by T. K. Chapin
I couldn’t help myself from continuing to talk about Megan. “Megan wants me to have friends anyways and do things without her. She’s even told me that before. I think she just doesn’t like worrying about me while I’m at work. She said she spent her whole childhood worried about you.”
Tom looked up at Cindy as she set down his plate of food, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, babe,” she replied as she came around to me and set my plate of food down.
“Thanks,” I said as I picked up my fork. Looking back over at Tom, I said, “It doesn’t help matters that you hate me.”
“She doesn’t care. If anything, I think that helped her want to marry you more so in the beginning. She was just rebelling against her father!”
“She wasn’t that defiant, Tom. Jeez,” Cindy added.
After finishing a few bites and sharing a silence, I asked, “When was Megan supposed to tell me?”
“She was supposed to tell you the day after she arrived in Seattle.”
Shaking my head, I thought about Megan. She hadn’t let me know at all what was going on. She just took our children and left across the state with the plan to stay away from me… How ridiculous and immature of her. “I don’t get why she couldn’t just talk to me when she was here…”
“I don’t know,” Tom said with a shrug.
“She was scared,” Cindy added. “Telling your husband that you need time apart isn’t exactly easy.”
“Well, it’d be easy to address the actual issues at hand if she was here. Not run away from them.”
“Well, that’s not how it is. You two need to figure it out and fix it. Marriage is forever, Cole! Again, I say it’s not at the whim of how you are feeling in the moment. It’s a commitment to God!” He slammed his fist against the table.
It was difficult to swallow the bite of food that was in my mouth at the moment those words rolled off Tom’s mouth. This man, who was nothing but an arrogant jerk to me since I married his daughter, was trying to tell me about God? “You haven’t been to church in over a year Tom, don’t lecture me about God!” I retorted.
Seeing his eyes gloss over with anger, I smiled a little inside. I got to him with that comment. Finally, I got to him! He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “My lack of church attendance doesn’t change God or what he instructs us to do in the Bible.”
“Like how he says not to forsake the assembly?” I took another jab, edging his anger on purposefully.
“Look here, you little punk! I won’t let you talk down to me anymore in my own house! I invited you over here to help you and you’ve done nothing but disrespect me. Get out of my house, now!” he demanded shouting.
Cindy said with a soft voice, “Tom…”
Standing up, I tossed my napkin down on my plate and looked over at Cindy. “Thank you for the meal. I think it’s best if I go now.” I headed to the front door.
As I opened the door to leave, Tom said from the dining room table, “You can find a new station to work at! You made your bed and now you can lie in it!”
I slammed the door behind me as I darted down the sidewalk towards my truck. Coming over here was a mistake, I thought to myself as I climbed into the cab. It felt good to finally get to the guy after so many years of dealing with his attitude problems towards me. Even if it was at the cost of my job.
It was about a twenty five minute drive back to my place and a million things ran through my mind during that time. How far back did Megan plan on leaving me? I recalled her words about planning to go see her sister. Why did she defend herself when I asked why she was going to see her sister… She was so bold in her outright lie to me. What could she possibly say? My heart raced as adrenaline coursed through my body. I felt so angry and betrayed by my wife, I could barely stand the thought of speaking to her, let alone getting to the bottom of so many unanswered questions.
Later that evening as I was writing down key topics and questions I wanted to discuss with Megan, my phone began ringing. I sat back on my couch as I saw it was her, but this time it was a video call. My heart twisted in my chest as a lump formed in my throat. Trying the best I could, I cleared my mind of the issue, as the children were probably on the other end wanting to see their dad. Not wanting to see the broken, furious and angry husband of their mother.
“Da-da!” Bradley called out as the video feed became established. My eyes almost began to water at seeing my precious little boy try to kiss at the phone.
“Hey, Buddy,” I said with a smile and a soft tone, leaving my resentment and sense of betrayal behind on the pages of the notebook.
Megan leaned into Justin’s ear and said, “Tell Daddy what we did today.”
“We aw a ire uck,” he said, followed by more jumbled words.
I looked over at Megan for translation. “We saw a fire truck and firemen today.”
“Oh yeah? Where at?” I asked.
“We went to the fire station up the road earlier. The kids all wanted to go check it out as Bradley and Justin kept talking and playing with their fire trucks they got at the store the other day.”
I smiled. “That’s neat, was it a big station?”
“It was pretty big. They even had back up trucks in their bay.”
I nodded. “Yeah, some of those bigger stations do.”
The kids became distracted by something off camera and took off running. “Guess they’re done,” I said.
“Yeah, they can’t seem to stay too focused with anything. But they are happy,” she said, smiling as her eyes followed them.
My heart stung at the comment. They were happy without their dad being around? “So I had an interesting dinner with your parents.”
“I heard. Kind of why I did a video call, so you couldn’t freak out on me.”
Who was this woman? “Why are you scared to talk about our problems?”
She shrugged as she looked away from the phone. “There isn’t much to talk about…”
“What do you mean? You are planning to stay away from me and Spokane and keep my kids from me! There’s plenty to talk about, Megan!”
“Don’t be so overdramatic, Cole. I’m not keeping you from the boys…”
“Just tell me what is wrong,” I demanded.
“I don’t like this life. You being a fireman… I just don’t… feel like it’s my life. That was my Dad and Mom’s life, not mine.”
“Well your Dad fired me. I don’t see me being a fireman anymore.”
She laughed. “Oh please, you know you’ll get on with another station if he can even manage to get you fired. You’re well respected across all the fire houses in Spokane… and this is what you love, Cole. Don’t give that up for me.”
Shaking my head as I looked down at my bullet points I wanted to go over on the piece of notebook paper, I ignored the list. “I love you. I want you, and I want our family and it all back to the way it was before.”
“See, you’re not listening to me… I don’t want that life anymore.”
“What do you want then?” I asked. “Just tell me what you want!”
“I don’t know…” she replied, looking down and away. “I know what I don’t want and that’s the life we’ve been having.”
“Is this because of Amanda’s divorce? Is she filling your head with a bunch of stupid ideas?” I questioned.
“What?” she snapped at me. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, Cole… Amanda has nothing to do with it. If anything, I influenced her.”
My heart felt like it stopped in my chest. This woman, this life, it was just one big illusion and I was just some kind of puppet in the mix. My clenched throat made it hard for me to speak more than a few more words, so I said, “I gotta go.” And I hung up the video call immediately.
Digging my face into my one good palm, I ran my fingers through my hair and dropped to my knees on my living room floor. Crying out to the Lord, I prayed that he’d help me in my moment of need. I pleaded for him to take the pai
n away that was burrowing itself into my chest and into my life. My breaths became short and rapid as fear dug its claws into the fiber of my being. Like being trapped inside a burning house, the flames were growing all around me and I was in need of being saved.
CHAPTER 9
Days turned into weeks, and I kept myself shut up in my house. I wasn’t shaving, showering or doing much of anything other than wallowing in my misery. My showers were only so the nurses and doctors at Turning Point wouldn’t become concerned. I did my physical therapy and grocery shopping all within a three hour period of time to avoid going out more than absolutely needed. I became so depressed I even stapled shut the curtains in my bedroom to keep that sliver of light from shining in. I felt like the outside world was taunting me with the glimmering light from outside.
One morning I was searching in the fridge for something to eat when a knock came from the front door. Looking past the open refrigerator door, I pondered who that could be.
Shutting the fridge, I closed my robe up and tied it as I headed across the hardwood floor to go answer it. Another knock came, this time it was louder. “I’m coming! I’m coming!” I shouted as I grabbed for the door.
It was Micah. Popping my head out, I squinted from the sun that was glaring into my eyeballs, causing a headache to immediately form behind them. “What do you need?” I asked, cupping my eyes from the sun.
“What do I need? We’re friends, I’m worried about you. Can I come in?” He asked.
“Sure,” I replied, opening the door for him to come in.
As he walked into my living room, I saw his eyes scan the room and widen. Chinese takeout boxes littered the coffee table, pizza boxes were stacked over on the counter and a tower of soda cans were next to the couch. Looking at him, I said, “I didn’t know I was having company or I would have cleaned up a little…”
“Taylor… this isn’t like you, Brother.”
I nodded as I collapsed into my recliner and kicked up my feet. “Megan’s gone, man… she isn’t coming back.”
Micah pushed over an empty pizza box on the couch and took a seat as he shook his head. “I heard something about that… The rookie heard the chief and Tom talking the other day and blabbed about it.”
“That kid needs to learn his place,” I replied sternly as I shook my head.
“The rookie isn’t your concern. You need to get mentally ready. You are coming back to work soon and need to have your A-game!” Micah said.
Shaking my head, I replied, “Guess the rookie didn’t hear the chief and Tom talk about how I’m not allowed to come back there.”
“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Micah asked.
I shook my head. “What?”
“Chief shut him down on canning you. Guess there’s some red tape even Tom can’t cross. You’re on medical leave right now, and if you got canned they could have a lawsuit on their hands.”
I smiled out of the corner of my lips as I sat up in my recliner. “Really?”
“Yeah, Tom was gunning pretty hard for you to get removed from the roster. He even went as far as telling us all how he was going to get you fired.”
“He’s such a jerk!” I said softly as I shook my head.
“Sounds like you were pretty rude to him at his house,” Micah replied.
“He deserved it. He was flipping out and trying to tell me about how God designed marriage when it was his brat of a daughter that left me!”
“I talk to you about God all the time.”
“Yeah, but you walk it… Tom doesn’t, he just talks it.”
Micah nodded. “True. But I’m flawed also. Don’t think I’m perfect Brother, because I’m far from it.”
“I know, but it’s different with Tom.”
“I understand.” Micah turned and grabbed his Bible off the couch.
I sighed. “What’s going on?” I asked. “I didn’t even notice you bring that in.”
“Have you been in your Word about these problems you’ve been having? Talking to God about it through prayer?”
“I’ve been lying on that couch you’re sitting on and just trying to relax. I have a lot going on, Freeman. I can’t just sit around and read my Bible.”
Micah smiled. “A lot going on? You ain’t got nothing going on, Boy!” He retorted. “I love you, Brother, and this is all coming from a place of love. You’re a Christian,” he said, placing a finger against his chest as he continued, “Just like me.”
“I know. And just so you know, I made God aware of my situation after I talked to Megan. I was on my knees and the whole nine yards… So the big guy knows what’s up.” I flashed him a funny look. “Wait, why you talking about love? Don’t be getting all soft on me now, Micah,” I replied, as I sat up more in my recliner.
“Our hearts have the Holy Spirit of God dwelling inside of them. We have to allow His love to rule our lives.”
“I’m not one for the mushy stuff,” I replied.
“Jesus wept, man. And just like Jesus loving the church, we as men love their wives the same way.” Micah scooted to the edge of the couch as he continued. “He was hanging on a cross and asked God to forgive the people down below his feet that were literally killing him! The church he loved!”
“Okay,” I replied respectfully. “I love my wife like crazy, so I don’t get the point you’re trying to make here.”
“How do you love your wife like crazy?” he asked, placing a hand on his knee.
“How? Um…” I pondered for a moment. “I work hard and provide for my family.”
“And those are good things, but what else?” Micah paused for a moment. “How do you make your wife feel loved?”
I took a long moment to think, but felt uncomfortable with Micah’s question. “I think you better get going,” I said as I stood up.
Micah nodded as he stood up and patted me on the shoulder. “God-sized love requires Him. That’s the type of love that’s going to get your wife back home.”
My respect for Micah was astronomical and kept me from getting too upset with his words with me. I ushered him towards the door quickly. “Okay. Well, thanks, but I got this handled and I do rely on God.”
He nodded as we walked over to the door. “I worry about you. And, Cole…”
“Yeah?”
“Try to think about her side of the spectrum.” He looked back over across the living room. “Don’t sit here and throw yourself a pity party because you’re so focused on yourself. Remember, I say these things from a place of love. I’ve been your friend for a long time and I know how much Megan means to you.”
I nodded. “Thanks, Freeman.” Shutting the door, I turned around to the living room and it was the first time since that phone call with Megan that I really saw the condition I was in. I was a wreck. So focused on myself, I wasn’t able to see Megan or her pain. Suddenly I felt an extreme need to call her and talk to her. I wanted to figure this thing out. Picking up the phone, I called.
“Hello?” she answered.
“Hey, what are you and the boys doing?” I asked.
She was silent for a moment and then the sound of a door shut behind her. “Hey, sorry… what did you say?” she asked.
“The boys. You. What are you all doing?”
“The boys are home, I mean Amanda’s. And I’m out with… a friend at lunch.”
“Oh,” I replied. Immediately I became worried.
“I’ll have the boys call you tonight, okay?” she said.
“Okay.”
Hanging up the phone, my mind began racing. A friend? In Seattle? She didn’t know people there, so who was she talking about? Did she meet some guy already? And she said home instead of Amanda’s... These were not good signs.
Turning my attention back to my trashed house, I began cleaning to keep myself distracted from the thoughts lurking in my mind. Having only one arm to use while I cleaned made the housework a rather grueling task. As I finished taking the last couple of pizza boxes out to the garbage can, I saw it was
almost one in the afternoon already. I’m going to be late for my appointment, I thought to myself as I hurried up the steps to the shower.
As I got undressed, I slipped on the bathroom rug and caught myself on the counter with my bad arm, but surprisingly it didn’t hurt. Wow, that’s strange, I thought to myself, looking in the mirror as I stood up. Pulling my arm out of the sling, I stretched it out and turned my wrist. It felt amazing, even compared to only last week.
Getting showered and dressed, I slipped my arm back into the sling and headed out the door to Turning Point.
Doctor Callan walked into the exam room with my chart in hand. She came over to the bed where I was sitting and began thumbing through the papers on the clipboard. She asked, “How’s everything going, Mr. Taylor?”
“I don’t feel pain in my arm!” I replied with a grin.
She set the clipboard with my chart down on the bed and said, “Oh yeah? You did seem a bit chipper today when you walked in.” She lifted my arm and brought it out of the sling.
“I am. This means I can get back to work now!”
“We need to do some exercises to make sure you’re all healed up first.” She lifted my arm out in front of me and asked, “Hold it there and tell me if you feel any pain.”
Holding out my arm, my excitement soared. I was thrilled as I watched my arm stay up in the air like it could not do for so long. Then she said, “Go ahead and relax.” I let my arm fall back to my side. “These muscles will need to be worked nice and slowly in order to build the strength up you once had.”
“Yeah, my whole body feels a bit out of shape… That’s no problem though. I’ll be back in shape in little to no time once I get going. So I can head back to work, right Doc?”
“That’s what happens when you get hurt like you did. It’s all part of the process of a full recovery. Be patient, Cole, we need to do a few more tests,” she said. After going through the additional tests that checked on key muscle developments, she was glad to write me a release to go back to work. She warned as she wrote my release, “Be careful, you can easily re-injure yourself and end up needing another surgery. I see it all the time.”
