by Lolah Lace
This was not the first time I had been cheated on. I was devastated but it wasn’t as crippling as the first time it happened to me. It’s funny how after a man wrongs you, you start to see all the fucked up things about him that you overlooked.
Darius ate his food too fast. He cleaned the plate every single time like he would never get another meal. He had ugly feet, downright hideous and his toenails were like lion’s claws. He was the worse tipper at restaurants. I always had to beg him to leave more money for the wait staff. He had money. I didn’t understand why he was so stingy with waiters?
I hated that he called his mother mommy. He was a grown ass man calling his mother, mommy? I hated how he left his wet towels on the bathroom floor. I hated all that stuff but he was fine, sexy, and good in bed. So I was like, whatever.
All his flaws were put on blast as soon as I caught him with his pants down. Maybe I’m just better off alone. I don’t know. I do know this time it really hurt being deceived. I felt like I should have known better. I thought I had a future with this man. Some relationships I knew weren’t going anywhere but I had hope for this one.
Eventually, I did talk to the cheating bastard. His once sexy voice now annoyed me. He called my mother’s landline from a number I didn’t recognize and I answered it.
The conversation was brief. I agreed to meet him at this little Mexican restaurant near the mall. We used to go there together. I wonder if he took Olive Oyl’s skinny ass to that mall or that restaurant. I hate to think about it but that motherfucka— I really hate him.
***
I was a few minutes late. I didn’t have a problem making him wait after what he did. I walked into the Mexican restaurant with a brave and confident face. Darius stood when he saw me. I walked over and took the vacant seat across from him. He sat after I did, always the gentleman, the gentleman cheater. These polite gestures meant zero now. They were all a deliberate act.
I scanned the area and was happy the place wasn’t packed with people. I might get it popping in here. Our table was close to the front door. That was great. I could make a quick exit if things went south. In my present state of mind that was definitely possible.
I made sure I looked extra cute. I had on a tight, white, V-neck t-shirt. White always complimented my rich chocolate skin. I had squeezed into my tightest dark jeans. I was rocking my sexy boots. I had my jet-black hair bone-straight and down past my shoulders. I was snatched by the gods.
“Cheyenne I ordered you a drink, a margarita. Is that okay?”
No, hello? “That’s fine.” I needed three more margaritas just to look at this dirty dick motherfucka. I wish I didn’t cuss so much.
“You look so nice.”
I pursed my red matte lips. “You look the same.”
“I want to first say thanks for meeting with me. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry about that whole thing. I’m sorry, and it will never happen again. I swear to God.”
“Huh.” Did he just swear to God? That wasn’t really necessary. He could be sincere but so what. It’s too little, too late.
“I mean it Cheyenne.”
“Darius,” I smiled and it was fake. I was so over him. Truly over him. It usually took me a good minute but this time it was different.
Darius didn’t know my dating history. He just didn’t comprehend that cheating was a deal breaker. Yeah, I told him cheating was a no-no but I never shared any of my old past boyfriend stories. He could have probably gotten a second chance with anything other than cheating. Cheating is low.
“We had a discussion when we first started seeing each other. I told you that I could never forgive cheating. You remember this right?”
“I made a mistake— a big fucking mistake.”
“Yeah you did.”
“Everyone deserves a second chance.”
“Maybe you didn’t make a mistake. Maybe Keisha is what you like in a woman.”
“No, it’s not. I made a huge mistake. I know that.”
“It’s clear that you didn’t love me. I couldn’t give you what you needed and you went elsewhere.”
“No, no that’s not true.”
I rolled my eyes. “If you like tramps, that’s your business. I will never be a tramp so we have no future. I want you to be happy with your own kind.” I had my tough girl smirk plastered on my face. I may get played from time to time but never twice with the same man. I have self-esteem.
“Please, Cheyenne I do love you.”
“Maybe.” Not.
“I do. Tell me. I will do anything. It’s been hell without you. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Maybe.” I shrugged and took a sip of my margarita.
“Please, Cheyenne stop being so cold.”
“I’m not being cold. I’m being myself. You never took the time to get to know me. You were busy fucking trampy stick figure hoes.”
“You’re mad. That’s good. That means you still love me.”
“Love you.” I smiled. “You said it first and I said it just so I didn’t leave you hanging. I didn’t want you to feel stupid.” I was lying and it was hard to do. I loved him. I still did but I was just over it. I was a real good actress. I could cry on cue. I could fake a smile. I wouldn’t give this asshole the satisfaction of knowing how much he hurt me so deep in my heart, how wet my pillow was when I cried into it for hours and hours the day after I caught him cheating. “I’m done with you.”
“So that’s it? That’s how you gonna play me? You gonna act like eight months of a relationship meant nothing?”
“Why would it mean something to me when it meant nothing to you?”
“It does mean something to me. I love you Cheyenne.”
“No, you don’t.” I clipped his upcoming lies.
“I do and you need to accept it. Where are you gonna find another man like me?”
Boy bye! “You know, you ain’t the only tall, dark and handsome brother in the area. You got me fucked up if you think I’m going to give you another chance.”
“Well, why did you agree to meet me?”
“I was trying to give you closure and to get my stuff back.”
“So you’re not giving me another chance?”
“Hell naw, I’m good.” I shrugged.
“If that’s how you feel then bounce.” He waved his hand like he was swatting a fly, a fly that was a nuisance. I was that damn fly. What a fuckboy.
“Gladly, you are a non-motherfuckin’ factor.” I stood like I was about to get into Formation. The Beyhive was calling me.
“Now you will never get your stuff back?” He taunted.
“I don’t care. Auction it off to one of your broke ass hoes.” I peered down at him, all the single ladies would be so proud of me.
“You stupid Black bitches.” He stood like he was going to make a move, raise a hand or get straight physical in this place.
“Please. I wish you would.” I rolled my eyes and looked around the restaurant. I knew all the Mexican busboys would beat his ass before he ever got a chance to really hurt me. “Deuces.” I threw up a sideways peace sign and sashayed my way out of the restaurant without even looking back.
As soon as I got in my car and pulled out the parking lot I broke down in tears. Why do I always get the jerks? Did he just cheat on me and then try to flip it like I was doing something to him.
I just can’t.
CHAPTER 3
I didn’t have a long time to sit in my own pain and sorrow. I had to start my new job at Wells Fargo. I showed up early. I got a little cubicle and I got the standard office tour.
Here are the bathrooms.
Here’s the lunchroom.
Here’s the copy machine. Here’s the fax machine.
Here is where you get your office supplies.
An employee named Logan Kilgore was training me. He was some nerdy White guy with glasses and a few extra pounds. He seemed nice enough. He was smart and sort of funny. He dressed extra preppy and he sat in the
cubicle behind me. So if I had any questions I could just turn my swivel chair around. I looked around my general area and there were no Black people. What else was new?
Lunchtime came quick. Half the day was gone. Logan ate his lunch alone at his desk and since I didn’t know anyone I did too. He decided to join me for lunch. I didn’t ask him to join me but he seemed cool enough. I tried my best to make small talk. I didn’t know who Logan was. I had no idea if he was related to the boss or had interoffice connections. It was best to just be polite to everybody. It’s a small world and I need this job.
Logan was nice and polite but he barely said a thing. I could tell he was listening. I nervously started running my mouth and talking about my living situation. He had a solution to my impending homelessness. He shared that the apartment building he lived in was pretty nice and had some available apartments.
He told me how much he paid for rent and what utilities were included. He said he would text me the apartment info. I was running out of time so I was definitely going to look into it. It’s not like I could move in with my boyfriend. I didn’t have one anymore.
My mother had a closing date and everything seemed like it was happening with lightning speed. She had packed half of her stuff. We were going to have to get out soon. Out for her, meant out of state. My mother was going to Arkansas to live with her sister and I had nowhere to go. I needed to get my shit together soon.
After a few days, I got the hang of my new job. I even went over to the apartment rental office that Logan suggested. They did a credit check on me. I knew my credit was good, one of the perks of living at home with my mother. I was waiting to hear back from the rental office but I wasn’t worried. I had the money. I had a decent credit score.
I returned that expensive watch I bought for that lying, cheating, backstabbing bastard. It would be a cold day in hell before I spent another nickel on any man any time soon. It was time to keep it moving and I thought I was doing just that. But my life sucked so why get comfortable. I was sure something else bad was just around the corner.
I had bigger catfish to fry. I got my results back from my STD test and I was floored. Darius broke my heart and burned my coochie. This bastard, he literally burned me. He gave me Chlamydia. I didn’t have any symptoms. What if I hadn’t bothered to get checked out? Just another reason for me to hate his cheating ass. When it rains it pours. It’s damn Hurricane Cheyenne everywhere I am.
I went to Wells Fargo and acted like everything was good. My mind was all over the place. I waited for most of the employees to go to lunch before I rushed to the bathroom to cry my eyes out. On top of my regular stress now I had a damn sexually transmitted disease.
I was tired of faking inner Black woman strength. I wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for two weeks. That wasn’t an option. I had to carry on and all that other bullshit had to be brushed aside.
I had a minor meltdown that sent me to the ladies restroom. I wiped my eyes with toilet paper and went back to my desk. I didn’t feel like eating the turkey sandwich I brought for lunch. Who can eat with a broken raggedy ass vagina?
I was so glad I was alone in the office. There was no one around to walk by my desk and smile or eyeball me because I was the new girl. Of course, I spoke too soon. Logan walked up and sat in his chair behind me. I tried to hide my face but he pushed his chair back and was sitting right next to me. Seriously dude? Personal space was something he just didn’t give a damn about.
“There wasn’t a line at the bank. I thought it would be packed. I didn’t have to leave early to beat the rush.”
I refused to look at him. “That’s good.” My voice cracked a bit. Cheyenne pull yourself together girl.
“Hey what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, just tired.” I lied refusing to give him eye contact. I can’t right now. I’m in my feelings. I hope he gets the message.
“Cheyenne look at me.” I don’t know why I did what he said. I barely knew him. “Your eyes are red. Why were you crying?”
I couldn’t tell him the truth but I didn’t want to come off like an angry Black bitch. I just started working here. I prayed the words would come to me. Logan’s deep blue eyes were looking right at me through his clean eyeglass lenses. He would look better with contacts. His eyes were his best feature. He was waiting for my response.
“I got some bad news today.” I tried to sound gloomy.
“Did someone die?”
“No.” Why would he jump to that conclusion?
“What happened to upset you?”
My mind was working slowly but I came up with something believable. I hope. “I broke up with my boyfriend.”
“What did he do to you?”
I immediately appreciated Logan’s words. He believed I wasn’t at fault. I wasn’t, but he didn’t know that.
“It’s a long ridiculously stupid and boring clichéd story.”
“Whatever the story. It upsets you. I’m sorry.”
“I’ll get over it.”
“Of course, you will.” He smiled and that was the first time I saw him look anything other than blank. “I’m a really good listener if you want to talk.”
“I just—”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. I mean you can, if you want to but you know.”
“No it’s just the wound is a little fresh. I need time to sort through it.”
“I understand. Breakups are hard.”
He wouldn’t know. He looks like he never had a girlfriend before in his life. Damn that was mean. “Yes, breakups are hard.” I forced a smile. “But I will survive.”
“The best thing you can do is to get your mind off of it. What do you like to do?”
“I don’t know, shop.”
“Go buy yourself another purse. You bring a different one to work every day. Sure you don’t need one but you should go buy one anyway. It might make you feel better.”
He noticed my purses. I wonder if he’s gay. Doesn’t matter. He seemed like cool people.
“A new purse might make me feel better.”
“I’m full of good ideas.” He laughed. “Hey, are you going to eat that sandwich?”
I looked down at it as if for the first time. “No, you can have it.”
“I’ll take half. You should eat the other half.” Logan reached over and took the entire sandwich. He removed half the sandwich from the Ziploc bag. I had already cut it into two pieces. He placed the remaining half in front of me. “Eat.”
Logan rolled away from me and back to his desk.
That was kind of nice. He tried to cheer me up but I still felt like a stupid ass. I could kill Darius. I could just grab his corroded dick and twist that shit until it breaks off. I couldn’t wait for this workday to be over. I wanted to go home and eat three gallons of Black Walnut ice cream.
CHAPTER 4
I’m not a dummy but I sometimes do dumb shit. I went to get my broke pussy prescription from the drug store after work. I was embarrassed and pissed off. I didn’t go into the store. I went to the drive-thru. I was still embarrassed. I’m never coming back to this location. Shit! I guess that doesn’t matter. When they look me up in the system they may be able to see my past prescriptions.
I got home from work and Darius was waiting for me at my mother’s house. Motherfucka! This ninja makes me cuss! I hate him! I wasn’t going to tell him he burnt me. I hoped he was walking around unaware. I wanted his disgusting sexual transmitted disease to make him blind. Or make his dick fall off. Or something like that.
I didn’t see how I could hold the revelation in, especially now that I could see his asshole face in person. He had flowers in his hands, a dozen red roses with his ninja turtle looking ass. I didn’t want to allow him inside the house but there were a lot of nosy neighbors out and about on this nice day. I couldn’t risk my temper flaring. I couldn’t cause a scene outside my mother’s house. I would never embarrass my mother like that.
I was happy my mother wasn’t home. She wa
s probably at church or at the mall with her old lady crew. I let Darius inside without bothering to say one word to his nasty ass. On my heels, he followed me into the family room. I dropped my attaché bag in the chair. The urge to kick him in his leg overtook me. I took a deep breath instead.
I left him alone in the family room and tossed the flowers on the kitchen table. I returned to Darius. He was still standing up on his feet looking stupid, dumb and idiotic.
“What?” I throw out the word like a Mayweather jab. I wanted to call his mama ten sluts for birthing such a premier fuck up. But I needed to appear like I was raised right.
“How’s your new job?” He deliberately asked me a question unrelated to the matter at hand and had the nerve to act concerned.
“Fine.” My eyes shot to the top of my head.
“I’m sorry.”
Heard that lame shit before. God, give me a break. Jesus take the wheel. Nail me to the cross and get this demon out my face. Satan, I rebuke you. “Why are you here?” I involuntary tapped my toe on the carpet.
“You blocked my number. I didn’t have any other way to contact you.”
That was true. I blocked him on all social media and my cell.
“Darius we really don’t have anything to talk about.”
“I still love you.”
Boo hoo bitch. “Really?”
“Yes, and I know you still love me too.”
“No, I don’t.” I shrugged.
“Yes, you do. Okay listen, I made a mistake. I should’ve never done that to you, to us. I regret it. I wish it never happened.”
“I do too.” Homeboy. Because you got me looking so crazy right now.
“I care about you. I love you. I want you back. I will do anything.”
I chuckled at the absurdity. “That’s never going to happen.” Cap’n.
“Why not?”
I had the courage to tell him what I knew. I hadn’t planned on it but now was the right time. I plan to never lay eyes on his nasty ass again. “Your dick is dirty. That’s why.”
