Waiting for Grace

by Oakes, Hayley

  “Look, you get in the shower, get scrubbed, and I’ll pop to the take away on the corner, get us some junk food and some fizzy drinks,” Robert said, kissing my head and rubbing my shoulders.

  “Yes, get clean, and I’ll be back in ten.”

  “Okay,” I sighed. I didn’t waste any time, grabbing the shampoo and body wash, getting some clean pyjamas, even though they smelled of smoke, and jumping under the steaming hot shower. When I was clean and dressed, I emerged to find Robert sitting just outside the bathroom door on the floor, surrounded by carrier bags of food. We went back to our room and ate pizza, chips, kebab meat, and garlic bread, washed down with Diet Coke for me and Fanta for him. It was heaven. My stomach was full to bursting for the first time that day and my mind was hazy from recent events and my hangover. Robert took the key so he could have his own shower; I fell back into the clean sheets and intended to wait for Robert before I closed my eyes.

  However, my body felt so heavy and my eyes couldn’t stay open no matter what I did. I drifted into unconsciousness and allowed myself to rest. Before long, I heard the door click in the back of my mind and Robert’s strong arms found me. His familiar smell was there tinged by smoked and he kissed me gently on the neck.

  “I love you Grace Cooper,” he whispered in my ear. “Another crazy story for the grandkids,” I murmured, trying to respond but my words were hampered by sleep. “Sleep tight, baby,” he whispered pulling me to him tightly.

  That was our first night in London and the first night in almost two months that we had slept in a real bed. His parents were pissed off beyond repair, and the Fiesta wasn’t taking us anywhere any time soon. Robert knew despite all that that we would find that address, and we wouldn’t be going home until I chased all my demons away.

  ***

  The next morning I woke up in Robert’s arms and I pulled the folded, battered letter from my purse. The address was alien to us in a city that had not treated us kindly, so far. Robert sighed when he saw me open up the crumpled envelope. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this, Grace,” he sighed. “Look at what we’ve already been through here; it’s like fate.”

  “Rubbish.” I smiled, brushing over his apprehension. “Come on, this was the whole reason for our trip.”

  “I don’t know about you, but that stopped being the reason weeks ago for me. This has been the best summer of my life and that letter is going to ruin everything.”

  “Oh Robert, stop it. I have to go, I have to know.”

  “Fine,” he conceded, pulling me into a hug. “But please don’t get your hopes up.”

  “Okay,” I whispered.

  “My Mum is threatening to come down here. It took all my energy last night to persuade her that we’d be back soon.”

  “Oh God, I don’t want to be dragged home like a naughty school child.” I giggled.

  “Well we’ve got a day, two max, before she’s here so let’s go to this address today and then we can get train tickets home.”

  I sighed heavily, and Robert sensed my unease. He wrongly thought it was to find this address, not the thought of returning home.

  “Come on, it’ll be fine.” He placed his arm around me as I sat at the edge of the bed staring at my letter. “We’ll find the place and any secrets it holds, and then we’ll be on the train home.”

  I smiled at him and leaned my head on his shoulder. “Come on let’s get dressed and find 47B Napier Road, Bethnal Green. We better speak to someone downstairs and get directions.”

  “Definitely, and we might even have our first trip on the tube.”

  “Oh goody,” I grinned, enthusiastically. “I’ve always wanted to go on the tube.”

  “Well then, consider that your treat for the day.”

  “You’re spoiling me,” I laughed sarcastically.

  ***

  We found out that Bethnal Green was a stop on the Central Line of the underground. We found a nearby station at Kings Cross and bought a day’s rail card. We changed stations at Oxford Circus and then rode five stops to Bethnal Green. As soon as we entered the station at Kings Cross, walking from the crowded city streets into the tiled walls of the underground, I felt an intense thrill. We bought our tickets and the cockney drawl made me feel completely at ease. We passed through turnstiles feeding our ticket in one end for it to be spat out of the other, and I tried to look like a knowledgeable local. The escalators were like nothing I had ever seen, they seemed to go on for miles as we were transported deep into the bowels of London, to the deepest part of the city. Shifting past other tourists, locals and commuters, was a brand new experience and I found myself staring, taking everything in. Once on the train, Robert and I huddled together within the crowds and smiled ecstatically at each other.

  “Pretty cool, eh?” he grinned.

  “Yep,” I nodded.

  When we reached Bethnal Green, we emerged into the brightness of the summer’s day and went about finding the address. Each suburb of London was as big as our home town, and so we had no idea how long it would take to find Napier Road. As it happened, we asked an employee at the station who knew the road and directed us there, saying it would take twenty minutes to walk. So we set off in that direction, holding hands, and my nerves grew. Maybe I was about to find someone who would love me, maybe I was about to find someone who would be my family, include me, and save me from the wretched past that defined me. Maybe she had been waiting for me to follow her all these years.

  Napier Road. We had found it. After walking in silence for most of the twenty minutes, we had finally arrived.

  “We’re here,” I sighed, looking up the tree-lined street to see rows of large, red brick Victorian houses, most likely flats now. “Number forty-seven.” We started walking and looked to the houses next to us that started at number one, following the sequence. Forty-seven appeared and we looked for flat B. I boldly walked down the path, and then had a sudden failure of confidence. “Oh no, what if she’s at work?” I gasped. “Or she works nights and I wake her up, or she …”

  “Grace.” Robert hugged me from behind. “Ring the bell.”

  “Okay,” I whispered. “Okay.”

  I rang the bell once, twice, and then knocked. We waited and waited and I began to turn away, but then slowly the large red door flew open. In its place stood an elderly black lady with curly grey hair, wearing a pink house coat, coughing profusely.

  “You trying to get 47B or C?” she barked.

  “Erm … B,” I said, stepping forward.

  “Speak up,” she snapped, turning her ear to me. “I’m eighty-four, you know.”

  “Oh, B!” I shouted louder.

  “B, well he’s out, he’s a plumber, goes all over the city, what are you Jehovah’s or what? He ain’t got no family.”

  “Oh.” I looked down glumly. Robert came up to join me.

  “The thing is,” he shouted, “we were looking for someone, perhaps a previous tenant, a woman, named Diane. Diane Cooper.”

  “Diane?” she barked, looking us both up and down and coughing again. “Diane Cooper?” she asked bewildered. “Well,” my heart sank as I realised that this was a big city, this was most likely a transient neighbourhood and after all my dreams, Diane Cooper was most likely long gone. Just as I accepted defeat, this woman coughed again. “Well, I ain’t heard that name for nine or ten years,” she croaked.

  “My head snapped up. “You know her?”

  “You know the name?” Robert asked; we glanced at each other.

  “Of course I know that name. She lived ‘ere, 47B, for five years, been gone a while, though.”

  “Do you know where?”

  “Who are you?” she suddenly asked, squinting at us into the sun.

  “I’m her sister,” I said stepping forward, “and this is my boyfriend.” I motioned to Robert.

  “Well come in a minute,” she sighed. “I’ll see what I can find.”

  We looked to each other questioning if we should go inside, but she was an elde
rly lady who most likely had more to fear from us than us her. We followed her into the ground floor flat on the right of the front door. She moved slowly and led us into a cluttered flat that smelled of lavender and fried food.

  “Sit.” She motioned to a pink vinyl sofa and we sat. “I see you look like her now that I see you inside,” she said, sitting at the armchair that was positioned next to a sideboard, easing the drawer open to look inside, as she coughed some more.

  “Were you friendly?” I asked politely.

  “People with no family, become family to each other,” she said plainly. “Your sister couldn’t have been much older than you the first time I met her. She had the same eyes, same hair and same lost look. Your parents must have done a number on both of you.” She cackled.

  “What are you looking for?” I asked.

  “I got a Christmas card in ‘ere somewhere, new address, pictures, old thing though, she’s long gone, you see.”

  “Yes, you said.” I nodded solemnly.

  “When did she get here? What was she like?”

  “Full of beans she was.” The woman sighed. “She came ‘ere with not much at all a good while back, ‘spose fifteen years, her and that fella. Carl, he was called, quiet guy, thoughtful, you know. He was massive, she was a dot next to him, and they looked funny together at first, but after a while I got it. They were crazy in love … made for each other.”

  “Really?” I grinned. “She was happy?”

  “Oh God, yeah, they were loves young dream.” She laughed, coughing again. “He was a butcher, worked all the hours God sent, and she did her exams and worked at some hotel, cleaning the bedrooms. They worked bloody hard.”

  “So how come they left? Did they move out of London?”

  “Oh no, somewhere around, they got married after a couple of years, just them and a few friends at the wedding, brought me some cake, you know.” She smiled at the memory. “She passed her exams or whatever and ended up a nurse, I think.” Her face squinted to remember. “She got pregnant and needed more room for the baby. The day they moved she was big as a house. That fella of hers did all the heavy lifting and she shifted cases and that into their banged up old car. She came and said bye, gave me a hug, and I felt that baby move in her big belly. She was a good girl, sad that they didn’t have no one, but at least they had each other and that baby.”

  “So she married Carl? And they had a baby?” I asked, on the edge of the sofa. “She had a family,” I whispered, to no one in particular.

  “Yeah, that card with her new address had a picture of the little bleeder too. A boy, forget his name. Not had no cards since.” She sighed. “Probably forgot all about old Ange, can’t blame her, kids keep ya busy.”

  “I’m sure she meant to …” I said, defending my sister, suddenly feeling the need to protect this woman and her family, her good name, despite never having met her myself. “Is there anything you can give me, the card maybe, an address, or anyone else here they were close with?”

  “Nah, just me, everyone else moves on after a few years here. Not old me, they’ll carry me outta here in a box.” She cackled. She began to rifle through the drawer again. “That cards ‘ere somewhere. I might find it in my other drawers. I’ll keep looking.”

  “Look,” Robert said standing up, “we don’t want to impose, how about we give you a phone number, and then if you find that card you can call us?”

  “Okay.” She nodded. “Okay, you give me that number. Write it down on ‘ere.” She handed him a pad and he wrote both our numbers and names. She read them. “Grace and Robert,” she smiled at us. “Lovely names, I’m Ange.”

  “Nice to meet you Ange.” Robert held out his hand and so did I.

  “Thank you so much for all your information. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to finding her.”

  “Any time,” she said, holding on to my hand as she smiled. “It’s a pleasure to meet two lovely young people. I don’t get many visitors, and by God seeing you is like seeing that Diane all over again. Breath of fresh air.” She sighed. We backed out of the door and she followed us clumsily.

  “Thank you,” Robert said curtly as we left, taking my arm.

  “Please call if you find that card,” I shouted as we left.

  “Will do,” she croaked.

  When we were outside and walking down the path, I yanked my arm from Robert. “Why did we have to leave so quickly? She almost had the card.”

  “Jesus, Grace, she said she’d call. She’s an old lady, we’d have been there all day.”

  “Where else do we need to be?”

  “Look, don’t be annoyed, we couldn’t intrude any longer, and she said she’d call.”

  I sighed and looked back at Ange watching us from her door and waving as she caught my eye. “Fine,” I huffed, but I’m coming back if she doesn’t call.

  “We need to head home, Grace,” Robert said as we started to walk away. “We found out more than we thought we would, and when she calls and we get another address, we can come again.”

  I shook my head. “You have no idea what it’s like to have no one do you?” I snapped as we continued to walk. “This isn’t just a wild goose chase, this is my life.”

  “I know.” He turned to me and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry. I suppose crazy old ladies and musty flats freak me out. I do get it, and by the way, you have someone. You have me.” He kissed my head, and I allowed him to, but I was still annoyed and I had the distinct feeling that we were on entirely different pages.

  Twenty

  Now

  Everything OK this morning? Robert’s text arrived at 6 am. I heard my phone buzz on the bedside table and groaned.

  Yes and it’s six in the morning, too early to text.

  I can’t sleep – worried about you. I sighed, I was awake now and there would be no point going back to sleep.

  Very sweet but we’re fine, no need to worry. I’m awake now – thanks.

  You’re welcome. I smiled to myself at his smiley face. I then rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, then five minutes later the phone buzzed again.

  What do you want to do for your birthday? he asked, and I had a sudden warmth of excitement rush through me. Since having Devon I hadn’t really celebrated my birthday, and as a kid my mum wasn’t too bothered. She often forgot or remembered weeks later, but Robert had always made such a fuss of me. My birthday was the 7th November and would be here in a few days. Robert had asked me out, just me, and I couldn’t help myself but be a little excited about it. Especially since Robert was now single and the thought of us being alone together gave me butterflies in my stomach.

  I don’t know, surprise me.

  Hmm, something cheap and nasty right? I’ll have a think.

  Very funny.

  How about I come round tonight after work, have tea with my favourite girls and we can decide?

  Robert, I need to spend some time with Maria. We need to discuss what we need to do.

  All the more reason I should be there.

  I rolled my eyes. We didn’t need a knight in shining armour. We needed GPS tracking on her convict brother. How about tomorrow?

  Okay, fine, but I will be checking up on you

  Fine.

  And I might pop into the diner for lunch …

  Robert that is stalking.

  It isn’t stalking when you tell the person you are coming.

  Still stalkerish behaviour. I smiled to myself.

  Not if the girl in question wants to see me as much as I want to see her.

  Smooth. I laughed to myself and then decided to give up and get up for a shower. The kids would be up soon, anyway and I could get started on their packed lunches.

  ***

  “So?” I said, sitting around the kitchen breakfast bar whilst the kids ate their cereal. Maria was still in her pyjamas and dressing gown. “I take it you’re off today,” I said quietly, she sniffed and sipped her coffee. “Right kids, come on, quick change, please.” They gr
oaned and moved to their bedrooms.

  “Have you called in sick?” I asked Maria in a whisper. “Don’t let this break you.”

  “Yes,” she hissed. “I have texted my secretary, anyway, what would you know?”

  “Maria.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t do this, don’t try and solve this on your own. What is wallowing going to achieve? We need to attack the problem.”

  “There’s no fighting,” she whispered. “He’ll always win.”

  “He won’t.” I sighed. “We are strong, confident, independent women, and the law is on our side. We need to speak to Jackie and find out the specifics.”

  “The specifics are,” she growled, “that my brother is out there and the only thing he ever wanted more than drugs was me. He’s sick and twisted and half-crazed, and I’m a sitting duck until he decides to show his face.”

  “Oh God, Maria,” I threw my arm around her and she quickly wiped away one stray tear. “It was probably the drugs that made him that way, he might have changed, be trying to start again.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you until you believe me.”

  “Ok,” I admitted defeat, “I’ll take the kids to school, call in sick myself and we’ll get Jackie here, the police, and someone who can give us some God damn reassurance.”

  “The only reassurance I’ll ever have,” she said solemnly, “is if he’s behind bars or dead.”

  ***

  I called Groucher and explained that we had had some bad news and I would be taking an unprecedented day off. In all the years I had worked for him I rarely took a day off. He was polite enough, but I was sure he thought it was to spend the day with Robert. They would all be musing that I finally had a man and now I was changing. I ignored my irritation and focused on Maria. Jackie arrived at 10 am. I was dressed and trying to coax Maria to eat, but she was staring at the television, still in her pyjamas, not watching it really.