Waiting for Grace

by Oakes, Hayley

  “I found myself alone in a dingy bedsit, practically penniless, and struggling to survive. If it weren’t for an elderly neighbour who took me under her wing, helped me after my daughter, Sarah, was born with her experience, feeding us when the cupboards were bare, and helping me with childcare so that I could go out to work, I have no idea what would have happened.”

  “My daughter is now forty-three next month, and I am one of the lucky ones. I met and married my husband Philip Ramsey when Sarah was four. I trained to be a social worker and now have three more wonderfully successful and well-rounded children. However, I never forgot the kindness of my neighbour.”

  “Mrs Nelson fell ill two decades ago when some of my children were still at home. She moved in with us, having no family of her own, and I nursed her through cancer to her death. This made me realise that to be a family and to have strong, loving bonds with people, a blood connection is not required. Mrs Nelson was more like family to me than my own parents who I have not seen for forty-three years. I started ‘Growing Together,’ on the back of my years as a social worker and my experiences of desperately needing help. Our homes offer everything that these girls need. We provide a home, a loving environment where they feel safe. We teach them skills to live independently. We have a “buddy system”, so the girls pair up when they leave to assist each other where they can, and it is very successful. We are the shoulder to cry on when no one else hears, and we are the road to success for these girls who find themselves in difficult situations with nowhere to turn.”

  “Please consider this charity to be so much more than helping single mothers to get off the streets. It is a life lesson to cease the cycle for these young mums, and to encourage further education and a better quality of life for their futures. Thank you.”

  Everyone broke into applause and Jackie stepped down. “Now the PR,” she whispered to us as we stood by her side. “Mingle, smile, and make sure these people know how much good work we do.” Maria turned to me and rolled her eyes.

  “I’ll be nice, but if any pervy old men approach me, I’m off,” Maria said under her breath.

  “Even if they’re millionaires?” I joked.

  “Only millionaires with heart complaints who don’t mind changing their wills,” she laughed.

  “Hey, what’s so funny?” Robert said, approaching us, the kids running closely behind. Maria grimaced at him; she still couldn’t forgive his lies and she was wary of men anyway. Robert had already failed to live up to her expectations, so he was losing her favour.

  “Nothing.” I turned, catching Devon as she launched towards me. Max stood by Robert and slipped his hand into Robert’s. I smiled to myself at Max finally having a man around. “You should sit down they’re bringing some food out now,” I said enthusiastically, to excite the kids so they would go back to their chairs.

  “They wanted to see you,” Robert said.

  “Well you being here was supposed to keep them occupied,” I snapped.

  “Okay, Okay,” he sighed. “No need to shout, come on kids.” Devon took his other hand. “Your friend hates me,” he whispered with a smirk.

  “She barely knows you or cares one bit about you.” I rolled my eyes.

  He gave me another smirk. “Too right. If she knew me she’d love me, right?” I shook my head with a smile.

  “Go on. I can see scones on their way out, back to the table.” I shooed them and then set off to find Maria.

  I found her in the kitchen stuffing small cakes onto tiered trays, along with finger sandwiches. “He’s acting like he has no girlfriend and like this is totally normal,” she said in a monotone.

  “So? He wants to get to know Devon.”

  “Then take her to the park.” She raised an eyebrow. “This is all about you, this event, us and what we went through. It has nothing to do with the kids and he knows it. He’s here for you, to support you, and YOU are not his girlfriend.”

  “So? We’re old friends,” I said defensively, helping to layer the cakes and sandwiches.

  “No.” She shook her head. “No you weren’t friends. He was your boyfriend, the love of your life, and maybe the best friend you’ve had, but you were never just friends. So you’re not old friends!”

  “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” I reminded her. I smirked and shoulder bumped her.

  “Flattery will make me shut up, but I’m sorry. His girlfriend should be here with him, or he shouldn’t be here at all. What is he trying to achieve?”

  “Nothing,” I sighed.

  “If you think that … you’re stupid,” she said, picking up a tray to carry out. “He can’t stay away from you and is finding any excuse. He’s being a shit.”

  “Nothing’s happened,” I said, exasperated.

  “Fine, I’ll drop it, but keep your eyes open and let’s go and mingle.” We made our way outside and chatted to a few people at the tables as we did so. Jackie was having deep conversations with bejewelled women who were potential benefactors. She was very good with women and making them understand her cause. She was skilled at pulling on their heartstrings. I spoke to a few more people and sat for a while next to a middle-aged man who was very interested in the cause. He openly told me that he was a GP and saw many sad cases in his surgery where women were forced to make difficult decisions.

  Before we were due to speak I made my way back to Robert and the kids who were laughing, drinking cordial, and still demolishing their tiers of food.

  “Who was that?” Robert asked casually.

  “Who?” I scanned the room, trying to see to whom he was referring.

  “That guy, the one you were having a great time with. Bit old for you isn’t he?” he said with a smile that tried to hide his jealousy, not very well.

  “Robert,” I shook my head, “he is far too old for me and I was talking to him about the charity, nothing more and,” I sighed, “it’s none of your business who I speak to.”

  “You’re right,” he nodded his head, “I have no right to be jealous but please, you can do better than that.”

  I scrunched my face up. “Good job I’m not into rich doctors then,” I sighed, “otherwise he’d be right up my street. Now nose out of my business,” I said in a whisper. The kids weren’t paying attention, but I could never be sure as Devon had the hearing of a genetically modified bat. “I don’t need any jealous shit from an ex with a fiancée.” He had the good sense to look away at Devon, and I went to join Maria at the front of the room. She was going to speak first and me second. “Good luck,” I whispered to her as Jackie busily approached. She gave us both a squeeze, an arm around each of us.

  “Now, my beauties, don’t be nervous. Just share your stories and we’ll be able to help so many more.” We both smiled as Jackie charged on stage.

  “Now everyone, please simmer down and put your hands together for the beautiful Maria and Grace, who will share their stories with you today and give you an insight into what we do at ‘Growing Together.’”

  We took to the stage to some applause and glanced at each other. Then without notes or any apparent nervousness Maria took a breath and began, “Hello everyone, my name is Maria Reyes, and I’m twenty-four years old. I had the good fortune to meet Jackie when I was homeless and living on the streets, heavily pregnant with my son, Max, who is now six. I only had one bag of clothing and nothing for the baby who was about to arrive. Jackie helped me, took a chance on me, and today I am an accountant who provides whatever my son requires.” She took another breath and began her tale, “I was the youngest of two children; I had an older brother, and my mother was an overworked single parent. We lived with her mother, my nana, who was an old Spanish lady that rarely spoke much English, and so we all spoke Spanish at home. My mum worked, and so my brother and I were often home with our nana who tried her best to discipline us, but didn’t do too well.

  We all lived in a two-bed council flat, and when I was seven my mother met a new man who had a big house and a good job, so she
moved there. She left us with her mother and simply moved on. My nana couldn’t cope with my older brother who began hanging around with the bad boys on the estate, and despite her loving him, he began dealing drugs, taking drugs and behaving violently towards both of us. He was very controlling, especially with me, and I wasn’t allowed out of the house. When I was twelve my nana died, but instead of coming back for me, my mother arranged for me to go and live with my father, across the other side of London. He was a harmless Jamaican Rastafarian who spent most of his time stoned, but with him at least I escaped my brother. The problem was that my dad was too laid back, and so I fell into trouble, and I started hanging around with the wrong crowd and became pregnant. When my brother found out he came to our house and blamed my father, who could barely stand from a day of smoking. In a rage, my brother beat him, and unfortunately my father was killed. My brother was arrested, but no one came looking for me, and so I just ran.”

  Maria took a deep breath, the memories claiming her emotion. “I ran, I hid, I cried, and I slept in abandoned properties. I hadn’t seen a doctor for the baby until Jackie met me and asked me if I would be interested in her home. I moved there with no clean clothes and skin so grimy that it took me two baths to get clean.” Her voice cracked a little as she continued; “I’d been homeless for two months. She taught us all how to be mums, to strive for better, and to be better than any role models we had as kids. That’s where I learned to cook, to clean, and to be interested in schoolwork, as that would be my financial saviour. I met Grace there, and we have successfully lived together for almost seven years, helping each other raise our children and sharing the highs and lows of parenting. I have achieved so much more in my life thanks to Jackie, and if she hadn’t met me that day I dread to think what would have happened to my son and me. Thank you Jackie and ‘Growing Together’ for all the good work you do to help women like us.” She wiped a tear that threatened to fall and looked at me with a shy smile. The room erupted and people were so taken with Maria’s story of woe that I worried mine wasn’t enough. Jackie made her way on stage to hug Maria. They embraced, and you could practically see the women reaching in their bags for their cheque books.

  Maria was so beautiful, so graceful, and her perfect face managed to pout just at the right time to gain sympathy. No one would think that this woman had been homeless if they saw her walking down the street. Her appearance so effortlessly perfect and her skin so flawless, she could be a model. I loved Maria so much and she was such a generous, loving person, but her brother was a nasty piece of work who had crushed her of so much confidence in her life. Today she was only a fraction of the person she could be.

  I knew I was up next and I was a bit nervous for Robert to hear my story, as he knew nothing after the day he walked away from me. I hadn’t allowed him to help me, and now he was about to hear how difficult things had been, in a nutshell, of course. “And now Grace, if you can follow that.” She laughed lightly as the room was quiet once more.

  “Hello everyone, my name is Grace Cooper. I am also twenty-four years old, and mother to six-year old, Devon. I am originally from the North West, a small town called Poulton, on the outskirts of Blackpool. I came to London on a road trip with my boyfriend to get away from a difficult home life with my alcoholic mother. She was never abusive, just didn’t really care for me, and I wanted to find my sister, who left home when I was a child.” I took a deep breath, remembering that summer so clearly and seeing my delusional younger self. All I could hear was my own voice reverberating around the room, and I became very conscious of Robert’s presence. “So I followed my sister here. My boyfriend and I tried to track her down at an address I had for her. Shortly after having no success, he decided to return home. I didn’t want to leave. I finally felt free and in control of my life, and I had no desire to go back to that life with my mother.

  So he went home and I stayed. I got a job, had enough money for a bedsit, and lived hand to mouth for a few months. I found out I was pregnant at six months and was in complete shock. I was struggling to pay my rent and also to feed myself, and so the thought of having a baby, as well, was devastating. Going home was not an option for me as I felt like that was a bad situation that I could never survive long term. So I broke my heart at the local hospital, where I had my pregnancy confirmed. Then Jackie found me. She had been visiting one of her cases there, and she told me about her new charity. I was dubious at first, but agreed to visit and it seemed perfect for me to help me learn to be a mum and get back on my feet, so that I wouldn’t have to move into a hostel or some other awful option. Jackie and the other women who volunteered became our adopted mothers and helped us all adjust to life as new mums. They taught us to strive for so much better than we had and always thought we could. My mum never encouraged university or even attended parent’s evenings. She had no idea I was there half the time and so without ‘Growing Together,’ I would still be that girl who lived hand to mouth. Currently, I am a qualified primary school teacher looking for a role that suits me. Jackie, Maria, Devon, and ‘Growing Together’ have helped me achieve my potential, and I feel like I am more of a success than I ever could have been without them all.” Again everyone applauded and Jackie mounted the stage hugging us both.

  “Thanks girls,” she whispered, “you truly are an inspiration and exactly what this organization is all about. Now go and sit with your kids whilst I wrap this up.” We made our way off the stage and to the table at the back whilst everyone was still clapping and smiling at us. I sat on a seat next to Devon and Robert moved over to give us room. Maria grabbed a spare seat and pulled it up to behind Max, kissing the back of his head as she did.

  “Well everyone,” Jackie said brightly, “those are our two guest speakers, and so I’ll let you enjoy your lunches, and I’m around for any questions or information that anyone may need about our very worthy cause. We also have a raffle that you can enter. The prizes are displayed on the table and tickets are still available, so please enjoy. Thank you all for coming to listen and finding the time to consider our cause.”

  People began clapping lightly again and then Jackie descended into the tables to mingle.

  “Will you watch Max a second?” Maria asked jumping up, “I just want to get my bag from the kitchen,”

  “Okay,” I said. Mine was under the table and we were no longer required, so with the kids getting restless, I figured we should head home. Robert must have read my mind.

  “Time to go?” he asked, leaning into me.

  “Yes, the kids are getting restless, best let them go and burn off some cakes at the park.”

  “Yesss,” Devon said. “Hear that Max, we get to go the park.”

  “Yesss,” he said, jumping up. Devon joined him to run around by the table.

  “It breaks my heart that you were so alone,” Robert sighed.

  “I was fine,” I said, “I chose not to come home. I knew if I came home things would have been easier. It was my decision to make it this way.”

  “I know why you didn’t,” he said, “I have played this all over in my head so often since you told me about Devon. The day I left you thought it was over. You thought I didn’t love you anymore.”

  “Oh for God’s sake Robert, don’t make this about us. I didn’t want to go home in the first place, remember? That’s why we fell out. I couldn’t go back to that house, with her, back to that life when I had so much hope inside me to find my sister and to finally have a family.”

  “I know it was that, too, but when you found out you were pregnant, you wouldn’t have had to go back to your mum. We could have found somewhere. I would have done anything for you, but you didn’t know that because I pushed you away.”

  “Robert,” I whispered, realising that this was not the place for a deep and meaningful discussion, “I knew you loved me, we were young, it was intense. That day you were angry and it took me a long time to realise that what you said was just that – anger.”

  “I still love you,�
� he said. I rolled my eyes.

  “Stop it.” I sighed. “I stayed away for so many reasons and mostly because we were and are two different people. You were driven to succeed, go to university, get a great job, a massive house, and holiday in the bloody Seychelles. That was never on the cards for me. If you’d have been a teenage father then I would have made you like me, and you deserved better.”

  “All that shit, Grace, it means nothing. Money and jobs and all that crap is worthless when you don’t have someone to share it with.”

  “Well you’ve got Cecily, now,” I said calmly, turning to him. His eyes were glistening and he was looking at me like he had so many times throughout my life, with love. My heart was pounding and I felt warm all over just from his words, but he had a fiancée, and I had to remember that. He was being unfair to her, and I could never be the other woman in this scenario.

  “Grace,” he began to say something, and then Maria was back.

  “Ready?” she asked, glancing at us both. Her face said it all as she raised an eyebrow to me.

  “Maybe we should get a taxi home,” she said to me with a tight scowl.

  “No, don’t be ridiculous,” Robert said, jumping up. “Come on I’ll drop you all off wherever you want to go, and then I need to get some jobs done at home. I’m taking Devon out tomorrow, anyway, so I don’t want you to get sick of me,” he said lightly, as Devon clung to his side.

  “Don’t be silly, Daddy, I’ll never get sick of you.” She hugged him closely and he smiled at me. God, why would he always do this to me? His mere presence made me happy, and him being so close to me just made me ache for his touch. How could he keep telling me how much I meant to him, when he had Cecily at home?