipped.
“Only sometimes.”
“Well, I hope the rest of the visit goes well. I’ll send Cris a message about this new arrangement—it’ll set him at ease. Give him a chance.”
Taelis nodded. “I will. I’ll send you a copy of my official report on Wil’s encounter with the Bakzen when it’s complete.”
“Thank you.” I wonder how much of it will be the real story.
“And Jason, don’t forget who we answer to. We can be replaced.”
And we’re not the first ones in these positions. “I know. You won’t hear my concerns about the Aesir again.”
“Good.” Taelis ended the transmission.
Banks leaned back on his couch. He massaged his temples. It was such a delicate position he must maintain, but it had become second nature. The hurdles were necessary; there was greater work to accomplish in the end. I’ll play my part, but I won’t forget how we got here.
* * *
It had been a long day. The dinner had gone much later than Wil had anticipated, and he was at capacity for how much information he could absorb in one day. He felt like he could fall asleep right on the floor of the corridor, but the presence of two Militia escorts drove him to keep up appearances. At last, they made it to the gangway of the Vanquish.
“Have a good night, sir,” one of the escorts said.
I guess I should get used to this “sir” thing. “Thanks, you too.”
Wil dragged himself up the gangway. The rest of the week was going to be brutal.
When he reached the top of the gangway, Wil realized he didn’t have a room to go to, having stayed with his father on the previous leg of the trip. It was a good excuse to stop by the captain’s quarters. I didn’t leave things on a very good note.
Wil took the lift down a level and pressed the buzzer by his father’s door. After a few moments, the door slid open.
Cris stood in the doorway. He seemed surprised. “I didn’t expect you’d be back here tonight.”
“They offered me a room, but I thought I’d be more comfortable here.”
Cris nodded. “Well, Scott’s already in the Delegate’s Suite, so I’m afraid all that’s open is crew quarters.”
“Wasn’t Roland Purteud the last one to stay in the Delegate’s Suite?”
“Oh, stars, yes! I had half the room incinerated after that visit. How he found four women to follow him everywhere is beyond me.”
“Yeah, I’d rather not think about what went on in there. Crew quarters will be just fine.”
Cris cracked a smile. “Take your pick. And, don’t mention Roland’s visit to Scott, okay?”
Wil returned the smile. “I won’t.” That’s not the only reason I came here. He sighed. “Hey, do you have a few minutes to talk?”
Cris looked almost relieved. “Of course. Do you want to come in?”
“Sure.” Wil took a seat in one of the chairs by the window in the main room. He relaxed into the plush seat.
“How are you doing?” Cris asked.
Wil stared out the window. “I don’t know. None of this feels real.”
“It’s that way for me, too.” Cris sat down across from him. “I talked with your mom, and it sounds like Banks filled her in.”
“How did she take it?” Wil asked.
“As well as any of us.”
We’re all coping as best we can. Wil returned his attention to inside the room but couldn’t quite meet his father’s gaze.
“She misses you and sends her love,” Cris added.
“I’ll call her when I can.” Wil took a deep breath. He looked up to his father. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
Cris softened. “Me too. I know I lost it. But the way Taelis was being so cavalier about what they expect from you…”
“He is pretty unlikeable, isn’t he? I get that they’re living in a war zone, but having a little personality never hurt anyone.”
Cris smiled. “All right, so it wasn’t just me.”
“Stars, no! But he’s still a High Commander. You can’t expect the same frankness you enjoy with Banks. You don’t have the history together.”
“I know. It needed to be said, though.”
And it couldn’t come from me. “I appreciate it. Now whenever I say ‘no’ to something, I’ll just pin it on you.” Wil grinned.
“Oh, is that how you want to play this?”
Wil shrugged. “Just saying…”
Cris eyed him, feigning suspicion. “Uh huh. Just don’t forget who sets your training routine. I can add in all kinds of extra laps.”
“That would be kind of counterproductive to your point earlier about effective use of my tim
e, wouldn’t it?”
Cris smirked. “It’s amazing what you can get away with when you brand it ‘character building.’”
Wil chuckled. “Duly noted.”
Cris leaned back in his seat. “And what was with all the telepathic probing?”
“I know! I get that they’ve never met us, but that’s not a very friendly welcome.”
“I may have thought a thing or two in their direction as I was leaving…” Cris said with a smile.
“Good. War or not, manners are important.”
Cris nodded. “Do you know what else Taelis has planned for you?”
Wil ran his hand through his hair. “He rattled off a crazy list of places to visit. I’m not sure what he’s trying to accomplish, but it doesn’t feel very helpful.”
“Maybe it will all make more sense in retrospect. But be careful, Wil. You can’t take everything they say at face value.”
Wil studied his father. I know that look. He knows something but doesn’t want to tell me. “What did you find out?”
“Enough to know that the war needs to end as soon as possible.”
That’s a change from earlier. “No more trying to talk me out of getting involved?”
“Being in a position of influence means that you can’t think only of yourself. I just needed a reminder.”
I’m glad he’s back on my side, regardless of his motivation. “I’ve been getting more perspective than I can handle.”
“Clearly they kept you busy today.”
“I thought they’d never stop talking.” Wil suppressed a yawn. “And, I have an early morning tomorrow.”
Cris stood. “Yes, of course. Thanks for stopping by.”
“I’m glad I did.” Wil rose. It won’t be good in the long-run if he’s considered an outsider here. “You should come tomorrow. We’re going to tour the shipyards—and who knows what else.”
“Are you sure you want me tagging along?”
Wil smiled to set him at ease. So long as you don’t embarrass me again. “Absolutely.”
Cris tried to conceal his gratitude. “All right. What time?”
“Breakfast at 07:15?”
“Perfect, I’ll meet you at the mess hall.”
Wil nodded. “All right. I’ll see you then. Good night.” He walked to the door.
“Sleep well.”
Wil let out a deep sigh as soon as he was in the hall. Helping his father feel included and secure might turn into a full-time job. But he’s one of the best Agents out there. And he’ll look out for me, even when it’s inconvenient. With what’s ahead, I’m going to need all the help I can get.
CHAPTER 15
The rest of the week was a sickening blur. Engineering labs, shipyard, weapons systems, control centers—all of it exceeded Wil’s expectations. However, what should have been an impressive display was overshadowed by reminders of the Bakzen. The references were subtle at first—sporadic questions, or a side comment—but over the next few days the questions about Wil’s time behind enemy lines transitioned into full-blown interrogations. He knew that even the most minor observations might be important, so he kept answering as best he could and made no indication that he was uncomfortable. But, his brave face was a façade; inside he was breaking down.
The familiarity of the Vanquish offered a modicum of comfort when Wil returned each night after spending the day with Taelis and his officers, though he still found himself feeling increasingly removed from everything. The more he saw of H2 and further evidence of the war, the more the reality of his future responsibilities weighed on his mind. Even when he was told that they were finally going home, it felt like just another trial with no end. I’m now involved in the war whether they admit it or not. No matter when I go, this will be my life. There’s no room for anything else.
Wil was trying to get comfortable on his bunk in the Vanquish’s crew quarters when his father walked in.
“We’re underway,” Cris said as he sat down on the other end of the bunk.
“Yes, I felt the docking clamps release.”
“Of course you would.” Cris smiled. He took off his tinted glasses and relaxed against the wall of the bunk. “Forgive me. It’s just all these years of having to explain every bomaxed little thing to people less familiar with ships.”
“No apology needed. I know how cruel some of Banks’ assignments have been.”
“Oh, but only if you could have experienced the pain firsthand!” Cris leaned back against the wall. “I’ll never forget that time when those dynastic delegates came to visit and they asked what was happening every time a light flashed or there was any sort of sound—which, of course, was constantly. I swear, they thought the ship was going to spontaneously combust in any moment.”
Such petty insecurities. I envy them. “You’d think they’d never been off-planet.”
“I’m convinced they were all hand-selected for their various anxiety disorders with the express purpose of making my life miserable,” Cris said with a rueful grin. “The higher authorities of the Tararian government have a strange way of showing their appreciation. Despite all that the TSS provides for them, they seem to enjoy giving us a hard time whenever the situation presents itself.”
Or maybe it’s a little more personal, since you left them. “So I’ve noticed.” Wil rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
“Just a few hours until we’re home,” Cris said, trying to pull Wil from his funk.
Wil was already too worn out to be roused so easily. “Hopefully they’ll just read the reports from H2 and leave us alone.” I want to be excited about going home, but I know things will be different around Headquarters from now on. I won’t ever be able to look at myself the same way, knowing what my future holds.
Cris gave him a sympathetic smile. “I know it’s been a tough week. They put me through the gauntlet, too.”
His experience doesn’t begin to compare to mine. No one told him he’d have to single-handedly lead the annihilation of an entire race. “I hope we can move on.”
Cris nodded. “Well, everyone is going to be happy to see you.”
Wil looked away. They’ll expect everything to get back to normal, but I’ve changed. Everything has changed.
“Wil—”
Wil sat up and stared his father to silence, a focused gaze of authority that few ever attained. “I’ll be happy to see them too, but we can’t pretend like everything is normal.”
After a moment, Cris nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“I’ll be an Agent by the time most Trainees are just starting out, and who knows what kind of CR I’ll attain.” Wil hung his head. “People will run in fear as soon as they realize what being around me means—a front row seat to death and destruction.”
Cris was taken aback. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The words rang true, but Wil could see that there was a hint of fear even in his father’s eyes. “I believe you.” He’s struggling. He wants to comfort me as his child, but I’m past that.
Cris looked down. “I wish you would also believe me when I say that you can take it easy. It’s much too early for you to feel so much pressure.”
How can I ever relax again? I hold the fate of so many people. It comes down to me… what I must do. Wil shook his head and looked away. A deep ache gripped his chest. “I’ll try.”
“If I can do anything better to help you—”
Wil forced a smile to set his father at ease. “It is not a question of support. How you’ve taken all of this… anyone else would have turned to run.”
Cris smiled back. “Well, I did want to.”
“But you’re here with me now. And I know that you will always love and support me, but you can’t know what the weight of this responsibility feels like.” Even if I am successful in defeating the Bakzen, there won’t be anything left of myself.
Cris sighed. “The weight of responsibility isn’t completely unknown to me, but I won’t pretend that what you
’re facing is the same thing. All I can offer is that I’ll try to be there for you whenever you might need me.”
Wil repositioned on the bunk and looked intently at his father. “This must be so hard for you… knowing what I’m up against, but also knowing there is nothing you can do. Your strength is something I admire.”
Cris nodded and hung his head, his forearms rested on his knees.
“I’d like to spend some time alone before we get back,” Wil requested, breaking the silence. “I don’t imagine I’ll have much time to myself after we return. There’s a lot to discuss.”
“A fair assumption.” Cris got up. “One day, we will have to talk again without the conversation turning to a somber note.”
“Definitely,” Wil replied with a faint smile.
“Rest up.”
Wil lay back down on the bunk when his father had left. He stared at the ceiling. At least I’ll have someone with me to remind me of myself. If only it didn’t have to be this way… but this is the life I was born into and I have to do my part. They made it my destiny.
He closed his eyes and emptied his mind of all thoughts. There would be other times to think.
*
Wil sensed a change in his surroundings, rousing his mind. He opened his eyes. The stars were still, familiar. Home.
He rose from the bunk and removed his new black overcoat from the locker at the back of the room. Nerves had his stomach in a knot. So much for a joyous homecoming. He suppressed the thoughts about his new reality that kept creeping into the corners of his consciousness.
After putting on the coat, Wil took a deep breath to calm and reassure himself, then stepped out into the hallway to face those who knew the true reason behind his absence.
Wil met up with his father some ways down the hallway, and they took the lift up to the gangway.
Cris still looked drained, but he was in good spirits. “We’re home, Wil. Now we can finally relax.”
Wil returned the smile, but his was not heartfelt. “Yes, we are home.” But I don’t know if I’ll ever feel at ease again.
The two Sietinens walked down the gangway into the spaceport and took a shuttle to the surface port. The elevator ride down to Level 1 felt excruciatingly long, but Wil was relieved his father didn’t try to make smalltalk. When the elevator doors opened, Wil saw his mother standing alongside Banks at the center of the lobby. They both looked as though they had gotten little rest in recent days, but their faces brightened as Wil and Cris approached.
