Waiting for Grace

by Oakes, Hayley

  “I’ll wait outside,” he said. I rolled my eyes to his turned back as he left.

  “I’ll just get my stuff.” I went to the back and grabbed my coat and bag, gave myself a quick once over in the mirror, ran my fingers through my wavy hair, and applied some lip gloss.

  “Wow,” Ryan said as I walked back through to leave. “That guy is not happy.”

  I shrugged. “Seemed fine to me, see ya.”

  When I got outside, Robert was waiting, his back to the door. “Who the hell is that?” he asked as I breezily jumped to his side and slid my hand into his.

  “Ah, just a guy I work with,” I sighed. “He’s no one.”

  “He said you go to school together.”

  “Shit loads of people go to my school, Robert.” I walked forward and tried to pull him along.

  “You were flirting with him,” he barked.

  I shook my head and looked to the floor. “No, I wasn’t.”

  “You bloody were and I heard you say that I’m not your boyfriend.”

  “Ah …” I covered my eyes with my hands, embarrassed and then looked up at him, “So what?”

  “So, I didn’t like it.”

  “Look …” I didn’t really know what to say. We didn’t know each other very well and his possessive side was new to me. I could see why he’d be pissed off but I had no idea how to resolve the issue. “I’m not interested in anyone but you,” I said leaning into him and hugging him close to me. “Ryan is a Grade A dick, and even if he was the last man on earth I would still run a mile. He’s funny; we get on. We have to because we’re together a lot. I’m sorry if you thought I was flirting, but really I was just laughing at his shit, and for the record you haven’t asked me to be your girlfriend.”

  He hugged me tighter and we still stood just outside the café. “Am I supposed to ask that? I thought you just were,” he whispered into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

  I leaned back to look at him. “Of course you’re supposed to ask.” I laughed. “Why don’t you have a think about it and surprise me.” He grinned at me.

  “That guy does seem like a dick.”

  I smiled at him knowingly. “He is and you are perfect,” I said sarcastically.

  “Glad we got that sorted.” He laughed and swung his arm around me. “Now come on, let’s get that bus.”

  As we walked to the bus stop, the heat was subsiding and Robert laced his fingers through mine. “Do you work with him every day?” he asked.

  “Is this a problem?” I groaned.

  “No, but I don’t think you have any idea how gorgeous you are and even if you weren’t flirting, he bloody was.” I rolled my eyes.

  “I’m far from gorgeous Robert.” I laughed. We arrived at the bus stop, and he spun me around to face him, looking into my eyes.

  “Grace, you are beautiful,” he said, kissing me hard on the mouth and pulling me into him. I was overwhelmed. No one had ever said that to me before and never had I ever been kissed like that.

  ***

  That evening we caught the bus and got off at Central Pier. We got a hot dog from a fast food kiosk and made our way to the rides. After exhausting our tokens and riding the Waltzer, the Whipp, and some other stomach churners we went to the arcade. We spent our small change, and Robert won me a huge teddy bear by hooking ducks. We left laughing and managed to buy some beers from an off licence round the corner. We sneaked them onto the beach, we cuddled up, and we watched the sunset.

  We laughed and joked and Robert hugged me tightly. I sat between his legs and we both looked out to sea swigging our beers easily. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Grace.” He kissed me gently. “I’m sorry about before; I shouldn’t have been such an idiot.”

  “It’s fine.” I smiled. “Kind of nice to know you care.” I laughed.

  “So, will you be my girlfriend?” he asked. “Seeing as I should really ask before some other guy steals you away.”

  I looked up at him and grinned widely. “I’d love to,” I said, kissing him back much harder this time.

  ***

  A week later Jane was back from Florida and desperate to hear all about my new boyfriend. She couldn’t believe she had only been away three weeks. We chatted for ages sat on my front lawn the first night she got back. I had texted Robert and told him that I needed to catch up with her and he understood. It was difficult after that to juggle them both and work. They had met and got on well enough, but Robert wanted me to himself, and Jane wanted her friend to hang around with instead of being alone all the time. I managed to reach a happy medium after a couple of weeks, and Robert invited us both to a party at one of his school friend’s

  “Maybe she’ll hit it off with one of my mates, and then we can have some privacy,” he said, hugging me on his bed whilst we watched a film.

  “Robert!” Barbara shouted from downstairs. “I think it’s time you walked Grace home, it’s getting late.” He pulled me close to him and kissed me.

  “Bloody woman,” he said smiling, and I shrugged.

  “It’s her house,” I said.

  “We should spend more time at your house,” he whispered as he winked. “Your mum doesn’t seem to care when I come and go.”

  “Erm … it’s nicer here,” I said.

  “Really?” he said sarcastically. “Loads of boys charging around and a nosey mother?”

  “I heard that,” Barbara said, poking her head around the door. “Now come on, sorry Grace, sweetheart, but Bob and I are off to bed soon.”

  “No problem at all,” I said sweetly, hopping off the bed. “I’ve got work tomorrow anyway.”

  “Okay, ‘night.” she smiled.

  “God,” Robert whined and rolled his eyes.

  “It’s nice that she cares.”

  “Is your mum not bothered what time you get home?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “She’ll be asleep now,” I whispered.

  “Migraine?” he asked. I nodded.

  Robert walked me home, holding hands. Every touch from Robert was electric. When we were alone he always held me close, kissed me as often as he could. When we were really alone and unlikely to be interrupted, he ran his hands all over my body. It took my breath away. We hadn’t had sex yet, or discussed it. I wasn’t a virgin. I had slept with a boy from school last summer that I was seeing. It had only happened twice and was awkward and uncomfortable. I dumped him after that and thankfully he’d kept his mouth shut about the conquest.

  We turned onto my street. It was dark and dreary as usual. “I can take it from here,” I said, leaning into him, kissing him and breathing in his scent.

  “No way, Grace.” He wrapped his arms around me. “I’m taking you to the door.”

  “Okay.” I smiled.

  We reached my large, white, crumbling home and all the lights were out as usual. “So what is wrong with your mum?” Robert asked as we neared the front door, and I fished in my bag for the keys. “She gets a lot of headaches; my dad says she should get checked out.”

  “You told your dad …” I cringed.

  “Sorry.” He shrugged. “I was just thinking out loud and asked him some questions.”

  “Just leave it, please, just don’t ask.” I leaned up and kissed him, pushed the door open, and the smell hit me first. Vomit. Shit. I dashed in, quickly illuminating the hallway. My mum was sprawled across the floor. Her body was outstretched as if she had tried to crawl somewhere, maybe to the phone. Her hair was fanning her face so I couldn’t see it, and vomit surrounded her on the floor.

  “Oh my GOD!” I screamed and I ran over to her. “Mum!” I shouted, “Mum!” I brushed her hair from her face to see a grey complexion. Her eyes were firmly shut, and I couldn’t tell if she was breathing.

  “Holy shit,” Robert gasped, and immediately he grabbed his phone, calling 999.

  I sat next to her, trying to put her in what I thought was the recovery position, and got close to her mouth to listen for breaths. I wasn’t sure what I was do
ing, but the stench of vomit was making me wretch. Before I knew it Robert was behind me. He pulled me back and leaned over her chest. He listened for a heart beat and then checked her pulse. “She’s alive,” he whispered, pulling me close to him and we both knelt on the floor.

  “Grace, what …?” Robert began, I shook my head and the tears began to fall. He hugged me and whispered into my ear soothingly. We heard the sirens; they weren’t far away. We stood up as they burst through the door and went straight to mum, lying lifeless on the floor.

  “Hello,” one of the paramedics said to me. “Are you her children?” she asked.

  “Just me,” I said in a small voice. I stepped forward, and Robert held me from behind.

  “Do you know what happened? Has she fallen?”

  “I don’t know. I was out,” I said quietly.

  “Does she have any history of drug or alcohol abuse?” the paramedic asked. I looked up at her; she was young, maybe in her twenties, blonde hair tied back around a beautiful face that had probably seen this type of thing a hundred times.

  “Alcohol.” I nodded. “She’s an alcoholic.” I could still feel Robert behind me. If he was shocked I couldn’t tell. He would know all my dirty secrets now. He would see the worst of who I was, and I had only managed to shield him from it for five short weeks. I would be the Grace that he pitied and not the carefree girl he was kissing in his bed half an hour ago.

  They placed a collar around her neck, checked her over, and then loaded her onto a stretcher. “Are you riding in the ambulance?” the blonde paramedic asked me.

  “Yes.” I broke away from Robert’s hold.

  “Me too,” he said, stepping forward.

  “Sorry only one of you,” she said, leading me towards the ambulance.

  I looked back at Robert and saw the pity in his eyes. I hated myself at that moment and my fucking idiot mother for making me different than everyone else once again. He walked up to me and slammed into me, holding me tightly and kissed my head.

  “I’ll meet you at the hospital,” he said softly.

  “No, no please don’t Robert, God no, just go home, I’ll text you later.” He nodded grimly, and the paramedics shut the house up as he stood on the front step watching.

  ***

  We got to the hospital at midnight. I was left in the waiting room and mum was rushed through somewhere. I had enough change for a bottle of Coke. The waiting room was almost empty; a few people sat with minor wounds, and there was a scruffy man in a wheelchair humming to himself. I took a seat as far away from them all as I could and retrieved my phone. No message. Robert was probably still in shock and wondering what kind of fucked up girl he was getting involved with. I let my head fall forward and realised I was actually exhausted and didn’t have any money on me for a taxi home. I’d have to wait to see what the damage was, and then get home somehow. My head was spinning. I started to cry silently and then was interrupted by warm arms. I looked up to see Robert, Barbara, and Bob. Robert was crouched down in front of me. I wiped my eyes, embarrassed. He kissed me gently on the forehead; Barbara sat by my side. She put an arm around me and rubbed me warmly.

  “I’m okay,” I said, sniffing.

  “We know,” Barbara said, squeezing me. “Come on, Bob, let’s go and see what’s going on.” she nodded to Robert Senior.

  “What’s your mum’s full name?” Bob asked.

  “Irene Cooper,” I sniffed.

  “Right, Bob will sort this out, and then you will come home with us.” They walked off to go and find a nurse to speak to.

  I looked at Robert and he smiled at me.

  “Babe,” he said, taking the other seat, leaning into me and kissing me again. I closed my eyes and let him soothe me. “I’ll always be here for you, you know. You can tell me anything.”

  “I don’t think you want to hear it all; we hardly know each other. My mum is just …” I sighed. There were no words to describe how she was dead inside.

  “I want to know everything about you, Grace, and it will only make me like you more.” I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. The tears started again, and I wondered where my mum was and whether she would survive. I hoped that no one would be poking his or her nose into our living situation after this incident.

  Eight

  Now

  My mobile phone rang early on Saturday morning. Maria and I sat on the sofas eating toast and drinking tea, and the kids were busying themselves around us. Max had his Nintendo DS and Devon was dressing her Barbies. It was Robert.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hi Grace, it’s erm … Robert.” He sounded terrible.

  “Oh, hi,” I said, standing up and taking the phone to my room. “Wow, you sound awful. Are you sick?”

  “No,” he sighed. “Too much whiskey.”

  “Oh,” I said. “You’re up early then,”

  “Yeah, personal trainer on a Saturday. He almost killed me.”

  “Oh,” I said again.

  “Look I realise that I’ve been a crazy person this week, but shit I’m still in shock and I’m angry. I’m so angry at you … but also I’m not. I’m all over the place.”

  “Right.”

  He sighed. “The thing is I want to meet Devon, I want to be okay with what you’ve done, and I’m trying to understand. It’s hard, but I want to meet Devon as soon as possible, I deserve that.”

  “I know,” I sighed.

  “I just can’t understand why you would rather have been alone this whole time.”

  “Ahh … Robert can we not just accept it for what it is and move forward?”

  “Yes, you’re right, my mind’s wandering again.” He sounded defeated, and I felt terrible for him. I had turned his life upside down, but he came looking for me, not that he expected my news, but he wanted to find me and that would have stirred up emotion no matter what.

  “Look,” I said cheerily, trying to lighten the mood. “How about I speak to Devon this morning. I’m working but perhaps we could all go out for tea? We have plans tomorrow, but maybe we could meet again mid week after school, I’m off Tuesdays.” He was silent for a moment.

  “Okay, that sounds good thanks.”

  “Great.” I had to admit that I wanted to see them together. I knew Devon would be happy and she would love him. It would be her dream come true to have a daddy and Robert would be a fabulous father, but I would eventually be excluded. I felt a tinge of jealousy as Devon would have Robert for life, but I had lost him years ago.

  “Right. Well shall I pick you up from work and then I can come back to yours, meet Devon, and then we can go out to dinner?”

  “Oh okay,” I said. A little taken aback, I wasn’t sure what I expected, but I suppose it would make sense for him to meet her at our flat. I felt a little excitement to see him again, despite the way he had behaved last time in the street, because this was Robert after all. He was the only person I had loved, the only person who had loved me besides my new little family, and he gave me the confidence to strive for better. I had spent all these years thinking he would never remember and never feel the way I did, but I saw it in his eyes that first day in the diner. He still felt it all.

  ***

  I worked hard that day, looking forward to my day off and buried all the apprehension about Robert and Devon deep inside. I had no idea how Devon would react and also what Robert would think of her, what if he questioned she was his? What if he met her and then that was enough? He might not want a relationship with her. I did doubt that though. I didn’t doubt that he would love the baby we had made just as much as I did.

  I had spoken to Devon that morning. “Devon, can we have a chat?” I said as she brushed her hair. Maria had taken Max to the local Spar for some bread and milk.

  “Um,” she said, grabbing a bobble off the top of her dressing table. She was such a girly girl, so different from how I had been. She liked to look her best and took the time to make sure her hair was done. She could do her own French plait
s, and it was truly amazing considering I could barely do a bun. Maria had taught her, of course, always plaiting her own unruly hair and finding an apprentice in Devon.

  “Devon,” I said, sitting on her bed. “Do you remember when we talked about your dad?” She suddenly snapped her head to me.

  “Yes,” she nodded. “You loved each other very much, but sometimes love isn’t enough … but he’s a good person.” I smiled at her word for word translation of our many conversations.

  “That’s right. He is a good man, and we were just so young that he needed to finish all his exams, so I kept you just for me.”

  She smiled. “Your special little girl.”

  “Right.” I nodded. “Well I didn’t know when, but I knew one day we’d see him again, and I have seen him.”

  “You have?” she asked. “My dad?” She patted her chest as she said it.

  “Yes.” My eyes misted with tears for my beautiful daughter, for the little girl who I had denied a father. “We bumped into each other and he wants to meet you.”

  She grinned. “Really? And are we going to meet him?”

  I nodded. “He’d love to meet you, and he wants us to all have dinner together tonight.”

  “And can we?” She jumped up excitedly and ran to hug me. “Will I get to meet my daddy?” She looked up at me and I nodded.

  “Yes.” I kissed her head. “If you want to, tonight after I finish work.”

  “Wow,” she said. “Sienna Smith said that daddies don’t ever come back once they leave, but mine has hasn’t he?” she beamed.

  I held her close to me. “Yours didn’t leave you, he just never met you, remember. You’ll meet him for the first time tonight.”

  “Do you think he’ll like me?” she asked.

  “I think he’ll love you.” I squeezed her. “Is this all okay? Shall I stay off work and we can talk more?”

  “No.” She turned back to her mirror. “Maria is taking us to the park and the Pizza Hut buffet.”